


Cherish Him

by Sherlockwaygraham



Category: CrankGameplays - Fandom, Crankiplier - Fandom, markiplier - Fandom, youtube - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Bullying, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, M/M, Past Abuse, Slow Burn, Violence, ptsd mention, soft nsfw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:40:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 115,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24156016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sherlockwaygraham/pseuds/Sherlockwaygraham
Summary: High School AU, where Mark is an Hot-headed asshole, who doesn't really like anyone but his few friends. Constantly gets into fights and claims he doesn't need anyone. Ethan is the new kid who moved states after an incident at his old school and doesn't give up, no matter how much he gets beat down.( I.E Mark: Angy, Ethan: Soft )
Relationships: Crankiplier, Mark Fischbach/Ethan Nestor
Comments: 109
Kudos: 390





	1. Let's Try Again Tomorrow.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a work of fiction.  
> Tags will be added as the story goes. Also in case I forget, I lowered the gap in their ages with Mark being 16 and Ethan being 15 for story sake. Also I haven't written in first person in a while, so I am sorry if it is bad!

Ethan POV

It blows having to move, not just to another school but a whole other state entirely. I didn’t know anyone here in Cincinnati, Ohio, it was more than half a day away from our home back in Maine. But my parents thought it was for the best, for all of us, a fresh start with new jobs and a new school. At least I liked to think it was the best for all of us. I’m not sure if I could really handle the idea of them up rooting their lives just for me. No matter how bad it was there, I didn’t want to leave home, my friends. Now I have to start fresh in the middle of the school year, in a strange new place. 

I fiddle with the strap of my book bag that rests in my lap, my mother has the radio on low just so there is no silence between us. My leg is jumping and my free hand it tucked between my lips as I nervously nibble on my fingernails.

“Leave me… like block away?” I ask gently, looking out at the kids passing by out car. Walking towards the school building in pairs or small groups. I couldn’t start with my mommy dropping me right out front. Not the first day, at least.

“Are you sure?” My mom questions, already slowing down the car as we grow closer to the large building. It was bigger than my old high school, I was definitely going to get lost so much there. 

“Yeah, please? Just today?” I turn in my seat giving her my best smile, so she would not suspect just how scared I was. The pit in my stomach just keep twisting and twisting to the point I thought I might actually throw up. It didn’t help that I barely ate breakfast, and was currently hoping the energy bar in my bag was going to be good enough to get me by. 

“Alright, just today, but I’ll be back after work to pick you up, okay?” She smiles and reaches over to run her fingers through my freshly cut hair, messing it up. I try to gently swat her hand, giggling like mad, only halfheartedly trying to get her to stop. Honestly the touch was comforting and what I really needed in that moment. It helped to relax me.

”Okay, I’ll see you then, thanks mom.” I unbuckle myself and lean over to press a quick kiss to her cheek before grabbing up my bag and scrambling out of the car. She leans over the passengers seat and calls out to me.

”Have a good day!”

I turn back to her with a smile, giving her a short wave ‘bye’ before turning back to face what was probably going to be the worst day of my life. I was not ready, but I had to do it, and maybe if I was lucky no one would notice me. I could slither on by until I am here long enough to just blend in and no one really remembers me. 

Fat chance, as soon as I am inside trying to hunt down my locker. I am nearly knocked over by a group of guys who were talking obnoxiously loud, they don’t even give me a second glance. Hugging my book bag to my chest I stumble over and try to run away, but now eyes are on me, the murmuring has started and I felt like I was in one of those shitty teen movies. I huff out a breath, eyes turning to scan lockers and try to avoid faces. My mind was racing and I could barely focus on the task, having passed by the same lockers at leave twice by now. Any one of them could have been mine and I just didn’t see it with my stupid eyes. 

I stop and try to catch my breath when I realized the halls were already empty. Panic sets in and I rush around again, one more lap before I give up and just whip out my schedule and find my way to the first class. Advanced English. Great, that meant I would be in a class with kids in the grade up from me. That’s what I needed right now, to grab any of their attention, they would know for sure that didn’t belong here.

Shaking off the thought I grab the doorknob to the classroom and nearly fall into the room. Everyone who was seated turns to look at me. I want to fucking die. The teacher looks me over before looking back to the list of what I assume is student names. 

“Nestor-Darling?” He questions, adjusting his tie to loosen it up a little.

”Uh… Ethan is fine.” I say without thinking and a few of this kid snicker behind their hands. I smile, maybe I have redeemed myself, just a little.

”Right, you’re late, have a seat.” He motions to the only seat left open which is behind a lightly tanned boy. His almond shaped eyes are focused on me, his strong looking arms are folded over his chest. Deep brown eyes unmoving, waiting for me to do something, but I just stand there like an idiot taking in his black shaggy hair. How it was slightly curled at the ends and hooked around his ears and rested on his forehead. 

“Please, a seat.” The teacher snaps me from my thoughts and I rush down the line between the desks. 

Tossing myself into the seat as my bag hits the ground hard, I curse under my breath. Deciding now was the best time to just stop moving altogether. At least until the teacher started to address the class about what they would be reading today. I sink back in my chair with a sigh, my eyes looking up at the ugly ceiling above us. I barely hear what he’s talking about, that is until I realized I didn’t have the book they were reading. I fidget in my seat, my leg bouncing. 

“You want to share?” A deep voice speak close to me, making me turn my head to look forward. Seeing the guy in the seat before me has turned back, looking at me with those dark eyes. Actually, no. If you looked close enough you see they were almost a pretty shade of brown. It makes me lean in closer, feeling a shiver pass through me, his voice was deep and when he whispered it became impossibly lower.

”Hello?” He waves at me with the book in his hand, brows furrowed at me like he wasn’t sure if he should even bother.

”Hi…” I say back instinctively, “… shit, I mean, what did you say?” I whisper back, shifting around in my seat nervously, my hand coming up so I could bite at my already short nails. His eyes falling to the silver bracelet I wore, for my peanut allergy. I didn’t want to talk about that, and thankfully he didn’t seem bothered enough to ask.

”Do you want to share the book?” He waves the book at me again, my eyes follow the motions of it, before I look back to him with a smile. That was super nice, he couldn’t believe someone willingly wanted to help him.

”Stop looking at me like that, it’s just a book.” He shifts in his seat, turning further to face me, pressing his broad chest to the back of his seat as he looks me over.

”Thanks, I would like that. I’m… Ethan.” I bounce in my seat and lean forward more to rest on my arms on my desk, smiling a little wider at him now.

”Yeah, I know, you’re new here right?” He questions as if it wasn’t obvious at this point, but I nods anyway.

”Yeah, today… it’s my first day here.” I hum softly, biting at my lower lip as I try to gauge his reaction to that. But he just keep looking at me with furrowed brows, as if he were unsure of me. My smile fades a little, wanting him to say something more, wanting to talk to him like everything was normal.

”We’re on the sixth and seventh chapters. I already read them.” He places the book on my desk, forcing me to sit back in my seat. I hope he says something else, I want to say something else but he was already faced away from me.

My fingers trace over the cover art of the book, I think about asking his name. Did I do something wrong? Was he mad at me? Already? I shake my head and pull the book open to the chapters he said. Scanning them with my eyes, but my brain does not pick up any words. And the ones it did pick up didn’t make any sense, since I haven’t read the first five chapters. I feel my heart pick up like I might panic, my leg still bouncing as I now look around everyone. Most were reading or, pretending to read. Others were whispering to each other and hiding giggles. It makes me sad, I missed doing that. Having friends to talk to in class, to mess around and just feel normal

I feel my face grow warm, a sign that I was going to start crying. Fuck. I lean all the way down in my seat and try to hide behind the book. I sniffle to try and keep myself from sobbing out loud, this was so pathetic. I barely notice that the boy ahead of me was looking back, until he tries to tug down the book I was holding up. I try to fight him, but he was stronger than me, and I didn’t want to ruin the book since it wasn’t mine. Not to mention the thudding of the book hitting the desk during our tug of war was attracting attention. 

Eventually I just yank the book from his grasp and bolt out of my chair, grabbing my still full book bag as I run. I run right out the door, ignoring the teacher calling my name. Which seems to be fine as seconds later the bell rings, signaling change of class. I run quickly as people start to swarm out of the rooms, ducking into the boys bathroom. I lock myself into a stall, pulling on my book bag, climbing up onto the toilet seat. Crouched there, shaking hands still gripping the book. Fresh tears slip out, rolling over my cheeks. I don’t try to stop them, I just hang my head and close my eyes, fingers pressing into the spine and pages of the book, as I was basically hugging the book at this point.

How was I ever going to show my face in that class again? How was I going to look at the dark haired boy again? Fuck, I had his book. I had to slip it back to him, maybe if I knew his locker I could just put it there. I shake my head, balanced on the toiled seat I press my face into my knees and rub my face over the fabric of my jeans to try and wipe them away.

“Ethan?” That same deep voice makes my head snap up, one hand releasing the book so I could press my hand over my mouth. Eyes wide as I try to figure out why he would have come here looking for me? Was he mad about his book? Shit, fuck. I bite into my lip, keeping my hand firmly over my mouth to stop any sounds. I hear someone walking around, passing by the stalls, not that there were many. I see sneakers stop outside the door of mine, swallowing thickly. I can hear my heartbeat in my ears, only letting out a breath only when the sounds of other feet come crashing through the door. I watch at the sneakers leave from before my stall. I relax and drop my head back into my knees. 

Once the sounds die down, I leave the stall and the bathroom. Greeted by the silent halls again, I walk around, finally finding my locker. I get it open and shove my things inside, accept for the book. I grip it tight, slamming my locker closed and referring to my class schedule. I should be in maths, but I can’t do that again, run into a room late. I sigh and decide to hide out until the next period since it would be lunch. I could start fresh after that, now that I knew where my locker was. 

I tucked myself under the bleachers outside, since the door that lead out to the football field was open. I knew I could get back inside, and I figured it was be harder for someone to find me out here. At least that was what I thought until I heard the soft pounding of feet, followed by the chattering and clanking of the class walking past where I was. I shrink back, tucking the book under my arm I watch them move past, up onto the field. They were all holding some kind of instrument, band? I didn’t know they had that, maybe they had other clubs or classes like that? My heart quickens in pace at the thought of it. 

I crawl further into the bleachers, trying to stay hidden, until I see him there. The shaggy black hair, tanned skin, he’s smiling and talking with someone taller than him. He was gripping a tuba? Trumpet? One of those things you blew into. He was in band? That didn’t seem right. I furrow my brows and find a good place to sit, watching them, watching him. I told myself it was to look for a good time to sneak away, when they were distracted. Even though my eyes were just on him, watching him move and laugh. My thumbs pressing over the book I held between my hands. He was really attractive, wasn’t he?

Stupid, I shake my head at myself.

I needed to get out of here. I sneak back towards where I was, near the end of the bleachers. Thankfully I was slim enough to fit through the poles carefully enough to not make too much noise. At least it would have been good if I didn’t trip over myself and fall over.

I look back to the group and I see him look at me. Sucking in a breath as he furrows his brows at me, and I think for a second that he might just tattle on me. 

He doesn’t.

Without warning he blows obnoxiously into his instrument, making everyone groan and yell at him. Even the teacher was saying something. He just smiles, then looks back my way and I’m frozen. Until he nods his head, right, it was a distraction. I push myself up from the dirt, giving him one more look before I sprint away.

What a day. I honestly didn’t expect there to be so much running, or a strangely handsome mysterious guy that was helping me? Kind of. I don’t know really. I just needed to get this day done and start over tomorrow. 

In the hall I all but collapse against my locker, gripping the cold metal so hard my knuckles go white. Huffing and puffing so loud it would make the big bad wolf jealous. I have the book tucked into my jeans under my shirt, since I nearly dropped it twice on the way here. My body then jerks as the bell goes off, lunch time. Or maybe run from the building time? I press my forehead to the my locker. My mom would kill me if I skipped school now, not on my first day. 

The other kids swarm out of their room and into the hall, leaving me to get lost between them. I want to move, but I also want to just disappear. What a mess. 

“SO!”

The slam to the locker next to mine scares me so bad I scream out and fall over. Now on my ass I look up to see the boy there. Staring down at me. His dark eyes look angry, brows furrowed as he leans on the arm he had hit the lockers with. 

“Bit of a trouble maker aren’t you?” He questions with a scuff, head tilting at me in a way that makes me squirm. Crawling back a little, I knew I could out run him. I was smaller, slimmer. 

“T- trouble maker?” I question, with confusion. How the hell was I the trouble maker? I didn’t even do anything.

“Yeah, showing up to class late, stealing books, skipping classes.” He clicked his tongue in a disapproving way. My face goes hot, it felt like I was being scolded by my parents, but I didn’t even know this guy.

”Yeah? SO?” I grunt out, thankfully it comes out louder than a whisper. He seems surprised for a second before smirk tugs up his lips. I notice the stubble coming in on his face, he was really cute wasn’t he?

“Aren’t you new kids supposed to be all…” He snaps his fingers as he tries to think of the word,”… suck-ups? No. I meant pussies.” He snaps his finger once more, quickly turning it into a finger gun and aiming it at me with a wink.

I feel myself go red all over, not just from embarrassed, but anger.

”Fuck you, band boy.” I retort, not thinking before I spoke. Seeing his smile drop instantly, seeing that rage behind his eyes. I regret it, I shuffle back, still on the ground. Trying to get away from him, any cockiness or bravery in me draining quickly. To where all I felt was fear and panic.

He stops me though, reaching down and grabbing the front of my shirt, lifting me so easily from the ground. Dropping me back on my feet, making he stumble around to gather my footing. 

“I’ll show you band boy, you little shit.”

“No- I…”

He drags me away from the lockers and into an empty room. The halls were empty so no one knew we were here. Even if they did know, I had no confidence in the fact that anyone would help me. 

“I-- I’m sorry!” I shout as he shoves me into the dark room, rushing at him instantly to try and push past him to get out. He just pushes me away, kicking the door closed and locking it.

I step back away from him, looking around to see if there was a second door. No luck. I look back to him, my eyes searching over his back, seeing it dotted with sweat. Then he is look at me, walking towards me. I suck in a quick breath, stumbling back away from him, bumping into a few desks.

“Please, I…” I stammer, hearing my heart in my ears. I am soon pinned against the windows of the room. Feeling the warm breeze swirling in from an open one. I look to it, it is not too far away, we’re only on the second floor, I could climb down.

“Hey.” He grabs my jaw, tugging my face forward to look up at him. He’s looming, so close. I could feel his breath on my face, and I wished this one time that I grew into my height like my mom keeps telling me I would. 

“Yes?” I whisper my response without thinking. My breathing picks up again, feeling the rolling waves of heat pushing through me, my body and mind conflicted on what I should be feeling right now. I couldn’t remember being so close to a stranger before. Not even other bullies hovered like this. Just standing there, staring at me, like he was trying to work something out in his head.

I don’t realize I am crying until I feel the big tears sliding down over my face. Blinking, my vision blurring as I stared up at him. Fingers digging into the windowsill behind me, my lower back pressed so hard up against it, I have a feeling it would bruise.

He lifts his hand and I instinctively jerk back, slamming my head into the window cracking the glass.

”Ah!” I whine and lean forward, grabbing the back of my head with both hands. Basically resting my head on his chest. A soft whimper leaving me as more tears come. The pain felt like tiny little knifes all cutting me at once then stopping and starting up again.

“Fuck.” He grunts unhappily, and I soon feel his larger hand over mine on the back of my head. His fingers pressing between mine, moving them around through my hair. I whine when he touches the sore spot. It didn’t feel wet, I don’t think I was bleeding. Honestly I’ve had more pain during gymnastic routines. But now I don’t want to let up, since he was practically hugging me and I could feel his warmth surrounding me.

I shiver when his other hand comes up to rest on the side of my face, his thumb passing over my cheek to wipe away tears. I sniffle again, leaning into the hand without meaning to. He doesn't pull his hand away, just cups it harder and pulls my head back, away from his chest. Looking down at me with those eyes, the soft brown under the darkness melts me. My lips parting as I just stare at him, tears still falling over my cheeks. But I don’t really feel the pain anymore, it felt numb where he touched the back of my head over my hand.

“I want my book back tomorrow.” He finally says and I let out a breath when he pulls off of me completely. My knees buckling slightly, hands reaching around to grab anything to steady myself. Still watching him, I couldn’t do anything but nod. Distracted by the light pink of his face, was he blushing? 

No, of course not.

”I don’t… know your n- name!” I call out to him as he starts to leave the room, my voice is low and broken. 

“Mark.” He says looking back at me as he gets the room door open.

“Mark.” I say back, a small smile moving up over my lips. He looks honestly confused, his face twisting up as if he just saw something disgusting. Though he doesn’t comment on it, he just leaves me there.

My head starts pounding as soon as he leaves, grabbing at it I leave the room after him, but by the time I get to the hall he is nowhere in sight. I know I shouldn’t be disappointed by that, he was trying to beat me up. And just acting like an asshole. Though technically he didn’t actually do anything but shove me around, I was the one who hit my head.

I get back to my locker and get it open, grabbing my bag, I shove his book into it. Deciding I should just go to the nurse and hang out there until I could go home. Tomorrow I can start over. Slinging my bag over my shoulder I looking around for the nurses office. Once there she gave me some aspirin and told me to lay down in the dark for a little bit. 

I end up falling a sleep, I’m not sure for how long, but by the time she remembered to wake me up the day was over. My head felt better anyway, though my stomach was now cramping from hunger. I thank her and grab my bag heading back out when the halls cleared up. I needed to wait for my mom anyway. 

Outside I toss my bag on the stairs and sit down when I don’t see her car. Watching as everyone move around me, walking off with friends or getting picked up. Some even had their own cars. I watch them all go until I am the only one left, my bag now in my lap as I just sit here. Did she forget about me? Maybe she is just running late from work, but surely dad would have come to pick me up? I keep my eyes peeled, looking all around.

When is starts to rain I head back towards the school, it seemed to still be open for after school anyway. I didn’t want to go back in but It was better than sitting out in the rain. 

“Pardon me.” I hear a kind voice say, and I turn to see another person. Looking up and up and yo at them, At first thinking he might be a teacher but, maybe not? 

“Are you going to move? Or?” He says raising a brow from behind his thick glasses. He was so tall, way taller than me. 

“Hello?” He waves his hand in front of my face and I jump to the side. 

“Sorry, sorry! I just, wasn’t expecting you to be so tall!” I let out a nervous chuckle. Thankfully he smiles at that, his features settling into something more friendly.

“Yeah, it’s pretty cool getting to sell all those vegetables.” He smirks, but I don’t get it. My brows furrowing now.

”Like, the Green Giant, the canned vegetable brand?” He huffs out. 

I shake my head, “I... I don't get it.”

“Ah, once again my comedic genius is lost to the common man. No one gets me.” He says in a dramatic fashion, his head tilted back, hand balled into a fist that he shakes up towards the sky.

I couldn't help the giggle the leaves my lips, my fingers coming up to press over them as I smile up at him. He drops his hand, smiling back at me. 

“You’re new around here, right? I don’t think I’ve seen you before.” He questions moving past me to stand outside under the awning to keep out of the rain. I follow out after him, pulling on my book bag. 

“Yeah, I just moved here like, a week ago? Today was… my first day.” I say softly, head tilted up to watch him as he pats down his jeans. 

“How was your first day?” He asks then, pulling out what seemed to be car keys.

“Um…” I frown at that, arms wrapping around myself.

”Ah, don’t worry. It will probably get worse.” He says in a tone which was both joking and very serious and I am not sure how to take it.

”Gee-thanks.” I huff at him, but he just smiles.

”You’re welcome.” He motions then, “C’mon, I’ll drive you home.” He starts to walk off and I just stare after him. Was this some kind of trick? Should I go?

”I don’t even… know your name?” I say after him, not moving as I look out over the street to make sure I didn’t miss my moms car.

“Bob, c’mon it’s fine. It will definitely be faster then walking.” He waves me to follow after him. I look around again to make sure she wasn’t there before I take a breath. 

“I’m Ethan.” I offer as I run up to catch him, walking at kind of his pace. With his legs being longer it was hard to keep up, I am practically having to jog. “You know, I never thought I’d ever meet a Bob!” I say with a chuckle.

”I get that a lot, seems Bob is the most common, non-common name. Like, every one can say for sure that Bob is a common name, but not that many people actually meet a Bob.” He says as he pushes open a large umbrella, covering both of us as we walk. I shrink closer to him, wanting to hold onto his arm to make sure I didn’t stumble over my own feet, but I resist.

”So, does it make you special because you were named Bob, or am I special for meeting a Bob?” I question, teasing him. Though he seems to give it actual thought.

”I think I am, since I give everyone that bit of satisfaction, in knowing they met a Bob.” He says in an half cocky, half joking tone and I just giggle again. Leaning closer to him to tug my arm further under the umbrella as it was getting soaked.

We get to his car and I hold my book bag over my head as he closes the umbrella to get his car open. I try to get into the front seat but he stops me. 

“Oh, no. Front seat is reserved for, Wade…” Bob says motioning to the back seat door, “… for some fucking reason.” He mumbles after as I nearly jump into the car, pulling the door closed quickly as my bag tumbles to the floor. 

“Who’s Wade?” I ask moving to crawl up on my knees, leaning froward between the front seats to look at Bob as he adjusts and sets his own bag on down. 

“Oh! Radio?” I say noticing the car radio, point at it as he slaps my hand away from pressing any buttons. I giggle and grab onto the back of his seat, still leaned forward.

”Jesus, kid. You need to calm down, take a breath, a xanax, something.” Bob shakes his head, but his tone was still light enough that I figured he wasn’t actually mad at me. 

“Sorry, I can’t help it.” I say, not meaning for it to come out breathy. My face flushes and I sit back on my knees, looking out the window to see two figures running towards the car.

I move over to give them room, not sure who was going where and one of the people looked to be about Bob’s height. Somewhere around six feet or over. Thankfully the tall guy didn’t get into the back. The other one did, huffing and puffing and shaking his wet black hair about making the water spray around. Bob complains and he says something back but I don’t hear him. I just stare at the boy, shuffling back a little to press my body up against the car door. 

That was when he noticed me, those eyes, that hair.

”Why the fuck are you here?” He nearly spits, “Bob why is he here?” I shrink back from the hard tone he uses. It sounds like he hates me, did hate me? Oh no.

”Mark, be nice to the company. I’m taking him home.” Bob says gesturing at Mark through the rear view mirror. Making him huff and slam his back against the seat as he starts to buckle himself in. 

“Oh, hey. I’m Wade.” Wade says turning to wave at me, I blink at him, a small smile touching my lips. About to say something until Mark cuts in.

”No one cares, Wade.” Mark grunts, sharply at him. I think maybe he was joking but his face was still creased in annoyance. 

I look back to Wade to see his face drop a little.

”I… care! I’m Ethan.” I offer, shooting a small smile his way and he smiles back.

I feel Mark staring daggers into the side of my face.

”That’s sweet, lets go. Ethan buckle up.” Bob says starting up the car.

I scramble to unfold my legs and sit properly in the seat, pulling the seat belt over my chest and clicking it in. Just as the car takes off. I look over my shoulder out the back window, trying one last time to see if I see my mom’s car. But there is nothing. I didn’t have my old phone anymore, they had turned it off and tossed it away, I had to wait to get a new one. I set my arms in my lap and look out the window, I hear Bob and Wade talking. I avoid looking at Mark. I’m worried about my mom, I wish I had a phone, maybe I should have just waited. My leg starts to bounce, my hand going up to my mouth to nibble on my nails.

“Ethan? Buddy you with us?” Bob calls out, causing my whole body to jerk. My hand dropping to my lap to grab my jeans, causing my knuckles to go white. My fists shaking. Hearing my name in that tone made me go back to a place I didn’t want to go to.

”Ah-- yeah. What’s up?” My breath hitches and I hate it, grinding my teeth together as I look to Bob, then Wade. They both look a little concerned.

“I was asking for your address, that way I can drop all you moochers off in order.” He motions his fingers at all of us without his eyes leaving the road. I smile a little, my fist unclenching slowly. I give Mark a side glance, not really wanting him to know my address, but I also needed to get home. He wasn’t looking at me anyway. So I tell Bob where to go and thankfully he knows about where it is.

I sink into my seat, my head was starting to hurt again. My hand comes up to touch the back of it, feeling a lump there, pain shooting through me as I run my fingers over it. I flinch and drop my hand onto the seat. Feeling something push my hand away, I look down to the seat where my hand was to see Mark’s hand. I trail my eyes up his arm to look at his face, he still seems unhappy. 

“You were on my side.” He shrugs and looks away from me. I couldn’t help but stare at him, my head tilting as my eyes move along his jaw, up over his high cheekbones, along the curve of his nose. Right to his hair, it looked good even when wet. 

“Mark?” I whisper at him, making him turn a little to look at me, brows furrowed with confusion, a deep frown set on his lips.

”What?” He grunts back at me.

I smirk a little, lips pressed together so I wouldn’t laugh, “Nothing, that’s just a nice name.” I hum out and his face scrunches up, looking like he just sucked on lemon. I couldn’t stop the giggle that leaves me.

”Alright, lover boys, break it up.” Bob shouts back us, “This is your stop, Ethan.”

Mark gags, being a bit dramatic, “Don’t call us that.”

I get myself unbuckled and grab for my book bag, climbing quickly out of the car. My face is red hot with embarrassment. Hooking my bag over my shoulder I move to the drivers side window, knocking to make Bob open it up.

”Thanks for the ride! It was nice to meet you Wade. Mark.” I look all of them over, Bob and Wade smiling and saying their goodbyes, except for Mark, he rolls his eyes and looks out the window. I smile at him anyway.

I turn to head up the drive way, and before I could even get to knock, my dad swings open the front door. He is gathering me up. Lifting me up from the ground, rambling on about how sorry he was, and how worried they were. Then asking how I got home, to which I turn to point at Bob’s car.

”They’re from school.” I tell him and wave to the guys in the car, all of them wave back before Bob pulls away and my Dad ushers me inside. 

He is still talking and apologizing and patting my head, which hurts but I don’t stop him. Half hugging him back, though with how soaked I was, it felt a little gross.

”I’m okay! Please!” I laugh and pat his arm as I pull away, “I just need to get changed.” I wasn’t mad honestly.

”Alright, pizza tonight?” He questions with a nervous smile, and I nod.

”Sounds good!” 

With that I head upstairs to my room, tossing my bag onto the floor as I face plant my bed. 

Finally it was over. 

The day was over.


	2. What He Does To Me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark wants to understand why he felt the way he does when he is around Ethan, but he just ends up angry and injured.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not sure if I should keep POV's one per chapter or jump around a little, so you could get insight of what both boys are feeling during certain situations. But I don't know if that would be too much.

Mark POV

Thomas reaches over my head to grab some bacon from his plate as he rounds the table. I grumble, poking at my eggs. I know I should eat but I did not have much of an appetite. I am tired from tossing and turning last night, that stupid boy on my mind. Fuck him. How could he do that? Acting all happy after I nearly beat his ass. One second crying and the next looking as if someone scared the life out of him. My fingers flexing as I remember my hand pressed over his, where he was holding his head after he bashed it. He looked so pathetic when he was crying, honestly how could such big tears come out of such a small boy? His stupid face pressed against my chest, god, I could still feel the weight of there. I could feel the slight tremble in his body as he cried, tears soaking into my shirt. The way his face pressed into my hand, so needy like.

I sigh, shoving some eggs into my mouth, chewing hard and quick. My free hand is clenched into a fist resting on the table next to my plate. I didn’t want to think about him anymore, I needed to eat, I have already lost too much time to him. I needed to keep up my strength for wrestling practice, which I had today after school. The last thing I wanted was to hear my teacher ranting on about my poor performance. Wrestling was one of those things I did not want to mess up, I needed it. It helped me to blow of some steam, to focus and make sure I was doing my best. 

“You okay?” Thomas voice breaks my thought and I look up to where he sat across from me at the dining table. His leg up on the chair as he shakes his long hair from his face, fingers pulling apart a strip of bacon as he looks at me. I must have looked as annoyed as I felt, considering how he was now raising his brow at me.

“Yeah, why?” I do my best to keep my tone leveled, not wanting to start a fight with him.

“I don’t know…” He trails off for a moment, “… I just never seen someone angry eat before.”

“I’m not angry eating.” I shoot back, a little too quickly. Sitting back I tap my fork on my plate and he just sits there smirking at me.

“Mmm-hmm.” He hums out, obviously not believing me, I wouldn’t believe me. But he knows when and how far to push my buttons, honestly I think he only held back because our mom was still home.

I was about to say something back when just on que, our mother walks into the kitchen. She is bubbling with smiles and joy, she looks beautiful. Dressed up for work already, her hair pulled back, set in soft waves. I find myself settling at the sight of her, feeling my shoulders relax just a bit. She sets her purse on the island counter along with her keys, before she is walking towards us.

“Good morning.” She coos, leaning over to kiss us each on the cheek, “How are my handsome boys this morning?” She questions happily, patting my head before adjusting my hair away from my forehead. My tension melts further away.

We both smile and give our collective, ‘good mornings’ and ‘we’re good’, back to her. As she moves back to her purse to sort through it, her smile widening as we speak. Her kind eyes flickering up then to look us over before she speaks again.

”Good, good. I am staying a little later after work today.” She informs us, before turning her attention to me, “Mark, you have after school, yes?” Her voice is a low, smooth hum.

“Yes, wrestling.” I nod, leaning back over my plate so I could finish eating. Not before noticing her pressing her lips together in that way she does when she wants to say something, but she is holding back. 

Normally when it came to something she was not fully comfortable with, but she doesn’t want to upset me. She was generally very supportive with the things I took interest in, but she worried I would get hurt.

”Good, Thomas, you make sure he gets home, okay?” She looks to my brother now, lifting her purse to get it over her shoulder. Grabbing up her keys soon after.

“I will.” He says back, in that ‘good’ kid voice. Looking at me with a smirk. I roll my eyes at him, knowing he wouldn’t pester me to come right home, but he liked to have that power over me. Knowing he could just summon me home any time, not that he really abused it.

”Good, I love you both.” She come over to kiss our foreheads before she leaves. And we both call back that we love her too.

I go back to my food as Thomas picks up the rest of his bacon with one hand so the other could grab his plate. Standing up he brings his plate to the sink, turning to look at me as he sets in down. I know he wants to say something, but all I wanted was for Bob to text me that he was here so I could run out.

“Are you sure you are okay?” 

I sigh at his question, hearing that serious big brother tone and I just did not have the energy for that kind of conversation. Besides what was I going to say? Hey, yeah I was thinking about a boy all night and I’m just tired? As if.

“Yeah.” I nod, looking back over to him, before picking up my plate so I could bring it to the sink. 

“Alright, I’ll see you later.” He pats my shoulder as we pass each other.

I get my plate to sink and wash up the little bit of dishes left there. Letting the burn from the hot water keep my mind distracted for a little while. Until the ping of my phone alters me to a message from Bob telling me he was outside. Finally. I dry my hands and grab my book bag from underneath the dining table so I could leave. 

The morning sun blinds me for a second when I step out the front door, adjusting to it I see Bob and Wade waiting for me. I jog down path, grabbing the door to the back seat. Tossing my bag inside, climbing in after it. My eyes fall to the empty space where Ethan was hours ago, his soft voice saying my name. My stomach knots up from the memory, and suddenly I really want to punch something. Instead I slam the door shut and buckle myself up, sinking back into the car seat. 

“Well, hello to you too, grumpy.” Bob says back over his shoulder at me as he pulls away, making Wade chuckle lightly.

“I’m not grumpy.” I grumble at him, head turning to look out the window. Watching the houses pass by, my arms folding over my chest. They both snicker at that, but I can not find it in me to care, they can think whatever they wanted.

“I don’t know, you seem pretty grumpy, for someone not grumpy.” Bob goes on to say in a sort of joking, sort of knowing kind of tone. I know he is just trying to poke at me to get a reaction, I could even see him smiling in the reflection of the rear view mirror. 

So I know he could see me flipping him off.

Realizing I was not about to give in he changes the topic, talking about something that happened at school. We end up talking about video games and school and other stuff for the rest of the ride. I am grateful for that, it gives me that time I needed to get out of my own head and decompress.

Once we were at school, Bob parks and we all get out of his car at the same time. My eyes scanning through the crowd to see if anyone we knew was around. I spot Amy, the girl from my history class. She is sitting cross-legged on the front steps of the school, talking with her best friend Katherine. Her brown hair is curled today, swaying in the warm breeze. She wore a tank top under a flannel shirt, with the arms rolled up and a pair of baggy ripped jeans. I should say hi, but my feet do not move myself to walk towards her, I just stand, leaned against Bob’s car. So I turn my attention away, looking through the moving crowd again, re-scanning to see who else was around. 

Then I see him, his brown hair is spiked up just enough to let the top droop to the side, leaving it to look more swooped. He’s wearing a baggy, long sleeved, striped shirt and a pair of tight fitting blue jeans. His shirt is partly tucked into his jeans at the hip, leaving his legs to look longer than normal. His hands are gripping his book bag straps hard, his head turning side to side as he looked around. He looks nervous, but there is also this annoying bounce in his step, as if he were excited. The little shit, probably got a full nights sleep. Unlike me. I frown at him, even though he can not see it.

”Oh, hey, it’s Ethan! Hey Ethan!” Wade says, then shouts, lifting his arm to wave it. Trying to get his attention, trying to wave him over. I feel my stomach drop a little.

I frown deeper, crossing my arms over my chest. Watching as Ethan whips his head around suddenly, stumbling over his own feet as he turns his body to face us. His blue eyes seem lighter in the sunlight, I could seem them shimmering. Even with the distance. He smiles that stupid little smile, his arm darting up so she could wave back at Wade. I feel a warmth spread out over my neck, making me let out a breath. I have to look away from him as we walks towards us.

“Hey, guys!” Ethan says brightly, his footsteps coming to stop before us.

Bob and Wade greet him but I do not. I do not want want too, I was upset with him for ruining my night, keeping me up. Keeping me thinking about him, about how strange he was. How his breath felt against my neck when I had him pinned up against the windows. How his face looked back up at me, with this kind of awe about it. I couldn’t shake it, looking back into eyes, feeling a shiver run up my spine.

“Don’t worry about Mark, he’s just a little grumpy this morning.” Bob’s voice cuts into my thoughts once again. It makes me finally turn my head to look at Ethan.

“Oh!” Ethan smiles my way and I want to slap it right off his face. Why is he smiling like that? He should be scared of me.

I keep my self composed, watching as he pulled his bag from his shoulders so he could dig around in it. I spot the book I let him borrow, that he then stole, pulled out from it. I eye the book before looking back up at his face. He is still smiling, holding it out to me as if it were some kind of gift.

“Don’t you need that for class?” I couldn’t help but question, reaching out to take the book from his grasp. Admittedly in a more of a snatching kind of motion, causing his cheeks to flush so bad the dust of red moves over his ears.

“No, I… I finished it last night.” He informs me, following it up with a shy little chuckle and smile. Some how that calms me down, though I am not sure why. I hated it.

“You finished the whole book?” Why the hell would he do something like that? My thought must have registered on my face, as he looks away from me now. Hands fidgeting together before one comes up to run through his hair, messing it up.

“I uh, you know… ah, it’s cool. I took notes and everything so I wouldn’t forget!” He looks back to be suddenly with the brightest eyes, almost pleading. It takes my breath away, causing me to inhale quickly through my nose.

”That’s not what I asked.” I say with a bit of bite to my tone, honestly I didn’t intend for it to come off so harsh. Seeing him flinch from it, makes me shift my feet uncomfortably. Though it was not like I could take it back, nor could I take back that soft sadness that was not filling up his eyes and tugging his smile down.

“Maybe he likes reading.” Bob interjects, stepping towards us. I scuff and push off the car walking away from all of them.

”Whatever.” I mumble, griping the book hard as I make my way towards Amy. 

I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t stand to be around him anymore. I needed to breathe.

Amy is still sat there talking and I stop just before them, giving them my best smile. Both turn to look up at me, a smile passing over Amy’s lips, while Kathrine just looks me over. She looks as unamused as he normally did when she was around me, my best guess was that she didn’t like me too much. 

“Hi, Mark.” Amy’s voice is sweet and light, her smile the kind that makes you want to smile. Though I don’t really feel that this time, even though my lips were turned up, I didn’t feel like smiling. It didn’t touch my eyes.

My mind goes to Ethan again, the way he flinched, the sadness in those soft eyes. I didn’t mean for what I said to come of so aggressive, but I couldn’t help it. I want to take it back, but I can’t, I wouldn’t even know how. So I just focus on Amy.

”Hey, you’re staying after school today?” I question, not really sure what else to say. What reason I could give to be here invading her space out of nowhere.

”No, I don’t thi-- oh.” Amy starts her head turning suddenly to look at something behind me.

I turn just in time to see Ethan darting past me, running as fast as he legs would take him. My head turns to watch him go by, to watch him run towards the school. Slipping between the people in his way and disappearing inside. My heart sinks a little, trying to comprehend what just happened. Was he upset? He had his head dipped low and to the side so I couldn’t see it.

”I hope he’s okay.” Amy says with worry in her tone, looking back at the door then look back to Kathrine. Her slim fingers now toying with the thin, gold necklace that she wore.

”Who cares.” I huff, trying to sound like I meant it. Ignoring that bit of me that seemed to be worried as well.

“Ugh, you’re such an asshole.” Kathrine finally says adjusting her glasses as she stands, “C’mon, Amy. Class is going to start soon.” Amy stands as well, grabbing up her bag.

She offers me a little ‘sorry’ before walking off with Kathrine. I’m the asshole, yeah right. My fingers curl up into a fist and I have to take in and let out a deep breath to stop myself from doing something rash. Looking around I noticed I was the only one outside, even Bob and Wade has gone in. I roll my shoulders and head in myself. There are a few people lingering in the halls as the others dip into their respective classes. I go to my locker first, tossing my stuff inside, my hand still gripping the stupid book. I would have tossed it in as well, hell I would have tossed it in the trash if I didn’t need it for class. 

Slamming my locker door closed, I turn to head English. Of course it had to be English, and of course it had to be my turn to be last one in. Cutting close enough to late, where out teacher eyes me but doesn’t say anything. My eyes wonder around before they fall on the empty seat behind mine, Ethan wasn’t here. Where the hell was he? He ran in, causing a scene, to still be late? Whatever, I drop my book onto my desk and slide into the chair. 

A few minutes later Ethan is bursting through the door, causing everyone to look at him. His face is red and he walks to his seat with his head hanging a bit low, his eyes are wet. Had he been crying? Why? He looks so small with his shoulders hunched forward. I frown at the sight of him. Doing my best to not turn my head as he gets into the desk behind me, hearing him slide down in it. Probably trying to hide away from the peering gazes of the others in the room. 

Our teacher watches him as well, writing something down before he announces that we would be reading in pairs, another two chapters. He then goes on to assign partners, of course, picking me and Ethan. We all get up and start moving around to get in better reading positions, I grab up an empty seat to the side of him. Reaching over to grab his desk and chair so I could pull him right up to my side. Leaving just a few inches between our shoulders. He sniffles and leans his arms on his desk, rubbing his hands together before tucking them away.

”I’m sorry for taking your book.” Ethan whispers after a few minutes of us reading silence.

I turn my head a little to look at him, he’s looking back at me. His eyes are red, but at least they were no longer wet with tears. I see a few stress pimples forming at his brow and on his cheek, they look angry to be there. I meet his gaze and it is oddly soft, worry filling them to the brim. I don’t get it, I don’t get him. 

“But… guess you kinda had it comin’ with the whole, ‘I’ll show you band boy’ talk.” He goes on, trying to deepen his voice when he mimics my words from the day before. It sounds scratchy and terrible and now I wonder if I sound like that. The sound makes me smirk, I even relax into my chair a little. 

“I guess. But I mean, you brought it on yourself.” I say back, my voice is lower trying to whisper, which causes it to deepen. I watch Ethan stare at me, his lips parting as the red crawls back up over his cheeks and I wonder why. Was it my voice?

”I mean, I saved your ass and…” I lean in closer to him, his blues flickering between my eyes as if he does not know where to focus, “… you hurt my feelings.” I say, realizing I shouldn’t have said that. Even though it was the truth, deep down he felt the twinge of hurt when Ethan said that. I started it but still, it was there and I didn’t like it. 

I also didn’t like the way Ethan’s smile falls a little.

“I’m sorry, band is pretty cool… I could never learn an instrument. “ He shakes his head, tilting his head to the side before looking forward, leaning further over the table his arms now tucked under it. He could almost rest his chin on the desk top.

”I used to be… I did gymnastics in my old school.” He goes on, the tiniest hint of sadness lined his words and I wonder why. I wonder what happened in his old school, that brought him all the way here? 

“Does that mean, you’re gonna join here?” I question, wondering if he even knew we had that here. I am guessing not from how his head snaps back to look at me with shock creasing his features. 

“Wait… no! You guys have that here?” His face instantly brightens up, like turning on a light switch. The biggest smile I ever seen on anyone comes to his face and I just stare at him. 

He looked so excited, bouncing lightly in his chair as he leans in closer to me. I want to lean back but I don’t. He is so close to me, I can feel his breath on my neck. I watch as his hands come up from under the desk, pressing to his lips as he holds back a sound of joy. Trying to muffle it so he didn’t get carried away, I could tell that was hard for him to do. I feel my hand curls up into fists where they were resting, one on the desk and the other on my lap. I try to focus on my nails biting into palms and not the way I could feel his warmth. They way his eyes bore into me like he was just so happy to be here, looking at me.

“Yeah, the… coaches normally hang out during after school. You might be able to… catch them then.” I say through slightly gritted teeth, I wanted to kick his chair away from me, I just needed space.

”Really? I… I’ll have to check!” He leans back in his chair now, head still turned to look at me. 

I spot a few other kids glancing at us from behind him, seeing them mutter to each other as they looked away. I feel my face twitch. I shove his desk away from mine, making the legs scratch and scrape along the ground. All eyes on me now, I turn my head away from them, away from the small voice at my side who spoke my name. I just grab my book and stomp my way out of the room, ignoring the sound of out teachers voice calling my name. I storm out into the halls, punching a locker or two on the way to the bathroom. My fist connecting with the metal so hard, the impact echos out through the halls. 

The sting I feel in my knuckles is a relief, letting out the anger. Annoyed by how I felt when he was so close, annoyed with how they looked at us and gossiped right behind our backs. What did they even have to say? Was it because we were so close? Did they think I was gay? I’m not. I don’t like anyone, I don’t want anyone. I shoulder check the door as I enter the boys bathroom, the anger boils back up, clawing at the back of my throat and making my hands shake. I toss the book down and stop in front of one of the sinks, hands coming down to rest on the cool white sink, my eyes darting up to look at myself. 

My face is flushed and it seems my brows have been permanently furrowed this whole time, I could feel the tension in them when I try to relax. My eyes tried, bags under them from lack of sleep and stress. All because of Ethan, he was doing this to me and he didn’t even know. My fingers digging into the sink, I dip my head to hang it, looking away from myself. 

“M- Mark?”

That voice, that fucking voice. I try to ignore it, ignore him. Keeping my head low, hoping that would be enough to make him leave. It does not work, I could see him approaching me out the corner of my eyes. I swallow as his legs come into view, keeping my head a still as possible so I didn’t follow the curve of them, who the hell wore jeans that tight? I scuff and shake my head, still looking down into the empty sink.

”Did…. I do something wrong?” He questions, stumbling over his words as he comes to a stop close to me, too close. “I’m sorry.” He mumbles out in a soft distant tone, I spot the motion next to me of his rubbing his palms over his thighs.

“Just fuck off.” I grunt out, letting go of the sink so I could turn on the tap. Cupping the cold water I splash it over my face, waiting to hear some kind of confirmation that he was leaving, but he doesn’t move.

“I… don’t know what I did. But I want to be friends.” He says, his voice shaking as he seemed unsure of what he was saying. Maybe he was just scared of how I would react.

My head snaps up, and I slap the tap off before reaching out and grabbing Ethan’s face. Fingers pressing into his jaw, feeling his body jump and twitch under my hand. I push him back without letting go, stepping forward as he stumbles back. Pressing his back up against the wall, I hover over him, my fingers digging into his jaw as my palm was partly over his pink lips. There is a bit of relief that washes over me when I touched him, my breathing a little heavier now, and I wrote it off as anger. 

“I don’t need anymore friends.” I growl in low tone, close to his face, watching as pink quickly spread across his cheeks and nose. His blues are wide and staring up at me with fear, but there is something else there. I want to know what it is, why did he keep looking at me like that?

“Just back off.” I say then, licking at my lips. 

I was about to pull back when his hand comes up, slim fingers curl around my wrist, the one that was holding his face. I feel goosebumps rise up over my skin from the contact, I look down at his hand, spotting the sliver bracelet he wore hidden under the long sleeve he had on. His other hand moves now, shaking as it rests against my chest. I blink my eyes up at him in confusion, what the hell as he even doing right now? I felt my shoulders relax, my head dipping as my eyes fell to his lips. Seeing his Adams apple bob a little under the skin as he swallows thickly. My hand moving on its own, letting go of his jaw, my fingers flex and press over his cheek, sliding down to press at the side of his neck. He was so warm, and I could feel the thudding of his fast heart beat. 

What the fuck was happening? What was he doing to me?

I pull back sharply when the bathroom door slams open, thankfully the divider by the door hid us enough that they wouldn’t be able to see how close we were. Without a word I head back to the sinks, grabbing up my book before exiting, pushing past the boys coming in. In the hall I feel my body shaking, I could feel eyes on me as my face grew hotter. Sulking back to my locker my hands were in fists and I try to get the lock open a few times with no luck. Without really comprehending it, a hot wave of anger floods my body and I punch my locker door. My knuckles buckle, and I groan out as pain floods my hand and wrist. I don’t really notice the few others near by looking at me in surprise. 

Instead I look down at my hand, it was red and slightly swelling. It is shaking worse now, I turn it over and try to curl and uncurl my fist, grumbling at the twinge of pain it brought. At least nothing seemed to be broken. I sigh out, calming down a little as I use my left hand to get my locker open and shove my book away. I consider going to class but I have a feeling I should get my hand wrapped before it got worse. 

Slamming my locker closed I head to nurses office.

I answer her questions until she finally gives up and wraps up my hand. She said it was just bruised and if there was any more pressure behind the impact I could have broken my fingers. I’m grateful that wasn’t the case, a sinking feeling forming in my stomach however at the thought. I could have broken my hand because of him. How could he make me relaxed and so, overwhelmingly angry? 

I wait by the door for the nurse to give me a pass for the class that was about over, and one of those instant ice pack things they always hand around. I place it over my knuckles as I walk through the empty halls. I want to shut my brain off for a while, I want to just lay down and breathe. I felt so tired after all the adrenaline from the flash of anger had dissipated, leaving me feeling empty. 

I don’t really focus in any of my classes, my mind was distracted and I could barely remember a single thing that was said. Ethan was there again, on my mind, causing me to lose focus. He’s been here two days and I feel like a mess. Why did he have to come here? Why did he have to be, him. Why did I react the way I did when I was close to him? Why the fuck couldn’t I get him off my mind. 

“Hey, you with us, buddy?” Bob’s voice breaks through and I look up from where I was staring down at my untouched lunch tray. Looking to him now, I see his face is calm, but creased how it normally was when he was worried about me. 

“Yeah, yeah…” I trail off and push my uninjured hand through my hair as I sit back away from the table. My shoulders rolling, realizing how stiff they were from sitting hunched over in just about every seat I was in since seeing Ethan.

“So, what happened to your hand?” Wade questions from his seat next to Bob, both of them just looking at me like I might snap, or break. I hated that look from them, I hated for them to think that I wasn’t okay. I didn’t want them to worry.

I shrug, not wanting to talk about it. My head tilting away from them, my eyes scanning the lunch room, the low murmuring of everyone making me feel uncomfortable. Bob changes the subject and I half listen to him talk to Wade about the weekend, trying to get plans in order for us to hang out. I nod, knowing whatever they wanted to do would be fine with me. I’m actually thankful to Bob for it, the change of topic relaxes me and I just feel tired again. Rather than tense and agitated.

Then I spot him a few tables over, I thought he would be alone, but he isn’t. Ethan sitting across from a tall boy, laughing at something he said. His legs tucked under himself as he leans up on his knees, hands holding a spoon in one and pudding in the other. His shirt still tucked into his jeans, showing the curve of his slim hips, tucked away just under denim. His hair is a mess but it still drooped to the side mostly, the smile on his face bright and happy. He looks adorable.

I blink at the thought, a little surprised.

My attention turning to the boy he was talking too, he was in my grade and lived near me. We had talked a few times but he was always so busy, I didn’t see him often enough. Mostly during wrestling practice these days, since the other times he had football practice and swim practice after that. He even took extra classes to keep up his grades, telling me once he was banking on of them getting his scholarship for college. God, I couldn’t even think about that. He was nice, and worked out all the time, leaving his large build solid and ripped. He was perfect. And now he was hanging out with Ethan. 

I frown.

“Ah, seems our little hyper friend meet, Tyler.” Bob says, pushing his tray to the side, leaning on the table as he pressed his glasses up his nose. I look away from the pair as he says this, feeling my cheeks warm up. Had he seen me staring?

“Tyler’s nice.” Wade comments, his eyes not leaving his phone as he looks through it. I scrunch up my nose and shake my head to fix my hair, which I am sure is a mess.

“Yeah, they’d make a great pair.” Bob comments, now looking at me, “What do you think, Mark?”

I roll my eyes, “I don’t care who he talks too.” I grumble, knowing full well they would be a great pair. Ethan was infectiously joyous and Tyler was very composed but kind, Ethan deserved someone kind. 

I groan at my thoughts and press my forehead to the cool table top. 

“I don’t know why you’re acting like this, he’s a little annoying but he is sweet.” Bob huffs out a breath, and I heard Wade set his phone down, his attention fully on us now.

I have no idea why I’m acting like this either, so I don’t know what to say. I couldn’t talk about all of it, the way I felt, my moods shifting so quickly around him. I wanted to ignore it and ignore him and just go on my with my life.

“Yeah, and pretty funny. We should ask him to hang out over the weekend, he probably doesn’t have any other people he knows.” Wade offers, mostly to Bob since he knows I would have just yelled at him to shut up. 

“That’s not a bad idea. Right, Mark?” 

I lift my head to look up at Bob with tired eyes, his brow is lifted at me. I would have protested if it were not for the fact that he used his, ‘I’m going to do it even if you don’t agree’ voice. So I don’t say anything, I just shrug.

Thankfully the bell goes off and lunch is over.

The next few classes go by just as hazily as the others, until finally the day was over and I head to the locker rooms. I roll my shoulders, changing into a pair of shorts and a tank top. The ice pack had long since turned warm and I could feel the throb in my fingers. I try to ignore it, flexing my hand here and there as I head out into the gym. It was large and half taken up the wrestling and half taken up by the gymnastic practice going on. I turn to look over on that end idly, as if I would see Ethan there suddenly. I sit myself down on the bleachers, adjusting my wrappings, hearing some of the kids on my team saying something to me but I don’t bother to respond.

My coach comes up and points at my hand, questioning it, but I just talk around it. Telling him I was fine, he say something else about how it ‘better be’ and I needed to ‘get my shit together’. I nod, annoyance building up in my chest as I look up and lean back. My eyes wondering around as I waited to be called in.

My heart tugs when I see Ethan walking into the Gym with Tyler. He look nervous but excited and I hate how his hand goes up to hold onto Tyler’s arm as they walk over to where the other coaches were. I bet he was going to put in a good word for Ethan, all the coached loved Tyler, and they kissed his ass more often than not. My lip twitches with anger, my arms coming up to cross over my chest as I watch them.

They talk with the adults for a few minutes, before Ethan let outs a sound and bounces in place. Tyler smiling at him. I feel sick. I want to look away but my stupid brain doesn’t compute fast enough, seeing Ethan leaping up a little to hug Tyler. Watching Tyler return it. I don’t realize my jaw is clenched, my hands curling into fists, pain throbbing through my hand.

Ethan spots me, sees me seeing him. He smiles and waves my way, but I don’t react. Watching as his smile drops a little, his hand going back to hold onto Tyler’s arm as he chats with coaches. His eyes don’t leave me, and mine don’t leave him, we watch each other from across the gym. I want him to come over to me, if I wasn’t such a pussy I would have gone to him. 

But I don’t.

Instead I watch him walk out of the gym with Tyler, his head turning back to look to me until he can’t anymore and I let out a breath. I’m called up to hit the mat soon after and I roll my neck, ready to let out some the stress that had built up in me.

I hit the mat, trying to forget him for a while.


	3. Anxiety

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark gets into a fight and Ethan is distracted the rest of the day. Needing to know he was okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a bit, working long hours the past few days. I hope this was worth the wait!

Ethan POV

I laid on my bed trying to set up my new phone, my mom brought it home yesterday after she got home from work. I was so excited, still am frankly. Now I could have a way of keeping in contact with the guys from school. Maybe not Mark, he seemed to really dislike me for some reason. The way he acted, grabbing me, then holding my face, talking all normal before just storming off as if he were trying to get away from me. I had no idea what he was feeling most of the time, even though I kept trying. 

I just, wanted to be friends with him. 

At least Bob and Wade seemed to like me and Tyler was super nice, oh Tyler. I wasn’t expecting him to be such a softy, the look on his face was so angry and unamused. But when he smiled and spoke, his eyes lit up. Though I wonder what they had in the water at this school, everyone was so tall, or was I the problem? Was I that short? I grumble and roll onto my stomach.

Already dressed for the day, I woke up early to play on my phone, trying to get all the apps and things I used to have on my old phone. I missed that phone, but I knew it was for the best that it was gone. Maybe over the weekend I could head to the mall and buy a new case for it.

I roll once again, trying to get on my back but I almost fall off the bed. My face flushes and I push off the floor to sit cross legged, thumbs still tapping away. I had found my schools list of social media’s, of course they were probably just the ‘good’ accounts the students were using but it was fun to look through. Seeing all the different pages for the different clubs, I spot Mark in the front line of the wrestling group photo. He was smiling, his hair slightly shorter, his dark eyes had this glint in them. I never seen someone so happy, what happened? 

I huff out a breath. Maybe I was the problem, maybe he really just didn’t want to be my friend. A frown touches my lips at the thought. I enlarge the photo, looking at his face, I wanted to see him smile like that in real life. I click off after that thought, knowing how creepy I must seem, tossing myself back I grumble and rub my face with the back of my free hand. 

I really was the problem, wasn’t I? 

“Ethan, sweetie! You’re friend is here!” I jerk back up into the sitting position at the sound of my mothers voice. My lips parting as my brows come together, I unfold my legs and crawl off of my bed to grab up my book bag. 

I jog down the stairs quickly, taking long steps towards the front door. I pull back the certain that hung over the thin windows that sat on either side of the door, spotting Tyler out there in his car. I forgot he had offered to drive me to school today. A smile pulls up my lips and I shove my phone into my jeans pocket before turning and going into the kitchen to kiss my mom goodbye. Ready to run but she stops me. Her hands holding my face between them. Her kind eyes searching my face

”Mom?” I question, hands on the straps of my book bag as I pull it onto my back. She was just looking down at me, with that concerned mom look. Her eyes seeming a little sad.

“I love you, so much, be careful, alright?” She says and I just nod at her, telling her I loved her too. Blinking in confusion when she kisses my forehead and lets me go.

I step back, watching her for a moment before I turn on my heel and I run from the kitchen. Heading right out the front door, I jump over the porch stairs, laughing as I jog down to his car. He smiles at me, leaning over the passengers seat to open up door for me. I slip inside and drop my bag on the floor. Giving a short ‘hello’ as he started up the car and pulled from in front of my house. I look out the window as I buckled up, catching my mom looking through the window at me. She’s frowning, shutting the curtain when she notices me looking her way.

“I was starting to think you weren’t coming out.” Tyler’s voice is low, happy. 

I smile now, “Of course! I just had to say goodbye to my mom… and I was on my phone.” I offer gently, covering my hands with my long sleeved NASA shirt. Turning to see him smiling, giving a little nod, accepting my words. I sigh out and look ahead out the windshield as I lean back into the seat, relaxing

“You finally have a new phone? Next time, I could call you when I get here.” He says in a smooth tone, and I feel it fits, with how smoothly he just asked for my number, without really asking. Though I am very sure that he was not asking for it like that, it was just a friend thing. 

We oddly had a lot in common, we liked a few of the same movies and games, not that he got to really indulge with how busy he was all the time. But it was nice to have things to talk about other than school or why I changed schools. I didn’t want to talk about that, I just wanted to feel normal. 

“I would like that…” I say gently, feeling my face flush anyway, “… once we get to school, we can exchange.”

He agrees and we go on to talk about a movie I had recommended he watch, since he had a pretty busy morning and we wouldn’t get to talk much. Which was fine with me, since I had to go meet the gymnastics coach after school anyway. She wanted to see what I could do. Gosh, I was nervous, it felt like forever since I was out there. Not since my last school, a couple of months ago, since it had taken a while to move and settle in. My hands fall to my stomach, it was a bit puffed out, I had gained back some body fat that I had lost before. Too tired most days to work out, or practice, and with the move we had a few more take out days than normal. 

I had my uniform anyway, my old one, hoping that would give me the confidence I needed to go through with it. I didn’t tell my parents yet, and they didn’t need to know right away. I know they would have a fit, and try to talk me out of it, but it was all I had left of my past. I wanted to do it, I needed to do it. 

“Are… you going to be there after school today?” I finally speak, turning to look at Tyler, his blue eyes are looking ahead intently. His short curls resting on the top of his head, cut down on the sides, it sways from the wind coming in through the window.

“Uh, yeah I could try.” He turns into the school parking lot, “I mean, I’ll be here after school, but I’ll be in the pool. But I’ll try to stop by if you want that.” He turns to look at me after he parks his car.

I blink at him, smiling as I nod, “Yeah, I… uh, it would be nice to not be alone.” I feel my nerves bubbling up in my stomach. My eyes nervously looking back out the car window so he wouldn’t see my flushed face, spotting Bob’s car parked across the way.

“Alright, I’ll see what I can do.” 

Tyler says and I hear his car door open, so I unbuckle and open my own. Grabbing my bag as I step out, huffing as I lean back into the door to close it. My eyes wondering back to Bob’s car I see them get out at the same time, my heart skips when I spot that black hair. He’s in a pair of loose jeans and a t-shirt that wasn’t too tight but not to loose either, it fits over the curves of his muscles and I sigh. Thinking back to yesterday, to the bathroom, to the gym. One second he seemed alright and the next he was looking at me like he wanted to punch me. I don’t know what he wants from me, but I couldn’t help but want to be in his space.

“Ah, damn. I need to get in… you coming?” Tyler rounds the car, breaking me from my thoughts. My head turning to look up at him, he’s watching me, a small smile on his lips.

”I, uh… Actually I have some people to say ‘hi’ too.” I offer and push from the car, seeing his face drop a little. 

Before I could comment on it he side steps and hugs me goodbye, telling me he would see me later. I nod and lean into the hug, feeling him engulf me. He holds on a second longer than I thought he might, but not long enough for me to comment on it. As he is pulling away and I am waving at him with a confused smile, before he’s off. I return my attention back to Bob, Wade and Mark walking towards school. 

I jog over to them, Mark seeing me first. I shiver a little under that stare, it reminded me of the day before when I saw him in the gym. He just sat there staring at me, his face flush and intense, like he was thinking super hard on something. I push down the weird fuzzy feeling and instead I smile at them, big as I could.

”Hey, guys!” I find my place between Mark and Bob, looking up between both of them. 

Mark side steps a little to create distance between us, but I try not to over think it too much. Instead I focus on Bob who was smiling at me.

”Ah, hello. How is our little gymnast this morning?” Bob says in a joking tone, and I couldn’t help but let out a little confused chuckle. How did he hear about that? Who told him? What else did they say?

“What? How… did-- you know?” I question, a little out of breath, as a wave of anxiety then spread out through my body along with the confusion. He couldn’t have known about my old school, no, no one here would know anything about a school states away.

“Mark told us.” Bob points right at Mark, with a cheeky little grin. I turn to look at him, but he is faced away from me, his features lined with annoyance. His cheeks flushed as he tries his best to ignore me being there.

“Yeah, he said he saw you yesterday...” Wade starts but Mark cuts him off with a look, I look between them wondering why. Why didn’t he want Wade to keep going, why was Mark talking about me if he didn’t like me?

Though I also couldn’t help my smile, leaning to the side I bump against Mark gently, teasing him. He grumbles a ‘don’t touch me’ before walking faster ahead of us as we get into the school. I smile a little wider at him shuffling away from us.

“Right, Tyler talked with the coach with me. She wants to see what I can do before she thinks about adding me to the list… I might even have to wait until next year to be officially on, but… I’m excited.” I say, looking back to Bob and Wade who were both listening. I think even Mark was listening with how his head tilts back ever so slightly when I speak.

“Exciting, maybe we can come cheer you on.” Bob offers and Wade adds in ‘oh, yeah’ in agreement. I look to Mark to see if he would say something but he doesn’t. His broad shoulders are tense, I want to rub them. I want to see him relax.

“I would like that, a lot actually.” I say back to them, bouncing a little, full of excitement over the idea that they might come support me on something so small. I mean, I didn’t even think I was going to make it on until next year. But maybe, if she was impressed I could go there after school just to practice, maybe I’d meet Mark there while he did wrestling.

I sigh out, my face flushed again as I look to Mark, hearing Bob and Wade agree to come along. My mind now wondering, distracted by the other boy, who still refused to look at me. I didn’t mind, I bet he would come around. At least I liked to think so. We just needed to hang out more, maybe?

“Watch where you’re going.” 

My attention snaps back to reality and I see Mark’s hand reach out to shove some boy away from him. I guess the guy had bumped into him? I wasn’t paying attention, but I feel the anxiety spike up from my stomach into my throat when I see the guy shove Mark back. Causing the lockers to clank as Mark’s back hits them. All eyes on us now as we all come to a stop. I didn’t know what to do, I was just stood there staring between them as Mark steps back towards the guy, dropping his bag on the ground. The rage in his eyes seems to make them darker, and for the first time I was scared of Mark.

”Hey, break it up!” Bob calls out trying to move between Mark and the other guy, trying to defuse the situation before it turned into an actual fight, but Mark stops him, hand raised. That’s when I noticed his hand was wrapped, when did that happen?

Bob comes to a stop, his face is set in a frown and he looks genuinely worried for Mark. Wade had stepped up beside Bob, stopping as well. I was left to the side, partly behind Bob. Panic forming in my limbs, which have become stiff, running a little cold as I watch the guy step in to shove Mark again. He says something but my ears don’t’ pick it up, my gaze set on Mark as he says something back. Leaning froward a bit as if he were about to get into tackling position, the guy’s fists balled up as if he were about to start throwing punches. 

People have stopped near by, watching the scene. 

I felt like I wasn’t even in my body, my breathing had picked up and my eyes became blurry. It felt like I was outside, looking down on what was happening, seeing everything in slow motion. The panic that quickened my heart, closes up my throat and I feel pathetic. The murmuring around us was deafening, though I am sure it wasn’t even that loud. I just wanted it to stop, I wanted to go home and crawl up under my covers. I was never good with fights, I normally ran away, I was slim and quick and I never liked the idea of hurting someone. Even if they were trying to hurt me. More so, I hated to see people fighting around me. 

It made me feel sick and regress back into that boy I was before that day.

I come back when I hear Mark’s groaning. Seeing the guy had somehow got his arm around Mark’s neck, his other hand having grabbed up Mark’s hand and was twisting it. Causing enough pain that Mark could barely fight back, his face red and twisted up in agony. Before I could really think a second thought, once what was happening registers, I pull off my book bag and wind it up. Hitting the guy in the back of the head hard enough he let Mark go. My eyes wide as he stumbles to the side and looks at me, cursing, saying something but my buzzing mind doesn’t pick it up. 

He steps towards me but I step back away from him. My hands shaking from the death grip I had on my book bag straps. The guy doesn’t get far however, Mark is there, shoving his shoulder into him as his free hand grabs at his legs, lifting him from the ground so he could drop him. The guy grabs at Mark making both of them topple over. Mark on top of the guy grabbing at his arms to keep the guys hands away from his injured one. I still again, just watching, breathing so hard I think I might pass out, like all the air in the hall suddenly disappeared. 

I jump when a large hand comes down on my shoulder pushing me, I step forward and look back to see Wade was there behind me. Pushing me away from what was happening, I don’t really have the strength to stop him, I stumble. My head turning back further towards Mark where I see Bob grabbing at him and yelling something as a teacher comes barreling between the crowd of students who gathered. 

I look back at him until I can’t anymore, tears wetting my cheeks as I just move on auto pilot. Wade is speaking, but I don’t hear him, my eyes falling to the ground as we round the corner. Still shaking hands grab at my book bag to bring it up to my chest, hugging it there tightly. I feel the soft crunch of my gymnastics uniform in there and I try to focus on that. Stopping when Wade tugged me to, noting we were by my locker, I can’t even find my voice to ask how he knew where it was. I hear the bell ring but I don’t want to go to class, I want to see if Mark is okay. 

Sighing I lean back against my locker, wiping at my face with the sleeve of my shirt. Wade says something else and I tell him I am fine, the second last warning bell rings and he has to go. I just stand there, trying to get myself under control. I soon open my locker and see a note indie, it’s Tyler number and I smile a little at it. Though it reads under that he won’t be at lunch, that he had to make up a test and I groan. Shoving my things away, getting the number in my phone so I could text him from my phone, so he knows it is me.

Eventually I make it to English. The teacher looks like he wants to say something about me being late, but I must have looked about as miserable as I felt. Because he stops and just motion for me to sit down, I head to my seat. Fingers dragging over Mark’s empty chair as I pass by, my heart tugging unhappily since he wasn’t there. Sinking into my own seat I just can’t focus on anything, I hear words and people shuffling around to get into pairs but my eyes don’t leave Mark’s seat. 

I was worried but I was also unsettled, the anger in his eyes, I have never seen someone look so unhinged. Then the memory of his face scrunched up in pain, his brows raised, lips parted as he groaned out in pain. I suck in a breath at the memory and place my hand over my chest where it suddenly felt tight, as if my heart was in pain. My leg bounces and I just need some air, so I raise my hand and ask to go to the bathroom. I can tell he wants to say ‘no’, but I’m wiping my sleeve over my wet eyes and he angrily motions to the door.

My feet nearly trip over themselves as I run out into the quiet halls. I take in deep breath, having no intention on going back in. So I go through the halls, passing the bathrooms as I intend to go back to my locker. Honestly I have no idea where to go, I’m only half calmed down and I need to get out. But I also want to talk to Bob, find out where Mark was, what happened to his hand? Was it okay? I shake my head trying to get Mark’s voice out of my head. 

I heard him, just not at the time, Mark’s deep raspy ‘get away from him’ before he pretty much dropped the guy onto his ass. Even in pain he was protecting me? I didn’t know what to think about that. Though I am grateful, I couldn’t imagine what that guy would have done to me if he if he wasn’t stopped. He was ready to fight Mark, who was bigger than me. He could, and probably would have crushed me.

The bell rings and I realize I’m just standing there in hall, everyone spilling out of the rooms walking around me. I needed to snap out of it, I needed-- I don’t know what I needed.

“Ethan?” 

I turn when a hand comes down on my shoulder, looking up at Tyler. He’s asking me what happened, but my voice is gone, stepping into his space I press my face into his chest and sob gently. My hands coming up to grip his shirt, I feel him tense up before wrapping his arm around my shoulders. Mostly to guide me out of everyone’s way, off to the side. 

“Hey, it’s okay.” 

He rubs my back and I just stand there, a fool, grabbing onto him so tight. Unable to speak, unable to really move. My face is hot, my throat burning from all the stress of holding back any sounds. He just holds me there for what seems like hours, but I hear the bell so it must have only been a few minutes. I huff and pull back, suddenly feeling tired, wiping my hot face. 

I avoid his gaze by turning on my heel, “I’ll, uh walk you to class.” I say, trying to walk off, hearing his feet following after me.

”You’re gonna’ walk me? We have the same class.” He offers a light chuckle before he clears his throat. “Are we, gonna’ talk about what just happened? Are you okay.” His tone is so low and kind and I want to melt into the floor and disappear. 

“I… um…” I rub the back of my neck, “… I’ll tell you after school, okay?” I question, still not looking back at him, even when he easily comes to walk next to me. I feel the tension rising, he wants me to tell him but I just can’t talk about it right now.

“Right, okay.” He says instead, coming to a stop with me in front of our class. He is looking down at me I know he is, even though I don’t look back up, embarrassed from crying on him.

“You’re not coming in?” He questions with a frown and I shake my head.

“I just need some time alone…” I glance up at him, just enough to catch his worried gaze before I turn to try and leave. 

I am stopped when he wraps his arm is suddenly around me from behind, his arm laid on my chest as he leans down. Hugging me. I bite at my lip to stop myself from crying again, ignoring how the kids passing by look at us. Sniffling again I wipe my face which is raw and irritated at this point. Leaning back into him for a moment before I pull away from him, I look back to see him watching me.

“I’ll see you after school.” His eyes are sad and I suck in a breath, not sure what to do or say. I just nod, then watch him go into the class.

Turning on my heel I head out the back door I had gone through the first day, where I saw Mark in band class. Slipping outside unseen, I head towards the bleachers, rubbing may hands together. Spotting the band kids out there on the grass, laughing and talking. I hide behind the bleachers so I could look through, I don’t see Mark. So I look back towards the door as if he would just come out of it, I frown when minutes pass but he doesn’t show up. Deflating I slide down and sit on the ground, my back faced away from the class.

I sit there for a while, thinking to myself until I hear the echo of the bell from inside. I jump up and rush through the halls, I needed to talk to Bob. Walking into the lunch room I ignore the line to get food, feeling awkward as people were just staring at me. It was different yesterday with Tyler, no one really noticed me, they all said ‘hi’ to him and it was fine. Maybe they had seen the fight? I let out a breath, feeling my face heat up as I jog through. My head looking side to side until I see them. 

Bob and Wade were sat talking but Mark wasn’t with them. I move through the crowds and head to their table. I slide my knees over the cafeteria bench and slap my hands down on the table top. They both jump a little, but soon smile my way.

“Hey.” Bob shifts his try of food before he looks to Wade, who looks back at him, then back to me.

“Is he okay?” I question, without saying hello back. My heart was in my throat and I just needed to know he was okay before anything else. “Did he go home?” I look back over my shoulder, trying to see if he would walk in at any point.

“No, I mean, I don’t think so. We went to the nurses office then he had to go to the principles office with the other guy. I had to get back to class.” Bob offers, “Don’t worry that wasn’t Mark’s first fight, I’m sure he’s fine.”

I lower myself, sitting back on my legs as I turn back to Bob. Worried for him still, talking to Bob was supposed to help, but now I just finds myself worse off. I bring my hand up to my mouth to bite at my nails, my leg would be bouncing if I weren’t sitting on them. My stomach cramps with hunger, and anxiety.

“Does he get into fights a lot?” I asks, dropping my hand to wipe the spit off of my fingers and onto my jeans. Searching Bob’s face almost desperately. 

“Mark can be a little… uh…” Wade starts so I turn to look at him, licking at my lips as he gathers his words, “… hot headed?” He looks to Bob for help.

“Mark is a good guy, he can just be a little short tempered sometimes. Rash.” Bob goes on, and I have to look back to him now, my brows coming together. Pulling the sleeves over my hands so I could hide my nails, not wanting to bite on them anymore.

“Why didn’t you stop him? Before it got bad?” I shift in my seat, hoping it didn’t come off as rude as it sounds. I just didn’t understand why Bob had stopped, if he had broke them up Mark wouldn’t have--

“Sometimes, it is best to let him get it out of his system.” Bob cuts through my thoughts, making me nod, even though I still didn’t understand. He must have seen that, as he sighs and pokes at the food on his plate. 

“Mark, wouldn’t have listened, letting him get it off his chest would calm him down much faster than us stopping him. Besides, we were there if it went to far, I mean you hit the guy right in the back of the head.” Wade continues what Bob was trying to say, laughing a little as he brings up me hitting the guy, which didn’t feel real somehow.

I felt bad it about honestly, but I find myself smiling anyway.

“I guess… you’re right.” I nod, relaxing a little before moving off my knees. I drop my head to the table, so I could press my forehead to the cool top. “… I was so worried!” I muttered to myself and I hear Wade and Bob chuckle at me.

“What?” I turn my head to look up at them, “… I was!”

“Nothing, he just looked pretty worried about you too.” Bob offers with a shrug. I feel my face go hot, lifting my head so I could rub at my cheeks. 

“No, I don’t even think, Mark likes me.” I say, shrugging myself , nibbling at my lower lip now, pressing my blunt nails into palms to stop them from going to my mouth. “Like… I’m pretty sure he hates me.”

“No, he doesn’t hate you. He just needs to warm up to you.” Wade offers in a nervous tone, following it up with a laugh and suddenly I am not sure I should believe him. 

“He’s being serious, Mark doesn’t like, uh, new people. He just needs to be around you more.” Bob cuts in, giving Wade a look that makes Wade clear his throat and look away.

I furrow my brows, looking between them, still smiling. Wondering if there was something they weren’t telling me. Huffing a breath, I nod anyway. Maybe I don’t want to know what it is, what I did want, was to go to sleep forever. I just felt so drained.

“Are you guys still comin’ after school?” I asks then, bouncing a little up as I cross my arms on the table and rest my head there. Looking between then still, though my face is relaxed now.

“Yeah, I’ll be there, Wade?” Bob presses his glasses up his nose as he looks to Wade.

“Oh, yeah. You’re my ride anyway.” He jokes, smiling towards me and I smile back.

We go on to talk about some things outside of school for the rest of the period. Though my mind wonders to Mark more often that I would like to admit. When the period is over we part and I feel a little better, at least enough to stay in the rest of my classes for the day. Once all of them were out of the way I grab my bag from my locker and head towards the gym, my heart in throat. Excited but horribly nervous. I wasn’t sure who else would be there to watch me, and if I fucked up, oh god. I would never be able to show my face around here again. I shake my head, trying to tell myself that, that wouldn’t happen.

In the locker room I look around for a free locker, moving around the near empty space. Having no luck until I round the corner and my heart nearly stops. 

Mark. 

He is just sitting there shirtless, in a pair of black gym shorts, grumbling to himself as he tries to re-wrap his injured hand. It’s an angry red color and it seems to be shaking, trying to use his left hand only seemed to be making it worse.

“Mark!” 

I go to him without thinking, dropping my bag as I drop to my knees before him. Sitting up on them I try to grab for his hands, seeing him jerk back away from me in surprise. His messy hair is plastered on his forehead with sweat, his hands pulling back away from me. Grunting unhappily, telling me to get away and not to touch him.

“Mark, stop!” 

I nearly yell, my hands dropping to his knees, gripping them before they come up and rest on his chest. I just wanted him to calm down, just a little bit. It seems to work, I could feel him lean back, the tension in him melting away a little. My face flushes as my fingers twitch over his bare skin, feeling how warm he was, how solid. I swallow, looking up at him without any words. He looks back at me, his lips parted like he wants to say something.

“Let me help?” I say in soft voice, shifting on my knees to get closer, practically between his parted legs now. My hands leaving his chest so I could hold them up. He looks to my hands, and for a moment I think he might just stand up and leave. 

But he doesn't. 

His hands come down slowly until they were in mine, his fingers flexing as they curl around my hands then let go. I let out a breath, sitting back on my legs as I settle his injured hand in both of mine, letting the other rest on his thigh. Undoing the wrap slowly, and carefully as to not hurt him, before readjusting it around his wrist first. I had to wrap myself up plenty of times, I knew how to do it, the different way to do it in fact. So I got to work, slowly wrapping up his hand, gently chewing on my tongue as I concentrated on it. Ignoring my heartbeat in my ears.

As soon as I end it off, I feel his uninjured hand on my face. His fingers brushing under my eye before sliding down over my cheek. I guess he saw that I was crying, my face always stayed so red afterwards. I lean my face into his hand, not thinking about anything but how warm his palm was as it now moves to cup my cheek. His rough fingers trialing up, pushing at my hairline. My hands are still cradling his now wrapped hand. Holding onto it as my eyes fall shut for a moment. Turning my head, I feel my nose run along the curve between his thumb and pointer finger.

“Thank you.” Mark’s low voice makes my eyes open, looking up at him with raised brows, my face still pressed into his hand. 

“You’re welcome.” I say back, my tone low and a little broken. He was acting so nice and I was sacred that it would shift again. 

I pull back from his hand, sucking in a breath as my face goes hot. Looking away from his gaze, afraid of what I might find there. My fingers releasing his wrapped hand to rest it on his thigh, pulling back slowly my hands brush against his knee. A beat passes before I push up and lean back so I could pull myself up onto the the bench across from his. Sitting there with my hands in my lap. 

We just sit there staring at each other, shifting to cross my legs, hands sliding into my shirts sleeve as I rest them on my knees. I didn’t know what to say, and he obviously didn’t either. But my heart is in my throat again, watching him with such awe. 

He was beautiful under all that anger. His features softened, his dark eyes set on me, as if I were the only thing that mattered in the world right now. I find it hard to think back on a time where someone looked at me like that. I want to say something, I want to crawl back over there and hug him. Tell him that it was okay, that he was okay and he didn’t’ need to fight every thing. My teeth sink into my bottom lip as my thoughts overwhelm me, I didn’t even know him. But it felt like I’ve known him all my life, what the fuck was wrong with me?

“I was so sacred, you jerk…” I finally let out, feeling hot tears slipping quickly over my cheeks. God, when would I stop crying? How is it possible that there are still more tears in my body.

“Scared?” Mark’s reply is oddly calm, if not confused. He is hunched forward a little as he cradles his injured hand against his chest. He looks like he was in pain, with the way his eyes twitch any time he moves his hand. 

Sniffling, I bring my sleeve up to wipe at my face as I nod.

“Yeah, that… that you would get hurt. I didn’t want to see…” I lick at my lips and try to clear my throat, so my words didn’t come out as a jumbled mess of syllables. That always happened when I talked fast, too flustered, too excited.

“I had it under control, that wasn’t my first fight.” He scuffs a little, leaning back as his face shift to something more annoyed. Though the normal bite in his words is not there, and I wonder why.

“That doesn’t matter, I just… I saw you and him but I couldn't move. I just…” I lift my hands, pulling them from my sleeves so I could motion at him, “… I should have stopped it, you didn’t need to fight him, the look on your face… I, I couldn’t stand it.” It doesn’t work, my words are cracked and lost to the way my mouth doesn’t move fast enough to get them out. Saliva gathering in my mouth to the point I need to swallow and my face hurts so much from crying.

His hands are on my face before I could even realize my eyes were too blurred to see him move. Stopping everything I was trying to say in their tracks, and not just because he mutters a stern ‘shut up’ at me. My hands darting up automatically to press to his arms as I blink hard, pushing the tears out of the way so I could look at him. His wet, dark hair is dangling around his face, his lips pressed into a thin line as he bites back words I am sure he wants to say. 

His brown eyes are softer, but confused. His hands still on my face, my hands still resting on his forearms. I feel a slight tremble and I am not sure if it came from him or me, if I were being honest.

“What are you trying to do to me?” 

Mark’s question is so genuine, I am taken aback by it. My eyes growing a little wider as my brows raise in surprise. My fingers curl around his arms, holding him tighter, as if I were afraid that he might push me away again. I don’t want him to let go of my face, even though my tears were soaking into the wrappings on his hand. Even though I knew we should, any one could walk in on us at any second.

“I’m not… trying to do anything, Mark.” I unfold my legs from the bench as I speak, “I just want to be your friend.” I push up from the bench, sliding my hands over his arms as I lean forward.

He doesn’t resist me, leaning back as I once more invade his personal space. I am on my knees again, I am between his legs, his hands have fallen to to rest limply on my shoulders. His head tilting as well in an attempt to keep our gaze, his strong features are soft again, eyes searching my face for something. But I do not know what it is he is looking for. I look back up at him, as I grow closer and closer to his face. My tears have dried up some, though when I blink I still feel that wetness there. My head turns just as our faces are inches apart.

My hands move up over his shoulders to wrap around his neck, pulling him down into a hug. His hands fall to grab at my sides, fingers curling into the lifted fabric of my shirt. His body almost collapsing instantly into me, his face nuzzled into my neck. He is heavy against me, leaning down as if he doesn’t have the strength to sit up anymore. One of my hands find the back of his neck, resting there my fingers touching at his hair. My other arm is wrapped around his naked shoulders, squeezing him tight. I can feel his hands uncurl and rest on my back, not pulling me closer, but not letting me pull back either and I figure I’ll take it. 

At least he wasn’t so tense anymore.

“It’s okay...” 

I whisper near his ear, not sure if I were trying to convince him or myself at this point.


	4. Ethan, Ethan, Ethan.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark is just a messy disaster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a minute, but I've been super stressed. And when I get stressed I get writer block. BUT I hope this kinda nice chapter is a good come back!

Mark POV

This was dumb, honestly the dumbest thing I ever done. There was no reason to be here, pacing back and forth on the street in front of Ethan’s house. He didn’t know I was coming and honestly I am sure he already had plans to get to school with Tyler. Though, Tyler’s car was not around and I know he is still home, I had spotted him passing by a window. 

I am honestly surprised his dad had not told me to leave when he came out to get to his car, I guess leaving for work. He just asked why I was around and if I was Ethan’s friend, I just said yes without wanting to alarm him. I told him I was here to walk him to school, and his dad seemed to take that alright and said he would probably be out soon. I nearly ran then from the anxiety I felt from the short conversation. 

“Mark?” 

Ethan’s voice has my head turning to look at him, he’s on the front steps, book bag hanging off one shoulder. I just stare at him for a moment, taking him in as he stood there under the daylight that washed over him.

His face is blushed pink and his brown hair was swooped more to the side, still slightly wet. A black t-shirt is fitted to his chest and his slim legs were hidden under black tight fitted jeans. He looked confused, yet excited, a smile breaking across his tired face. Just for me. I step forward, trying to gather my thoughts, wanting them to just leave my mouth. But they won’t, my brain just telling me over and over how cute he looked right now. 

What the fuck.

“Ethan I…” I start, then stop when his mother comes out the front door behind him.

He turns to look at his mom, before looking back to me with a worried expression. Hands moving to pull the other strap of his bag on before he jogs down the stairs. Jumping down the last step and turning to face his mother. She looks up with furrowed brows as he does this, finally noticing me and I shift where I stand. Trying to give her a small wave, but she just eyes me for a moment.

“Sorry, mom! I forgot I made plans with… Mark, to walk to school!” Ethan’s light, happy voice comes finally breaking the tension suddenly in the air. He sways side to side, and I wish I could see his face.

“Mark, huh?” She pulls her car keys from her purse and she slowly steps down the stairs still watching me. I want to shrink away, wondering what I did to her to make her look at me like she wanted to kill me.

“Yeah, he’s from school. I… you know I forget!” Ethan cuts in, with a tone higher than his normal one, the stress in his words is obvious.

“Yes, Ma’am.” I say then, but suddenly wish I didn’t say anything. Her eyes narrowing at me as I speak. Though she quickly tries to smile, the kind of tense mom smiles that don’t quite meet her eyes.

“If that is the case, why don’t I just drive both of you to school then?” She offers and in at that moment would rather crawl to school on my hands and knees, through broken glass. Than get a ride from her.

“No! It’s fine, we can walk.” Ethan turns to me then, moving down the path so he could stand next to me. Big blues looking up at me with a wide smile before he looks back to his mother, who is frowning again. 

She seems so close to saying ‘no’, but she doesn’t.

“Fine, Ethan is still not familiar to the area… you make sure he gets there okay.” She motions at me with her car keys and I nod automatically and get out an ‘of course’ before Ethan wraps arm around mine. Tugging me away from his house.

We go on for a few minutes in silence, Ethan’s arm is still wrapped around mine and he looks over his shoulder a few times before seeming to relax. I wonder what he’s looking for, or maybe who? His mom? Tyler? I want to ask but the words won’t leave my mouth. I just stare ahead, like an idiot.

“Ah, phew, we’re okay.” Ethan speaks first, patting my arm he was holding as a breathy, nervous laugh leaves him. “My mom, she’s a bit over protective some times. So, had to make sure the coast was clear.” He goes on, flattening his free hand and making a forward motion with it as he says ‘clear’.

“Actually, I… wasn’t expecting you, was I? I don’t…” He starts, but I shake my head, feeling his eyes on me. Though, I wish I did not move at all, suddenly missing the sound of his voice as he had gone quiet after. 

“I just thought… we should…” I have no idea how to finish what I was saying, or really what I was even trying to say. My thoughts were all a jumble around him, too focused on him rather than what I needed to say. 

“… I thought you would have gone to school with, Tyler.” I blurt that out after a solid few seconds of just opening and closing my mouth. Keeping my eyes straight ahead as I didn’t want to look at his face in case he was disappointed.

I feel this fingers flex on my arm, “Ah, he was supposed to come by but, he said he actually wasn’t coming in today. That he had some appointment I think. So I was just going to have my mom take me.” I feel his shoulder bump into me as he shrugs them.

“But, I’m happy you came! I mean, it’s a little surprising, but a nice one!” His bubbly tone makes me smile, my head dipping to look at him out the corner of my eyes. Of course he is looking at me, a big happy smile on his face. I huff a breath and lift my head to look back ahead.

I hear another, softer giggle but I don’t look. My face already hot from seeing that stupid smile on his stupid face. Feeling his slim fingers gripping at my bicep every so often, feeling the cool brush of his bracelet. My mind wonders to the day before, that hug, the tears in his eyes as he said he was worried about me. I didn’t understand why I just fell into him like that, or why his hold on me was exactly what I needed. I never wanted anyone to hold me like that, I could take care of myself. Just thinking that brings me back to my wrapped hand, which felt worse after that asshole tried to crush it. The way he wrapped me up, like he actually knew what he was doing. How did he know? Who the hell was this kid? 

Why couldn’t I have met him before.

“Why… do you wear that bracelet?” I finally say, my tone a little more accusatory than I wanted it to be. But there sure had to be some reason he wore it? I guess he could just want to, but who just wanted to wear a bracelet? I couldn’t imagine it. The looks, the stupid muttering it would bring.

“Oh, this?” He holds out his wrist, having to lean closer to me as it was on the wrist of the arm that was wrapped around my arm. My eyes fall to it, before they move up to his face. His features are soft, his eyes still looking down at the bracelet while poking at it with a finger on his free hand. 

“It’s my medical alert bracelet, because I have a bad peanut allergy. Like… I could die really fast , bad.” He huffs between a slightly strained chuckle, his hand dropping back to hold my arm as he looks back up at me. My eyes search his pale face, I can see the flakes of brown in his blue eyes from how close we are. 

“Oh, I thought it was… like, from an ex or something.” I look away again, hearing a laugh erupt from him. My cheeks hot again as he does this, I even feel his face pressed into my arm and the way his body shook from the force of it.

“No, no.. no.. no!” He chants a bit, pulling away his face as he takes in a deep breath, “I’ve never… dated!” He shakes his head and I couldn’t help the laugh that leaves me as well. Sure it was smaller and bit more strained, but it was there. 

“You never dated anyone, ever?” I question him with surprise in my tone, sure I didn’t want to date anyone but, most other kids in our grades at least dated one person by now. And he was attractive enough to grab someones attention. He certainly had mine, it seemed.

“No, I mean, not like real dating. I was too focused on gymnastics and you know, I get bad spots.” He reaches up to point at a pimple on his cheek and I turn to look at it, my brow raised. “No one likes those, especially when it gets real bad.” He goes on, frowning at that as he drops his hand, looking away from me.

“It’s just acne.” I shrug, suddenly feeling the urge to slap everyone who might have called him ugly for something he couldn’t even control. A bunch of assholes.

“I know, but…” He starts then stops, pressing his lips together for a moment, “I guess most people don’t like looking at it.” The way the tone of his voice lowers as he goes on, makes me think it would be better to get off the topic. It was obviously something he didn’t like about himself, even if I would just disagree with him on it. 

“What about you?” He says suddenly changing the topic once I took to long to respond, “Have you ever dated anyone before?” I blink at the question, not really wanting to answer it.

“Nah, it’s not really my thing.” I shrug, trying to play it off as casual as possible. Knowing there was no way I was about to open that can of worms. No, thank you.

I feel his hand flex where it was still wrapped around, holding onto my arm, I had no idea why I was even letting him do that. Maybe because it felt nice, even if it sparked a little anger in me that I had no clue was there. I just have no idea why all of a sudden I didn’t mind this kind of touch, from him no less. Basically a stranger, it’s been like what? Three days? Why did he have such an effect on me?

“Cool, then we can have more time for video games!” Ethan suddenly blurts out, which is followed by nervous laughing. His head dipping to the side again to press his face into my arm, I feel my heart tug up into my throat from the action.

My head turns to smile down at him, seeing his eyes were closed. I could just walk him right off an edge and he wouldn’t know. Yet he trusted me enough think I wouldn’t, and I am not sure if that made me feel warm or made me think he was stupid. 

“Who says I want to play video games with you?” I question, watching as his head pulls back and looks up at me. His lips parted as if he were going to say something, but stopped, not realizing I was looking down at him.

I watch his eyes move over my face, his lips closing so he could swallow. That blush of pink was once more there on his cheeks, even running up along his nose and little down his neck. The sight of it makes my breath hitch, my feet coming to a stop, making him almost trip. I reach up my free hand to grab his shoulder, leaving us standing there, too close to each other. Ethan clinging to my arm, my hand gripping at his shoulder as we just looked at each other.

“I was joking…” I finally say, my head tilted down to speak to him. He shifts closer to me, his lips twitching as he nods. 

“Oh…” He breaths, blinking slowly up at me and I can tell he did not believe me. His blue-brown eyes are looking at me and I want to look away, but I’m trapped there looking back at him. 

It was like we were the only two people in the world right now, and the way his eyes are lit up by the sun makes me think, maybe this wasn’t real. What if I was dreaming? I don’t want to be dreaming right now. I want it to be real, but also I don’t, in a way. Sacred of what I feeling, scared of what people would say if they saw us like this. 

I wanted to push him away, and I know he can feel it by the way my hand grips harder at his shoulder and he steps in closer. So close he was nearly touching our foreheads. I can feel his breath on my chest and I see the way his lips are trembling. 

What the fuck were we doing?

“HEY! Get in losers!” 

Bob’s voice breaks through our little bubble of a moment and both of us jump apart so fast Ethan trips over his own feet and falls backwards. I turn back to see Bob was parked on the road next to them, laughing along with Wade. I grunt, turning back to Ethan who was still on the ground breathing hard and grabbing his chest. I take a breath and lean over to help him up, but he shuffles back from my hand, his eyes looking every where but at me. I feel almost hurt by the action, he was acting like I was going to hurt him or something. I step back as he scrambles to his feet, moving fast around me as he goes to get into the back set of Bob’s car.

“C’mon, we don’t got all day.” Bob honks his horn and I sigh, teeth gritted as I turn and get into the back seat as well. 

I glance at Ethan but he is looking away from me, buckled in as he taps his fingers against his thighs. I want to say something, but instead I press it back down and allow it to fester in my chest until I want to punch him. 

“You know, instead of ditching us with a lame excuse, you could have just asked me to pick up short stuff.” Bob says to me as he makes a turn down the road. My arms move to cross over my chest, too annoyed for banter right now.

“Right. ”I grumble, turning to look out the window. 

“Oh, Bob!” Wade starts up suddenly, grabbing Bob’s attention and steering him into some conversation. I wasn’t listening to them close enough to try and grasp what it was about. 

My mind was still distracted by Ethan, looking at him out the corner of my eye to see him sat there. Fidgeting around, biting at his nails, then tapping his thighs, shifting slightly side to side. His head still turned away from me, looking out the window. I huff and drop my hands from my chest to slap at the seat between us, my head turned away, so I am not sure if he even noticed.

I feel his hand though, his shaking, smaller hand pressing over mine. It makes me turn back to look at him, his head is dipped, looking up at me with those eyes. His face is pink again, his fingers curling around my hand before gently pushing it more towards me. But he doesn’t pull his hand back completely, fingertips tapping on mine as he spoke,

“You’re on my side…” 

He whispers gently, and I recall the first time were in the back seat of Bob’s car, the day it was raining. His hand had come so close to touching my thigh, I remember the pain on his face as he touched the back of his head. I remember feeling awful for making him hurt himself. The way he flinched from my hand, it was more than just some reaction from bullying, it was almost trauma. I felt weird knowing he was so close to me and I just had to get his attention, I had to get him away from me. Now we were sat here, his hand touching mine, him looking up at me with a soft smile, worried eyes. He is a bundle of trembling of nerves. 

I felt bad for getting angry with him, but it felt like I couldn’t stop myself. Ever since we met he made me feel weird, and then the anger came along with it. But then he just, touched me and I relaxed in his hold. What was happening to me? I never felt like this with anyone before.

“... too bad.” I say back, pushing his hand with my hand, leaving my fingers curled up under his palm. I watch him swallow, his lips twitching just a enough to push up a smile.

Both of our hands just stay there, just touching at each other for the rest of the ride to school. We both ignore it and if Bob or Wade noticed they didn’t bring it up, which I was happy for. I don’t even know what I would have said anyway.

\--

I walk Ethan to our English class as he rambles on about some games we could play, he seems to have calmed down but he wasn’t holding my arm or my hand. He even left space between us as we walked through the halls, which was honestly a little annoying, though for the best. The last thing we needed was the whole damn school gossiping. Though I have feeling it might have already begun, from the way we walk into class and a few people look up at us then go right back into whispering.

I roll my eyes and follow after Ethan so we could sit next to each other, assuming we would be just be reading together again. I watch him slip into the chair, sitting up on his knees as he leans his arms on the table. I didn’t understand why he couldn’t sit normally, but it also was maybe kind of cute. No, not cute, he wasn’t cute. Shut up.

He looks at me and I look away from him, hopefully he didn’t notice I was staring at him. 

“Hey, are you doin’ anything after school?” Ethan then asks, leaning on his arms towards me now. Making me look at him, seeing how close he was. 

“Uh, yeah wrestling again, I think, if it wasn’t rescheduled.” I say back, my voice low, watching his eyes move over my face, his pink lips parted just the right way that I could lean in and--

“Cool, I brought my gymnastics clothes! I can see you in the gym, I was supposed to you know… show the couch what I can do but…” He dips his head, and we both just look at each other. I know what he means, the hug, our hug. 

“Right, sounds good. I can watch you fall on your face.” I nudge his arm, making him gasp before letting out a little gargled noise.

“He- Hey! I’m good! You don’t even know how good.. I… be!” He put on his weird tone and I couldn’t help but laugh at it. 

“Hopefully better than you are at English.” I say back and he slaps my arm, sitting back in his seat as he laughs this time. 

“You two want to let the class know what is so funny?” The teacher cuts in and my gaze moves around the class, seeing everyone looking our way. Before my eyes go back to the teacher, my smile falling instantly. 

“N- no!” Ethan says, shuffling around to get off his legs so he was sitting properly, his hand going to his mouth to bite at his nails. His body slipping further down as if he were trying to hide himself. I grit my teeth at the sight, hating how he made Ethan react. Hating that Ethan reacted in such a way.

“We’ll be quiet.” I say back to teacher through my teeth, before pulling my book open to where we left off. 

“Don’t worry, let’s just read.” I say, to Ethan in a hushed tone, seeing him look up at me with wide sad eyes. My fingers moving to touch at his wrist to make him drop his hand form his mouth. He does and nods at me, leaning in a little closer so he could look at the book.

I don’t really read what is there, I’m distracted by him. He was close, not as close as we were before Bob picked us up, but still close. I hear every little moment he makes, note the way he gently chewed on his tongue as he tried to concentrate. I wanted to be closer to him, but why? I never felt the need to be close to anyone before. I didn’t want to date or let anyone touch me, defiantly didn’t want to touch anyone else. Why him?

I blink when his hand comes to touch at the book, his fingers gliding over the page before stopping over my fingers. “Are you ready to turn the page?” Ethan asks, his index finger sliding over my fingers that held the book open. Eventually he looks up at me and I nod.

I can see his eyes fall to my lips.

He starts giggling nervously, moving my fingers out of the way to turn the page. I smile and let him whatever he wanted. My gaze moving back to the book, but I still wasn’t reading any of it. But that was okay.

\--

“Oh! Do you have band now?” Ethan questions bouncing a little a he walks next to me, head tilted up to look at me with a smile. Why did he have to look so damn happy all the time? “Huh? Band boy?” Ethan’s tone is low and teasing and I feel my breath hitch.

“Shut up. Or I’ll kick your ass.” I shove his arm, making him side step into the lockers. Which only makes him let out happy laugh. His stupid laugh makes me smile, but I rub my hand over my face to hide it. 

“Don’t you have class now?” I question him and he shrugs at me.

“Yeah, but I kind of don’t want to go… I mean, Tyler’s not going to be there.” He frowns a little as he spoke. Which only rubs me the wrong way, did he miss Tyler? How close were they actually, I seen him holding onto Tyler’s arm and the other day and they seemed to always be around each other.

“Oh, yeah? He your boyfriend, huh?” I say, nudging him, though my tone is not as playful as I wanted it to be. I see Ethan flinch at my words, his head dipping down as his arms move around himself.

We come to a stop next to Ethan’s locker, I lean against it as he kind of just stands there.

“I, uh.. he’s not, we’re not…” I want to say something, wanted to apologize for being a dick, but then Ethan is look up at me again and I see the way his face tugs unhappily. His lips parting and pressing together a few times as if he didn’t know what to say. 

“... I’m not…” Ethan starts before stopping, leaning against the lockers before me. My uninjured hand comes up to rest on his shoulder, giving it a little squeeze. He blinks a few times, pulling his bottom lip in to bite at it nervously. 

He shakes his head and smiles suddenly, “It’s nothing, we’re just friends.” He finally says, making me raise my brow at him.

“Yeah, I figured, I was just joking.” I say and see the way his face falls, surprised, then concerned, then embarrassed as he chuckles again. Rubbing a hand over his face as he does. I smile at him unable to really help myself, even though my mind was racing about what he was about to tell me.

Was he gay? No, of course not, right? I definitely wasn’t, I just wasn’t into anyone. 

“Get a room.” 

Someone calls out my head snaps their way, “You got a fucking problem?” I say to the boy who had yelled those words at us. He was walking with another boy and both were just laughing now, I felt anger over take my mood quickly.

“Mark…” Ethan says softly, and I look at him feeling myself calm down just a little.

“Yeah, back on your leash…. ” They laughed, so I push off the lockers to step towards them, making them speed up their walking. 

“Say that to my fuckin’ face….” I say and only stopped when Ethan’s hand is on my arm. I watch them rush away still snickering and I want to just chase them down and shove my fist right into their faces.

I yank my arm from his hand, “Don’t’ touch me.” I growl at him over my shoulder, barely looking at him as I turn my head back down the empty hall. They were already gone, but I still felt the rage pulsing in my limbs.

“Mark… we should…” 

Ethan starts, his hand back on my arm, touching me. Making me turn to face him, stepping into his space so he has to back himself up against the lockers. Looking up at me with wide eyes, my forearm is pressed to his chest, my head dipped. My breathing harder now, my injured hand curling and making pain shoot through my fingers and wrist. My uninjured hand which is on the arm pressed to his chest moves to curl up into the soft fabric of his shirt. I feel the rise and fall of his chest as he tries to steady his breathing, his hands moving up to touch me again, but this time I don’t mind it. They rest gently on my sides, gripping my shirt.

“It’s okay, Mark.” 

Ethan’s voice is oddly soft, a little deeper even as he speaks to me. I feel, settled when he says that. My shoulders slowly lowering as he moves his hands from my side to my arm on his chest. My head leans in forward, my eyes closing as he slowly moves my arm down off of him. I lean in further, feeling his hands move to the back of my neck, moving my head to rest on his shoulder before they snake round my shoulders. I feeling him lean up on his feet to hug me. His head resting next to mine as he whispers to me that everything was okay. 

What the fuck is wrong with me.

\--

We didn’t talk about the hug, which isn’t surprising, we didn’t talk about the first one either. I didn’t see him at lunch, I don’t know where he went and we didn’t have any more classes after so I have no idea if he was actually going to show up in the locker room. I had gone past his locker a few times but he was never there and I wasn’t sure what to do. I didn’t even want to be here right now, with my hand I’m sure I could find a way to skip today. But that stupid voice saying that Ethan might show up was there and I wanted to see him. 

I sigh, pulling off my shirt to get on a tank top just in time to hear his voice.

“Hey!” 

I turn to look at him, he has his book bag in his hands. Slowly walking towards me with a smile as if he was unsure if I wanted him here. I nod at him, and he smiles a little wider coming over to where I was and dropping his book bag on the bench next to me.

“Sorry ‘bout lunch I just got… distracted.” 

He laughs, holding up his hands as he motions to my hand, though I see his eyes on my chest. I turn to face him, seeing his hands were still held up and I place my wrapped hand in them. Feeling him carefully undo the clasps to get the wrapping off, hissing as pain moves through my hands. Meeting his gaze when he looks up at me, I guess trying to see if I was okay, so I just nod again. He gets it off and I wrinkle my nose, my fingers were bruised, my wrist slightly swollen.

“It’s just bruised… nothing is broken.” I say, “… would probably be better by now if that asshole…” I start, then stop thinking about my fight from yesterday. It felt like it was years ago.

Ethan’s hand slowly moves over my swollen hand, “I’ll wrap it.” He looks up towards me, making me look him right in the eyes. The blues and browns moving around my face, God, what was he doing me.

“Sure.”

I move to sit down heavily and he kicks his bag to the floor so he could sit next to me. Knelt on the bench at my side, forcing me to move my leg over the bench so I was straddling it, facing him. He smiles gently before going to work on wrapping up my hand, thankfully mostly everyone was already out in the gym at this point. Leaving us alone. Once he is done he sits there holding my hand between his hands, before moving his legs out from under himself to also straddle the bench, touching our knees.

My eyes falls to his thighs, seeing them flex under his jeans. 

“I should get dressed… I mean I could wear this, but…” Ethan chuckles as he holds my wrapped hand in of his as the other moves to motion to himself, “… might be a little uncomfortable.”

“No one is stopping you.” I says lowly, sitting back and pulling my hand out of his grasps so I could rest it on my own lap. 

He springs up out of his seated position to grab his book bag, yanking it open before dropping back onto the bench. His hand automatically going to the back of his shirt so he could pull it off over his head, and I feel my breath hitch in my throat. His slim lean torso comes into view, dotted with beauty marks and little scars. He had abs, shit. I didn’t realize he was actually in shape, I sort of just assumed he was just skinny. 

“What?” 

Ethan questions, leaning over to rifle through his book bag. My eyes falling to the curve of his back, and the way his muscle flex as he moves. My eyes trailing down to his hip where his jeans were riding a little low, swallowing when I realize that I was just staring at his ass. 

Fuck.

“Mark?” 

My head turns to look at his face, seeing he was looking at me now his brows furrowed with confusion. Pushing up to stand straight as he moves his gymnastics shirt between his hands. I look away from him as I push myself up to stand, clearing my throat, feeling his eyes burning holes into me.

“Why don’t…” I stop and turn to Ethan, seeing him looking at me still, “… we just, get out of here?”

He furrows his brows and steps into me, still shirtless, his hands grabbing at the shirt in his hands. I look down, letting out a breath, not sure the hell I was doing. But I needed to get out here, I needed to get him out my system. 

“Where would we go?” Ethan questions, watching me closely, I can see it, just out of sight. I shrug at his question, not sure what to say, my head was a mess.

“Anywhere.” I finally get out, looking back at him, seeing he was smiling now. The sight of it made my chest tighten up.

“Okay.” 

He turns to toss his shirt back into his bag before grabbing up his other shirt to pull back over his head. I watch him for a minute, realizing this was actually happening right now. I turn then and grab my bag from the gym locker, not bothering to change out of my tank top and shorts. I pull it on and turn back to him, grabbing at his arm with my good hand, so I could pull him along with me as I head for the exit. 

Getting us out of the school was easy, it’s after school, so no one was going to stop us. Mostly everyone was already where they needed to be, so no one was around to see us jogging for the front door. My hand still wrapped around his sim wrist, hearing him giggle when he stumbles over his own feet. I look back at him as I push through the doors and get us outside. Letting his wrist go so I could wrap my arm around his waist lifting him from ground as I jog down the steps.

“Jesus, MARK!” 

Ethan yells, hands grabbing at my shoulders and head as I move. I laugh at him, as he whines and squirms in my hold. Once off the last step I drop him down, leaving my arm wrapped around him as I walk us off the schools grounds. He just leans into me, one of his arms around my middle as the other grab the front of my tank top. 

I feel that weight lifted off my shoulders once we’re away from the school, just out of sight so no one could see us anymore.

“Where are…” Ethan starts, pulling me to a stop, making me turn to face him as my arm was still wrapped around his shoulders. He breaths once he realizes how close we were, like this morning.

“My house… my mom should be at work for a while longer, I can sneak you in.” I say, joking and he smiles at me. His eyes falling to my chest for a moment, nodding before he looks back up at me.

“Okay.”

“Okay.” 

I say back, tugging him along again, both of us still wrapped around each other as we made our way to my house.


	5. Ice Cream : Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's finally the weekend, and boys get some time together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I suck at chapter summaries but, I just want all the CUTE right now, plus I wrote too much so I have to split it into two parts XD

Ethan POV

The weekend comes faster than I thought, a week in this school, with Mark. I feel happy for the first time in a long time and I just want to see him again. Thankfully Tyler is off and had agreed to come with me to see Mark and Bob, and Wade. I think a few other people are going to hang out too, but I don’t really care about that, I just wanted to see Mark. After that day of hanging out in his house, he’s been different, he was almost soft. The way he looked at me sometimes, it scared me, I just never knew what he wanted from me. Or what he was thinking, but my heart moved so fast in my chest every time he did.

I pull on my shirt before I push around my hair, unable to stop smiling. Jumping up onto my bed to pull on my shoes. Just to jump off and grab my phone and wallet. Taking the stairs two at a time down to the front door, wanting to head outside to wait for Tyler on the front steps. My parents were working today so I don’t’ have to worry about bumping into them on the way out. I lock the door behind me then drop down to sit on the top step, my arms wrapped around my knees as I wait. 

When his car pulls up I nearly leap from my spot, jumping down the stairs and running to his car. He gets the door open for me so I could climb in, settling in the passengers seat I lean over to hug Tyler before sitting back. He laughs at me, 

“Someone is excited.” He comments and I nod happily, pulling the seat belt over my chest, bouncing slightly with excitement.

“Yeah, it’s… been a while since I got to hang out with… friends.” I say, leaning head back in the seat as I look over at him. He nods, his hair is brushed nice and he is wearing his glasses today, which I had no idea he even wore. 

“And I’m surprised you let yourself have a day off!” I reach over to pat his arm before pulling back, my eyes now looking out the windshield. My hands falling to my lap, fingers tapping together before rubbing along the blue denim of my jeans. 

“We’ll you asked me to go so… I figured it couldn’t’ hurt.” I see Tyler look at he out the corner of my eye and I’m not sure what he means but, I’m happy he was getting out.

“Yeah, you deserve a day off!” I say then, feeling my heart flutter a little when I noticed Bob’s car off in the distance. Parked outside the little playground area that was on the side of he road next to the bowling alley.

I sit up now, leaning froward in my seat, my arm on my lap as my head turns and my eyes search for Mark. I spot him, sitting on top of the monkey bars, laughing down at Bob who was standing under him. I smile, but it drops a bit when I notice it wasn’t just them, but some girls. I knew Amy and her friend Katherine, but I didn’t know the third girl. Her blonde hair is pulled back as she talks with Wade by the benches. I didn’t realize they were going to be here too. I feel my anxiety spiking up as I remember Mark talking with Amy a few times, though I guess he would, she was gorgeous. And so sweet, she was even sweet to me any time we bumped into each other.

“Ethan, come on.” Tyler opens my door and I didn’t even realize that the car had come to a stop or that he parked. I look up at him with confusion before assessing the situation, quickly unbuckling and stumbling out of his car.

“Sorry!” 

I mumble at him as we fall into step side by side, approaching the group that was waiting for us. My eyes are on Mark, and he seems to have finally noticed me too. His legs swinging where he sat, his dark hair is tussled from the wind and he looks amazing. I couldn’t help but smile and wave at him before coming to a full stop to greet Bob. I know he is watching me, I feel his eyes on me, I feel my face go red. 

Tyler had walked over to greet Wade and the girl he was talking too. Leaving just the three of us by the monkey bars.

“Hey, Bob!” I wave at him and he smiles down at me.

“Well, I’m glad Mark actually remembered to invite you.” Bob looks up to Mark, giving him a look, so I look up and see Mark roll his eyes at Bob.

“Yeah, he did, I um, hope you don’t mind I invited Tyler.” I offer, looking back to Bob who shakes his head.

“Tyler is cool, and Wade invited the girls so, I guess this day was bound to get crowed.” He shrugs then and monitions to the girl next to Wade, “Don’t tell anyone but he has a crush on, Molly.” He offers in a hushed amused tone.

“It’s not like he’d ever do anything about it.” Mark cuts in, and I look back up at him. He’s looking at me, was he looking at me the whole time? I thought he would have looked away by now, I move to push hair from my face, having to looking away from him.

Did I have a crush on Mark? Maybe. But I wasn’t even sure if he liked me half the time, there was no way I could bring it up to him. Besides, it’s been a damn week, I can’t… crush on him. They were my only friends here and I couldn’t mess that up.

“She has a crush on him too, I’m sure they’ll figure it out.” Bob says, leaning on the pole of the monkey bars now. 

I bite at my lower lip and look back up at Mark, he’s still looking at me, until I look at him and he looks away. I smile at him, moving away from Bob so I could reach up and grab the monkey bars now, pulling myself up easily to climb up on top where Mark was sitting. He looks at me, almost as if he were impressed.

“Hey.”

He nods, “Hey.”

“I had fun, the other day, thanks for inviting me.” I say in soft tone, swinging my legs as I lean on my hands, which are holding the top of the monkey bars. 

“Yeah, well, Bob would have been pissed if I didn’t.” He says not looking at me now, he’s looking off at the others talking between themselves.

So I take a moment to stare at him, his skin is sun kissed and his eyes up close are more a brown than a black and he looks stressed. I wonder if that is my fault, then again he always seemed to look that way. Maybe that was why it was so easy for him to explode, the way he just flipped when those kids said something stupid, or when the other guy walked into him. I don’t know why he feels the need to try and fight everyone. I don’t know why he relaxes when I touch him, or hug him, but I am happy for it. If it means that I can stop him from hurting everyone, or himself.

“That the only reason?” I ask, watching him look at me then look away, a little frown on his lips as he tries to think of something to say.

“Why’d you bring, Tyler?” He then asks me, avoiding my question. I look away from him to where he was looking and noticed Bob had made his way over to the rest of the group to get involved with the conversation. 

Leaving me and Mark here.

I lean forward a little more, letting my eyes fall to the ground. Seeing the ripped black mat, the bits of sand and dirt that is pressed over the ground. I frown, licking at my lower lip before I nibble on it in thought.

“He’s my friend.” I finally say, and Mark huffs a breath, almost smiling, but not a real smile. It was almost mocking.

“That the only reason?”

He micks my previous question and looks back at me now, his brown eyes are warm but searching for something. I don’t know what he wants me to say to that, I don’t know why he seems so serious about me inviting someone to come with me, since I didn’t want to be alone and I talked with Tyler more than them, even Mark. I stare back at him, pressing my lips together as I shift closer to him, my head tilted to keep his gaze. Watching him sit back, his eyes still staring at me

“I asked him to come because he’s my friend…” I say again, “… that’s it.”

Did he actually care about that? He had to, why else would he ask, right? Was he jealous of Tyler? No, no way he was. But maybe, considering how his feature soften up and even a small smile tugs up over his lips at my words. Maybe he was. I smile back at him, wanting to lean over and put my head on his shoulder, or if I were really brave… I could kiss him. Not that, that would ever happen. It wouldn’t be a good idea either way, though, just thinking about it should be fine.

“I’m glad you came.” 

I blink at his words, feeling my cheeks heat up. My smile widening over my teeth and I try to hide it but when I do I just let out a soft giggle. Having to press my fingers over my lips to try and stop it from being too loud. Mark smiles at me in an almost fond, kind of way, but I am sure I am imagining it. 

Wishful thinking and all that.

“Me too.”

\--

Things were going well, me and Mark made our way off the monkey bars and joined the others. We all were able to talk and joke around with each other, and it was nice. To be around laughing people and sitting next to Mark without feeling as if they were all just staring at us, we were just us and I was okay. That was until it started to downpour, causing everyone scramble around, trying to take cover under bowling alley’s awning. I was between Mark and Tyler, and Bob was between Amy and Kathrine, Wade and Molly behind them and we are all laughing.

They start to talk about leaving or heading into the bowling alley and Tyler says something about needing to get home soon. He looks at me and I blink at him, leaning a bit into Mark, I didn’t want to leave yet. Mark seems to have picked up on that, since he tells Tyler that he would have Bob take me home and that he could leave. I feel bad, I see the way Tyler’s face drops and I feel like I should just leave with him, but I wanted to stay with Mark. I also didn’t want to go home to an empty house.

“I’m sorry…” 

I say to Tyler who nods and leans in to hug me before he runs from the group to his car. I look over my shoulder and I watch him leave, he finds my gaze when he is behind the wheel and I wave at him. He looks upset, but waves back at me before pulling off. I frown, until I feel Mark’s arm around my shoulders, and I turn back to the group to see what they were talking about.

“Yeah, we’re not too far from my place.” Mark offers, though I don’t know what he means by it. So I look to Bob and Wade to see what they were saying.

“We could meet up tomorrow, actually go bowling?” Bob says to the girls and Wade who all agree for the most part. I agree as well, knowing I could get the money from my parents by tomorrow so I could join them.

We all exchange numbers before the girls head off with Wade and Bob to his car. I turn to Mark, seeing him watch them all leave before he pulls me along, his arm dropping from my shoulders just to grab at my wet shirt.

“C’mon, we’ll get a little wet but…” 

He shrugs and starts to jog away from me, I take a minute before I am jogging after him. He shoves my shoulder when I find a pace next to him and he takes off running faster, I huff and slide one the wet ground before gathering myself and running after him. My abs start to hurt, along with my calves and hips but I push through it. I’m laughing and so is he, and we’re getting closer to his house. I can see it, and I just desperately want to get there and dry off, I feel my hair matted to my forehead and my shirt was clinging to my chest, my jeans a dark blue now from where the rain soaked in.

I slide to stop when Mark does, breathing hard, my hands come down to my knees. Hunched over as I try to breathe, suddenly no longer caring I was getting soaked. I can barely look up when I feel Mark’s hands on me pulling me back up, dragging me to the front door to get us inside. 

Inside the place is empty, I am surprised his brother doesn’t even seem to be around. I wipe my wet feet on the carpet by the front door before stepping inside, shivering a little, even though it was warm outside the rain had brought a cool enough breeze in to make me feel cold. 

“I think… I should go home, I’m really wet…” I move to wrap my arms around myself as I step to the side, trying to keep my teeth from chattering. 

Mark had already turned to closed the front door behind us, so I have a feeling it was ‘no’ on me going home. Not that I was going to complain, I didn’t really want to go home, but I didn’t want to get him in trouble either.

“I got a dryer, and you can borrow a pair of my sweats or whatever.” He says, motioning upstairs before placing his hand on my lower back, guiding me to the stairs so we could head up. I nibble at my lower lip and press my fingers into my arms as another shiver passes through me.

Up in his room I look around as if something would have changed in the last few days since I had been here. Well, there was a few more of what I assume are empty soda cans on his computer desk. I try not to move around too much, not wanting to drip on his floor, while he was trying to get me a pair of sweats and one of his t-shirts. 

“Here…” He sets down a laundry basket at my feet, “… you can get changed and put your clothes in there.” He motions, still in his wet clothes.

“What about you?” I ask, already grabbing for my wet shirt to pull it off, over my head, letting it fall into the basket with an gross plopping kind of sound. 

“I’ll change after you…” He says, his eyes now on my bare chest which makes my face flush, “…. uh, and the dry clothes?” He points to the little pile of clothes that are resting on his bed. I look to them and step out of my shoes to get my socks off.

“They might be a little big…” 

He starts, his words trailing off and I take a peak up to find he is still looking at me. It makes me pause for a short moment as I unroll my socks to toss them into the basket at out feet. My hands fall to my jeans my fingers flick at the button on them as I suddenly don’t’ know if I could get them off with him staring at me.

“Mark, I think it would be less weird if… we were both getting… undressed.” I offer and he seems to snap out of some daze he was in. Coughing and stepping back as he looks away from me now.

“I… uh.”

He licks at his lips and pushes back wet hair from his forehead before he moves to take his shirt off. It is my turn to watch him now. Seeing his pale, but slightly tanned chest come into view. He is toned, and wide, which made him look just solid, I sigh at the sight of it. I want to run my hands over his broad chest and down over his tight stomach. I turn away from him when I think that, feeling my face go hot. Shaky hands moving to push my jeans down and off my legs. Tossing them in before I turn to grab the dry clothes.

I pull on the sweats first, feeling they were a little baggy and a little long, but they were dry and soft. I pull the shirt on and adjust my wet hair out of my face, making sure I did not look back at him as he finished changing. My hands fall from my hair to the shirt, it was baggy and worn out, but warm and smelled like Mark. I dip my head down for a moment as I touched at it, my head turning back when I hear him walking away. Seeing the basket was gone, I turn finally and move to sit on the edge of his bed. 

Pulling my legs up I cross them and wait for him to come back, my eyes wondering around his room again. It was so different from mine, but also kind of the same. It just felt so much like him and I liked it better than being in my own room. Probably because my room didn’t feel like my room yet and this would have been the first day since we got here that I was in it all day, I couldn’t do that. I would just start thinking again, about home, my old home. My old friends, classes, town… which was all great until I thought about what happened, why we had to move.

I swallow and wipe at my face, trying to shake off my thoughts. Not realizing until I blinked that my eyes were tearing up, though I would blame it on them just being dry. Nothing else.

“You okay?”

Mark questions coming back into his room, in a tank top and gray sweats. I smile at him and nod.

“So, what do you want to do now?” I ask, changing the subject for now, my hands patting at my legs as I waited for him to say something. 

He looks me over before motioning to his TV, “You still want to play some games?” 

Though it seems he already made up his mind, as he moves now to crouch down to turn on his PS4, grabbing two controllers while he is down there. Standing back up he connects the controllers and jumps up onto the bed. I grab at it as it dips under his weight, pushing back so I didn’t fall off of it. He just dumps the controller into my lap and I smile at him, my hands going to grab it as I settle. Realizing that he was sitting right next to me, so close his elbows bumped me every time he moved around to press buttons on the controller.

My hair was a little damp still but, otherwise I was cozy here next to him. His clothes were so warm and comfortable, and I just wanted to stay here forever. I know I shouldn’t think like that, he was just trying to be nice, maybe I finally wore him down? Either way, I knew I was on thin ice with him and I didn’t want to ruin things between us. So thinking about how much I really just wanted to lay down in his bed with him holding me, making me feel safe, warm. Was such a bad idea.

“Ethan?” 

Mark touches my knee to get my attention, and I look up at him through watery eyes. When did I start crying? I sniff and rub at my face, trying to smile as he just looks at me. His features tugged up into concern.

“Sorry, I just…” I shake my head and run my hand up through my hair before letting it drop down to my lap. “… lets play.” I pick up the controller, looking towards the TV.

“Did I do something wrong?” He questions in serious tone, and I whip my head to the side,

“N- no!” 

I start, swallowing back the other words that wanted to spill from my mouth. This was so stupid, I was so, stupid. This wasn’t how friends acted with each other, I was fucking it up. I can feel my lips quiver and I pray so hard that the tears won’t come again.

But they do and his hand comes up to cup the side of my face, my lips part slowly as he does. My head turning to press my face lightly in his palm, as his thumb wipes away, what I assume are the tears on my cheek. His hand is big, rough, it makes me shiver without meaning to. I close my eyes because I can’t stand to look at him anymore, so sacred he would get upset at me at any second.

Then I feel him on my lips, his thump passing just under my lower one making them twitch again. Making them part a little further. My breath hitching as I squeeze my eyes closed, too scared to see what he was doing, probably just trying to get a reaction out of me, so he could make fun of me. Then I feel his thumb pressing further into my mouth, resting right on top of my lip, the tip of his thumb touching my lower teeth. 

I don’t stop him, I just sit there for a moment before my lips close around his thumb. My eyes finally flickering open to look at him, his face is flushed, and he had leaned in closer to me. I swallow instinctively around his thumb as a tear slips over my cheek again. He watches me before removing his thumb from my mouth, my breath picking up as my heart seems to jump in my chest.

“I want to try something… close your eyes.” Mark’s voice is deeper than normal when he speaks to me. I want to say no, I want to run from this bed, knowing this wouldn’t end well. 

But I don’t.

My eyes close, feeling his hand shift up over my face, moving further back so his fingers were partly wrapped around the back of my neck. His thumb sweeping over my wet cheek again as I am pulled forward. My hands gripping the controller so hard, they begin to shake.

“Mark…?” I whisper, worried that nothing has happened yet, my brows furrowing with concern when he doesn’t respond.

Then it happens, I feel his lips pressing between mine, over mine and all I can do is close mine around his. My hand darting up to grab at his shoulder, fingers digging into his him as I gently push him away. My body had simply jerked on its own, my shoulders raising up with fear. When a beat passes and my brain seems to understand he wasn’t trying to hurt me, my hand relaxes and I press into the kiss. He tilts his head and presses harder into the kiss, making our mouths move together, once twice, three times. My face is so hot, my body shifting around unsure of what to do with itself.

Mark pulls back then, his hand dropping from my face and I jerk back when my body tries to follow him. My eyes blinking open to look at him again, his breathing is elevated as he looks back at me. I watch his tongue lick over his lips as he sits back, his hands going to grab his controller again.

“You feel better?” He questions, his face is hard to read as it shifts to something almost neutral.

“Ye- yeah…” I nod, not sure what else to say, since it was the truth. I felt my eyes had dried up, and my mood was just better, confused but better. I didn’t feel like crying anymore, I wanted to him to kiss me again.

“Good, lets play.”

He looks back to the TV and starts sorting through the menus for the game he picked for us to play. I stare at him stunned, I felt so confused, but warm and my lips could still feel his over mine. My heart was still pitter-pattering in my chest and I do not understand how he could look so calm.

I let out nervous chuckle, looking him over before shaking myself.

“I hope you’re ready to get destroyed.” I say, looking back to the TV now, but I could see him look at me out the corner of my eye. 

He looks shocked, but then he smiles.

“I got top.” He finally says and I scuff at him.

“You wish.”

\--  
[ next day ]

“Well you’re the gymnast , do some gymnast stuff.” 

Mark yells at me from where he is sitting on the bench. I roll my eyes at him, as I lift myself up onto the Monkey bars again. Tyler, Bob and Wade were looking at me now, waiting for the girls to get here so we could go bowling like we planned yesterday. Though if I were being honestly I was too tired to do anything, after yesterday at Mark’s place I didn’t sleep much. I kept replaying the kiss over and over and over. I had no clue why he did it or why we didn’t talk about it, it was almost like the hugs. It happened, it was over, then it was like it never happened.

And of course we didn’t talk about it, not even a mention. I was too scared, I don’t know what his excuse was.

“There’s not… much space to do anything here.” I motion, legs swinging off the side as I sat on top of them again. Mark crosses his arms over his chest, his brow raising before he speaks.

“Sounds like excuses. You probably can’t even do anything… you’re fraud!” Mark laughs, looking absolutely proud of himself. I think he’s joking but part of me is hurt that he thinks that, then again he never got to see me in action.

I look down at the Monkey bars, there really was not much space. It was for children after all, so it made sense. I consider doing something, but what?

“Don’t let him talk you into doing anything stupid.” Tyler says, making me look up to see him coming over to me. I smile at him, settling back, “He just likes to get a rise out of people.” 

I look up towards Mark, he looks angry, but in the way you look when trying to hold it all in. His lips in a frown, his hands curled and his eyes almost look as if he were shooting daggers at Tyler. I wonder if he is jealous, no, of course not. I lick at my lips and look back down to Tyler, smiling still, my hands coming up to adjust the beanie that he wore. Just because it was a little crooked and definitively not because I wanted some kind of reaction out of Mark.

“Don’t worry I won’t.” I watch Tyler smile up at me, his large hand coming up to pat my knee before resting there. I let him. Forcing my eyes to remain on him, no looking up at Mark to see what he was doing, to see if he was watching us.

“I uh, I talked to the couch for Gymnastics, you didn’t show?” Tyler questions, which helps me to focus on that and not Mark. I lean forward a bit, my head dipping down nervously as I gripped the monkey bars a little harder.

“Yeah, I…. I just didn’t have the time recently… um, and since I won’t be put on this year I figured…” I shrug, my eyes falling to my jeans, “… it was no big deal. Were they mad? Am I not allowed…” 

I start, my eyes darting up now with worry, maybe running off with Mark those times wasn’t the best idea. I wanted to practice, even if my parents didn’t want me too, even if I wasn’t going to be put on until next year. What if I ruined that for good?

“Don’t worry… I talked to them already. They came to me since I introduced you, I told them you were still, figuring things out. You’ve been here only a few days at that point so, they said that you are free to come in once you settled in more.” Tyler nods, and I couldn’t help the genuine, wide, smile that pulls over my lips.

“You didn’t… oh!” My hands come up again, patting his head happily, “… you didn’t have to do that.” I say softly, honestly stunned he would do that for me like that. I knew Tyler was a sweet guy, and that we were friend but, still. 

“I know. But you get so excited when you talk about it.” Tyler shrugs, both of his arms moving now to rest on my thighs, looking up at me with that half smile. The one I was sure drove many girls and guys crazy.

“Thank you, I’ll have to make it up to you.” I say gently, meaning it, I wanted to do something nice for him, but I soon regret those words when I notice his change. Smiling wider at me now, his cheeks flushing. Oh.

“Well, maybe when I have some more free time, we can go out. There’s this cool, uh, ice cream shop in town. It looks old fashioned and they even serve food and bring it to you on roller skates. We could go together.” Tyler’s voice is so hopeful that I am stunned for a second, was he asking me out on a date? Tyler? Perfect, Tyler? What.

“I…. uh, s- sure.” Finally the words stumble out of my throat and I can feel my smile drop. My face surely red now and I suddenly don’t’ want to look at him anymore.

“Hey, lover boys, the girls are here.” Bob calls out tossing something our way but I miss it, finally looking up to see Amy, Katherine and Molly coming towards us, holding drinks and laughing.

I am thankful for the distraction, “We’ll talk about it more later.” Tyler suggest and I just nod at him, not sure what else to do.

He seems okay with it, moving to walk away to greet the girls along with Wade and Bob. Mark isn’t there, my heart skips as I look around for him. I spot him still sitting on the benches, he’s staring intently at the ground, his arms still over his broad chest. He almost looks like he is shaking, maybe I let it go too far. I just wanted him to react, I didn’t mean for him to get THAT mad about it.

I blink a few times when the girls come over to say hi, and I paint on a smile to greet them. They all start moving towards the bowling alley and I am about to jump down when Bob’s hand comes to my knee, stopping me. I look up at him and he is frowning, motioning over his shoulder at Mark, who was still sitting there.

“Talk to him.” He nods, then just walks off like I knew what that meant. Why the hell would Mark want me to talk to him? He probably would just punch me out.

I swallow, looking back to Mark to see he was leaned forward, resting his arms on his legs. His head dipped, causing his dark hair to fall over his eyes, which worries me since it meant I couldn’t see his face. I take a breath before jumping down from the monkey bars, taking a step towards him before I stop. Nervously my hands press over each other, fingers pinching and squeezing at each other so I wouldn’t bring my nails to my mouth. 

Another beat passes before I walk over to him, pausing right in front of him, my feet shifting around nervously. Maybe I should just leave him to cool off for a minute. 

“Hey, you okay?”

Mark rolls his shoulders but doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t even move to look up at me, it was as if I wasn’t even there. My feet shift again, and I reach out my hand slowly to touch at his hair as I spoke,

“Mark? Are…”

I stop when he slaps my hand away from him, looking up at me now.

“Don’t touch… me.” 

He says and I take a breath, I remember the hallway with those assholes. He calmed down when I touched him, but those times it wasn’t me who pissed him off. What if it didn’t work this time and I just fuck it up. I reach out again but he grabs my wrist before I could touch his head, I smile at him. 

“Would‘a back flip make you feel better?” I ask him and his face suddenly shifts from annoyance to shock, then confusion. I smile a little wider at him, not expecting such a reaction, I just assumed he would tell me fuck off or something.

“You wanted me to do some… Gymnastic stuff. Right?” I shrug, feeling his hold on my wrist loosen up just a little as he sits back against the bench.

“You can’t… do a back flip.” Mark shakes his head as he speaks, not believing me. 

“Well, give me back my hand and I can make you look like a fool.” I say, holding up my hand best I could as Mark was still gripping my wrist. He furrows his brows, eyes narrowing just a little bit as he seems to consider it.

Finally he lets go of my wrist and I step to the side, moving away from him. My face is already red, I can’t believe I’m doing this, to what? Impress him? Cheer him up? Well, here goes nothing. I look back and find a good place away from the bench where I would have enough space. I feel Mark’s eyes on me the whole time and I really fucking hope it didn’t mess me up. 

I take a breath and squat a bit before pushing up and forcing my body back as I tuck in my leg before straightening them out and landing on my feet. I bounce a little when I do land, lifting my hands up over my head, a happy smile on my face as I turn to look at him. Really happy I didn’t fall right on my face.

“See!” 

His face is priceless, his lips parted and his head shaking slightly side to side as if he were genuinely confused. At least there is no visible anger anymore, that alone was worth it. 

“I can do front flips too! And cartwheels and all that! I’m very flexible!” My voice is a little higher as I was excited, my heart beating a little faster from not only the action but his reaction. 

“You… no, you just, got lucky.” He squints his eyes again, motioning to me as if he were trying to talk convince himself he did not see what he just saw. 

I shake my head I jump up onto the bench next to him and backflip off of it, bouncing once more as my feet hit the black mat on the ground. My hands going to my hips as I huff a breath at him, but also to blow some of my hair out of my face.

“Believe me now?”

“Look, no one likes a show off, okay?” He rolls his eyes, letting out a fake cough as he looks away from me. I giggle at him, knowing he liked it.

I side step and move to sit next to him, “If you didn’t get me to skip so much you could have gotten’ to see what I can really do. I might be a little rusty, but, I won Regionals once.” I let out a laugh at my own words, leaning forward on my legs, letting my hands run through my hair.

God, I was pathetic. But at least Mark was laughing too.

I look up towards him to see him smiling at me, still slightly laughing. His brown eyes almost seem warm in a way, maybe it was just the sun hitting them. I don’t think I’ve seen him smile like that before, and it was because of me. It makes my chest tighten up before an explosion of tingles rush over my body. My own smile big and happy looking back at him.

“What were you and Tyler talking about?” Mark suddenly asks, his eyes moving over my face. It was a little unsettling because he was still smiling. 

I blink at him, leaning back.

“He was just saying that he talked to the Gymnastics coach about me not showing up…” I am not sure how much I should really say, “… he got them to let me try out again.” I smile a little, still so excited about that.

He looks me over still, his lips pressed together as if he were trying figure me out. Did he think I was lying to him? Why would I? I raise my brow at him, my own arms moving to cross over my chest now.

“AND he asked me out to get ice cream with him.” I go on, pushing him a little now that he was in a better mood. Still not really sure what I expected from all of this but, here I was, doing it anyway.

“Like… just the two of you?” Mark tilts his head, his brows coming together a little more. So I nod at him, trying to look as smug as I could.

“Yep.” I nod, stretching out my legs as I slide down some in my seat, “I think he likes me.” I go on to say, looking away from Mark. My teeth coming down to nibble on my lower lip now, my fingers pressing into my sides.

“But you’re not gay.” 

Mark chimes in and my face twitches as I turn to look at him, a little dumbfounded that he would say that. More so considering he was the one that kissed me yesterday. I wonder for a second if he was joking, but he seems to want an answer from me. I stare at him for a moment, a frown touching my lips as I look away from him.

“No… I’m not…” I press my lips together, “… I think I’m… bisexual.”

I hear Mark choke , making me look at him to see he is faced away from me, the side of his neck and part of his cheek looks red. I furrow my brows at him, waiting for him to turn back. When he does, I see him shift away from me, just a little, it was almost unnoticed. I noticed it, and it hurt.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” I question, my tone low and angry. More so than I was used to, I did not like to feel angry, I wanted to just push this all away so we could be cool again.

He doesn’t respond, just looks at me and I hate it, I needed to leave. So I drop my arms and push up from the bench, 

“Whatever, let’s get inside, they are probably waiting for us.” I say, already turning on my heel to head into the bowling alley.

I was stopped by Mark’s hand on my wrist, I turn back expecting the worst. Waiting for him to yell or hit me or say something about not wanting to be friends anymore. What he does say is oddly not what I was expecting at all.

“Let’s get some ice-cream.” 

I blink at him, “Wh- what?”

He is moving to stand up, walking backwards, “C’mon.” He turns and starts to pull me after him, I look back at the bowling alley where they were.

“Mark… they…” I start, stumbling over the playground mat before finding my balance, walking after him. His hold on my wrist is strong, I don’t know if I could get away if I wanted to.

“Don’t worry, we’ll see them tomorrow, and I’ll text Bob to make up some excuse.” He says over his shoulder, and I wonder how long he was thinking about this. How did he already have a plan, why did he want to get ice-cream all of a sudden?

I decide to not look into it too much, instead I jog up to walk beside him. Accepting that this was what we were doing now, my heart thudding so fast in my chest, and that sense of euphoria from running away with him again was there. It made me feel light, excited, worried, alive. I haven’t felt like that in so long.

I step closer to him, his hand is still wrapped securely around my wrist. It would seem he was not about to let go any time soon, not that I was going to complain. But I wonder if he could feel my quickened heartbeat from where his fingers are pressed to my wrist. 

I hope he does.


	6. Ice Cream : Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's just ice cream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brah, this is so late, but I ended up writing and editing, then rewriting this chapter three times. I'm happy I'm finally content with it, and can post it!

Mark POV

I don’t know what I’m doing, that’s been my life for the last week. With Ethan around, my mind was a mess of thoughts, conflicting between what I want and what I know I shouldn’t want. I kissed him, I fucking kissed him and he kissed me back and we didn’t talk about it. And I was fine with it, until I saw him with Tyler. The way Tyler touched him, making Ethan smile, it made me feel weird, it made me angry. I wanted to get up and just punch him right in his stupid face, grab Ethan from the monkey bars and just run away with him. Which is kind of what I did, aside from the punching thing, though it wasn’t completely off table yet. 

I wanted to make Ethan look at me like that, I wanted to horde all his smiles and hugs and… 

Stop. I can’t want that.

Shit, if anyone knew that I liked another boy like that, they’d give me hell. Not just me, but Ethan too, I was pretty confident I could take it. I wasn’t so sure he could, the boy was emotional to a degree that I never really seen before. He was jumpy even, constantly looking like he was ready to be yelled at or hit for something. I have no idea how or if he could handle something like that, or what I would be willing to do to protect him.

But not only that, I’m not gay, I don’t… why then, did I feel like I did around Ethan? I never met someone who made me feel both relaxed and so fucking stressed out. 

When he came to my house to play games the first time, we just ended up talking about things. It just felt so normal, calm, I wanted him there and I was sad when he left. Being around him was easy at times, in a way that confused me. He was annoying sure, even down right frustrating, but damn did I love it.

I have no idea what made him different to all the other guys and girls at school. Closest I ever got to maybe liking someone was Amy, I had an on and off crush on her since we were kids. And I don’t know if it was just me or the fact that her best friend didn’t like me much, but we never quite went the next step.

Then Ethan came out of left field and it caught me off guard.

He seemed too good to be true, sometimes I wondered if I just made him up to deal with being alone. Even though I wanted it that way, I wasn’t interested in dating, or a girlfriend. I was happy to just play games and hang out with my friends, lose myself to wrestling and band and just have fun. 

I sometimes wondered if I was really happy like that, or if I was just scared of the anger inside me. It was always there, swirling and waiting for anything to set it into motion. Bob, and Wade are my best friends and I’ve even blown up on them, I always felt awful but, it happened and I hated it. I hated myself for it, how could I be so weak to let it take over. 

What would happen if I did that to someone I loved?

“Hey, Mark!” 

Ethan’s voice breaks my thoughts, my eyes blinking to see him leaned across the table of the booth were sitting in. His face is smiling, snapping his fingers to get my attention, just inches from my face. I was confused until I noticed the ice cream we ordered was here, sitting on the table between us. Looking back up from the table I notice just how close Ethan was to me, my eyes following down his body to see he is sat up on his knees. I swear that boy was never taught how to properly sit. I smile at that thought.

“Yeah, yeah.” I huff, bringing my own hand up to swat his hand from my face, leaning froward as I try to shake off my thoughts. 

“Oh! Finally! I was calling for like five minutes.” 

Ethan says sitting back on his legs, his hands on the table as he looks at me. His face is bright, tinted pink, his hair swooped to the side but messy. I could see where his shirt clings to his chest and arms, the little shimmer of his bracelet. The way his jeans hugged his thighs, and hips, partly visible from where his shirt was bunched up. Why did he have to wear jeans like that? Why couldn’t he just wear normal baggy boy jeans? I can feel my face flush at the thought. At least he had some style I guess, I practically lived in sweats or shorts.

“I’m here now… and so is the ice cream.” I say finally, realizing I was just siting there staring at him. 

My gaze drops quickly, my hand coming up to grab the slim spoon off the table. Admittedly a little too aggressively.

I almost forgotten we were here to be honest. My mind was dead set on just getting here and somehow one-uping Tyler. I don’t know what that even means, I wasn’t even sure why I cared what Tyler and Ethan did. As far as I knew they were just friends, and if he did mean to take Ethan here as some kind of date, well… what did it matter. 

What did matter, was that I got to bring him here first… no, wait, this isn’t a date. 

No, none of it mattered. Shut up.

Obviously it did matter, or we wouldn’t be here in this particular ice cream shop, we should be back at the bowling alley with everyone else. My phone was on silent, too scared to hear the flood of messages that might come. We ditched them. Who cares though, we could see them at school. Right?

“I can’t believe they really do the rollerskating thing here.” Ethan’s voice cuts through my thoughts again.

I look up to see him looking around. Spooning some ice cream into his mouth, his free arm is resting on the table. He looked so innocent, eyes wide and curious, his head moving to watch one of the waitresses skate by our table. God, he was cute.

“Yeah, I think this is the only place like this left.” I offer, reaching over with my spoon to scoop up some vanilla. 

I cringe a bit at the sudden sound of metal hitting teeth, looking up to see Ethan was the culprit. His head is turned to the side, his fingers aimlessly tapping his spoon against his front teeth, in what I assume is thought. My face scrunches up in reaction too it, I wonder if that hurts or if he even noticed that he is doing it. Sometimes I seriously wonder if he thinks at all.

I bring my spoon of ice cream up to my mouth just as he turns to look at me. His own spoon falling from his mouth automatically, as if he were shaken from some kind of trance. He must have seen my face, though I can’t see it, I am sure there was a look displeasure on it.

“Sorry.” His cheeks flush over, and I so very close to rolling my eyes at him, but I don’t. 

I just sit there enjoying the colors in his eyes, the way his shoulders curved, sometimes he was attractive, and not just cute. 

I groan at myself.

He leans over the table again, keeping eye contact with me for the most part. Only glancing down to make his selection before scooping it up with his spoon, slowly bringing it into his mouth, his eyes locked on mine once again. I feel my own lips fall apart as I watch him. Ice cream drips off the bottom of the spoon, so his tongue darts out first to lick over it. Guiding the spoon further into his mouth before his soft, pink lips wrap around the handle part, holding it there for a second too long. He’s still leaned close to me, so I can see every motion of his tongue moving around behind his cheeks, as he pulls the spoon from between his lips. Not stopping until it was fully out and he is waving it around slowly as he enjoyed the cold treat.

I watch the way he licks the bits that were left behind on his lips and the corner of his mouth. Without thinking I lick at my own lips, before I realize how stupid I look and I drop my gaze. Taking in a deep breath, my face grows hot with tingles that travel down my neck and somehow over my ribs and hips. It was weird, but nice, and it makes me shift around in my seat so I could make it stop.

Leaning forward myself now, I feel his eyes on me, we’re closer than two people should be while sitting across from each other in a booth. I spoon out more ice cream to distract myself, bring it to my mouth and shoving it in quickly. Maybe it would cool be down, or something. I work it around and nearly choke on it, my eyes betraying me as they dart up to look at Ethan when he giggles.

Of course he is smiling at me, the round back part of the thin spoon pressed to his slightly reddened lips. His hazel eyes almost look gray, shimmering under the fluorescent lights and I hate it. 

I want him to look at me forever.

“What?” I question, my brows coming together. My tone far too defensive for something so damn simple, he was just eating ice cream, there was nothing else to it.

“Nothing, this is just nice.” He offers a shrug, still leaned forward smiling at me. I want to shove him back over to his side, we were way too close.

My gaze moves around us, most kids from our school had not made it here yet, and the adults with their kids do not seem to even notice we were here. It helped to ease my mind, my shoulders relaxing, when did they get so tense? I look back to Ethan who was moving around some sliced banana bits before he scoops it up with some ice cream and brings it to his mouth. I watch his lips wrap around the spoon again, slowly pulling it from between them, I swear he was doing this on purpose.

My eyes distracted when his free hand goes up to mess with his brown hair, only to drop back to the table with a little slapping sound. His fingers tapping to an unknown beat.

I shift in my seat and wonder if this was a bad idea.

“You know, we might be able to make it back to the bowling alley when we’re done.” Ethan says, tapping his spoon on the metal bowl the ice cream was served in. 

“Nah, I had Bob cover for us… so…” I wasn’t sure what Bob actually said, since I had not looked at my phone yet, “… so it’s for the best that we don’t go back.”

“Then, what are we going to do after this?” He questions, head tilting up so his eyes could scan my face, his tongue sliding over his lower lip. Leaving a soft shine of spit behind, which makes my lips suddenly feel dry.

I shrug, “I don’t know.” Because I didn’t know, I barely thought this far ahead. Actually if I could stop thinking for like five minutes that would be a blessing.

Ethan presses his lips together, sticking them out as his brows come together and press down. He looked a little disappointed by the answer, but it was the only one I had. He looks down at his spoon as he once more moves around the ice cream and bits of sliced fruit, not even bothering to eat any of it. 

I frown at him, moving my spoon back to the bowl to hit his spoon, making the a loud clank of our spoons vibrate in the silence between us. Ethan automatically grins, still looking down as he slaps his spoon against mine.

Which starts up a little fight, both of us just hitting the other spoon, or pushing, trying force the other back away from the melting ice cream. To which Ethan flicks his spoon up and grunts, causing ice cream to fly up and hit both of them in the face. A loud giggle, that turns into chuckle, erupts from Ethan’s mouth and I jerk back. I’d never heard Ethan laugh so hard, and why did it make me start to laugh? Both of us falling into a small fit of laughter, that echos through out the ice cream parlor.

“Um, excuse me…” 

I press my hand over my mouth , looking up to the girl who had spoken. She is slowly shifting side to side on her skates, her blonde hair pulled back into a pony tail. She wasn’t the one who served us, actually she seemed be our age? I could have sworn I seen her around school, somewhere. Her brown eyes settle on me, her features pulled together with worry, I grab up a napkin to wipe at my face as she starts to speak.

“... you guys are being too loud, and we’ll have to ask you to leave if you can’t settle down…” She doesn’t seem to want to tell us this, but she had to I'm sure. 

“Sorry, ‘bout that.” I say, giving her a wide, charming smile to be polite.

“Hey, wait. You’re in band right?” She questions, a smile now pulling up over her red lipstick stained lips. I furrow my brows at her at first, not expecting that kind of question.

“Uh, yeah.” I nod, watching her smile widen, until she was showing some teeth. Her eyes light up and I hate how she is looking at me, what was that? Excitement? Ugh.

“I’ve seen you out on the field at school…” She starts, shifting her stance, “… I never got to say ‘hi’, since you always just run off when practice is over.”

“You’re not in band, right?” I honestly couldn't place her, I don’t know if I want to.

“No, no. I’m on track. I sometimes see you out there when we have to use the football field to run.” She waves her hand and laughs.

“Oh, right. Yeah, I think I’ve seen you out there.” I say, though I don’t quite remember. I just wanted the conversation to be over, I know it sounds mean but I wasn’t interested in some random girl from track. 

I was here with Ethan.

“I…”

She starts to say something but she’s waved down by another table.

“I’ll see you at school then.” She nods, then skates away, tucking some hair behind her ear as she looks back at me.

I shake my head, turning back to Ethan, I am about to say something to him but I stop. His face had fallen, just sat there on his legs, eyes fixed on the table. His spoon pressed between his lips. I can’t tell if he just zoned out or if he was upset.

“Ethan?” I call out to him, which seems to snap him out of it. 

Blinking rapidity a few times, all but yanking the spoon from his lips, his eyes dart up then back down, so he didn’t have to look at me. His lips turning down into a soft frown, I watch his throat flex as he thickly swallows. 

What the hell is happening?

“Are you okay?” I hated that look, what did I do wrong? Was it me?

I watch him lick at his lips, his eyes finally coming up to meet mine. His bright eyes are glassy like he wants to cry. Why? What the fuck?

“Yeah, I’m okay.” Ethan gives me a half smile, his head tilting, his bright eyes still focused on me like I was the most important person in the room. I actually feel my breath hitch, but I swallow it back and shift in my seat to ignore it.

What the hell, why is he doing this to me?

I go back to the ice cream, shoving it into my mouth so I wouldn’t have to say anything else. I feel his eyes on me, a soft chuckle coming from his side of the table. I peak up to see him smiling at me, and I almost smile back. 

“You want the cherry?” 

Ethan then asks, making me look up at him fully. Seeing he was already half leaned over the table, much closer to my side than before. His fingers grabbing for the cherry that was currently sliding down the side of the melted mountains of cold sugar. I feel my face go hot, my mouth slowly working the ice cream in my mouth, trying to swallow it back. Unable to speak, I shrug, I didn’t care either way. 

But I couldn’t take my eyes off of him.

He leans his head back and brings the cherry down so his lips could wrap around it. I shift in my seat again, watching him suck it into his mouth, lips pressing down so he could pull off the steam. His head tilts down and his eyes find my gaze, I want to look away but I can’t. He smiles, slowly chewing.

“I hate you.” I finally let out, no bite to my words. Honestly I don’t even know why it came out of me, maybe the build up of everything that was going on. All his teasing and that girl, why couldn’t he just act normal?

Ethan sits back slowly, a frown touching his lips. Making me quickly regret saying it, I wasn’t even sure if I meant it. No, I didn’t, right? I don’t know. Even if I didn’t mean it, Ethan didn’t know that. But if I take it back, what would he think? Would he know that I liked him? No.

“Oh, yeah?” Ethan says, his tone snappy and rough, moving to drop his spoon on the table. I watch it bounce with a clank before going still, my eyes soon trailing back up to Ethan’s face.

“Then why did you bring me here, mister?” Ethan’s face shifts into annoyance then a pout, his arms crossing over his chest. I lick at my lips and sit back, not about to play into his little tantrum.

“It’s just ice cream.” I offer, shrugging as if I didn’t really care that we were here, together.

His eyes search my face before softening, “Then, then… it will just be ice cream with Tyler. At least he likes me.” Ethan huffs and sits up suddenly moving to crawl off the seat.

My heart skips, my hands balling into fists instantly at the utter of Tyler’s name. God, why did it rile me up so much? I never had a problem with Tyler before. Not until Ethan. My teeth clench, my eyes watching him stand up, pausing to look at me as if he expected me to do something. I don’t move, I just glare at him, my hands shaking a little. My injured one flexes in pain, I ignore it.

“Whatever.” 

He finally says when I don’t do or say anything, turning to walk off with another huff. I hear his feet hit the ground hard as he does. My head slightly turns to look at him, seeing him shove his way out the front door. Making the stupid jiggle from the bell on top chime. My leg starts to bounce, and I try to focus on breathing through my nose. Why is he acting that way? What did he want from me? No, he doesn’t get to just walk off.

I push myself from the seat tossing the spoon on the table before going after him. Out on the street I look up and down, spotting him a few feet ahead, my body automatically shifts to a sprint and I catch up with him in no time. My hand reaches out to grab his arm, whipping him around, making a pained squeaking sound leave him. He stumbles over his own feet, falling towards my chest, having to catch himself my pressing his hands against me.

“What the hell.. Mark?!” Ethan pushes off me, but I don’t let go of his arm so he can’t get too far.

“You just gonna’ leave like that?” I grunt out in a harsh tone, which makes him flinch. His eyes widening in the way they did when he was scared, the way he looked at me any time we were too close and I seemed mad at him. His lips part to say something but I cut him off,

“What do you fucking want from me?” I question, wanting an answer, he had to know. He had to know what was wrong with me, he had too.

I watch Ethan shift his feet, “I don’t know… I just wanted us to be… I thought we were…” He paused, his gaze falling to the ground.

“Spit it out? What?” I shake his arm a bit and he brings his hands up to grab my arm, trying to stop me, it works. I feel his fingers dig into my skin and I sigh, my grip loosening without thinking about it.

“Wh- what do you want?” Ethan shoots back, not bothering to answer my question, “What do you want from ME!?” 

I blink at him, I don’t know what to say. He was supposed to have the answers, why, what is happening to me? A week, it’s just been a week, how could I like him so much? This wasn’t normal was it? I didn’t even like guys, or anyone. 

“Mark.”

I blink again, looking down at his soft features, the curve of his nose. The way his colorful eyes stare back at me, pleading, but for what? Did he need me to understand something, or did he just want to understand just a bad I do. I step into him, my mind still rushing, my hand still gripping his arm hard enough to bruise. I tilt my head down to hover over him, he doesn’t stop me. His free hand coming up to grab at my shirt, his eyes are wide still, quickly filling with tears.

They fall over his red cheeks when he blinks at me, sniffing hard before he presses his face into my chest. I let out a breath, letting go of his arm I for a moment to lift my hands off him completely before they fall down. Hesitation clear, but I push through it, my hands resting on the middle of his back, the other on the back of his head. Holding him as he curls against me, sniffing louder this time, causing his body to rock gently. His fingers digging into my sides, tugging at my shirt again.

I lower my head near his, lips hovering over his shoulder.

“Let’s… go to my house.”

\--

The walk to my place was silent, our shoulders bump here and there but neither of us seem to know what to say. All the anger had slipped from me when he leaned in to rest against me, leaving me tired an confused. Thankfully though, my mom was at work and Thomas seemed to be out, so I could lead him up to my room without having to say anything. Once inside I lock the door, ignoring my mothers voice in my head telling me not to.

I turn to see him pulling off his shoes before he climbs onto my bed, sitting cross-legged near the end. Following suit, I kick away my shoes and climb onto the bed as well, my back facing the pillows that rested against the headboard. I see him biting at his lips, fingers poking and pressing over his jeans, then socks. I don’t want to say anything, but he seems to know I’m looking at him, his head slowly turning up to look at me. I try to smile, but it’s weak, only half turned up.

I don’t want to think anymore.

Ethan parts his lips like he might say something, but instead his tongue darts out to lick at them. His hands moving to his sides so he could lift himself up and forward, shuffling closer to me so our knees were now touching. I sigh at the contact, it's almost a relief. When I don’t tell him to stop or move away, his hands slide over the bed for a moment before coming up to touch his fingertips at my knee. Testing the waters I assume, considering how he’s looking at me, his breathing a little uneven and his eyes wide. 

I don’t stop him.

So his hands go flat, sending a soft shock through my legs. The touch was so gentle and full of care, when have I ever let someone touch me like this? Even something so simple, I shied away from it. Yet now, I am letting his run his hands up from my knees, over my thighs. The touch slightly muted by the sweats that I wore, I almost wish they weren't on. I don’t know if I could handle that much skin to skin contact right now though.

His hands then move up to run over my forearms, which were resting on my legs. His index finger traces the veins that were there, something I didn’t really have control over. The rough part of his thumb pressing over a light beauty mark that he found. My hands turn over careful not to disturb him much, cupping the undersides of his arms, just holding not gripping. A small sound leaves through Ethan’s nose. His hands go further up, making him have to shuffle up from his seated position to his knees. 

The palm of his hands pressing into the insides of my elbows so he could adjust himself. I have to lean back as he was hovering over me, his legs coming together, snuffing forward so he could sit back on them. My hands let go of his arms to grab his shirt, tugging to keep him from sitting back completely. He makes a small confused sound, his hands letting go of me to quickly adjust his grip, fingers digging into my biceps now. Stopping himself from falling forward. 

I look up at him as our noses touch, he takes a breath, it feels like he’s stealing the air right from my lungs. I tug harder at his shirt, wanting more of that, trying to get him to understand without words what I want. He seems to catch on, spreading his legs and shuffling awkwardly into my lap. Slowly sitting himself down, my hands letting go of his shirt to grab his sides, he gasps so sweetly. The pressure of his hands on my shoulders, spark tingles up the back of my neck. Nibble fingers soon teasing at my throat, trailing up and behind to thread through my shaggy hair. I feel a sense of calm that I'm not used to, every part of me relaxed under him. Even my injured hand barely throbs in pain, it's like my soul is content with being touched like this. 

Our noses bump again, forcing my head to tilt with want, our lips a breath away from meeting. I think back to the kiss I gave him the other day. He was suprised, tensed up like I would hurt him. I didn't want to hurt him, I wanted to ease his pain. Just how he eased my anger so many times before. When he had relaxed enough to press back into it, I didn't want to stop, I would have melted into him for hours. It scared me, so I pulled away before I lost control of myself. Thinking about it after that night I felt a swell of heat in the pit of my stomach, like something was trying to surface. All I could do was push it back down, shove it away like I always did.

My breath hitched at the brush of our lips, his eyes still open to make sure it was okay. Lips parting to speak but I nod to keep them in his mouth, 'yes, Kiss me' I silently urge him. He seems to understand, or maybe he was just tired of waiting.

Pressing our lips together in the sweetest way, no moving just lingering. My lips closing around his as my eyes fall closed, that pit of heat forming once more within me. Like the soft crackle of camp fire trying grasp at anything around to bring it to life. So delicate, small, a good breeze could snuff it out without any effort. It was terrifying. 

I want more of it.

I part my lips to find a new perch against his, he follows my lead, pressing my top lip between his own warm ones. Holding me there for a few second only to repeat the action again. Each time was slow, both of us trying to figure out where we belong, then deciding it wasn't enough. His fingers still rake through my hair, blunt nails scraping along my scalp. My hands gripping his ribs hard enough to feel them extend every time he took a deep breath. Heat of exhales leaves a misty kind of dew in the air around us, making my brow break out in a small sweat. 

We barely knew each other, yet I feel I've known him my whole life. Maybe all these years I was waiting for him to find me, then again, what were the chances that he would have moved here of all places. What happened to him at his old school? Was that why they moved? The way he acted seemed so off, the way he flinched that day I cornered in him the empty class. Was he hurt at his old school? His parents seemed nice enough, if not protective. So it couldn't have been them, right?

A soft sound echos out my throat hard enough to shake my mind. The feeling of his wet tongue gliding over my bottom lip felt like electricity was shot through my face. I pull back with a gasp, eyes blinking open partly to look at him. His face is flushed, the color in eyes eaten up by the black. 

I don't know if I'm ready for that, I've never used tongue, hell I barely made out with anyone before. A peak here and there as a kid hardly counted. He doesn't push for it though, resting our foreheads together, untangling a hand from my hair to touch my cheek and chin. 

Sighing I shift us forward, before laying on my back. I pull him down with me, his head finding a space on my shoulder, close to my neck. Our legs untangle just to curl around each other again, my arm around his shoulders, his hand on my chest. Slotting against my side like he was meant to be there.

I want to stay here forever.


	7. Thunderstorm : Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soft angst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah, didn't think I could get this out so fast. I've been thinking about doing shorter chapters to get them out quicker. idk yet. I just need things to be as gradual as possible before we find out the back story to with Ethan's old school.

Ethan POV

I don't want to go to school today, my mind and body are tired in a way I can't explain. I was sure I had enough sleep, all I did yesterday was eat ice cream and lay around with Mark. Until he ushered me out of his house when his mother was about to get home, that is. He had walked me to my house, it was as silent as the walk from the ice cream shop to his house previously. I didn't know what to say, so I figured saying nothing would be for the best. It felt better that way, rather than us just asking questions neither of us were sure even had answers yet.

Honestly, I don't think either of knew what was happening between us, I still just wanted to be his friend. But friends don't kiss, friends don't cuddle for hours after ditching their other friends to hang out with each other. 

I sigh, leaning back in Tyler's passengers seat, fingers tapping against my legs. Trying hard to keep my eyes open, watching the houses fly by us. He didn't seem to be in the mood to talk, which I was grateful for. I just hoped he wasn't angry with me for yesterday, we spoke briefly about the lie Bob made up for me and Mark. Not daring to let the ice cream bit spill from my mouth like it wanted too. He seemed to understand, at least he didn't question me about it. It was a simple enough lie, I started feeling sick so Mark took me home. Simple, believable. 

I turn to look at him, he wearing his glasses today since his contacts were bothering him. It didn't take away from how handsome he is. Tall, built, sharp angled facial features that made him look like he stepped right of an American Eagle ad. His eyes hooded, but a striking shade of blue. I think if I hadn't met Mark, I'd drool over him like everyone else from school seemed to. 

He turns to look at me when he stops at a light, a curious look on his features. A quick smile turning up his lips, he always looked nicer when he smiled. I feel my face heat up and I have to look away, I want to apologize but instead my thumb comes up to my mouth so I could nibble on the nail.

The car starts to move again, allowing me time to calm down before our school came into view. My heart skips at the sight, eyes darting around to try and find Mark among the sea of other kids. Sitting up and forward, I spot him when Tyler pulls into the parking lot. He’s stood there between Bob, Wade and Amy. She's laughing and touching at his arm, he's laughing at something she said. I shift around, suddenly deflated, a cold shiver racks my body. 

I really didn't want to go to school today.

I jump when Tyler opens my door, I hadn't even realized he had gotten out on the first place. I look up at him with a frown, soon unbuckling and sliding out of his car. He stands close to me when I lean over and grab my book bag from where it was resting by my feet for car ride. His hand coming to touch at my hip, I jump under his touch, craning my neck back to look up at him.

"You okay? Still not feeling good?" His concern is apparent, sweet even.

"Not really." I shrug on my book bag, sort of half stepping away from his hand on my hip. Using the need to get his car door closed as a silent excuse to do so.

"If it gets worse, you should go to the nurse. She'll be able to write you a excuse slip to take the day off." He offers in a kind tone, his hand dropping from me.

I give him a half smile, "I will, thanks."

We turn together heading towards the school, angled to pass right by Mark and them. I shake myself and wave when we are close enough, they all wave back except for Mark. He barely looks up at me as we come to a stop to give out our 'hellos' and 'good-mornings'. Both Amy and Wade asking if I felt better, I lie and say 'yeah', trying to put excitement behind it.

"I'm sure he's fine, just gotta' hope, Mark didn't catch any cooties." Bob let's out a laugh as he leans over to shove Mark's arm.

I couldn't help but chuckle as well, hoping it would distract from the flush I felt move over my cheeks. Mark looks mortified for a few seconds before rubbing a meaty hand over his face and grumbling. When it falls he just looks angry, I felt a twinge of something attack my heart. 

"Hey! You sayin' I got cooties?" I chime in, swatting my hand towards Bob, who gives me 'I would never' kind of look.

"Your words not mine." 

Amy, Wade and Tyler let out a soft murmur of chuckles, Mark only glances up at me with a knowing look. I hold his gaze for a moment, lost in the deep colors of his eyes, seeing his hair swept over his tanned forehead. Lips dusted in a darker shade of pink, I think about how they felt pressed over mine. Soft, scared, urgent, presses of soft slightly chapped flesh. Meeting me kiss for kiss. 

A big hand comes down on my shoulder making me jump, my head snapping up to look at Tyler who was saying something. My mind is slow process any of it, I just stare at his lips move. His hand is heavy on my back, burning my skin under my button up shirt. 

"Yeah, ha ha, let's go."

Before I could figure out who spoke, a different hand is on my arm, a familiar grip. My eyes dart to Mark as he starts pulling me along, for a second I wonder where we were going, forgetting we were in front of school. 

I swear I even heard Bob mutter an 'oh no', as everyone else trails behind us. Once we’re up the stairs and through the front doors, I tug my arm a bit, head dipped so I could look at Mark's face. His forehead is creased, lips presses into an angry line. 

I don't know what to say, I could hear the group behind us chatting between the yells and different genres of music played out by other students phones. It’s overwhelming to my senses and I feel the urge to try and shut it out. My free hand comes up to cup my ear, head dipping down towards Mark, as a pathetic sound pushes out of me.

"Mark..."

My breathing had picked up, my eyes squeezing shut, leaving him to guide me. My stupid feet tripping over themselves. The hand on my arm tightens, a solid form pushing up against me. Shouted words make me jump, my fingers curling around my ear, scratching at the sensitive skin there. I move as fast as Mark can drag me, to where, I don't know.

I swear I could feel the syllables of the words let out around me vibrate my skin. My head is rushing with no practical thought, I just want all the noise to stop. Just, stop! I can’t take it.

Silence. 

Complete silence for a few seconds before a low thumping of a heart beat begins to sound in my ears. Hands on my face, rough, prodding, try to lift my head from where I had tucked it down near my chest. 

"Breathe."

A simple command, my lips part and a rush of air floods my lungs so rapidly I feel dizzy. Was I holding my breath? I don't know, but it feels too good to stop. Taking in deep uneven breaths, forcing them back out so hard I choke. The hand on my face falls to my chest, rubbing thick fingers up and down the middle of my sternum. 

"Look at me." 

My eyes automatically blink open, tears rolling down over my cheeks. I have to blink again to clear them enough to see Mark's worried face. 

"I'm... o- okay." I stutter out, my hands reaching back to feel the cool metal of whatever I leaned against. 

"What was that?"

Oh no, I must have looked so stupid. I must have scared him and probably everyone else, how could I show my face around any of them again? I couldn't, I tell them. Shifting my body slowly, I lower myself to sit on the floor, realizing then we were in the gyms locker room. Mark follows me down, squatting close to me. I felt so drained, I want to just curl up and go to sleep for days, maybe even weeks if I could. I haven't had one of those attacks in so long, I almost forgot how much they took out of me. 

Mark pushes his hand through my hair making me flinch under his touch, my head tilting away. I didn't want to be touched, but also I did. I sigh, sniffing hard to hold myself together. A new wave of panic and fear spreads out through me like an after shock. My palms grow sweaty, so I rub them over my jeans, lifting my legs to bring them to my chest. New tears cloud my vision, my head light, the room spinning fast enough to make me nauseous. 

"I-- I want... I want t-- to go home." I choke out a half sob, wanting to keep it in. My hand grabbing for my phone. Taping hard to get to my mom's contact, but my thumb hovers over the call button. 

I couldn't tell her about this, she'd have to leave work, she'd be so worried. I was doing better, they moved states so I could be better. There was no way I could allow myself to ruin things anymore.

Mark is still hovering close, I can feel his warmth near me. Glancing up for a second I could tell he didn’t know what to do, most people didn’t. His hand had fallen from my hair to rest on my knee, thick finger gripping and slightly rubbing. Almost as if he was trying to soothe me, but also like he was unsure if he should. God, he must think I'm a freak. I try to shake the thoughts, dropping my phone onto my lap with a whimper. My hands going up into my hair, tussling it more than it already was, tugging at it to punish myself for being so stupid.

"Eth..." Mark grunts, I feel his hand move from my knee to one of my arms, trying to pull it down. To stop me from pulling too hard, I guess.

I resist at first, but eventually I can’t help giving into him. My arms dropping, my head tilting up to look at him properly for the first time since we got here. His face is soft, like it was when I was kissing him yesterday. Relief floods through me, tiring out my already spent body, my hands reaching out to grab his shirt in response. Shifting to my knees, ignoring the thud of my phone falling from my lap. Leaning in, wanting a hug, I just needed to feel something other than anxiety. 

His arms open up as I try to shuffle between his legs, as he was still in a squat. I'm nearly there, just and inch or two from collapsing into his arms when a voice calls out to us,

"Locker rooms not for making out."

We both jerk back from each other, Mark letting out an instinctive, "Fuck you." Over his shoulder as I let him go, retreating back against the lockers.   
I didn't even realize I still had my book bag on, not until my books dig harshly into my spine. I bite my lip to keep from making any sound. My fingers flexing as I grab my phone and move to stand up, Mark following suit.

"I bet you'd like that." The guy retorts, with a nasty grin on his lips.

I see mark tense up immediately, I don’t want him to fucking hulk on some guy again. I want to touch him, calm him down, my hand even lifts to do so. But before I could, Mark is talking,

"Say one more thing, and I'll shove my fist so far down your throat it'll come out your asshole." 

I blink, knowing this is not the time to find humor in his threat, so I force down the smile that peaks up at the corners of my lips. 

"Ohh, he's definitely the one taking it up the ass." The guy seems unbothered by what Mark says, his finger pointing at me. The action makes me fell a little nauseous, my face burning hot.

"You fu--"

Mark doesn't complete his sentence, charging the guy in seconds. His uninjured hand curling into a fist that he winds back, throwing a quick punch which connects with the guys jaw. Hands grabbing the guys shirt to keep him from falling over, slamming him back against the wall behind him. The impact hard enough to make thumping sound. 

Shit, shit, shit.

I sprint over to him grabbing for his arm that was pulled back for another punch, but he just shakes me off. His leg coming up now as if he was going to stomp the guy out, who was currently curled up on the floor with his hands up to protect himself. So I wrap my arms around his middle and yank him back best I could with knocking us both other. The guy has enough time to shuffle backwards along the ground away from us. Mark cursing nonsense at him as we step back, his hands on my arms trying and pry them off of him.

"Jesus, I was joking." The guy whimpers holding his face.

"Just, leave!" I shout at him from behind Mark, who spits out 'don't you fucking leave'.

The guy scrambles to his feet and runs off, Mark's body pulls me forward as he tries to chase after him. I grunt, holding him tight. Making sure I heard the door to the locker room slam shut. My arms loosens in time for Mark to turn around, his hands grabbing my shoulders shoving me back. Not expecting the action, my arms fall away from him and I end up tripping over my own feet. Hitting the ground hard enough to make my ass ache instantly. I look up at him from the ground with wide eyes.

He looks unhinged, his eyes wide, burning with hatred. His hands are both balled up now, shaking as if he was holding back from hitting me next. I slide back, panic filling my chest, scared he was actually going to do it. Even as his face softens, I shuffle back until I could find good enough leverage to pull myself back to my feet. 

"Ethan... I didn't...mean..." He tries to get out, but it's too late. 

My feet hit the floor hard as I sprint away from him, ignoring my name being called out. I rush through a bunch of other students who were starting to flood into the locker room. I get a few curses and shoves but I don’t care, I don’t stop. Sucking in air so hard into my lungs they begin to burn from the strain of it. I keep going, down the halls and out the back door. 

Falling on my hands and knees hard as soon as I get through it, my palms hitting then scraping along the hard ground. I could almost feel the tiny rocks and bits of glass digging into my skin. I am distracted from the thought of it by the intense throb in my knees, I bite back a groan. Pushing back to my feet, I try to wipe my hands on my jeans but as soon as it so much as brushes the thick fabric my hands begin to burn. An instant flash of pain that dissolves into a soft throb, allowing me to ignore it enough to start walking forward again.

My shaking legs give up on me as I hit the bleachers just before the football field, falling over again. My sore fingers digging into the hard ground to keep me going. Crawling as deep as I can before my body gives out as well, leaving me flat on the half grass, half packed dirt ground, my cheek resting on the dirt. I try not to focus on it, I just needed to fill my lungs, calm down. 

Just calm down.

A few minutes of just laying on my stomach boneless, my mind starts to wonder. Thinking back to hiding here one my first days at the school, seeing Mark walk out with his band class. Seeing how he looked under the sun, his hair swaying effortless in the light breeze. The way his dark eyes spotted me when no one else did, then helped me get back inside so I wouldn’t get caught. He didn’t even know me really, but he did it and I couldn’t haven even more grateful at the time.

I think about him. I think about the way he looked at me yesterday, how he looks at me any time I touch him. How his bulky body simultaneously tenses and relaxes when I am near him or looking at him. The curve of his lips when he smiles, how deep and heavy his voice was when he laughed. The way he held onto me when he kissed, like he was sacred I would suddenly not exist anymore.

My breathing slows, my hands stinging with pain. I needed to go home, I can't take anymore today. I huff out, sending a cloud of dirt swirling away from my face.

“Ethan?”

“Mark?” I question, lifting my head to look back seeing, Tyler.

He’s crouched at the end of the bleachers, he has on his shoulder stabilizer for football, holding his jersey in his hand. His curls tussled from what I assume was his helmet, though he doesn't have it on right now. His brows are knitted together with confusion,

”What, uh, what you doing there buddy?” He questions, making me groan and drop my head back down onto the dirt.

“Wishing for death…” I say back at him, sure a little dramatic but I just don’t feel good and I don’t want to talk, I want to go to sleep. 

I wanted Mark. How stupid, I was the one that ran away from him.

There is a grunt following the rattling of the metal supports and I have to look back to see what was going on. Seeing Tyler’s far to large form crawling under the bleachers towards me, I have to roll onto my side so he could lay next to me. On his back he huffs, patting down the collarbone plate on his shoulder stabilizer so it wouldn’t suffocate him. He’s looking straight up for a long moment before his head turns to look at me. 

“What’s going on? You’ve been acting weird since I picked you up. Then Mark grabbed you up and pulled you into school… then you two disappeared… now you’re here.” Tyler frowns at me, his eyes are so kind and it breaks my heart that he cared so much.

“I was having a panic attack, I think. He was… trying to help.” I tell him softly, even if it’s not the full truth.

Thinking back to when he shoved me so hard I fell over, the sheer animalistic rage in his eyes, creasing every part of his sculpted face, making it ugly. Deep down, I don’t think he meant it, but it scared me. It felt like he could do anything to me in that moment and not even realize it. On top of it happen right after an attack, it sent my mind and body into overdrive.

“How are you feeling now?” He looks like he wants to say more, maybe ask why I had a panic attack. I couldn’t tell him that, I didn’t even want to think about it.

“Like shit… I hurt all over and…” I sigh out heavily, “… I can barely move.”

He nods, “Why don’t we get you to the nurse and get you that home pass, yeah?” His hand comes up towards me, holding it out to me a few inches from my face. I don’t really know what it means, but if it was anything close to leaving this school, I was down.

Lifting my hand slowly, I wince when I lay it in his bigger one. He quickly furrows his brows and turns my hand over to show angry red, bleeding scrapes that were caked up with dirt. His bright eyes dart back up to mine in surprise, and all I can really muster is a half shrug.

“Uh, maybe I should… just take you home.” He offers, concern once more sweeping over his face.

“Like, skip school?” I raise my brow at him, my voice coming out a bit hoarse.

“Yeah, kind of, I’ll talk to my coach and he’ll cover for me.”

Of course, everyone loved Tyler at this school, I don’t know what else I expected. He was probably their star player, God, why did he have to be so perfect? Why couldn’t I have fallen for him? 

“Okay.”

He curls his fingers around my hand, I grit my teeth through the sting of pain. I do my best to sit up and move after him, still holding onto his hand. And I must say it is very comical to see a six foot something guy with a shoulder stabilizer on trying to smoothly crawl out from under bleachers. If I had the strength I might have let out a laugh.

Finally out he groans, holding his back with his free hand and motioning with our joined hands to the actual seats of the bleachers.

“Uh, sit there, I’ll be right back.”

Leading me over I climb up to sit, my hands palm up resting on my thighs as I look them over. Some of the skin around the small thin cuts were bruised, this was going to hurt later. I could also feel the throb of my ass cheek and my knees from falling over, from being shoved. A low sound leaves my lips, a mix of a groan and whimper as I lean over my hands. Pressing my fingertips into my eyes for a few seconds, nearly doubled over myself.

The sound of multiple feet crushing the ground next to me makes my head dart up. Temporarily blinded by the sun from having my finger tips pressed over my eyelids, I finally blink through it see a group of kids walking past carrying instruments.

Oh, instruments.

I leaning up some, look back over my shoulder to see Mark busy talking to someone at the end of the group. My hands flex before I look around, I needed an exit, I had to go now! This was not right time to see him again, I would another time when I was stable.

I dart up, my legs wobble to the point I think I might fall over. Though I don’t, finding my footing I start up a quick jog. Heading down the bleachers away from where Mark would have to walk past. My foot steps are far to heavy for a sneak away situations, it makes a loud thump-clank sound each time my sneakers hit the structure below my feet. Which was not made for jog, I will tell you that. And definitely not for running, yet there I go.

I’m running too fast, my head it spinning too fast.

“Ethan!” 

Tyler’s voice calls for me, he’s jogging along with me, though he’s still on solid ground. His hands coming up in a ‘what the hell are you doing’ motion, and I don’t know honestly. I slow to a stop at the opposite end of this section of bleachers, my hands coming down to grab the hand-trail that separated the stairs.

“Fuck!” I curse loudly, pulling my hands away as they throb even harder. I swear I could feel the dirt under my skin now. 

Staring down at my hands, I don’t notice Tyler coming up the stairs two at a time to get up to me. Not until he is hovering close, my head turns so I could look up at him before I fall against his chest. His arms are quick to wrap around me to keep us both stable, thankfully he took the shoulder stabilizer off.

“C’mon, let’s get you out of here.”

He keeps one arm wrapped around shoulders so he could turn and lead us down the stairs. I glance up to look for Mark, seeing he was staring at us, I hope he didn’t see me seeing him. Slumping my shoulders to make myself smaller so I could hide behind Tyler best I could, letting him drag me off the field. 

I must have looked so stupid running away from him, honestly I wasn’t all that mad at him anymore. I was more embarrassed with myself for acting like a fool in front of him, twice. The fear had even worn off, I was just tired now. I wanted to face him again when I had my head on, not when it felt like I was falling apart every time I blinked. 

\--

“This is going to hurt.” Tyler’s smooth voice warns me just before he wipes an alcohol pad over the scrapes on my palm. 

I let out a quick breath of surprise anyway, my fingers flexing to try and close my hands before I could stop them. He paused for a second before continuing on, my teeth sink into my tongue and I squeeze my eyes shut. My leg moving to a slow bounce to try to distract myself.

“Alright, first hand done.”

My eyes fly open, “First hand?!”

I look down to see my left hand was angry, deep reds and purples covering the whole part of my palm just around my thumb. Little dots of blood start to rise unevenly along the little lines of cuts. Tyler quickly covered it up with a large dressing kind of band-aid, it covers the scrapes completely. My hands were already washed off with water, so I pray that it didn’t get infected.

“Ready for the next one?”

“No.”

I shake my head, but bite the inside of my cheek as I prepare for the new alcohol pad to start running over my right palm. It seems to go by faster than the first, or maybe I just blacked out in the middle of it. That sounds more realistic.

"All done." 

Letting out a breath I was holding, I blink my eyes open to look at Tyler. His fingers are still gently pressing at the edges of the band-aid to make sure it stays, his other hand under mine holding it on the table. His kitchen table to exact, since I didn't want to go home in case my parents got home early. I was not ready emotionally ready for that hypothetical lecture. Tyler, had actually called his own mom to let her know he was home, though I'm not sure if he told her that he had company. I couldn't imagine calling up my mom to tell her something like that, than again I'm sure, Tyler's mom doesn't have to worry her son was going to have another nervous break down.

"So, do you want to just hang around here until school hours are over?" He asks, slowly sliding his hand over to lay on mine. My hand engulfed between both of his, his bright eyes searching my face for something I can’t give him.

"Actually... could I nap? I'm just so, so tired." 

"Sure." He gives me a soft smile.

And with that he leads me up to his room, it's spacious with a large bed. Everything was neat, aside from a pile of football gear in the corner. His TV is mounted on the wall across from his bed, which had to be king size one. His computer is by the window which is across from the door, a large window draped in nice burgundy curtains. It looked a lot more mature than one would expect a high schooler’s room to be. Mine was packed with things and Mark's was rather simplistic, but still looked more lived in if that made sense. Then again with everything on Tyler's plate, I'm sure he doesn't spend as much time here like the rest of us.

Stepping out of my shoes, I head straight for his bed, climbing up is a bit difficult since it sat on a high box spring. But once I am up I all but collapse onto my side in the middle, breathing out heavily as my face sinks into his pillows. My mind ready to shut off any second. I barely noticed him climbing in as well, the bed dipping as he lays behind me, his arm falling over my waist. I don’t have it in me to care about it.

My eyes fall closed, a few minutes? Seconds? Before blissful darkness washes over me.

\--

When I stirred my body felt light, like I was floating, it makes me wonder if I was even awake. My hands grasping blindly at something solid, was I even in bed anymore? Grunting, I try to roll over only to realize there is no over to get to. My eyes have to pry themselves open enough to see what was happening but all I see is, Tyler. He not laying down, he's, carrying me?

"Ty-- what?"

"I have to get you home, it's okay. You can sleep in the car." He offers, cool air hitting my cheek as we get outside. Which makes my body instinctively curl up against his solid chest, trying to hide my face.

I don’t question it, I just let my eyes fall closed. That blackness from before washes over me quickly.

\--

The second time I wake it is a lot easier than the first time. My eyes open first to see passing street lights beyond the closed window. The sky is a orangey-red hue beyond those lights, it floods the car each time the clouds break. My head turns away from the window to see Tyler behind the wheel, a vague memory surfacing of him telling me he was going to get me home. He looks concentrated, his curls wild and his shirt wrinkled. He must have felt me staring,considering how he turns to look at when he comes to a stop sign.

"You're almost home." He confirms and I pull myself up slowly, one hand rubbing at my eyes. 

"Thanks." I yawn out, stretching my arms over my head, running my thumbs over the soft material on the roof of his car. Dropping them down with a huff as I look back out at the road.

"For the car ride?" He jokes making a turn down my street.

"Yeah, but for also, uh... taking care of me." I didn't know what I would have done without him.

Probably pass out under the bleachers only to be found by a teacher and humiliate myself even more. I already did a good enough job on that end with Mark. I didn't need the whole school thinking I was a weirdo, not on my second week anyway. My own jokes my makes my chest ache.

"I don’t mind." He shrugs, slowly pulling to a stop in front of my house.

I turn to look at it, all the lights are off, which was strange. At least they weren't just waiting for me to get back so they could scolding me as soon as I stepped through the door. In their defense, I don’t think they would do that. It would be quiet, slow, that worried look filling their tired eyes as they try to figure out if I was okay. Sometimes I did wish they would just yell at me. Instead of treating me like I was glass that might break any second.

I didn't even know if the school notified them that I never made it to any classes. Skipping one was risky, but a whole day? They would probably start asking questions, I didn't want to answer.

"Shit, I'm probably in so much trouble." I look back to Tyler as I speak, my hands in my lap pinching at my jeans nervously. 

"I could come in, talk to them. I'm sure they'll understand." Tyler tries to offer, but I am already shaking my head ‘no’. Reaching out to stop him from unbuckling his seat-belt.

"No, no... you've done enough..." I insist, sitting back heavily, "... I don’t deserve it."

He smiles, reaching over to rest his hand on my shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze. I smile back at him, it was nice to know someone was there for me, maybe at another time I could talk him about my old school. 

"Ethan, it's going to be okay. Whatever happens you can get through it, you have people who would be willing to help." He sounds so serious, but warm when he speaks.

I melt under his hand, tears prickling at the corners of my eyes. I unbuckle myself and dart over the glove box between us, so I could wrap him up in a hug. My arm wrapped securely around his neck. I don’t think he realized how much that meant to me, to know I wasn't alone anymore. 

"Thank you." I whisper near his ear gently, turning to press my face into his neck. Just holding him there for a few more seconds, where everything is quiet.

I pull back with a chuckle, "What, a day. Huh?"

He nods, reaching back to grab my book bag from the back seat. I take it from him, resting it in my lap with one hand, so the other can open the car door. Stepping out on to the quiet street under the dimming sun, a breeze moves around my hair.

"See you tomorrow." Tyler says, starting his car back up.

I lean down to look in through the window he opened, 

"Of course!"

With that I step back and he drives off.

The warmth in my stomach slowly swirling around as I watched him go. I didn't realize I needed to hear something like that so badly, it had my mood do a hard 180. It made me feel like I could handle anything, that I could face everyone tomorrow. 

Right now though, I needed to face my parents. 

Turning on my heel I start up the path to the front door, taking the steps two at a time as I dug around in my book bag for my keys. The quiet slowly becoming eerie, apart from the faint sound of a dog barking somewhere near by. I didn’t even hear the TV or radio playing inside. Taking a breath I let myself in, peaking my head in first. Searching around the darkened house, calling for my parents. When I get no reply I step in completely, shutting the door behind me so I could lock it.

Flipping on the living room light as I walked through towards the kitchen, my book bag left on the couch. In the kitchen I realize the light was on, a note stuck to the refrigerator with a smiley face magnet. I take the note down and find some money attached to it. Turning it over so I could read what it said, oh, my parents weren't coming home until way later tonight.

So much for facing them. 

I sigh, allowing my shoulders to slump, my stomach grumbling angrily. I take the money and set the note on the counter, ready to order myself some pizza. 

\--

I'm half way done with with my second slice when I hear the thunder roll hard outside, followed by the rhythmic thudding of rain hitting the window. I drop my slice back in the box, jumping up to close my bedroom window. I didn't now we were getting a storm, this one seemed almost biblical. With how it just came down out of nowhere, like it had some kind of purpose.

I decide to go around the house and check for any more open windows so I could close them. The lights in the kitchen flicker a little when another round of lightening flashes, thunder touching down close by. It would be my luck if the power went out right now.

I round back to the front of my house once everything is shut tight, pausing by the front windows that see out over the drive way. Watching the rain come down with such force it almost looks like it brings up a mist. Tugging my yellow sweater closer to me I am just about to retreat to my bedroom to text my parents.

That's when I spot him, dark shaggy hair matted with rain. The black sweater he wore hung out and heavy, no doubt soaked. I can't see his face from the hood that was trying shield him from the winds. He’s manually pushing a bicycle, I can’t see much else as he goes temporarily out of view. A beat passes before I let go of the curtain. Another rolling of thunder seems to almost vibrate the floors, so my arms come up to wrap around myself. I hope that guy was okay out there.

Biting at my lower lip, I decide there is not much I could do about it. Turning on my heel to head off towards the stairs, wanting to return to my pizza.

I didn't make it up though, the ding of the front door bell goes off twice. Nearly sending my soul out if my body with how unexpected it was. It was seriously some horror movie shit.

I turn to look at the door, waiting, the bell goes off again. 

Slowly creeping up to it, I try to see who it was through the thin windows that were on either side of the door. Too scared to bring myself to pull back the curtains that were hung over them, though it was thin enough I could see a dark top and a bike.

The bell goes off again, sending a wave of tingles over my face. My feet planted, unable to move my legs. 

The bell sounds once more, before a heavy hand knocks just in time with another bout of thunder. Making it sound louder than I am sure it actually was.

"It's me." 

A voice calls out, giving my body a jolt enough to jump-start it into moving. I grab the doorknob with one hand as the other goes to the lock. Turning them at the same time, inching the door open enough to look out.

My heart skips a beat.

"Mark?"


	8. Thunderstorm : Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe some storms aren't all bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took too long editing this XD but I hope it is decent. Def gonna' try to start getting more done per chapter, I forget sometimes why I hate and love slow burns lol.

Mark POV

I kept replaying the locker room over and over in my head, the way Ethan looked up at me. The fear on his face was something deeper than the first time. Maybe because I knew him better or because I really didn’t mean to shove him so hard. Meaning it or not, I did it and I couldn’t take it back, no matter how much I wanted to. Even an apology would only go so far, it would still be there in the back of our minds. A reminder that I couldn’t control myself all the time and I hated it. I needed to be better than that, better than my anger. I just don’t know how.

I don’t even know if Ethan would want to talk to me at all, much less long enough for me to apologize. He ran away from me out on the football field. Not that I really blamed him but, why the fuck did he have to run away? Not just away, but to Tyler. God, I am really starting to hate that guy. Where did they even go? I didn’t see either of them for the rest of day at school, or even after. I had left a little early to hang around Bob’s car to see if I saw them leave but, there was nothing. 

The sick feeling that filled my stomach, burned like acid. It hurt, and all I wanted was to see Ethan. To say something to him, but now, I’m sure he actually hated me. He probably regretted trying to be my friend. What was I supposed to do? What could I even do? I don’t know what I want, but I know what I shouldn’t want and I shouldn’t want Ethan as much as I do.

It’s only been a week.

One week.

One.

So, how could it have become this messy? Was it because I was selfish? The way I calmed down when he touched me, it was something I never had before. I never had someone seem so genuinely curious about me, no one cared as much as he did. The way he cried after the fight in the hallway, the one he even tried to help me in. The way he held me even after I tried to push him away, he was so warm and addictive. 

“Hey, you with me?”

I blink back to the now, looking over to see Bob staring at me. He sits back in the drivers seat, fingers coming up to push his glasses up his nose. I expected some sarcastic joke or comment, but he just looks worried, for me? I have no idea. I shift around in my seat and grab my book bag to pull it onto my lap, ready to get out. But my hand stops on the car door handle, my fingers flex as I just sit there unmoving for a second. I don’t want to get out, I don’t want to go home yet.

“Bob…” I sigh, turning back to look at him. Meeting his knowing gaze, he knows me probably better than most. So his next words weren’t much of a surprise,

“It’s about Ethan, huh?” He questions, “What’s up with you two?”

I sit back, shoulders slumped, hands grabbing at my book bag to distract my brain from making up excuses. I didn’t want to do that anymore, I wanted to just feel what I felt. Ethan made me feel like I could do that when we were together. Like I could just be, just exist, with him and it was enough.

“I like him.” I barely get the words out. I’m not even sure if he could hear me since I dipped my chin toward my chest when I spoke. Trying to hide from those three words, like hellfire would suddenly come raining down or something, if I said it out loud.

“Yeah, no shit. I got that already.” Bob half chuckles, half grunts out his words, “I mean, you talk about him all the time, not to mention I saw you two holding hands in the back of my car. I’m blind, not that blind. And then, you had me cover for you two so you guys could run off together. It’s pretty obvious.”

I groan at him, my hands coming up to rub them over my face.

“But, I don’t even know him like that… I’m not supposed to like him. And plus, I’m not fucking gay. I’m not… anything.” The frustration in me bubbles up into my words, making them louder than they had to be. 

I let out a deep breath, my head felt light. It’s like my feelings and thoughts were two different people battling it out for control. My mind just couldn’t wrap around the idea that I could like another boy, much less anyone at all. Yet every time I was around him my body fought to touch him, to push him away, to allow the warmth in my chest to spread out and swallow me whole.

“Hey, man.” Bob’s hand comes up rest on my shoulder, it’s heavy and solid and just what I needed to ground me.

“We don’t get to choose who we like, guy or not, it doesn’t matter.” The reassurance in his voice is smooth, his voice deeper than his normal teasing one. 

I slump under his hand, nodding at his words. Letting them sink in, as the pressure in my throat builds up to the point that I don’t think I could respond right away. He doesn’t expect me to. We just sit there for a long while in silent understanding and there wasn’t anything else I could ask for.

\--

I try to get through some homework I’ve been neglecting, turning on my game console three or four times in-between. Just to turn it off and pace around my room looking for something aimlessly, not even sure what it is I was looking for. Restless and annoyed, annoyed because I am restless, restless because I don’t know. It’s the worst combination of feelings.

Eventually something just clicks into place in my mind and I know I need to just go. I don’t allow myself to think about it, I just pull on my hoodie and sneakers. Taking the stairs down two at time, I look in the living room, then the kitchen. I find Thomas sat at the table on his phone, eating toast. I take a breath and step half in, 

“Hey, I need to go out, is mom home?” I question quickly, passing my house keys between my hands nervously.

Thomas turns back to look at me with a raised brow, “Out where?” He questions, before adding in, “Nah, mom’s not home yet.”

I ignore his first question, “Great, I’m gonna’ borrow your bike.” I say, turning and heading for the front door.

“You better be back before mom does get home, I ain’t covering your ass.” He calls after me, and I shake my head. 

I know he would cover for me if it came to it, so I don’t worry about it too much. I didn’t have the time too. Everything just felt urgent, as if I was running out of time.

Outside I notice just how much the sky had darkened in the last few minutes, foolishly I don’t take it as a warning. I just ignore it, rounding the side of the garage so I could grab Thomas bike. Hopping on I take off down the drive way, then onto the side walk. I know I’m heading to his house, I also know I shouldn't be. 

No, don’t think. Just go.

\--

The first flash of lightening surprises me, it flashes bright enough to make my head snap up. Causing me to bring the bike to a screeching halt. The rumble of thunder touches down about a minute later, it seems to shakes the world. I’m still looking up, when rain comes down like some sort of dam broke in the sky, leaving the water to escape fast and hard. When it hits my skin, it almost hurts. It makes me feel alive.

With a grunt I grab the hood on my sweater to pull it over my head, looking back the way I had come from. I should go home, when it came down like this it could be dangerous. I bite at my lip, looking back down towards my hands gripping the handlebars. Admittedly I was closer to his house than my own, might as well commit, right? Besides the the rain was already well on it’s way to soaking into my shoulders and top of my head, I needed to get going no matter which way I went. 

Huffing out, I straighten out the bike and kick off, continuing on my way to his house. The rain doesn’t let up like I hope. Instead it seems to only get worse, it becomes hard to see much of anything ahead of me. Between my hood hanging low, mixed with the force of the rain hitting the ground kicking up a mist that is almost fog like. Thankfully, it seemed most people were already inside, so I don’t have to worry about running someone over. I just try to be mindful of my pace and the way the tires slide a little further when I make a turn around a corner.

This is so stupid.

When his house comes into view I slow down, my heart skipping as my stomach tightens up with nerves. The weight of what I was actually doing comes down quick and fast. I was showing up at some other kids house uninvited, during a storm. I let out a laugh, before bringing the bike to a stop. Thinking it would be better if I walked it the rest of the way there. Peaking around the hedges of his neighbors yard, I try to see if his parents cars are around, I don’t see them. Unless they brought them into the garage because of the rain? 

It’s now or never.

I roll my shoulders, hearing thunder hit closer. My sneakers make a nasty sloshing sound every time I take a step. They are fully soaked through from the rivers of water that formed on the pavement. My hood is heavier than normal and when the wind picks up a shiver moves down my back. Walking the bike towards the house I swear I could see him by the window, hopefully it was him. Bouncing the bike up the front steps, I set it to the side by the front door. My hands are slightly wrinkled and sore, my wrapped hand soaked.

Wiping my hands over my thighs was useless but it gave me a second to gather myself before I rang the bell. It sounds quiet inside, maybe no one was home? I wait a beat before going at the doorbell again. I really didn’t want to have to head back now, soaked, humiliated.

A sound on the other side of the door comes, so I step closer to it, my hand coming up to press to the thick wood before it curls into a fist. Knocking on the door now, hoping that it was Ethan who I heard.

“It’s me.”

I step back to wait, if anything I’d have to sit out here to wait for the rain to settle down. Looking back the sky lights up between the gray clouds, thunder hits quicker this time. Was it getting closer?

“Mark?”

I blink, looking back to see Ethan had the door partly open. His head poked out from behind it, staring at me with confusion. His eyes are beautiful, I can’t help but just stare at him. His pale face blushed rosy-pink, his heresy hair is sticking up all over the place. His slim body swimming in the yellow hoodie he wore, which makes him look so light and soft. 

If he told me to fuck off right now and looking at him was all I could do, it would be enough. It would be worth the ride, and the rain.

Ugh, when did I get so damn sappy?

He pulls the door open further, stepping half from behind it, “What--” He starts, looking me over, no doubt taking in my soaked, pathetic, shivering body.

“You gonna’… invite--” I start, my voice shaking. 

Whatever I was going to say is cut off suddenly by Ethan coming at me. Shoving the door to the side so he could throw his arms around my neck, hands grabbing at the back of my shoulders as he hugs me. The sudden action almost knocks the air right out of me, making a small grunt leave my lips.

He feels so plush and warm, his hair tickling my nose. My own hands come up to feel the dry cotton of the sweater he wore, fingers curling into it against his back as hard as they could. Relived to just feel him against me again, I lean my head down so it was next to his. Breathing him in. I wasn’t expecting the hug, but, God, it feels amazing. It make me feel like I was wanted here, like I was meant to be here. 

Why wasn’t he angry?

“C- come in.” Ethan whispers, though he doesn’t let go of me. Not seeming to be bothered by the water dripping off of me that was now soaking into his sweater, he just holds me tightly. Not that I was going to complain.

Squeezing my eyes shut I just let him hold onto me, bumping our heads as I rest mine against his. Nuzzling my nose into his soft hair, smelling pizza and warmth. A second longer of peace, before thunder hits very close by this time and we jump in each others arms. I pull back as he does, his hands falling to my sides, grabbing the darkened material of my sweater so he could pull me inside.

“We, need to get you dry.” Ethan says, stepping away from me so he could close and lock the door. 

I push my hood off my head and try to unmat my hair from my forehead, looking around his place. I hadn’t had the chance to come here before, well I did but I stood outside like a creep.

“My, parents aren’t home.” He says gently, motioning upstairs, “… uh, I’ll show you my room.” 

He sounds unsure, so I just nod at him. Wanting to reach out and take his hand while we walked. But I feel that would have been too much. Instead I just follow him up the stairs, trying to drip as little water as I could on the way up. I stop in the doorway to his bedroom, looking around at everything I could before he grabs my arms. Pulling me further in, his face still flushed, his hands coming up to tug the wet hoodie clinging to my chest.

“Uh, I’ll get some towels and… you can get undressed…” He turns and points to his dresser, which was a nice dark wood. The drawers all opened to different degrees, and angles, “… I don’t know if my stuff will fit you but…” He looks back to me with soft eyes.

“... grab whatever you can.” He finished, pushing air from his lungs as he looks up at me. My hands come up to touch his face, my thumb tracing over one of his spots. His head leans into it for a second before he pulls back,

“I’ll, give you a minute.” He steps backwards, shuffling around me so he could leave his room.

I drop my hands when he’s gone, looking around his room again. It was messy, but not dirty. Awards and collectable were all around half on shelves half on the floor. There is ukulele unevenly sat on the wall next to a movie poster, a computer off in the corner with books and bottles of water sitting on top. My head turns back to the dresser to see his TV was sat on top, surrounded by body sprays and coins and pens and other random things. His console sat on the floor next to it, the wires unruly. It just all seemed so Ethan, the complete opposite of me.

My fingers curl under the hem of my hoodie so I can pull it up over my head, unsure of where to put it. I start a little pile at my feet, soon stepping out of my shoes and pulling off my socks. They all make pathetic wet plopping sounds when I curl them up and drop them on the floor. My shirt is next then, my sweats, I’m left in my underwear. Tucking my thumbs into the hem for a moment, I consider not taking them off. They were only wet in a few spots, maybe I could keep them on. I think I was more worried about being completely naked in his room, even if it was only for a few seconds.

Deciding against keeping them on I strip them off before heading over to his dresser, my hair still wet enough to drip over my face and down the back of my neck. Trying figure out where things are, is difficult since he didn’t organize the drawers, I grunt unhappily at that. Half a mind to just organize it for him while I was here. Right now though, I need to find something that would fit, Ethan was smaller than me. His build slim, while mine is decently wider. 

I find some old worn gray sweats, they looked hand-me downs, or they were just so old they had stretched out bigger. Either way they would just have to do. Slipping them on, I grumble, they were still a little tight. I didn’t even know if I should bother with a t-shirt, maybe I could just wait until mine dried.

Pushing my hair to slick it back away from my face I turn defeated, not expecting to see Ethan standing in the bedroom doorway. He’s staring at me with wide eyes, his lips parted and his face flushed worse than before. He’s hugging a laundry basket to his chest, with what looks like a few bath towels inside.

“Hey.” I offer, turning fully to face in him, shirtless and in a pair of too small sweats.

His eyes seem to grow wider, before he looks away with a cough, “I.. ugh, I got the things and your, oh! Clothes!” He stammers and quickly walks over to where my clothes were creating a puddle on his floor.

Walking towards him I watch as he sets the basket on the floor, removing the towels to grab up the clothes and my shoes. He glances up at me as I pass by to sit on his bed, I have to shift the pizza box to a safer place as the bed dips under my weight. 

“Oh, you can… if you’re hungry. Might…” He takes a breath and uses one of the towels to wipe at the puddle quickly, “… be cold.” He leaves the towel on the ground letting it soak everything up, he then grabs the other towel as he stands.

“Here, for… your hair.” He offers it to me, I take it from him, about to say ‘thanks’. But before the words could leave me, he grabs the basket from the floor and nearly runs from the room.

“Be right back!” He calls over his shoulder, leaving me alone again.

With nothing else to do I place the towel on my head to try to dry my hair some. This almost didn’t feel real, he seemed, okay. It’s almost like the first part of the day never happened. I start to think I somehow made up the fact that he had some kind of attack this morning. I don’t know if I should even ask, or if I should just spend an hour telling him how sorry I was for shoving him. Maybe find out why he didn’t seem to mad or sacred anymore.

“Here.”

I jump hearing his voice, his hands coming down over my hands on my head to grip at the towel. I feel his thighs knocking between mine so he could stand between my knees. I drop my hands to my lap, feeling him take over rubbing my hair between the folds of the towel to dry it. Wishing part of it wasn’t over my eyes so I could watch him, look up at him. A few silent minutes pass before he pushes the towel back, letting it fall around my neck, resting on my shoulders.

Finally I can look at him, his face is soft, thoughtful even. His bright eyes falling to meet mine as his fingers touch at my hair, moving it around slowly. My hands slowly rise to grab at his hips, I feel him twitch under my touch. 

“I’m sorry.” I say in a voice only loud enough for him to hear.

He doesn’t say anything back right away, his eyes leaving mine to look at my hair. Slim fingers touch at my scalp before trailing down to my forehead, his rough thumb running down the line of my nose. I feel like I should say something else, demand that he forgive me. But before my lips could part to say anything he cups my face between his hands, his colourful eyes falling down to meet mine.

“I know.”

“You… know?”

He nods, squishing my face between his palms for a few seconds as a smile pulls over his lips. Letting me go soon after, he side steps away from me, crawling up onto his bed. He sits back with his legs crossed, adjusting the pizza box. I pull one of my legs up onto the bed so I could face him better.

“You scared me, for sure… but I didn’t think you actually, meant it…” He half shrugs picking at his jeans, “… I know what it looks like, th-- the look in someones eyes when they really want to hurt you.”

I swallow back the sinking feeling in my stomach, “What do you mean?” Who had tried to hurt him?

He shifts around, biting at his lips as his eyes wonder around at any and everything other than me. So I move in closer, touching my knee to his to make him look up at me. His eyes are sad, his soft features pulled together in a way that looks like he might cry. Carefully I reach over to touch his knee with my hand, trying to reassure him it was okay to tell me.

“I, uh… um… words…” He chuckles and pushes his hair around, his toes wiggling, “… I was supposed to, it was supposed…” He stumbles, his voice on the edge of panic.

“Hey.” I reach up to grab his hand to stop him for a minute, running my thump over his palm. Noticing the bandage on it for the first time. I wanted to ask what happened, but I think whatever he was trying to tell me was more important than that.

His fingers curl around mine, looking down at our joined hands before he bring his other hand up to cover both of ours. Sniffing he takes a breath, his head lifting but looking towards the window out at the storm.

“Do you know why I le- left my old school?” He asks, his voice is distant as if he were partly somewhere else. Lost to a memory that I couldn’t see, or even start to try and understand.

I shake my head, realizing he couldn’t see it so I say, “No.”

“I had a… nervous breakdown.” He finally says after a couple seconds of just stroking his fingers over my hand. Squeezing gently when he speaks, his voice somewhere just above a whisper.

“Oh.” That was not what I thought he was going to say, it wasn’t even in realm of possibly. So I don’t really know how to respond, do I ask why? Should I? Did it matter?

“I…” He turns to look at me, his eyes watering up, his lips parted and I notice some saliva has gathered at the corners so of his mouth. The apples of his cheeks and the bridge of his nose looks sun burnt, he’s trying desperately to hold back from crying.

Using my free hand I grab the pizza box, closing the lid and moving it to the floor. His eyes are on me, watching as I pull the towel from my shoulders and leave it to the side as well. I tug my hand from between his and start to slide back so my back is to the headboard,

“Come here.”

He looks a little surprised by the demand, big tears falling over his face when he blinks. A sleeved hand coming up to wipe them away before he sits up and crawls over to where I was. He tries to get himself in my lap but I stop him, getting him to sit between my legs with his legs over one of mine. His head falling to my shoulder as he sat sideways, his arm moving around my back as I wrap both of my arms around him. Holding him as close to me as I could, tucking his head closer to my neck his nose just under my chin. He curls up immediately, his hand not around me rests on my bare chest, fingers tapping and stroking over the skin there.

“Is that why you went into a panic…?” I ask softly, rubbing my hands over his arm through his sweater.

He nods against me, “I went to a lot of therapists after it happened… and, I mean, after the… breakdown. I started to have, like, these attacks, that came out of nowhere. At least… they felt like they did…” He turns his head to press his wet face against me as he continues on,

“... they said is was like… a sensory thing. It could have been from my ADHD but, also I was showing signs of… uh, PTSD and Generalized Anxiety Disorder…” He sighs, fingers curling against my chest. So I turn to press a quick kiss to the top of his head, I don’t know why, it just kind of felt like it was something I should do..

“Coming here…. ‘supposed to help...” He takes in a quivering breath and I could feel his tears on my neck now, “… I ruined it. I can’t… talk about it with, with…”

“It’s okay.” I dip my head to press my nose into his hair, holding him tighter.

He goes quiet, just laying against me. I rub my hands over him, keeping my face close to his head, allowing him time to just relax. I’m not sure how long passes before he lifts his head, dipping it back and I catch it with my arm so he doesn’t fall backwards. His face is puffy and red, his eyes still watering, tears clinging to his long lashes. But there is a smile on his face, a low giggle vibrating his body, making my brows come together. 

“You came all this way… and, m’just crying on you.” His giggles turn into a chuckle, his sleeve covered hand coming up to wipe his eyes and cheeks. 

I roll my eyes at him, letting out a breath as a smile tugs at the corners of my mouth. 

“Shut up.” 

I shake my head, my free hand coming up to wipe at the corners of his eyes where the tears slipped out of. My hand flattening on the side of his hot face, my eyes fall to his mouth. He smiling wide, his light eyes shimmering as they looked back up at me, his hand moving from his own face to grab the side of mine. He shuffled his feet to lift himself up so our faces bump gently, I close my eyes and let him do whatever he wants. Trembling lips touching my cheek, chin, nose. I just hold onto him, desperate for him to never move away from me. I want us to be this close all the time, I wanted him in a way I didn’t want anyone else before.

His lips meet mine, I feel a spark, it lights up the dark behind my eyelids. I press back into it, it felt almost like the first time all over again. It felt like my lips fit so perfectly over his, like I was meant to kiss him. Not one ounce of me was angry, or tense. I almost felt happy. Why? What was he doing to me? Was it some kind of spell, it had to be, he must me a witch. I nearly laugh at how stupid it sounds, even to myself.

I feel him shift around, moving so he could kneel between my legs. Doing his best to not pull too far back from the kiss, his fingers carding through my damp hair as he settles back on his legs. My hands move all around him as he adjusts, pushing up his sweater, grabbing his hips, leaning forward to keep us close. Leaning back when he sits back, his legs under mine, so he could drape himself over me. How the hell could he do that? I’m pretty sure no one was supposed to be able to sit like a damn anime girl. It must be from gymnastics. 

My face flushing at the thought, I don’t get to dwell on it too much. Both of us end up jumping apart when his phone vibrates between us. We’re both breathing heavy, staring at each other when another vibration comes. He makes a small sound before patting down his pockets to pull out his phone. Sitting back as he brings his fingers to his mouth to bite at them. His eyes glued to the bright screen, soon tapping away before setting his phone to the side.

He looks more disheveled if that was possible, his eyes seemed to have dried up leaving them rimmed red. His hair was a mess, his sweater wrinkled. A smile pulls over his lips and he seems to roll his eyes at himself. His hands rubbing over his face before they drop and he looks at me with a little giggle.

“Some of the roads are flooded, my parents won’t be home for a while.” He offers, sounding both relieved and worried.

“That means, I won’t be able to bike back…” I realize now, that I would have to stay longer than expected. But not only that I was worried about my mom, wondering If she got home yet or if she realized I was gone. I know how worried she could get, and I’d hate to do that her.

“You can stay, you know. I don’t mind.” He pats at his hair, teeth pressing into his bottom lip as he watches me. Like I was about to tell him I rather swim home than stay.

“Yeah, just… need to text my mom...” I say, looking around for a moment, “… did you see my phone?”

“OH!” He gasps and moves to slide off the side of the bed, half falling as he did, then nearly slipping over the wet towel on the floor. God, that boy was a mess, a beautiful mess.

I watch him run out the room with a smile on my face, left alone I shift around to get comfortable. Almost forgetting I was shirtless, until a breeze creeps in through the lining of the window. The cool air making goosebumps rise over my neck, shoulder. Maybe I was just missing Ethan’s warmth. I cringe at myself.

The rain is loud outside, thumping against the window. 

Ethan slides back into the room, “Aye, got it! I thought I put it in the dryer for a second there.” He hums, walking over to hand me my phone. I reach out with my wrapped hand and he makes a small sound before saying my name,

“Mark! Why didn’t you tell me?” He motions to my hand, “… your wrap is all wet.”

I shrug, “I kind of forgot about it, honestly.”

“But-- but it’s gonna’ get all stinky.” He wrinkles his nose in an adorable way, before he swirls on his heel and darts out his room again.

At least he seemed to be acting more like himself, childish and slightly annoying.

Lightening flashes, lighting up the whole room as I cradle my phone in my lap. I text my brother first, to find out if mom got home yet. He says she’s stuck at work until the storm passes, like Ethan’s parents. The roads were flooded all over I guess. He asks where I am and I tell him at a friends place, then ask him to tell her I got stuck at a friends house. Since that was what I was going to tell her anyway, and it was sort of the truth. I just didn’t want to get into it about Ethan, since they hadn’t met yet. And I didn’t want to worry my mom by telling her I was in a strange place. Bob and Wade and a few others she knew, so I know she wouldn’t mind much thinking I was with one of them.

“I found a ace bandage in the bathroom…” Ethan’s sweet voice makes me set down my phone, looking up to see him walking towards me unwrapping the bandage as he did.

“That’ll work.” I nod, shifting my legs as he climbs back onto his bed, claiming his spot between my legs.

I hold out my hand to him, there’s no hesitation, I trusted him. He looks up at me with raised brows before smiling and setting down the ace bandage between his legs. Carefully taking my hand between his so he could unwrap the soggy bandages. When my hand comes into view it looks gross, the skin red but also pale and wrinkled. 

“Ewww!” He whines, and wrinkles his nose again, so I wiggle my fingers close to his face making him squirm around and laugh.

He grabs my hand with both of his as carefully as he could, “It feels weird… but…” He turns my hand over between his. My fingers are less swollen and it wasn't as painful as it used to be. 

“... it looks better.” He goes on, using one hand to grab my abandoned towel to try and pat my hand dry, “You know, you never told me how it happened.” He says with curiosity, my eyes move to focus on my hand.

Sighing I leaning back against the pillows and the headboard, “It was stupid… it was an accident.”

“Must make playing in band… and doing the wrestling thing hard.” He offers, and I nod.

“Yeah, but it’ll be fine soon. I’ve had worse.”

He looks up as he sets the towel to the side, “I bet, bu you know I… would like to see you play, sometime.” I see him swallow back, having to clear his throat before grabbing up the ace bandage.

“Me too…” I say back, making him look up at me, “… I meant the little guitar.” I say flustered, and he looks over his shoulder to his ukulele on the wall.

“Oh, I’m not very good yet…” He blushes, turning back to start the wrap around my wrist. 

“Do you sing?” I asks curious now. By the way he flushes deeper, I have to take that at a yes.

“I haven’t sang since….” He paused, pulling the wrap between my index and middle finger, “… uh, in a long while. I’m not very good at that either.”

“You’re pretty good at gymnastics though.” I say, my eyes trailing to the awards placed about his room. I actually hadn’t had the chance to see it in person yet, aside from the back-flips he did the other day. I don’t think that really counts though.

“Uh- huh.” He hums out, still working carefully over my hand, trying to concentrate.

So I let him, watching his hands move around like he knows what he’s doing. His tongue darting over his lips before his teeth come down to nibble on it gently, his head tilted so I could see the curve of he jaw. The curve of his nose, he was beautiful. I sigh, too tired to scold my self about being a fucking sappy idiot.

“All done!” He says happily head snapping up and his hands quickly going over his head as a small ‘yay’ leaves his lips. My hand falls onto the bed and I grunt out in pain.

“Oh, no! I’m sorry…” He drops his arms to grab up my hand between his, bringing my hand up to he could press a kiss against my fingers. My fingers flex and my face heats up, so I use my good hand to rub my face.

“So, um, I might have to heat up the pizza… if you’re hungry. And we could watch a movie or something?” He offers then, bringing our hands down to rest on the bed. A small smile on his lips as he looks at me with hope.

“Sounds good.” 

I feel a smirk pass over my lips and he beams at me. Leaning forward to press a quick kiss to my lips before scrambling off the bed to get everything ready. Needing something to do I collect the towels and offer to bring them to the dryer. He follows me out of his room and motions down the hall to where washer and dryer room was, before heading down the stairs with the pizza box. 

I toss the towels into the dryer, grabbing my t-shirt before heading back into his room, sitting heavily on his bed. I pull shirt over my head, feeling the warmth of it wrap around my tired body. Rolling my neck, only then realizing how stiff I felt, my eyes wonder around again. Thinking about what he said about having a nervous break down, what could cause that? Something had to have happened, it would explain a lot. The way he acted since met, the crying, the fear but also the softness. It was like he was fighting himself, trying to be better. I couldn’t imagine going through that then having to move somewhere new, to start all over and act like a part of your life never happened.

“Hot, hot…” Ethan whines, grabbing my attention. He’s coming into the room holding two plates of pizza with two bottles of water under each of his arms.

I stand, grabbing the water before he dropped everything, he gets the plates on his bed and waves around his hands. I chuckle at him, reaching out to take his hands so I could blow air onto his palms, seeing they were a little red. A giggle spills out of his mouth, 

“That tickles.” He murmurs, steeping in closer to me. 

His head tilts back so he could meet my eyes, a smile is still set on his face and all I can do is stare back. I know I should be mortified with myself with how I act around him, it all came so easy. I dip my head down so our noses could brush along each others, seeing him smile wider was worth the action. No matter how silly it made me feel, as long as he looked at me like that, it was worth it.

He pushes up on his toes to kiss me, my hands come up to hold his face. His own hands falling to my waist, brushing under my shirt, stroking over exposed skin. It was getting easier an easier to kiss him, to hold him and I don’t know if that’s a good thing. 

I just want my mind to go quiet sometimes. 

“C’mon, let’s eat… I’m so hungry.” He chuckles near my face and I smile at him.

I pull away from him, even though I don’t want to. So we can get ourselves together, grabbing up the food and drinks to settle on his bed. He pulls the remote for his TV from his pocket and I don’t even know when it got there. Pulling up Netflix we browse around for something to watch, as we eat and talk about how much school he missed and how he really wants to make it a whole day. He still plans to try out after school with the gymnastics couch, though he tells me his parents don’t want to him too. I tell him he should do it if he wants to do it, if it made him happy. That I’d be there.

We talk about movies and shows and games. Avoiding talk about Amy and Tyler which I was okay with. I don’t tell him that Bob knows about us, if there even was an ‘us’. I couldn’t be someones boyfriend, especially not another boy’s boyfriend. 

But that was a discussion for another time.

Eventually we end up cuddled together, me on my back and him clinging to my side. I’m not sure which one of us falls asleep first, but the last thing I remember was the sound of the rain slowing down outside. My face pressed into his hair, his breath on my collarbones.

I remember feeling safe.


	9. Day Off.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys get a day off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ugh work kicked my butt, took a while to write this, but I hope it's okay.

Ethan POV

The nightmares that came after Mark left were some of the strongest I had in a while. Memories old and new mixed with the absurdity of dream logic made me feel trapped. Even when I woke in between I swear I could still see the shadows reenacting cruel scenarios, though the details were lost. The feeling of impending doom still tightened my chest, leaving my hands shaking. When my eyes closed I was sucked back in, I couldn't escape it. The drumming of my heart beat my own personal sound track to the screaming and pain. Eventually I couldn't go back to sleep, I just laid there in the darkness of the early morning trying to get my breathing to even out. Eventually the sunlight seeped into my room signaling the beginning of a new day.

Sitting up I look around, searching for any lingering monsters that might have retreaded into the darkened corners of my room. Untangling my legs from my sheets took effort that my tired limbs didn't want. Sighing, I ruffle my hair and toss my legs over the side of my bed. I don't want to go to school, but I couldn't go back to sleep. So I push up from my bed, standing on unsteady legs.

The stinging in my palms remind me of the worst parts of yesterday, the panic, the fear. The look on that guys face that Mark went after, he was being an asshole, yeah. But the way his face twisted up, scared another hit was coming, it tugged at my heart and memories. The look in Mark's eyes when he turned to me, it was like he wasn't completely there. He was unhinged and driven by whatever rage was inside him. It made him unpredictable, more so than I already thought. When he came to my house he was like a different person, soft, understanding, even gentle. 

Maybe I went too easy on him.

I shake my head, pushing from my bed so I could start the day. Showering first, then brushing my teeth before getting my outfit ready. Pulling on the pair of black corduroy overalls my mom got me before the move. White socks, my black classic converse, and a white Jurassic Park t-shirt that has black around the collar and around the sleeves. Grabbing my book bag I check for my books and my gymnastics uniform, which I debate on taking out for a few minutes. Inevitably I decide it can stay and leave my bag on my bed before heading for the bathroom again. I'm not in the mood for my hair so I just pat it down with moose before washing my hands.

They still felt a little sore, the skin blotchy red and purple. I don't have big band aids so I place gauze pads over the scrapes and secure it with first aid tape. Back in my room I grab my phone, texting Tyler to tell him my mom was driving me to school, so he didn't need to pick me up. It's a lie of course, my parents got home some time past midnight and were still asleep. I just didn't want to sit through another awkward drive to school. I know he'd be nice about it, ask about my hands and be all around a nice guy. I just don’t think I deserve it right now.

I pull on my bag so I could creep downstairs and into the kitchen. I grab two cereal bars and a small bottle of orange juice, it would have to do. I then sneak out the house as quietly as I could, locking the door behind me. I wait until I'm a good block or so away before texting my mom that I got a ride to school and for her to have a good day. I pop in my headphones then and start up some music.

Starting in on my cereal bar to have something in my stomach, even though it makes me feel a bit queasy. It probably just came from nerves, seeing everyone again after yesterday was going to be awful. So many questions were sure to come, ones I don’t want to have an answer for. Not to mention I have no idea how Mark is going to act, pretending nothing happened seemed to come easy to him. And I don’t know how I felt about that. I didn't like the idea of it, but what was I supposed to do? We weren't actually together, at least we never talked about it. I wasn't even sure if that was something that I should want. Maybe being nothing was for the better, I just moved here after all that happened a few months ago. I should be focusing on school, on myself.

I come to a stop when I realize I'm by school, everyone is outside hanging around in groups. People flooding over the front steps, the side walk, the parking lot. There's a low murmur that hung in the air, music and laughing cutting through the talking here and there. I wonder what's going on, looking around for familiar faces as I start walking again. I figure Bob and them were in the parking lot, so that would have to be my first stop. On the way there I spot the boy from the locker room, he's sitting by himself, sporting an angry bruise on his chin. I pause, watching him write something in his note book, which is set in his lap. 

My heart tugs for some reason and I try to push past it. Try to make my feet keep moving towards the parking lot. Yet somehow I end up walking right to him, grabbing the straps of my book bag tight enough to make my hands hurt. He looks up when I come to a stop in front of him, his brows come together in confusion before it seems to click.

"The fuck do you want?" He questions angrily, tugging his headphones from his ears.

"I... um, hi..." I wanted to say so many things, they all try to come out at once making me stumble, "... I..."

"You okay?" He asks, closing over his book to set his headphones on top. 

I shake my head, "I just wanted to apologize for... yesterday." I finally get out in a huff, my eyes falling to the ground then back up to his face.

"Why?" He sounds confused, if not a little annoyed I was bothering him. 

"I mean, you were being a jerk but, you didn't deserve to get hit..." I tug at my straps, my feet lightly kicking at the dirt, "... so, I'm sorry."

He sits back, "You're not the one who hit me... so why are you apologizing?" 

I bite at my lips, "I know but, it's my fault, if I didn't... we wouldn't have been there if it wasn't because of me. I should have..." The words feel a little useless, and I wish I could get them to come out right.

"Thanks." He cuts me off, making me blink at him. 

"Thanks?" I question, making him shrug.

"I was being a jerk..." He offers, "... and if you didn't pull him off, it probably would have been worse. I've seen that guy nearly break a kids arm once."   
Guilt settles in my stomach, my mind racing. Mark almost broke someones arm? On purpose? 

"Oh." Is all I can get out, taking a breath as fear crawls back into my chest.

"And you know... if he is your boyfriend..." The guy starts but I quickly cut him off,

"No, we're not..."

He paused for a second, "That's probably for the best."

I nod, not sure if I was agreeing with him or if my body just didn't know what else to do. 

"Do... do, uh, you know what's going on?" I motion around, needing to change the subject.

"The storm caused some flooding, so they're trying to figure out if they are going to let us in. Or just cancel classes for today." He grabs up his headphones and I take that as my cue to leave.

"Thanks..." I take a step back, "... I'll see you around."

"Be careful."

His words are oddly foreboding and I hate them. Turning quickly I all but jog towards the parking lot, weaving between people best I could without knocking into them. With more people hanging around than normal, it's hard to spot anyone right away. Thankfully Bob and Wade were both well over six foot and I finally spot them towards the middle. I work my way through a few more people sitting on their cars or on the floor, to get to them.

"Hey." I wave and they turn to look at me with smiles.

"Well, look who decided to not ditch school, today." Bob hums out in a friendly, yet sarcastic tone. 

"Yeah, sorry, I didn't feel to good yesterday." I chuckle, messing with my hair as I look up at them. Then look around, seeing Amy and Kathryn off towards the end of the car talking, Mark sat in the backseat of Bob's car, his legs hang outside of it. He looks busy on his phone, so I turn my attention back to Bob and Wade.

"Hmm, sounds like I was right about those cooties." Bob teases, making Wade and I chuckle, before Wade turns to me,

"You feel better?"

I nod, maybe I wasn't a 100% better but he didn't need to know that. Instead I hold up my hand in the 'ok' sign, 

"Definitely, never felt better."

"Good, if they decide to not open up everyone is coming back to my place to play video games." Bob motions around us, then Mark and the girls. 

"Molly, too." Wade chimes in, a silly little smile on his lips. I swear I could even see his cheeks turn a little pink.

"Yes, Wade. Molly, too. Don't worry." Bob teases him now, rolling his eyes before pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. 

I smile between them, my eyes drifting around to look through the crowds around. Trying to see if Tyler’s car was around somewhere. He hadn’t texted me back after I told him my mom was taking to me to school. I didn’t want him to think I was trying to ditch him, I just needed to think. To be alone. 

“Hey, Ethan!” Amy’s sweet voice calls to me and I turn to look at her, seeing she was smiling and so was Kathryn. Blinking I wave, 

“Hey.”

“C’mere…” She motions me over with her hand, I don’t think twice I just go over to her. Passing by Mark who was now looking at me, but I don’t say anything to him. If he wanted to say ‘hi’ to me he’d have to do it himself.

“Hey…” I say gently, looking between them, “… what’s up?”

“Well…” Amy looks to Kathryn then back to me, “… I’ve been texting my friend Pam, and we were thinking about ditching the boys this weekend to go hang out at the mall. Would you want to come?”

“But… I’m one of the boys?” I say, not really understanding why she would ask me of all people to join them.

“But you’re less annoying.” Kathryn says first, followed by Amy, “Yeah, and you dress better.” 

I snort at that, “Yeah, sure.” It couldn’t hurt right?

“Hell yeah!” Bob’s voice cuts in, loud and excited, “Schools closed, and you bitches, are about to get destroyed.” He motions to Wade and Mark, then motions towards us.

“You guys are cool.” 

I smile and dip my head to touch at my hair, so much for trying to actually go a whole day. Maybe I should just go home, I could catch up on homework or do a million other things I’ve been neglecting since I got here. Actually, I had expected many lonely days. There was no way I could have thought I’d meet people who actually wanted to be my friend, Mark aside, everyone was just lovely.

“School’s canceled?” Tyler’s smooth voice hits me and I have to look up to make sure he was really there. I meet his gaze for a moment, he doesn’t look mad. Just confused and tired, which is all I could ask for, I didn’t want to piss him off. 

“Yep, flooding or something… we’re goin’ back to mine to hang out if you want to come along...” Bob offers, pulling his car keys from his pocket and waving them around, “… would be cool to have an extra car.” He then adds in with raised brows.

Tyler makes a small sound before looking at me, “Sure… yeah.” He nods looking back to Bob with a tight smile. Molly finds her way over to Wade while they were chatting, I smile at them before looking back to Tyler.

“We’re riding with Tyler.” Kathryn chimes in, motioning to Amy, who huffs at her. Her arm coming up to wrap around my shoulders.

“If I’m going Ethan’s going.” She hums, making me feel weird. My eyes dart to Mark who still hadn’t said anything to me since I got here, yet his eyes are on me.

“Shotgun!” I shout, agreeing without agreeing that I was cool to ride with Tyler.

A grunt comes before the car door slams and we all sort of look towards Mark who was now sulking in the back seat. I roll my eyes at him, moving with girls towards Tyler’s car which wasn’t too far away. Most people were already gone the second they heard the news, so getting out should be fine enough. I think I should text my mom and dad to let them know where I was, but they still hadn’t texted back from this morning and I was worried about bothering them. I figured waiting until we got to Bob’s place would be better.  
I glance over my shoulder to look back at Bob’s car, seeing Mark through the window. His head tilts to look at me and I take a breath, his eyes are intense but the frown on his lips was soft. His hand coming up to touch at the closed window as if he was reaching out to me. Was I being to hard on him? I should have just said ‘hi’ to him, no?

“Ethan?” Tyler calls out to me, leaned over the passengers seat so he could open the door.

“Sorry.” I clear my throat and climb in, tugging off my book bag to set it at my feet. 

“Everyone buckle up.”

\--

Eight people in one bedroom was a bit claustrophobic, but we did our best to space out. Taking turns battling each other in Mario Kart, who knew Tyler could be so competitive. While Bob would get a bit annoyed but mostly cracked jokes and Wade said some nonsense between helping Molly learn the controls. I talk to Amy about pottery since she was learning to make it on her own as a hobby, which was pretty cool. She even showed me some less than attractive mugs she made and an ashtray which one of the first things she made on her own. I tell her about gymnastics, and learning to half play ukulele and acoustic guitar, since I couldn’t pick. She asks if I could sing and I sort of shrug, feeling my face go hot, since I worried she would ask to hear. Thankfully, Kathryn chimes in, talking about her graphic design classes. Even Mark at some point seems to warm up, actually talking to me and the others about random things, or boasting about beating them at the game.  
I get up to use the bathroom and to text my parents, letting them know I was still okay. I huff a breath as I look myself over in the mirror, my mood had improved and the nightmares were nothing but a distant memory. Though the bags under my eyes were deep, and my eyes look lulled even when I wasn’t trying to make them that way. I was tired, so tired. Splashing cold water on my face seemed to help, I pat down my face then dry my hands before opening the door to leave the bathroom.  
That was when I came face to face with Mark.

“Oh, didn’t mean to make you wait…” I let out a breathy laugh, though nothing was funny. He just stares at me and I suddenly feel a little awkward.

“... you can go…” 

I start to say, but his arms are around my waist before I could really react. Lifting me easily from the ground so he could bring us back into the bathroom, my legs swing and my hands grab at his shoulders to steady myself. The sudden action has my heart soaring. His foot pushes the door closed before he sets me back on my feet and my hands fall from his shoulders to his biceps, gripping.

“Mark… what…” 

His lips are over mine, the words that were to finish my sentence muffled against his lips. My eyes blink before falling closed and I couldn’t help but kiss him back. Leaning against him, my fingertips scratch up his bicep, over his neck and up into his hair. Gripping the black curls tightly as my body heats up right from my core. He hadn’t touched me all day,   
it felt like I was on fire. I push up on my tip toes to kiss him harder, feeling his arms wrapping securely around me, strong and careful. 

When we finally pulls back, he speaks, “I missed you.”

I shake my head, swallowing back as our foreheads touch gently.

“I’m right here, I’ve… been right here.”

I feel his hands flatten on my back as I slowly lower myself to the ground, hands falling back to hold onto his shoulders. His dark eyes searching my face before he tilts his head and looks over my body for a moment.

“In a little while… why don’t we, go?” His voice is low, as if what he asked was some kind of secret. Though I guess it was? He obviously wasn’t comfortable with kissing me in front of people. 

I know I should be more angry about that, but right now I just want that, not to matter. I just want something for myself, wasn’t I allowed to like things? Want things? All for me? I sigh, licking slowly at my lips before my eyes dart back up to his face. A smile tugging up my lips,

“Okay.”

He smiles back at me and I melt, sighing once more my head dips to rest between his chest and his shoulder. Still leaned fully on him, just wanting to be held for a second longer.   
My fingers curl into his shirt and tug gently, a frown pushing over my lips as my eyes water up. There is a swift kiss pressed to my head and I close my eyes nuzzling my face into him.

"You should leave first." He says near my ear, making me nod.

Stepping back I use my sleeve to wipe my eyes. When I'm done he lifts my chin up for one final kiss before I exit the bathroom. In the hall I take a breath, needing to settle down before going back into the room. Reclaiming my spot next to Amy and Kathryn. Like nothing ever happened. My mind is racing in the way that didn't pick up the conversations around me, not until Wade's voice cuts through, 

"We could play spin the bottle or..."

"Whoa, I am not kissing any of you losers..." Bob cuts in, "... no offense."

"I was joking..." Wade says through a giggle. 

"Ah, well..." Bob clears his throat making me giggle this time, "... back to Mario Kart then."

I'm distracted by Mark coming back into the room, since he makes sure to pass by close to me. His hand coming down on my knee to keep his balance, mumbling an 'excuse me' which makes my face feel hot. 

"Ugh, I don't know what you see in him." I jump a little and turn to look at Kathryn, my stomach sinking since I thought she was talking to me.  
It turns out she was talking to Amy, her soft brown eyes were set on Mark who was settling down near Wade and Molly on the floor closer to the TV. We were on the bed near the door, Tyler on the floor next to Bob. 

"He's cute..." Amy shrugs, "... and I don't know, I've known him since we were kids."

Kathryn rolls her eyes,"Yeah, so you should know better than anyone else, why it would be a horrible idea."

I shift to sit on my leg, fingers scratching at my arms that I folded over my stomach. Trying to stop myself from saying something stupid. 

"Why?" I suddenly ask, apparently I couldn't stop everything stupid from leaving my mouth.

She turns to me now, her voice hushed, "Mark is an asshole, and he's trouble. I mean... I know I sound like an asshole just saying that..." She takes a minute to gather herself, "... he's never dated anyone, at least not seriously. He constantly gets into fights, or does stupid shit... like, his whole life is just surrounded by pain. I just, get bad vibes from him."  
"He wasn't always that way..." Amy offers in a quiet voice, "... and he can be really sweet, and thoughtful."

"Does that really make it better? I'm sure serial killers had some good qualities too." Amy swats Kathryn's arm.

"Stop, he's not a serial killer." She huffs.

"Does no one... stop him?" I question, biting at my lips.

"Stop him?" Amy asks back, her neat brows furrowed. 

"Like... from fighting all the time? I... Bob said they just let him blow off steam or whatever." I try to specify without sounding too eager or defensive. 

"Not really..." They both sort of speak at the same time.

"Huh..." I shift again, "... maybe he needs a message." I try to joke away how uncomfortable I was getting.

"Don't we all." Amy sighs.

"Maybe he needs to get laid." Kathryn chimes in, and I'm not sure if she was joking or not. Either way I end up letting out a loud laugh, rubbing my eyes, my head dipping back.  
Which makes everyone look at me.

"Don't we all." Amy adds in with a laugh, which only causes me to lose my shit even further. 

\--

"I shouldn't have a soda... I haven't been working out." I sigh, pushing around my hair as Bob sorts through the drinks he had. Shifting side to side on the stool I sat on.

"That statement made me sad." Bob hums, setting some cans of soda on the island I sat at. I reach out touch at them, turning a few carefully. 

"I’m sorry..." I say in a funny voice before pressing my lips together, realizing right now that I let myself go. The last time I even stretched properly was back at my old house.

"Don’t worry... I got up nice healthy water right here." He goes on, leaning over the island to set a water bottle in front if me. My hands automatically go to it, fingers sliding over it. 

A hand comes down on my back making me jump, tensing so quickly I feel myself almost vibrate. My head snapping around to look at Mark, who was standing next to me. His fingers rubbing against my spine, making me relax instantly. 

"Hey..." Mark says gently, I'm not sure if he's talking to me or Bob so I just shift around so I could sit on my legs on the stool. 

"Come for first pick?" Bob questions, opening up a bag of ice to put in the small cooler.

"Actually... I was thinking before it gets too late..." Mark starts, his fingers still pressing into my back gently, "... I could sneak off with, Ethan."

I press my lips together nervously, for some reason it felt like asking your parents to hang out with friends. Though at this point I would prefer asking my actual parents. I watch   
Bob turn and raise his brow at us, before he starts putting can sodas in the cooler that he packed with ice. 

"Hmm, I don’t know. Last time you two ran off, you came back with cooties." Bob jokes, turning to face us now. His face goes from joking to semi-serious. 

"I'll tell them Ethan’s parents wanted him home or something, but you two need to start actually saying goodbye to your friends." He motions between us, making me feel almost guilty. I hadn't really thought about it, that they could be upset when we didn't say goodbye. 

"We will next time..." I say before Mark could say anything. Shifting to slide off the stool, looking up to Mark, he looks annoyed, "... right?"

He hesitates for a moment, before nodding, "Yeah. Next time for sure." I give him a smile while he speaks.

"Aw, look at you two..." Bob teases, before waving his hand at us, "... already ordering each other around.” He jokes and I roll my eyes.

“C’mon, Mark.” I say looking up to him, my hand moving over to give his fingers a squeeze before letting go quickly, not wanting anyone to see. My gaze then goes to Bob, giving him a smile and a half wave,

“We’ll talk later, okay?” I say, watching him pause what he was doing to give me a kind smile.

“Sure thing, buddy. You two have fun.”

Mark bumps my shoulder and we start walking off together, Mark giving out a ‘later’ over his shoulder for Bob. 

\--

Mark had suggested we go back to his house since his mom was at work and his brother was out. My parents were home and still under the impression that I was at Bob’s place still. I couldn’t lie to them and I didn’t want to explain that I was alone with Mark, so I figured it was just best to leave it alone for now. I try to focus on walking alongside Mark, touching our arms here and there, though my hands are tucked into my overalls pockets most of the way. It’s not like he would hold my hand anyway, it’s not even like we were dating or anything. Just kisses, they were just kisses, right? I don’t know, I don’t know how to feel about him. Yes, I liked Mark, he was so cute and made those butterflies start up in my stomach in a way that no one ever could make happen before. Not even… no, don’t think about it. That situation was far from normal or healthy.

Then again, someone might say being with Mark wasn’t healthy. He was so angry all the time, the fights he was in people never stopped them and he just sort of gets blinded by his rage. It was scary, but I did truly believe that he didn’t mean to push me, but that doesn’t stop the fact that he did. That it could have been a punch or something tossed my way just by pure reaction and it could have ended so much worse. Maybe I should ask him about it, about what makes him so angry.  
Right now I don’t want to do that.

I want to just be here with him for a while longer, even if it means that we have to hide it. For once in my life I just wanted to be selfish, hold onto something that makes me happy. 

“Ethan?”

I blink at the sound of my name, seeing Mark had stopped in front of me. His hand coming up to wipe some tears from my face, when did I start crying? I sniff, bringing my hands up to touch at my wet eyes with a nervous laugh.

“I didn’t even realize.” I say, sniffing and rubbing at my eyes then nose before looking back at Mark with what I hope looked like a convincing smile.

“It’s okay, we’re… here.” He motions to his house which was behind him, and I have no idea how I even missed that. My eyes dart back to him and I couldn’t help another weak chuckle.

“Then we better get going, mister.” I poke at his chest with my finger, about to move around him to start walking towards his house.

He stops me by reaching up to grab my hand, the one I poked him with, his fingers pressing into my fingers. Watching me carefully he steps in closer, his fingers half press between mine. My heart skips in my chest, feeling my eyes grow wider, confused by what he was doing. His dark eyes move over my face, lingering on my lips, just to move all over again. I stare back at him, not sure what to do. Just when I think I should say something he drops our hands, stepping back and saying,

“We should go in.”

I nod and follow after him, whatever words were going to leave me are swallowed back. Inside his house I rub my hands over my arms, looking all around as he grabs some water from the kitchen. I spot a picture of him and his mom and brother, they all looked so happy. I smile to myself, fingers coming up to touch and squeeze at my lips. I wonder if I would ever meet them properly, or if he would ever meet my parents properly. We are friends right? It would be fine and less awkward then trying to introduce each other as boyfriends… though we never even talked about that. 

“C’mon…”

I jump at the hand on my back, turning to see Mark, I nod out of reflex. My head dipping as I follow him up to his room. Inside I take off my shoes and set them by the door as I walk further in. Hearing the door close behind me, I crawl up onto his bed and sit back on my knees near the edge.

“What should we…”

I start then stop, Mark had set down the waters and was now standing in front of me. Sat back on my knees he was still taller and that was just unfair, so I sit up on my knees to at least even us out. My hands coming up to hold his shoulders, giggling at his confused look. His own hands come up to touch at my hips, which makes my toes curl for some reason. Letting out a breath I lean into him, shuffling closer to the edge allowing him to firmly hold my waist to keep me from falling. Leaning in the same time he does to press our lips together, my feet shift and I melt into him. My hands trail up from his shoulders to hold the sides of his face, my head tilting trying to deepen the kiss. 

I could feel his hands run up by back then down again, hugging me close to his solid form. A shiver vibrates my spine as his tongue slides over my lips and I part them easily for him. Meeting his tongue in my mouth, it still felt a little weird but I push it back. My nails digging into his face before I move my hands around to the back of his head, his soft black hair sliding between my fingers. Which I curl and tug gently, hearing a small grunting sound leave him. It felt unreal, like I wasn’t even here with him. 

Pulling back to try and breathe I feel myself tremble against him, my eyes blinking open to look at his beautiful flushed face. The grip I had on his hair loosening slowly, our noses bumping as I try to take in deep breaths and swallow back his taste in my mouth. 

Mark pulls back a little more, his hand coming up from my lower back to my shoulders. His large hands gripping them tightly, almost squishing me together as he leans in to press a kiss to the corner of my mouth. My lips move forward but they barely connect before he’s pulling back, his hands sliding down the front of my chest now. I lower my own hands to hold his biceps, needing to keep balance but also give him space to do whatever it was he was about to do. Since I was too curious to stop him.  
Looking down I see his fingers touching at the claps that held the straps and the chest piece of my overalls together. Biting at my lower lip I keep my eyes there as he slowly slides the button up out of it’s place with his thumb. Allowing the them to fall away from each other, the chest bit of the overalls sagging down immediately to show off more of my shirt. My heart squeezes with anticipation and anxiety when he does the same to the other strap. The front of my overall falls down easily, his fingers pushing the straps off my shoulders to let them fall behind me in a way that cause them to pool around my hips.

I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding, looking back up at his face. His lips are parted and his eyes are soft but curious as he looks down at my shirt, then back up at my face. It was strange to be undressed in such a slow way, like he was unsure if he wanted to, or if I wanted him too. Did I want him too? I liked it yes, but maybe it was too soon? I think I should say something, try and work out what was going to happen next, but I also just wanted to go with it. As long as it felt nice it couldn’t be so bad, could it?  
I lower my hands to grasp his elbows, feeling his hands still touching and rubbing over my chest. My toes curl when he accidentally rubs his thumbs over my nipples, which were more sensitive than I liked to admit. A low mumble leaves my mouth as my back arches just a bit.

“I… never…” Mark speaks in a whisper, bringing his hands up to hold my neck between them. A shiver of hot tingles shots down my back, and over my face. The action was both nice but sent me into a small panic that I didn’t want right now.

“Been with a boy?” I finish for him in a gentle tone. My hands sliding up to hold his wrists to settle myself. Watching as he slowly nods at me before speaking, 

“I never really been with anyone but, definitely not…” He licks at his lips, before leaning in to kiss me gently, “… a boy.” He finishes when he pulls back.

“Have you?” He asks and I feel my stomach drop, my eyes falling away from his face as I try to hold back from yelling suddenly. 

All I can do is nod.

He lifts my chin and leans in to kiss me again, I feel my lips tremble against his when they meet and I feel so stupid. So I hold him tighter and nibble at his lips before his mouth parts and our tongues meet there. Sighing through my nose, feeling him press against me. A few minutes pass before I pull back, blinking my eyes open to see his lips were glossy with spit and now a deeper shade of red. My heart is drumming wildly in my chest, I feel both light headed and oddly grounded here with him. Like there was no other place I wanted to be, like nothing could touch us here. I swallow back my nerves and shuffle back on my knees, pulling him with me.

“Here, so you don’t have to stand…” I offer, hands dropping away from each other as he awkwardly shuffles onto his own bed. 

I sit back on my knees watching him, my fingers digging into the corduroy of my overalls still clinging to my thighs. His shirt is wrinkled and his joggers are pulled tightly over his thick thighs as he sits on his knees before me. Both of us just staring at each other, unsure of what to do. I wanted to keep kissing, I wanted him to touch me and make me feel better. But I couldn’t shut off my own brain, it keeps racing in five different directions of thoughts until it was all almost incoherent.

“Lay down….” I motion at him then the bed as I shuffle back until I hit the wall behind me. He looks confused, but he doesn’t question me, moving to lay on his back.

His head turns to look at me, his wild shaggy hair spread out over the pillow. I take a breath and look away from him, I needed to be sure that I’d be okay and the best way to do that was to be in control. I had no idea how far I really wanted this to go right now, but the way my body reacted to his hands gently on my neck makes me think I wasn’t really for much more than kissing. With that in mind I look back to him before I finally move my body, crawling over to him so I could bring my my leg up and over his middle. With my legs on either side of his body I slowly lower my self to hover just above his waist. He gasps under me, his hands grabbing my sides then my hips tightly as if he were about to toss me right off the side of the bed.

When he relaxes some I slowly lower myself to sit on him, my hands on his chest. I feel him go ridged under me before relaxing, his grip loosening where he held me.

“We should… go slow...” I suggest, my fingers curling into his shirt, gently tugging it as I spoke, “… I don’t know… what I’m ready for and I… just, you…” I clear my throat trying to get my mouth to work correctly.

“I don’t even know what… we are.” I let my gaze fall away from his face, maybe this wasn’t the best time to bring it up. When we’re in his bed and I’m straddling him. It should be obvious, what we were but also it really wasn’t when it came to Mark.

“Ne- never mind.” I quickly place my hand over his mouth when he goes to speak, I didn’t want to hear what he had to say. I know it would only hurt, so instead I lean over him and replace my hand with my lips.

I kiss him hard, wanting to savor the way it felt. 

“Ethan…” Mark’s voice is deeper when he says my name and it shakes my core, it was like a bass beat that travels throughout your body when you stand to close to a speaker. 

His fingers dig sharply into my hips before pushing up the hem of my shirt so he could brush his fingers over my skin. My body tenses up, twitching as my feet shift around. It felt weird, but nice. It was oddly soft compared to what I’ve been through, compared to the force Mark used to push me. I couldn’t remember the last time someone actually touched me without the intention to hurt me. Probably before I was isolated between going therapy and locking myself away in my old room. Then the weeks of preparing to move here, no phone, no visits allowed.

No one can hurt you, if you’re alone.

Pulling back I take in a deep breath, shifting around almost uncomfortably as his hands run up my bare sides and then back down to grab my waist with both hands, squeezing me. I look down at him, breathing a little too hard, my fingers carding through his hair to push it back from his face. Laid completely over him, my back slightly arched as I touch our noses.

“I don’t know what I’m ready for either…” Mark finally says, my heart tugs with worry he would just kick me out right now, “… but I like you.” His hands trail over my back making goosebumps rise over my hot skin.

I giggle at him, my hand grabbing his cheeks to squeeze them.

“I like you too, dumb ass.”

He chuckles, as a hand reaches up to grab the back of my head. Pulling me into another kiss, letting it linger as long as we could. Both of us seeming to relax against each other. I pull back to kiss his chin then his neck, lips parting to drag over his pulse. I can feel him shiver under me, my teeth come down to nip there and he squirms so hard. Yet his hands grab me hard enough to leave bruises, keeping me against him as his head pressed back into the pillows. I was not expecting him to be so sensitive, then again if I was the first one to do anything like this to him he would be extra sensitive. Or maybe his neck was just one of his weak points.

I bite down with more intention feeling him jerk and arch into me, muffling a sound that tried to leave him. I smirk against where I bit, before dragging my tongue over the spot only to kiss it. Moving down to a spot near the base of his neck, repeating the actions slower this time. His hands fall to my thighs, pushing them down so my body shifts further down his body, sitting me right on his waist now. I suck in surprised breath, pulling back from his neck. I could feel he was half hard already and my brain short circuits to the point I can’t think, I just feel dizzy.

“What are you doing to me?” 

I blink at his question, trying to gather myself enough to say something.

“Mark.. I…” I start before I’m cut off,

“Mark? You home?”

A different voice calls out and I jerk to sit up, looking towards his bedroom door at the same time Mark did. A split second later Mark shoves me off of him and I fall next to him on my back. Pushing to sit up I instinctively grab his pillow to hug to my chest, as Mark moves off the side of the bed. Adjusting himself before grabbing his remote to turn on his TV just in time for his brother to knock on his door then poke his head into his room.

I give a tense smile, as his brother looks between me and Mark.

“Oh, you got company...” He says, “… I was just going to order some food, if you want?”

I can’t see Mark’s face and I am terrified of what he might me thinking right now. I was so nervous my stomach clenches almost painfully and my face was becomes so hot it almost felt like a burn. 

“Yeah, sure…” Mark’s voice is stiff and I feel the need to nod in agreement.

His brother raises his brow like he wants to say something, still looking between us and I shift around. Trying to not seem suspicious, trying to act like I wasn’t just giving his brother a hickey and feeling him hard against me. The thought makes me shiver, tingles moving over my hips and groin. I grunt, gosh I was so stupid. The sound of the TV brings me back, and I notice his brother is gone and Mark was now sitting heavily on the end of his bed. His back still facing me, his shoulders slumped forward. Pushing the pillow to the side I move slowly back to my knees, Mark doesn’t look back so I am able to get right behind him. My arms move around his neck, my face pressing into his hair as he tenses up then tilts his head to the side as if to look back at me. 

“It’s okay.” I says gently, dropping my head to his shoulder to kiss the side of his neck and he leans his head into me. Only nodding in return, his hand coming up to hold onto my arms around him.

“Why don’t we just play… some games?” He offers and I smile.

“Sure.”


	10. Kiss Me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethan gives off more top energy than Mark likes to admit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. This chapter seriously gave me top!Ethan vibes, and I didn't even realize it would turn out that way. But hey.
> 
> 2\. I took time off from this fic to write a few chapters in advance, since I hate the time between posting the chapters being so long. I have chapters 11 and 12 drafted. I just need to edit them. So they should be out soonish.
> 
> 3\. Slow burns are the worst for me, since I worry too much over them going too fast. BUT also, I want to time skip some, but I never know when. 
> 
> 4\. So I've been thinking keeping the chapters day by day with the switch in pov for the first month in the fic and then time skipping some. Ehh. idk.

Mark POV

Even after Ethan left I could still feel his mouth on my neck, I honestly couldn’t stop thinking about it. I couldn’t remember the last time I felt such a mix of sensations running through me. It made me act purely on instinct, how I pushed him down as I got worked up. The light pain but pleasure from him biting at my skin, the damn shot of adrenaline when Thomas came into the room. I felt bad for shoving him off the way I did, but I couldn’t have Thomas see that. Not to mention no ones wants to have boner when their brother is in the room, even if the two things are not directly correlated. 

Hell, that night I even dreamt about it, Ethan on top of me. His hands in my hair, teeth in my neck. I ended up waking in pool of my own sweat, my body hot all over to the point I had to get up for a cold shower. Looking in the mirror when I stepped out, which is how I spotted the small bruises on my neck, both of them no bigger than a dime. I curse at myself, drying off my hair before pulling on my pajama bottoms and heading back to bed.

It wasn't long before I needed to get up for school, I just wanted to sleep. Again, that boy had plagued my mind into a sleepless night. Huffing I pull on a black shirt and sweats, grabbing my bag on the way out of my room. Downstairs is quiet since no one else seemed to be up yet. I grab a pop-tart and a water before heading out. While locking the front door I spot Thomas bike off to the side. Checking the time I figure it's too early to get Bob to come pick me up, maybe I could get to Ethan first. Was that too much? Would he even want me to pick him up? I bite at my lip for a minute, fuck it, I grab the bike. 

At least this time it isn't raining, so the ride is smooth. I stay on the street when I get to his house, there was no way in hell I was about to knock. Instead I post up on the bike and text him to come outside. He sends me question marks and nothing else. A few minutes pass of nothing, so I consider just texting him again. 

That was until he comes outside, waving back into the house before closing the front door behind him. He turns to look at me with a smile. He has on blue tight jeans today, there cuffed up at the bottom showing off his colorful socks. His black shirt is about two sizes too big, making him seem smaller than normal. Where the hell did this boy learn to dress? Why was it so cute? He hops down the stairs and jogs towards me. His arms come up immediately to wrap around my shoulders, pulling me into a hug. I dip my head to his shoulder as I hug him back.

"Mornin'!" He practically coos at me, swinging us side to side gently.

"I couldn't sleep." I mumble against him, pulling back with a yawn. Even though he didn’t ask, it just felt like I needed a reason to be here, to pick him up.

He is still smiling at me when he pulls back, his hands moving to cradle my face between them. I couldn't help the small sound that left me, pressing my face into his hands for a moment to just breathe. I don’t know why I reacted that way, but I didn’t have the energy to try and figure it out.

"Still some time before we have to get to school, we can hang out a bit." He offers in such a sweet voice, I just want to kiss him. 

But I can't. 

"Yeah, I know a place..." I open my eyes and motion to my bike, "... c'mon."

He steps back, looking at the bike, "You're not going to kill us on that thing are you?" He jokes and I roll my eyes. 

Kicking up the stand before I get on it, "Shut up."

He chuckles as he climbs onto the extended bars on the back wheel, his hands grabbing my shoulders to steady himself. 

"Hold on." I say behind me, pushing down on the peddle a second later.

\--

There is a place a few blocks from school, where the trees opened up to a small area with a large rock. It was out of sight from the road so no one could see us, but not too far away that we would get lost. I left the bike at the bottom of the large rock as we climb up to sit on top of it. He sits close next to me touching our knees as he plays around with a few pebbles. His shirt sags off his shoulder, I could see a good part of his skin, its pale and littered with beauty marks. Which was fitting.

"You said, you couldn't sleep? Is everything okay?" Ethan is the first to break the silence, reaching over to touch my arm, his head turned to look up at me.

I shift, I couldn't tell him that I was horny for him all night, so I couldn't sleep. That felt gross just thinking about it, so I decide to bring up something else that was bothering me instead.

"You said it was okay... when I pushed you but, it's really far from okay." I say with a grunt, feeling him slide his hand down from my arm to rest it over my hand, holding it. My hand was resting on my lap so I turn it over to touch at his slim fingers. 

"I'm really fucking sorry." I shake my head, my eyes still on our joined hands. Just saying sorry, didn't feel like enough, but I don’t know what else to say or do. 

I turn my head when he presses a kiss to my shoulder, his face staying there. His big eyes are looking up at me with such a soft expression, a half smile turning up his lips.

"I know."

I shake my head again, having to push some hair from my face. I don't know why he forgave me so quick, his words coming back from that day. I consider not bringing it up, but I also couldn't help but ask.

"You also said, that... you knew what it looked like? When-- when someone really wanted to hurt you? What... did you mean?"

He pulls his face back, his hand curling in my grasp. Maybe I shouldn't have asked, but it's not like I could take it back. I push open his hand to press my fingers between his, hoping that would help. His face is set in thought, his brows furrowed as he bites at his lips. 

"It's okay if you don't..." I start, but he stops me,

"No it's..." He licks at his lips, "... I had.. uh, falling out with someone." He pauses, letting out a breath, his lips twitching as if he was about to cry. 

Tilting his head back to let his light eyes search the sky. His brown hair seems lighter under the sun, his features so soft, even dotted with acne. Gosh, he is so beautiful. Why couldn't I have met him before? Before I became an asshole, maybe I would be different. Maybe he wouldn't have had his nervous breakdown he mentioned.

"We weren't really a couple or even friends most of the time... they just, I don't know. They liked to get me to do stuff for them mostly. Or like, use me as some kind of... it didn't make sense. I don't really know how to explain it." He turns to look at me with worry, so I give his hand a little squeeze. 

"... and then they got mean. Really mean... treated me more like, like... sc-- not, like a person who had feelings. A prop?" He huffs, moving his free hand to mess around with his hair before he drops it down to his lap. Looking away from me again. 

"Anyway, I tried to end whatever it was between us. They got... angry. They got so angry." He sniffs, "... started to spread lies around school, saying I did awful things. I already didn't have a lot of friends, I was okay with people sure, but not a lot of close friends. So, a lot of kids turned on me." 

I lean into him, touching our shoulders as our joined hands held tight to each other. I couldn't imagine what they put him through, I didn't want to. It made me so angry, that anyone could want to hurt him. He is so kind, so soft, breakable. 

"I got bullied a lot, for long while. But I kind of ignored it, I don’t like to fight, and most of it was like saying mean things or stealing my gymnastics uniform and putting it in the toilet. So, like shitty stuff but... when they got to me. It got physical..." He pauses to squeeze his eyes shut, his free hand digging the pebble it held into his jeans. 

"The look..." He shivers all over before almost cowering in my direction. 

"That's it..." I cut of whatever he was going to say, wrapping my arms around him and pulling him into me, "... it's okay."

He sighs with relief, curling against me as his hands grab at my shirt. Burying his face in my neck, and part of my chest. I pull him into my lap, so he is sitting sideways on my thighs. My arm wrapped around his shoulders as my hand rubs over his back gently, hearing him sniffle against me.

"I'm okay..." He says through a strained chuckle, moving his hand up to wipe his face, "... it's too early for this."

I smile, "You know, you're not wrong."

He presses his face into my shoulder and sighs. His hands curling into my shirt, my hand running over his back pauses to squeeze the back of his neck. 

"Uh, you know you left hickey's on me yesterday." I say trying to change the topic, even if it was to one that made me uncomfortable. 

His head snaps back, blinking through watery eyes to look at my neck, "I... did?"

I turn my head to show him the small bruises, to which he laughs, "They are so small." His finger pokes at them and I grunt. 

"Stop that." I swat at his fingers, grabbing them when he resists. 

He shifts around in my lap until he is straddling me, I lean back as he adjusts himself. Once he stops moving he meets my gaze, a soft smile on his lips. His shirt completely fell off his shoulder from all the moving. I dip my head down to press a kiss to naked skin, its soft and warm under my lips. His hands crawl up my arms slowly, leaving my face pressed there to his shoulder. My stomach was knotting and rolling with nerves. I grab at the back of his shirt, twisting the fabric against his lower back. I don't want to let him go.

"We have to go in soon." Ethan speaks close to my ear, his soft voice sending a vibration down the back of my neck.

"But I want you to kiss me first." He goes on, his hands touch my head so I could lean back.

Looking up at him, I nod. He leans down to touch our lips, it's soft, careful. 

\--

We spend a couple long minutes just kissing, it stays slow and soft. It felt like I was starting to learn his mouth, his movements. It made me feel less clumsy, practice makes perfect or whatever that saying was. When we were off the rock he kisses my cheek, giving me a wink and a 'one for the road'. I rolled my eyes and get on the bike as he got on the back. Not letting him see the stupid smile on my face as I get us to school. I round the side to get to the parking lot where Bob was parked. He's standing by it with just Wade, thank God. Ethan hops off so I can lock the bike up before we head over to them. 

"Hello, hello." Bob greets first, then Wade, "Hey, guys."

Ethan practically bounces his way to them with a happy little wave. I almost feel embarrassed for him, why did he have to be the way that he is. My eyes dart around to see if anyone was looking, but they're not. I turn back and greet them as well, all of us starting to walk towards school as Bob tells Ethan about how he destroyed everyone at Mario Kart. 

Inside people move out of our way, I do my best to ignore it. They always move out my way, half of them were probably scared of me. The other half just not giving a shit. That's the way I like it, I had my friends, and whatever Ethan is, I don't need anyone else. I glace at Ethan, he smiling and talking about something with Wade, his hands moving fast as they motion around and touch at his face. I couldn't help the smile that touched my lips at the sight of him radiating. Ugh, did I just think of him as radiating? I shake it off.

Bob and Wade split off to head to class, Ethan tells me he needs to get something from his locker. So I walk him there, just to find see Tyler standing by his locker.

"Hey, Ethan, Mark." He smiles and I am sure my face was scowled with how he decides to just address Ethan.

"Right, I needed to talk to you."

Ethan looks to me, "I'll meet you in class. Okay?"

Not okay.

"Yeah." I pat his back before walking off.

Huffing I head to the bathroom first, some guy in all black is smoking by the window. We look at each other before opting to ignore one another. He goes back to smoking and I go to the sink to get some cold water on my face with one hand. Trying to calm myself down. Ethan kissed me, he didn't like Tyler that way, right? It's not like we were together though. The idea of asking him to be my boyfriend made me feel sick. Then what? What am I so pissed about? What if I did ask him. He wouldn't say no. He couldn't... he could.   
I slap the tap off and grab some paper towels to dry my hand then my face. Tossing them away on way out so I could get to English class. My eyes dart to Ethan's empty seat as soon as I walk in. Annoyed I toss my bag to the floor by my desk before sitting down heavily. Making the table scratch against the ground. I ignore the looks, instead I pull the book out if my bag to drop it on my desk with a thump.

Where was he?

Just as I think that, Ethan slides into the room just before the bell. Our teacher gives him a warning look as he quickly walks to the desk behind mine, claiming his seat. The class is soon hushed as the teacher starts talking, saying we were going to have a quiz and discussion on the book tomorrow, since we would be half way through after today.  
Once were dismissed to silently read, I feel Ethan's hands on my shoulders. Hearing him shuffle around behind me, I assume he is leaning forward, as he was now talking in my ear,

"Can we share again?"

I swallow, "Sure."

He pulls back to get his desk up next to mine, pulling his legs up onto the chair. I glance at him to see he's smiling. His hands gently slapping on his desk as he waits for me to open the book. So I do, flipping the pages until we get to the new chapter, holding it open between us. He has to lean close to my shoulder to look over at it. His fingers moving constantly as he does, his jaw twitching a bit so I assume he nibbling on his tongue. 

I don't realize I am just staring at him until he turns to look at me. Our faces too close, his eyes darting down at my lips before coming back up.

"What?"

"Nothing." I say back to keep myself from leaning in.

"I can't really focus..." He admits in a soft tone, "... I still have my notes on the book anyway." He shrugs and sits back, his eyes never leaving mine.

"Boys, silent reading please." Our teacher calls out, stopping the low murmur from the other kids as well as us. I turn to see a few people looking at us.

"Actually..." Ethan says loudly, his hand raised, "... can I use the bathroom?"

Our teacher looks up annoyed, "Be quick please." 

Ethan jumps up and grabs a hall pass from the table up front, pausing only to look at me before disappearing. I huff, going back to the book trying to actually read it this time. Of course I can't, but at least I can pretend. A few minutes pass before I have a feeling Ethan isn't coming back. Shifting I close my book, looking around at everyone either reading or passing notes.

I clear my throat and raise my hand.

The teacher looks at me with a raised brow.

"Bathroom?" I question, not sure if he would let me go.

He blinks at me, "If you find Mr. Nestor, out there tell him to find his way back."

I nod and shove my book away before leaving the class, grabbing the second hall pass on the way out. The halls are quiet as I walk through, the muffled sounds of classes going on is the only thing that reminds you, that you're not alone. I don’t find Ethan in the hall, so I try the first boys bathroom. 

Inside I find him sitting on the windowsill swinging his legs. A smile breaks out over his face as soon as he looks up at me. I blink at him, was he waiting for me? Or someone else?

"I... was starting to think you didn't get the hint." He laughs as he jumps down to walk towards me. 

"The hint? I thought you fell in a black hole or something." I honestly didn't know it was a hint, why would it be a hint? What was a hint? Why do I feel stupid right now?

"Aw, my hero." He teases, grabbing my hands to pull me around the wall that sections off the door and a few of the stalls. 

I mumble a 'shut up' as he pushes me into the end stall where the lights didn't work well, leaving the area dim. He closes the stall door behind us, I stand awkwardly by the wall watching Ethan lock it. I have no idea what he's doing, not until he turns to me. His hands coming up to grab the front of my shirt as he leans up on his toes to kiss me. I'm shocked still, letting him press his lips over mine until my brain seem to click and I'm kissing him back. My hands hesitate before grabbing his hips. I feel dizzy, I never kissed anyone at school. Definitely not in a bathroom stall when I should be in class. 

I want to push him away, yell at him that we couldn't do this here. But all my stupid body does is pull him closer, pressing him right up against my body. My head tilting to the side to deepen the kiss hungrily. The adrenaline coursing through me makes my hands sweat, my face hot as ever, as I hold back any sounds that wanted to leave me. His hands have let go of my shirt and were now pressing into the sides of my neck. The tiny tingle of pain hitting where the bruises were, which causes a shiver to roll down my spine.

Where did this confidence from him even come from? Maybe the same place it came from yesterday at my house. He was the one who told me what to do, who straddled me and went for my neck. I almost couldn't process the idea that he was probably more experienced at this than me. It really shouldn't be a surprise considering my lack of dating or letting people touch me. But he seemed so... pure.

We jump apart when the bathroom door slams open. Ethan pressing his hand over my mouth like I would say something. He looks wild, his eyes wide, his face flushed. Crawling up onto the toilet so only my feet would show if anyone looked. He crouches on the toilet seat, our eyes not leaving each others. I reach over to adjust his shirt, which is hanging off his shoulder again, ignoring the fact that he was now crouch height. He takes my hand when I'm done and presses soft little pecks to my knuckles. His hands are shaking, fear deep in his blues.

I never thought I would actively have to listen to someone I couldn't see take a piss. Then listen to the flush, then the sink running, before the bathroom door slams closed. 

"Fuck." I let out a breath, leaning my head fall back to rest on the wall behind me.

He climbs down slowly, "I'm sorry." He sighs, rubbing his face before looking up at me.

I lift my head from the wall so I could look at him with confusion, what was he sorry for? Kissing me? Luring me to the bathroom to kiss me and then almost getting us caught? It sounds stupid when I think about it. And oddly I wasn’t mad at him for it, I enjoyed the kiss. I wanted to kiss him again, and again.

"You should go first." I suggest, reaching up to pat his hair back into place. 

He gives me a half smile as I do. Leaning into me again he presses one last kiss to my lips before exiting the stall. I let out a breath, listening to him leave the bathroom. I just stand there for a few minutes, listening to the pipes push around water in the walls. Not sure how long I needed to hang around for it not to be obvious that we were probably hanging out together. God, if anyone was paying attention, I couldn’t imagine the rumors that would come.

I’m jump started from my thoughts, by the sound of the bathroom door opening again, rolling my eyes I flush and exit the stall. Moving over to wash my hands, trying push down the feeling of heat in my cheeks, the memory of his lips on mine. How soft they were, how much I wanted to keep going. I grunt, slapping the tap off, ignoring the guy that had come in as I grab at the paper towels. I leave the bathroom after drying my hands, touching at the wet parts of my wrap. 

Back in class Ethan is waiting for me, his eyes seeming to light up when he spots me. I look away from him, setting down the hall pass and returning to my desk. He's quiet, we both are. I grab the book so we can get back to reading.

\--

When class is over I walk him to his next class. He talks about picking back up his hobbies again, and working out properly. I offer to work out with him, since aside from my knowledge from band I didn't know much about other instruments. He bounces on his heels happily, talking a bit quicker. Stumbling over his words and giggling between the mess ups. It is incredibly cute, but soon enough we have to part. At the door he turns as if he wanted to say something, but for some reason he doesn't, instead he just pats my arm and says he see me later. 

The next class or two goes by without incident, I focus best I can on it. Soon enough its lunch time and I am almost excited to see Ethan again. Heading into the lunch room I look around but I don’t see him anywhere. I grab some food, my eyes darting around time to time in search of him as I head over to the table Bob and Wade had claimed. 

"Hey." I offer sitting next to Wade, my eyes still darting around.

"I’m surprised you decided to grace us with your ever lively presence." Bob jokes, waving his hand at me, which makes Wade giggle.

I turn back to them while pushing some hair from my face, "Just... ugh." I groan at myself for acting like an idiot.

"Trouble in paradise?" Wade chimes in, his tone slightly more friendly than Bob's. But just as annoying, mostly because I was pissed at myself.

"Yeah, where's, Ethan, Mark? Huh?" Bob's hand slaps on the cafeteria table, "... what have you done to'em?"

"I didn't do anything, I haven seen him since this morning. I don't know where he is." I turn my attention to the food on my tray, grumbling at it like that would help anything. 

"Oh, he's probably with, Tyler. I saw them walking out onto the football field, before I met up with Bob." Wade says casually, making my jaw clench. Now he decided to bring that up?

It fine, that's fine. They're friends. Its cool.

"So what." I grunt, huffing air through my nose.

"Dude, you really need to stop being so uptight about Tyler, and Ethan." Bob's tone turns into something more serious. His dad tone as I call it, and I hated it.

"I'm not, anything about them, they can do whatever they want." I push around the vegetables on the tray, which were unsalted and looked as bland as they would taste.

"Oh yeah? So, you don’t care that Ethan's hanging out with him without you? That Tyler is nicer? Has his own car, is more handsome..." Bob starts to poke, which leads Wade to chime in,

"And taller."

"Would both of you, shut up?" I grunt, finally looking up at them, before looking around to make sure no one was listening. 

"We'll shut up, when you stop shoving down your fuzzy feelings for Ethan. Maybe then, you will start acting normal." Bob's dad tone persists and I would like to melt into my seat and disappear. 

"Yeah, it's... you know cool if you like him." Wade tries to add in, his tone is unsure though.

"I don’t have..." I start to yell, but that only causes people to look. So I reel myself back in, "... have fuzzy feelings for, Ethan." I finish off in an aggressive whisper.

My face flushing hot from the attention, so I look back down at my tray. Not even remotely hungry anymore. I just wanted to leave, cool off, but I don’t want to move after my outburst. So I am just left sitting here, pushing around now cold food.

"We're doomed, Wade. We'll be stuck with grumpy, Mark forever." Bob sighs.

"I mean, only until he admits it." Wade nudges my shoulder, I'm not sure of it was meant to be a joke or support of some kind. But it made my hands curl up, wanting to hit something. 

"Like I said, forever."

"Can we please, please, talk about anything else?" I question, trying desperately to hold tight to my last bit of sanity.

"Yeah, Wade. What’s with you and Molly?"

"Hey, wait..."

\--

I spot Ethan before he spots me, he's sat on the bleachers with his legs crossed. Hunched over an open book and notebook, his hair is wild from the breeze. His torso swimming in his oversized shirt, while his slim legs were hugged by his jeans. I feel my stomach tighten up at the sight of him, my feet going towards him before I could tell them any better. Climbing up the steps I notice he had his headphones on, so he doesn't notice me right away. 

When I move to sit next to him he jumps and pulls out his headphones with a surprised squeak. Followed by a nervous kind of giggle,

"Mark! You scared the shit out of me." He mumbles, trying to adjust his books and hair before looking up at me. His gray blues searching my face, looking at me fondly. 

"I missed you at lunch..." I say, leaning to rest my forearms on my knees.

"Aw, you missed me?" He teases, leaning over to nudge my shoulder with his before sitting back. 

"No." I huff weakly, not sure what else to say.

"Tyler asked me to watch him practice, and I have like a ton of homework I need to do. I missed... a lot." He sighs, I glance over to see him looking down at his books with a frown.

"I... can help you get through it..." I offer, rubbing the back of my neck as I lean back, "... if you want to come over after school." I offer.

"I can't today, my parents want to have family night. But..." He leans into me, a wide smile moving over his face, "... I can come over tomorrow?"

He's too close to me, I have to stop myself from leaning in. 

"Sounds good... is uh, Tyler taking you home?" 

He tilts his head at me, "Do you want to take me home?" 

"I mean... I still got the bike." I rub my hand over the back of my neck again, feeling foolish, why couldn't I think of something better to say?

"Well, since you got the bike." He laughs so sweetly it vibrates in my chest. "I'd like you to take me home." He adds in bumping our shoulders before sitting back looking absolutely smug, and adorable. 

Why, why him? Why now? I wish I could stop asking myself that.

I shake my head, "C'mon, pack up, I'll walk you to class."

\--

The swelling in my hand had gone down a lot, moving my fingers around was easier as well. Maybe another day and I should be able to remove the wrap completely, I could finally forget how stupid I was. First hitting the locker then that stupid fucking fight, God, if he had actually touched Ethan I would have lost it. More than I already had. The pain on Ethan’s face when he found me in the locker room later that day, it was so confusing, heartbreaking. No one ever reacted to me getting into a fight like that before. It was such genuine concern, for the first time I actually felt bad about it. 

Sighing, I sit back on the locker room bench, feeling the water from the shower I took fall from my hair and run down my back. It makes me shiver since I still had my shirt off. Thankfully everyone else from wrestling was already gone. I didn't need anyone’s comments right now, I just needed a minute to decompress. 

"Oh..."

I blink open my eyes to see Ethan standing there. His hands gripping the straps to his book bag he has on, his shirt half tucked into his jeans showing off the curve of his hip and long slim legs. His baggy shirt leaves a good bit of his neck and shoulder exposed, but thankfully it hasn't fallen off yet. I let out a breath, sitting forward so I could push wet hair from my face. Just to stop myself from staring at him.

"... h- how's your hand?" He questions stepping towards me slowly.

I look down at my hand, "Better, swelling has gone down so... I can probably take off the wrap soon." I offer with a shrug, seeing his legs come to a stop in front of me. I take in a breath, wanting to reach out and touch them.

He crouches down between my legs, gently taking my hand between his. Adjusting the wrap here and there silently. I watch his face, taking in his soft concentrated features. I lean in closer to him without thinking, making him blink up at me. Bright eyes moving around my face as he slowly stops nibbling on his bottom lip to smile. My free hand comes up to grip the side of his neck, my thumb pushing up under his jaw to tilt his head back further. 

"Kiss me." He whispers, making my heart stutter. It was almost a demand and I would never admit that I kind of liked it. I look around us instinctively, making sure it was clear, even though I already knew it was.

Looking back to him I swallow thickly, not sure I could actually do it. Not until his hands are on my knees, pushing himself up into me. My head drops forward instantly, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. Pulling back just to kiss him again, the sounds of us pulling apart seem too loud in the otherwise silent locker room. I press our noses together, tilting my head a bit to keep us close as I spoke,

"W- we should go."

He laughs softly, "Okay."

He moves to stand as I grab my shirt to pull it on then grab my bag. Both of us leaving the locker room and exiting the school. Most of the cars are gone in the lot, Bob's and Tyler's being only few left. They weren't by them though, so its easy to sneak away without any awkward conversation. Unlocking the bike and getting on, I wait until Ethan is on before I pull off out of the lot and onto the sidewalk. Feeling his fingers dig into my sore shoulders was a relief. 

A few blocks from his house Ethan pats my shoulders and tells me to stop. When I do he jumps off and huffs out a breath. I think maybe he just needs a minute so I just sit back on the bike, watching him stretch. He drops his arms and looks a me for a minute, before he steps over the bikes frame, facing me his back facing the handle bars. All I can do is look at him with confusion, seeing him smile before his hands come up touch my face. It still didn't register in my brain, what exactly he wanted until he was kissing me. I jerk back a little not expecting it. My hand coming up to grab his waist as I finally sink into it.

His lips are impossibly soft, I never wanted to stop kissing him. Why-- how was he so good at this? Why did my heart beat so fast, my palms sweaty as I pull him a step closer. My brain jumping around confused and excited. Though, if we weren't in a spot where the street lights didn't reach well enough, I might have pushed him away. The thought made me feel a little sick to be honest. But I just don't know if I could handle that. 

I must have tensed up thinking, because he pulls back to ask me,

"You, okay?"

I nod, "Yeah, just... not used to this, I guess." I look away from him feeling stupid for even admitting that. 

"Oh." He lowers himself to sit on the bar, his hands falling to his lap, "... if it's too much..."

"No, no..." I grab his face now, thumbs passing over his cheeks, "... it's not... I just, I don't even know what I am. I'm not... gay."

He gently tries to pull his face from between my hands, but I just grab him harder. His brows come together for a moment, his lips twitching around before he bites at them. He looks confused and upset.

"Ethan..." I start, but he cuts me off,

"Then we won't tell anyone, that's okay. You..." His hands come up to hold my wrists now, "... we can figure it out together."

"Together." I sigh out, relaxing into him, touching our foreheads, 

"Together." He hums, turning his head to kiss my cheek.

\--

I get him home soon after our talk, then get myself home before the worried texts start to come in from my mom. I tell her I'm not feeling good when I get home to avoid family dinner, instead I just grab up my plate and lock myself away in my bedroom. I get through my homework before sitting back on my bed with my laptop. I think about watching a movie or some videos but my mind drifts to Ethan. I don’t feel good about our talk, it felt too stiff, but I don’t know what else I could have said. It was all a lot to process, everything between us seemed so slow yet so fast. 

My mind was struggling with all the changes I was feeling suddenly. I spent a lot of time building up this image of myself, just for him to come around and break right through it. That and the idea that I liked a guy, or anyone. That I wanted to kiss him and touch him any time we were near each other, yet I didn't like the idea of people knowing. I just feel like a mess. I hate it. I want to hate him because it would make everything easier, but I can't. I tried, I was mean and distant with him and all he did was stick around. He didn't yell at me or run away, he just insisted on being around me.

I groan out, going into incognito mode on my browser, hesitating before pulling up a porn site. I never really cared for it, but I new the popular ones. However this wasn't about getting off, it was about testing myself. I browse through the malexmale section, too nervous to bring myself to click on any of them. Just looking through the thumbnails made me feel unsettled, shifting around I eventually click a video with the sound off. The guys in the thumbnail were less intimidating than the dozens of ones with huge hairy guys on them. It seemed more amateur as well, I have no idea what their saying so I just skip around, nearly slamming my laptop closed when I went too far and they were just going for it. 

Cringing a bit at the force of it, even though they both appear to be enjoying it. I huff out a breath, trying to see if it did anything for me. Not really. I skip more, finding a place where it seems much slower, the smaller guy sitting on top of the bigger one. It reminds me of Ethan, the weight of him sitting on me, his mouth on my neck, his soft skin under my hands. My stomach knots up at the memory, a warmth spreading out over my lap instead of my face for first time.

What the hell did that even mean? Did I just not like porn? Was it just Ethan? If it was just Ethan, did that mean I was gay? He told me he was bi once, maybe I am too?   
I groan and shut off the video, exiting out of everything before I set my laptop to the side. I click off the lights in my room before moving down to lay on my back in the darkness. I close my eyes and picture Ethan, I imagine the feeling of him on top of me again. His soft hands, his sharp teeth biting into me, the sweet pressure of him sitting on my groin. I breath out slowly. My face feeling increasingly hotter as I kept going, meshing the images of the porn video with memories, trying to picture him touching me like that. Ethan, between my legs, laying over me as we kissed. Both of us naked, at least what I imagined he looked like completely naked. 

My hands curl into my bed sheets, breathing deeply in and out through my mouth. As soon as I feel my dick twitch to life, my eyes snap open, I push myself to a sitting position. Pushing my hand through my hair I mumble out a 'fuck'. Letting my eyes dart around my room to show my brain that I was alone, that Ethan wasn’t there, that needed to calm the fuck down.

Whatever I was, it was clear it was fueled by Ethan. I grab my phone and text him, telling him I hoped he had a good night and that I'd see him tomorrow. Licking at dry lips, I drop my phone and roll my neck. Pushing myself to get the lights back on so I could get lost in a game for a while.


	11. Sleepover: Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethan's day starts out rough, but ends a little better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Ethan sings is Never Be Alone by Shawn Mendes.
> 
> Also, I wasn't fooling when I said I had chapters done in advanced. I want to finish this fic! I will!
> 
> ALSO, also. I never been to therapy, so if that part feels weird or triggers anyone. I am so, very sorry. I don't mean for it to come off like I am making fun or anything. It is just important for Ethan in this fic.

Ethan POV

My parents thought it was a good idea to tell me in the middle of movie night, that they were taking me to see a new therapist tomorrow. Which left me a ball of anxiety for the rest of the night, even after I went back to my room to see Mark had texted me. I panicked for about a half an hour before I could text him back, telling him I wasn't going to school but I'd see him after to study. I then promptly tossed my phone across the room and grabbed my ukulele, sitting in the corner to play it. Eventually annoying myself into singing to block out my own thoughts. 

I don’t realize I passed out on the floor curled around my ukulele, until my mom knocks on my door the next morning. Groaning, I pull myself to my feet, sore and still annoyed. I didn't want to go, I don’t want another therapist. To reopen all that shit, I was good here, things were better, why the fuck did I need to see anyone? It was so stupid, but it's not like I had much of a choice. 

I grab up some clothes and leave my room to take a shower.

Once I’m done, I towel off then get dressed, before heading downstairs. My dad is cooking breakfast and my mom is sat drinking coffee at the dining table. They are both extra nice to me and I want to crawl under a rock and sleep for a hundred years. I do want to stay as positive as I can, but I don't have the energy to make small talk. I just give them a flat ‘good morning’ and sit myself down at the island in the kitchen. Just as my dad sets down a plate of pancakes before me, I thank him and eat slowly.

I notice them talking to each other in hushed whispers and looking at me from the dining table. I ignore them best I can, pretending I didn’t notice. I didn’t want to notice.  
I get up to set my empty plate in the sink before heading back to my room to find my discarded phone. Adjusting my black jeans, before slipping into a bright pair of sneakers. The rain last night left a cool dewy kind of feeling in the air this morning. So I grab my worn yellow hoodie, my favorite hoodie. It never failed to make me feel cozy. Pulling it on I pat my hair before heading back downstairs. 

I hear my parents arguing through whispers, I can’t make out what they are saying. I assume it’s about me, what else could it be about? I scuff. I haven't felt this genuinely upset for a while. I know, I shouldn't take it out on them, they were just trying to help. But that doesn’t stop the annoyance from building up in my chest.

They stop talking as soon as I make it to the bottom of the steps, tense smiles pulling over their lips. I sigh and walk past them to head outside, not sure what to say, other than I didn't want to go. That wouldn't do anything, they already made up their minds. 

Outside I look around like I might see Mark or Tyler pulling up to take me to school. I wish that was the case, just go to school and hang out with Mark after. I didn't want to think about sitting in front of some guy or woman and dragging back up what happened. 

I was over it, I had to be.

"Ethan?"

I blink back, feeling my eyes are wet. I wipe them with my hoodie sleeve before turning to get into the car. I buckle up quickly before slumping, I rest my head back against the hard cushion. Letting my eyes wonder to the side so I could look out the window. My fingers touching and tugging at each other in my lap, pinching my sleeves as I try to clear my head. Thankfully they didn't try start up any small talk, instead the car easily pulls out of the driveway.

I shift around trying to keep my mind off of everything. I don’t want think about what happened, or why I was here in a strange place. I thought about Mark, wondering what he was doing, was he in English class yet? I'd miss the quiz, I'd have to make it up. Hell, if I didn't start taking school serious, I could only hope for summer school to pass into the next grade. How pathetic would it be, to be another year behind my friends, behind Mark. I still needed to make it meet the Gymnastics coach for an informal try out, though I worry I won’t be fit enough. I still haven't started to work out again and I've been eating shit foods for the last two months at least. 

I sigh at myself, watching the swirl of homes turn into store fronts. 

Then there is the thing of whatever the hell me and Mark even are. He doesn't even think he's gay, which sure, he could bi or something else. But him trying to grasp at the 'not gay' thing was worrying, because it completely excluded the idea that he thought of us seriously. That or he might have a gay panic moment and push me away completely. It's not like I could tell my parents even if we were serious, they would worry and probably forbid me from seeing him. They would think it was too soon after...

"I know your nervous, but this therapist was recommended by your old one." My moms voice cuts through the awkward silence first.

I turn my head to look at her through the rear view mirror. Her smile is still tense, her eyes worried and I feel like an asshole. Again, I was making them worry.

"Okay." I push out the word with some effort, shifting around again.

"We just want to make sure you're good, buddy." Dad adds in, his tone lighter and more encouraging than moms. I think she notices too, with how she side glares at him, but says nothing.

"I know." I say softly, looking back out the window.

It meant a lot that they cared so much, that they never called me crazy or looked at me differently after the nervous breakdown or after I told them I was bi. They gave me nothing but support, and it made me feel like crap to hide anything from them. I know I’ve already put so much stress on them with the move, not to mention they were distant with each other long before what happened with me. I couldn't imagine how strained it was between them now, because of me.

"I... Mark, my friend from school offered to help me catch up with homework after he gets out of school if... that's cool?" I put it out there to see what they would say, maybe if I didn't fuss too much they would agree.

I glance back to see my mother's smile gone, she's looking at my dad intensely. Though he just keeps his eyes on the road, soon responding for both of them,

"That's nice of him... I'll drop you off."

I feel my chest tighten, then flutter with anxiety. I could tell my mom didn't approve of it, after the first time Mark came by to walk me to school she, in so many words, told me to be careful with ‘boys like him’. I have no idea what she even knew about him, since I didn't even know him that well at the time. I think she was just worried about anyone getting close to me. 

If she only knew. 

"Thanks." I offer before going back to looking out the window. 

\--

The office is simple, bland even. I had to wait for the appointment ahead of mine to finish up, so I sat between my parents, kicking my feet and toying with my bracelet. It took a lot out of me to not run right out the door, telling myself maybe it would be okay. I wasn't ready for this, I thought I put it all behind me. Though, the attack and the random crying might say otherwise. I just didn't want to be pumped up with so many pill again. I didn't feel like myself when I took them.

A ding chimes off in the distance, followed by a few more minutes of silence before the door opens and a women steps out of a room. Another teen sulking out after, avoiding eye contact with us as she left. 

"Ethan Nestor?" She calls out in a kind tone, which makes all of us stand up.

She smiles our way, it is nothing short of friendly, yet I feel my heart rate pick up. My hands turning into loose fists. 

"Right this way." She motions into the room she stood in front of, before heading into it. 

I hesitate as my parents walk ahead towards the room, biting at my lips before moving my feet. My legs feel stiff, my palms sweating as I step inside. We're all ushered to sit on the long couch as the room door was shut behind us. The therapist moving around to sit in her chair, crossing her ankles and tucking her legs slightly under. 

"Thank you, for seeing us, I know you're a busy lady, Ms. Green." My mom starts off, looking to me then to Green. 

"Oh, don't worry. I spoke to Sara, Ms. Archer... back in Maine. It was brief but, she really thinks I'd be a good fit for, Ethan." Green looks to me when she speaks, her pale face tinted red, her brown eyes tired behind her round glasses. 

"So, I just wiggled around my schedule a little bit." She looks to my mom now, still smiling.

"We appreciate it..." My dad adds in, "... it's been hectic since the move, but we're finally settled in enough now."

She nods, "Moves are always stressful, definitely ones so far." Her words are almost comforting, they settle my nerves ever so slightly.

"But there is never a wrong time, never a too late when it comes to therapy. All that matters is that we are here now." She opens up her book and sets it on the arm of her chair.  
They both nod, I shift around, unable to curb the need to move. I wonder if she notices, I bet she does. I wonder how much Ms. Archer told her about me, about the situation. She said the talk was brief but you never know what they share with each other.

"I think the best step forward is a private talk with, Ethan first. Then we can go from there." She sets a pink pen on top of her open book, 

"How does that sound?"

She's looking at me again, I shrug as my parents move to stand up, "We'll be right outside." My mom says, while my dad gives my shoulder a squeeze. 

"Okay." I mumble, turning to watch them leave the room, before all I'm left with is looking back at Ms. Green. I shift around my legs, dropping my eyes to look at the floor instead of her.

"So, I take it that you don't want to be here." She starts off, her tone still light and friendly. 

"No." I admit. 

"Want to tell me why?"

"I..." I start then stop, not sure how to word myself suddenly, "... I, just... I'm better now."

She nods, "Okay, well, why don't we talk for a little bit anyway. How is school? I know it has to be hard to be somewhere completely new."

I shrug, "It's not that bad actually, I made a lot of new friends already." I bounce a bit in my seat, a half smile touching my lips.

"That's very good. Do you want to tell me a little about them?"

I press my lips together, "Um, uh... there's Bob, Wade... Tyler, Mark... uh, Amy, Katheryn... and Molly a little bit. Tyler's on the football team, M- Mark is in band and wrestling. Bob, uh he's been talk about practicing law... Amy's into pottery and graphic design with Katheryn. Wade, um… is into Molly. I don't know..." I shrug, crossing my legs on the couch. Trying to resist the urge to bite at my nails, all to aware that I was just rambling.

"That's quite the array of personalities." She comments, writing something down that makes me feel uneasy. Like she was writing something different than she was saying, did she think I was lying? 

"They are all nice, and they all kinda grew up together." I push around my hair as I speak.

"That's all that matters, keeping good company is great for mental health. Some people think shying away from new people or situations after a bad experience, protects them, but it just makes people lonely." She adjusts her glasses.

I don't know what to say to that, she's probably right. After the incident in my old school I just sank into myself to the point my parents had to pull me from classes while they figured out the move. No matter how much I tried to convince myself I was okay, it didn’t work. I felt so alone.

"Why don't we talk about, you?"

I sigh. 

\--

I told her about my hobbies, music and singing, gymnastics. That, I was super curious about film. I avoided the nightmares and attack I had recently, but I think she could tell I was holding back. Or I was just paranoid, but it was part of her job to know those things right? Either way she didn't mention it or push too far, eventually the time was up and she lead me out of the room. Calling in my parents in, so they could talk. 

I wasn't anxious or worried anymore, I just felt drained.

\--

"C'mon, let's go home." My dad says, touching my shoulder so I would stand up. I must have looked as pathetic as I felt, since he keeps his arm around my shoulders as we exit the building and head back to the car.

"You hungry? We can grab something on the way home." He offers, but I shake my head as I climb into the back seat and lay down. Curling into my hoodie.

"M'tired." I mumble, letting my eyes close.

I hear my dad sigh as he starts up the car.

"I know, buddy."

\--

I hear them from time to time arguing in whispers whenever I roll over. But aside from that my mind is quiet, allowing me to sleep without nightmares or any dreams at all. I'm only vaguely aware of my dad telling me were home before lifting me from the back seat. I curl against him, my brain drifting in and out of consciousness as he walks me into the house and upstairs to my bedroom. I didn't realize how tired I really was, sleeping for a few more hours before my dad came to wake me up.

"Hey, bud." He says softly, shaking my shoulder gently.

I blink open tired eyes to see him sat on my bed, smiling down at me.

"It's just after school time, if you still want to study with your friend, you should text him. Find out what's a good time I can drop you off." He stops shaking me, but keeps his hand on my shoulder. Gently rubbing like he does when he wants soothe me, which works.

Rubbing at my eyes, I nod, "Y-- yeah. Okay…"

He leans over and kisses my forehead, "I'll be down stairs." 

With that, he stands to leave my room.

I sit up when my door closes, my hands trying to unwrinkle my hoodie, though I just end up sitting there patting at my stomach. Realizing slowly that I was still completely dressed, aside from my sneakers. Which I know my dad took off, setting them by the end of the bed like he always does. I reach into my pocket to grab my phone and pull up   
Mark's contact. I am too out of it for a call so I just text him.

'Hey, is it still cool if I come over to study? My dad is gonna' drop me off'

I bite at my lips as I push around my matted hair for a moment. I’m not sure how long it would take him to reply. I give up after a few minutes, setting my phone aside so I could slide off my bed. I head to the bathroom to splash my face with cold water before fixing my hair. Avoiding the mirror best I could, not wanting to catch a glimpse of my pale face in the mirror. It was sure to be creased with sleep lines, the bags under my eyes deeper, a few new pimples looking an angry shade of red. I dry my face and hands before heading back to my room to check my phone. 

My heart skips when I see he texted me back.

'Yeah. I'll be home in ten.'

I huff out a breath, turning in a half circle to sit on my bed. A stupid smile touching my lips as I think about Mark. I couldn't wait to see him, to feel normal again, distracted. My stomach grumbles with hunger, so I text him ‘cool’ and that I'd ‘let him know when we are on the way’. Before shoving my phone back in my pocket, push from my bed so I could head downstairs. My dad is on the computer in the living room, doing dad stuff, I guess.

"Hey." He calls out with an almost cheery tone.

"Hey, is there anything to eat?" I question walking past him, going through the living room to get to the kitchen.

"Should be some left overs. Or snacks in the cupboards." He says as he enters the kitchen after me. I move around to look for something quick and edible. 

"What'd your friend say?"

"He said he'll be home in ten, and I can come after that." I inform him, pulling down a box of granola bars to check the ingredients. 

"I'm glad you're already making friends." My dad says carefully, which leaves me thinking about Mark and I making out, not that I could tell him that.

"Yeah, Mark and Tyler and everyone is super nice." I say, shoving the bars away before looking for something else. Trying to distract myself from my heated cheeks.

"No... attacks or anything, right?" He has to ask, out of nowhere.

I feel my stomach drop, "Nope." I turn and give him my best smile, hoping it would convince him that I was okay. I mean, it was only the one time, it was probably fine.

"Alright. Let know when you're ready." He smiles and pats my back before leaving the kitchen. 

I let out a shaky breath, grabbing the counter to steady myself for a moment. I felt dizzy, I wasn't sure if that was the lack of food or my anxiety, but suddenly I want to go to bed for another hundred hours. Shaking myself, I settles on a bottle of water that I grab from the fridge. Heading back upstairs to my room so I could start packing my school bag with extra pens and a few of my school books I kept at home. I start zipping up the bag when my attention falls to my ukulele on the floor in the corner, right where I left it. I frown as the memories of last night come back, I head over to pick it up.

At first I lift it up to place it back on my wall but I pause, curling my fingers around the neck. I decide to take it with me. Putting it in my bag I zip it up fully, then sit to pull on my sneakers. Pulling out my phone to text Mark once more. Finding my hands are suddenly shaking too hard to focus on typing, so I send him a voice memo instead.

"Heading there now, I need to get out of this house.”

Sending it, I sigh out. Taking a few beats to try and steady my hands, just starting to think I shouldn’t go. When my phone beeps with a new message, glancing down I notice it’s from Mark. With a shaky thumb I tap it to let it play out.

"Good. I can't wait to see you."

A giggle bubbles up from my throat without me meaning for it to happen, my fingers pressing over my lips to hide my smile. Tapping the play button again just hear his deep voice echoing through my quiet room. Giddy, I push up and bolt for my bedroom door, grabbing my bag on the way out. Practically sliding down the steps. 

"Woah, where's the fire?" My dad jokes, coming to meet me at the bottom of the steps, "I take it you're ready to go?"

"Yessss!" I nearly yell, going for the front door as my dad calls out to me,

"Hey, wait... I need my ke--"

I'm already in the drive way, his voice muffled by the house. I take a deep breath in, letting the slight chill in the air cool me down. My dad comes out soon after, locking the front door before turning and unlocking the car door for me. I round the front of the car to climb into the passengers seat, setting my book bag on the floor as I buckle up with excitement.

"Alright, punch his address in the navigation."

I grab up the device from the Velcro docking station and type it in. Before securing it back, letting the automatic voice fill up the car. 

-

Mark’s house is actually not too far away from mine, I don’t know why that didn't click before. Probably because I was distracted the other times I went to his house, the rain, the adrenaline from running off together. Those rides in the back seat when we would just try not to stare at each other, the time we pretty much held hands in the back seat of Bob’s car. It all comes rushing back like a dream long forgotten, hazy enough to be both real and made up.

The car ride is relatively short, I fidget around with my hands and hair. Seeing his place come into view I start to unbuckle myself.

"Woah, Ethan. I'm gonna' walk you up." He parks on the street out front and turns off the car.

"Okay!" 

I didn't mind him walking me up, I just rip off the belt and stumble out of the passenger door. Grabbing my bag before shutting it. Starting up the pathway with my dad in tow, I jump up the stairs and knock, maybe a little too aggressively. My dad comes to a stop just behind me and I smile up at him, he smiles back.

When the door opens I turn to see Mark, my breath hitching. His shaggy black hair is still damp from a shower, his lightly tanned skin looking flushed. His almond eyes are soft, dusted pink lips turned up into a half smile. His shirt is just tight enough to stretch around his biceps, and his gray sweats are skinnier than normal ones, pulled over his thighs not leaving much to the imagination. If I weren't already so hot in the face, I definitely would have been once I heard my dad talk. Realizing I just was just standing there staring at   
Mark, my jaw dropped in a less comical kind of way.

"Hey, Mark. I'm Ethan's dad."

"It's nice to meet you..." Mark's voice is even deeper than normal, his hand coming out to shake my dad's hand, "... my mom is here if you want to meet her."

I blink, not expecting Mark to be okay with that. Honestly, he surprised me more than I like to admit. He always seems so one way, I think I know what to expect. Until I don’t.

"Oh, that's..."

"Mark who is at the door?" Mark's mom comes up behind him and he pushes the door open, leaning against the frame of it.

"This is, Ethan the boy from school I told you about, and his dad." Mark motions to us and her face lights up.

"Oh! Ethan! Hello!" She seems so genuinely excited, that I could help the giggle that comes out.

"Hi..." I then say sheepishly, "... i- it's nice to me you."

"It's nice to meet you ma'am." My dad says, now shaking her hand.

"Ohh, a gentlemen." She laughs brightly, "... you both coming for dinner?"

"Oh, no. Just dropping this one off." My dad pats my shoulder, making me shift around a bit awkwardly. 

"Just call me when you need to come home, okay?" He says to me and I nod.

"Ah, okay! Nice to meet you." She says and is gone just as fast as she came around.

"You too..." My dad barely gets to say, before turning to Mark, "... take care of my boy, he's had a long day."

"Dad..." I whine, covering my face with my hands, with a little groan.

"Don't worry, I will." Mark says in that stupidly deep voice, making me drop my hands to say ‘bye’ to my dad. He gives me an 'I'll see you later' and heads back to the car.

I'm left alone with Mark.

"You comin' or was all that for nothing?" He questions, looking me over, still leaned against the door frame. I want so badly to step in and kiss him, maybe ask him to hold me for awhile. 

"Well, if don't get out of the way, how am I going to get in?" I smirk, watching him move around his lips so he wouldn't smile.

"You, pay the toll yet." He says through a whisper, making my brows come together with confusion. 

"Oh, no? How do I pay it?" I question, arms swaying at my sides as I watch him look around behind me. Then over his own shoulder, before he meets my eyes again. 

"A kiss." His whisper is lower than before, I barely catch what he says. Stunned in place by the answer, a kiss? Here?

I shift my feet, "A kiss?"

He nods, "Yep."

I don’t know if that's a good idea, but I step forward anyway. Grabbing at the straps of my book bag as I look up at him a bit to test him. His lips fall apart as he watches me, but he doesn't move, he's serious. I swallow back my worries, eyes darting over his shoulder for a moment to make sure it's clear. Once my brain determines it is, I lean in and kiss him. It's a short press the lips, but I can feel how soft his are against mine, if not a little chapped. I can feel the little gentle stabs of stubble from his chin and upper lip. Mark softly gasps when I pull back, like he was trying to catch his breath. I stay close, as if I were telling him a secret. 

"May I pass now?" I whisper, my eyes trailing all over his face. Seeing the faint dots of freckles and nearly invisible scars of previous acne. The soft, almost reddish brown colors of his eyes, the way his under eyes puffed out a little more when he smiles at me. It's unfair how beautiful he is, and I don't even know if he knows it.

"Shut up and get in here." 

He grabs the front of my hoodie and practically drags me into the house. I stumble after him, feeling my face heat up as I look around. I could smell something cooking in the kitchen, his mother's joyous voice chatting away to someone unseen. He looks back at me for a moment, having to let go of my hoodie to close and lock the door.

"Wh- what is your mom cooking?" I question, my stomach letting out an angry growl of hunger. He blinks at me before motioning towards the stairs.

"Chicken and dumplings. Should be safe for you to eat, it's just peanuts right?" He offers as I follow him upstairs, a pang of appreciation touches my chest. He remembered.

"As long as your mom doesn't lather her hands in peanut oil before she cooks..." I joke, "... it should be fine."  
He chuckles, as my stomach cramps and growls again as we reach the second floor. 

"Geez, did you eat at all today?" He questions opening his bedroom door to let me in.

"Uh, had breakfast around nine... that's about it." I hum, stepping past him to get in. Sliding my book bag off my shoulders to set it on the ground near his bed.

"That's not good." He almost sounds concerned, maybe he was. I shrug it off as he closes his door and I turn to sit on his bed to watch him.

"I know, but I had that... stupid appointment, then I slept for like four hours or something, and then... I was coming over. So..." I shrug again, it wasn't uncommon for me to forget to eat on non-stressful days, but days like this, Oh boy.

He walks over to me, his hands touching at my hoodie before they come up to touch at my hair. Which was a bit too caked in with product since I had done it up twice today. I sigh, leaning into his touches. His knees knocking into mine before his leg presses its way between my legs. So he was standing closer to me, pulling my head forward so I could rest my cheek on his stomach. My body swells with a kind of relief, my hands reaching up to grab his hips. A shudder racking my body hard as he pets my hair, my throat closing up quickly feeling all my emotions try to leave me at once. 

I sniff, pressing my lips together to stop myself from letting out a little sob. I didn't realize how tense I was, how much I needed to just be held and I don’t even know if Mark knew what he was doing. Oh, but it felt so nice. His arm wrapped around my shoulders while his other hand rubs over the back of my head and neck. Thick fingers pressing into my   
spine, rubbing. 

"Th- thank you." I mutter, hiding my wet face in his shirt, my fingers curling desperately at his hips. 

"Hey." 

He calls to me, pulling my head back so he could crouch down, my hands sliding over his sides while he touches my face. Eyeing me carefully, before he leans up to kiss me, a real lingering kiss. I close my eyes, hands digging into his shoulder blades as I shift back on the bed, trying to get him closer. Mark seems to understand, pushing up and over me as my thighs squeeze his hips. Feeling his solid, thicker body on top of mine lets me breathe out an internal ‘finally’. Though I don't pull away from the kiss, I tilt my head instead. Needing more, needing him. 

I feel him grip at the back of my thigh so we slot together, almost perfectly. His other arm pushes up under my shoulder so he could tangle his fingers at the hair on the back of my head, almost as if he were cradling me. I practically vibrate under him as our tongues meet in a deeper kiss. He tastes like chocolate and something else I can’t place with words, but it feels so him. My heart both aches and feels like it might explode out of my chest with warmth and joy. It makes me feel alive, more than I’ve felt all day, more than that, more than I had felt in the last few months.

The sound of someone shuffling past his bedroom door makes us break apart, our eyes meeting with worry. Both of us are breathing hard, his face flushed pink, eyes darkened. I touch his face as we wait to see if anyone would knock or try to come in. He licks at his lips, head turning to press his cheek into my palm. Allowing me to glide my thumb over his bottom lip, tugging him slowly back down into another kiss. Reluctantly he lean in to kiss me back, slower this time. His damp hair sweeping over my forehead making me shiver.   
The kiss doesn't last as long this time, a few minutes of slightly tense, slow presses of lips before he pulls back. Leaving me laid out, a disheveled mess on his bed as he adjust his sweats and moves to sit next to me. His head falls into his hands, propped up by his elbows on his thighs. I have to take a few steadying breaths before I can motivate myself to sit up. 

"That's... probably not a good idea, while my mom is around." He says lifting his head to look at me. His face still flushed, his arms crossing over his lap to hide his crotch. 

Yeah, says the guy who asked me to kiss him at the front door. I think bitterly, but it soon dissolves and I hated myself for thinking like that. He was right, worrying about his brother was bad enough, now his mom too? I don’t think she would take her son's friend she just met, drying humming her son in his bedroom very well.

Sighing, I slide down the bed so I can pull off my sneakers. Standing slowly since my head felt lighter than normal. Even steps take me to his door, grabbing my book bag and replacing it with my shoes before heading back to his bed.

"I guess, we should start studying then." I hum, trying to not sound as out of it as I felt.  
Setting my book bag on the end of his bed so I could start unpacking some books. I notice him eyeing my ukulele as I set it aside, to reach some pens that fell to the bottom. I drop my bag back to the floor and climb up onto his bed with my books, sitting cross-legged facing him.

"You plan on giving me a show?" He teases, sounding more like himself.

A half smile touches my lips, "It's more of a security blanket..." I say gently, reaching over to pluck a string, "... I haven't practiced properly for... a while now." I admit, my brows furrowing as I pluck another string.

"You play, I sing?" He hums, shifting to sit with his legs on top of each others, his ankles bending too far. Was he double jointed? Weird, but cool.

"You, don't sing." I say, my eyes moving up to meet his gaze, doubt I am sure, is clearly shown. 

"I don't, but I've thought about it. I think about a lot of things. Like different stuff I could, I dunno, dabble." It sounds almost shy the ways he says that, like I would make fun of him for wanting to try things. Which I could relate, I also dabbled in things, music, singing, gymnastics, films or video editing. I even took an improv class once.

"Is that why you're in band and wrestling?" I question gently. 

"More or less." He shrugs, so I shift forward letting our knees touch. 

"That's, really cool. I... like dabbling too. I mean if it isn't obvious, I just like to create or be a part of creating. Gymnastics I work hard at, but it’s mostly for fun. I don't really want to do it as a job or anything. In my old school I was in the drama club, I was also apart of editing for the school, you know those short films that they normal shot for PSA's, which was always super cringy. But good practice." I chuckle, moving around my hair.

He seems to brighten up as I speak, even though I was just rambling.

"I thought about... trying that. To make stuff, like short films or something. I just haven't, I dunno, found the right inspiration. Maybe when I'm out of school high school, I'll have more time." He reaches over to touch at my knees as he speaks. Tracing and pinching the fabric that covered them.

"Well, if you do I can edit for you? I'm pretty good at it, unless you plan on it being a one man show. Just, you and Mark, and their good friend Mark." I joke, making him chuckle.

"Multiple Mark, that what they call me." He joins in with the joke.

"That is not a cool stage name, you need to be like Madonna. Somethin' short and catchy." I tease, making him chuckles again, which was such a nice sound. I want to hear it again, over and over.

"It's a work in progress." He starts, pushing hair from his face, "... uh, I would like to hear you play though, some time."

I bite at bottom lip, looking down at my ukulele for a moment, "How about after we study? Give me some time to think up a good song." I question, looking back up at him.

"Promise?"

"Promise."

\--

A few hours of studying pass with a few breaks in between to goof around or sneak in kisses. He runs me through the quiz I missed and goes over two packs of catch up homework for my other classes. He's surprisingly good at math, definitely miles ahead of me. It makes me feel optimistic about actually passing this year, with the credits from my old school and this make up stuff I was sure I had it. Hopefully without summer school. 

Eventually we both end up sat next to each other leaning back against his headboard. My books spread around, though we hadn't looked at anything in about a half hour. My ukulele was in my lap as he shows me one of his favorite videos on YouTube. When it comes to a close he is laughing and I am more laughing at how funny he thought it was. He seemed so different, less anxious and stiff. His laugh loud and brilliant from how into it he gets, how his head even tips back from the force. I couldn't help staring at him, my hand on my chest as I try to calm myself down. 

"So..." Mark starts fake coughing, moving to sit up straighter before sets his phone to the side, "... you gonna' play for me or what?”

I groan, dreading that I made that promise now. 

"I guess, you got any requests?" I grab up my own phone to look through my music, there were few songs I knew by heart. Mostly I remembered parts of songs or I used the internet for lyrics and cords.

"I don't know... surprise me?" He shifts again to look at me better, my face is already burning. 

"Um..." I scroll through my music still, "... God, this is going to be shit." I try to joke off the embarrassment that was sure to come. I hadn't even warmed up much, and last night straining my voice through crying did not do me any favors.

"Shut up." Mark waves his hand around, like I'm crazy it wont come out good.

I roll my eyes at him as I move to sit up straighter, adjusting the ukulele in my lap. Taking a few seconds to tune it to the song I picked. A Shawn Mendes one since I remember it well enough and it was mainly acoustic anyway.

"And hey, I know there are some things we need to talk about..." I start to sing, having to clear my throat before going on, "... and I can’t stay. Just let me hold you for a little longer now."

I don't dare look up at Mark, my eyes trained on my phone. Focusing on my fingers, hearing it was still a little out if tune but, it was as good as it was going to get right now. As feared my stomach turns and my face feels like it's on fire. 

"And take a piece of my heart... and make it all your own... so when we are apart you'll never be alone..." I take a breath, "... you'll never be alone. You'll never be alone...."

I pause to play the cords for a moment. 

"You'll never be alone..."

I slap my hand on the strings to end the song. My heart drumming hard in my ears, scared he'd just make fun of me now. It wasn't good enough, I could have sang it better, figured out the cords better. My fingers too stiff, gosh, I'm so stupid for even bringing it along.

"I know its.. I'm not that goo--"

I start to say finally looking up, only to have Mark in my space. His lips over mine to shut up whatever I was about to say. I gasped against his lips before pressing back into it, my hand coming up hold the side of his face. He sits back, pulling me with him. I set my ukulele to the side with my free hand, helping him to pull my legs over his. His strong hand is on my back to steady me as I we moved together, so my hand soon moves to the back of his head to keep our lips connected.

"It was good..." He mutters between our lips, making me shiver, "... so fucking good."

I whimper at the praise and grab him a little harder, tilting my head to deepen the kiss. He let's me, his lips parting here and there so our tongues could slide along each others as we closed out the kiss. Just to repeat it over and over again to the point I feel so light headed. I'm not sure if it was him or the fact that I was so hungry. But it felt nice. It was so urgent but slow, like he had been waiting forever to kiss me and I wanted to savor that feeling.

I pull back to try and catch my breath. Blinking my eyes open I feel tears run over my cheeks and I let out a laugh. Reaching up with my hoodie’s sleeve to wipe at my face,

"Sorry, I..."

"It's okay." He says gently, helping to wipe my face. The hand on my back rubbing comforting little circles.

"It's just been a long day." I sigh, looking up to meet his eyes.

He leans in to kiss the corner of my mouth gently, bumping our noses as I lean back into him. I don’t want to move from here, the embarrassment had melted away into something warm and fuzzy. I drop my head to rest it on his shoulder shifting close as his strong arms wrap around my middle. My own arms loosely draped around his shoulders. 

I just want to be held for a little while. 

\--

We change positions eventually, so I’m laying on top of him. I'm not sure how long it is after that, that his mom calls us down for dinner. My stomach cramps at the thought, I felt terrible honestly. Worn out, light headed. I follow him downstairs, letting Mark lead me to dining table so I could sit. He walks off to the kitchen to join his mom and I am left sitting across from his brother. 

"I hope Mark's is being nice to you." His brother starts, eyes looking down at something he was drawing in what I assume is a sketch book.

"Yeah... he has." I push around my hair and adjust my hoodie, a little worried he was hinting at something else. My mind is too tired for riddles.

"Hmm, I guess I’m just not used to him bringing around some one new, not to mention having them stick around for dinner." He goes on, making my brows furrow. I can’t read him since his gaze is still down, his hair longer than Mark's, hiding most of his face.

"I... mean, he has a lot of friends." I don’t know what else to say. Nervously rubbing at my thighs under the table, trying to keep my hands busy.

"I wouldn't say a lot..." He comments before a pause, "... there's nothing wrong with that. He's just stubborn, and doesn't warm up to people fast. So just..."

He finally looks up at me, "... take your time with him." He looks more like their mom than Mark does.

I blink, finally processing his words, 

"I will."

I jump when Mark comes out carrying plates of food with his mom, just in time to end the conversation. I sit back with a smile, thanking them both as Mark sets a plate in front of me, than sets one down next to me for himself. He leaves, just to come back holding drinks for us, before sitting down. 

All of us falling in a nice lull of just eating. I do my best to not inhale my plate, it smelled just as good as it tastes. I'm so focused on trying to control my shewing, I didn't see Mark move closer to me until his leg bumps mine. Making me nearly choke around the fork I brought to my mouth.

He laughs silently to himself. What a jerk, I think smiling.

Eventually we are all about done and his mom starts asking questions. I avoid talking about the incident and tell her we just needed to move somewhere new. I then tell her about gymnastics and she seemed super excited about it. Telling me that Mark couldn't do a flip to save his life, but he was a very strong boy. I steal a glance at Mark who is blushing as she goes on, which make me chuckle. 

He cuts the 20 questions short by offering help to clear the table, which he does. Then mumbling we had to get back to studying. Ushering me back up his room soon after that.

"Ohhh, strong boy, Mark." I tease as soon as he gets the door to his room closed. 

Making him grumble before lifting me up easily to sit me on his bed. I laugh, grabbing at him to not fall. He mumbles a 'shut up' as I start to pack away my books, I didn't want to study anymore. Mark gets the hint, helping me pack away everything but my ukulele, which I set to the side. Soon we're just sat on his bed, not sure what to do. My brain was still a bit mushy, racing around not completing any one thought. 

"So." He says, bringing me back.

"So." I repeat, but neither of us seem to know what to say.

"Mark, I'm going out..." Mark's moms voice rings from the other side if his door. Before she opens it to poke her head in, We both turn to look at her, "... Thomas is going out too, okay? You watch the house. Be careful."

"Okay, mom." He nods, and I chime in,

"Bye, it was nice to meet you." I give a little wave and she smiles brightly.

"You too, Ethan." She waves back and closes the door behind her.

I huff out a breath, looking back to Mark.

He raises his brows when he looks back to me.

"So..."


	12. Sleepover: Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark and Ethan have an impromptu sleep over.   
> Things going well until they don't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warning for *light smutt*

Mark POV

We wait a little bit to make sure they were really gone, chatting about school and some other stuff before I put on my TV. Letting the sound fill the silence, hoping it would help my mind calm down for a few seconds. Long enough to pull Ethan into me, watching him wordlessly perch himself on my lap. His hands grabbing at my shoulders as he situates himself. It almost looks like he is lost in thought, but when I lean into him he leans back into me without hesitation. 

It was getting easier to kiss him, my brain didn't impulsively yell at me to stop. Especially since our lips molded together perfectly, as if they were always meant to. It made me think, that if I tried to kiss anyone else it wouldn't fit, it would be awkward, wrong.

I don’t know what he's feeling, and I don’t want to push him too far. I could hear Ethan’s father's voice ringing out in my head as I kissed him, 'Take care of my boy, he's had a long day'. His therapy session was today, what was that even like? Was he okay? I don't even know fully what he was dealing with, only thrown little crumbs of his past. Only what he willing to tell me, and I know that has to be enough for now. I still worry though, at least right now he seemed okay. 

Ethan shifts closer to me, hugging my hips with his thighs. His fingers carding through the hair on the back of my head. He's sitting right on my lap, I could almost sigh at the pressure of it. So busy moving my mouth with his, I didn't realize my hands are just twisted up in his hoodie. Holding onto him so desperately. It felt like my body was on fire, and the only way to put myself out is to kiss him. My tongue nudging his, sliding over his lips as a small sound echoes out of his throat. A sound that shot hot waves of something through me, making me arch into him. 

Pulling back to breathe, Ethan gasps quickly a few times in a row. Almost like he's hyperventilating, calming himself down with deep, even breaths. My fingers releasing the death grip I have on his hoodie so I could rub my hands up and down over his back. Trying to help him relax as I take in a few deep breaths as well. I feel him slowly relax, his breathing growing steady.

Those brilliant multi-colored eyes stare back at me, his lips dusted a darker pink. He looks like he wants to say something, but instead he shuffles back to sit near my knees. His hand reaching behind himself to grab his hoodie and pull it off over his head. It falls somewhere off the side of my bed, but I don’t see where. My gaze is fixed on him, his shirt wrinkled and riding up to show soft pale skin at his hips. I want to touch it, but I’m not sure if I should yet.

He sits back with a huff, "Is this okay?" He questions, making me think for just a moment that he's talking about him taking off his hoodie. Until I notice his hands were now tugging at the hem of his shirt, high enough I could see his belly button.

"Y- yeah." I nod, I've seen him shirtless a few times already, that wouldn’t be a big deal right? Somewhere in the back of my mind, I am yelling at myself that this was different. I ignore that however, bringing my lips up into a smile to reassure him it was okay.

Without saying anything further Ethan grabs at his shirt like he had his hoodie, pulling it off over his head. His stupidly toned, pale chest comes into view. His biceps flexing when he reaches up to pat down his hair. He keeps saying he isn't in shape like he used to be, and I couldn't image him at his peak or whatever. He was smooth and soft and had fucking abs. What the fuck, how was that even fair? Not only that but his skin is dotted with freckles and beauty marks, his nipples smaller than I imagined, a soft pink against his light skin.

"Mark?"

I blink, realizing I was sat there gawking at him. My face burns hot as I look down away from him. Shifting, I don't look up until I feel him gliding back up my thighs. His face is blushed, his bright eyes a little bigger than normal. He looks sacred, maybe shy. I feel bad for acting like an idiot, right now he didn’t need that. It was just a lot to take in, to process that this was happening. I had a boy in my bed who was no shirtless and I wanted to kiss him senseless, just that thought made my head spin.

"You okay?" He questions gently, his hands moving to grip my thighs.

I nod, "Yeah, can I?" I question, motioning to my shirt. He looks down then back up to me with a soft smile. 

"Let me." His hands drop down to hem of my shirt, feeling his slightly rough fingertips run over my sides. Making me shiver, goosebumps rising in their wake.

I don't know why I was so nervous, he's seen me shirtless before, hell I am pretty sure he seen my ass that one time. Yet every inch my shirt went up my heart skipped and my stomach filled with this hot twisting feeling. Finally I can breathe when it is up and over my head, lost to the sea of his tops on the floor. Sitting there, looking up at him with so much fondness, and probably surprise. I actually have to stop my hands from coming up to cover my chest, I never felt anything like this before. I wasn't out of shape nor did I hate my body or anything like that, so why was the feeling to cover up so intense?

I suck in a breath when his hands come rest on my chest. My hands shooting up to grab his ribs, making him muffle a small sound. I pull him closer, letting him slide back up my legs. He complies, sitting on my lap again, his head tilting to touch our noses. Lips brushing over mine as his hands move up over my shoulders before wrapping around them loosely. Touching our chests, I run my hands around his lower back so I could pull him closer, bringing us flush together. 

His lips touch mine gently, pressing and pulling back to only do it again. Nails scraping against my scalp, where he had run his hands up into my hair. I turn my head to kiss back each time his lips meet mine, all of him was so soft, yet solid and right here. It's overwhelming to feel so many things at once. How could one boy turn my life upside down in under two weeks? If you asked me then, before we met if I pictured myself here with anyone, I would have laughed right in your face. 

Yet, here I am. 

My arms wrapping securely around his waist, holding him so close I swear I could fell his heartbeat on my skin. Breathing through our noses makes me feel like I am about to start sweating, but I don’t dare pull away. I relish in it, in all of it, I never wanted Ethan to stop touching me or holding me. I must sound so fucking stupid, but right now I don’t care. Feeling one of his hands grabbing my shoulder as he shifts, his other hand on the back of my head. That's all that mattered.  
Ethan, was all that mattered.

"Mark." Ethan whispers between us, pulling back to breathe. He touches our foreheads as he looks at me again, his hand cradling the side of face. 

His gaze is heavy, his blues weary as he just stares at me. I see the tears gathering on his waterlines before sniffs. I take in a breath, feeling a weird pain in my chest. Did I do something wrong? Was he okay?

"Let's lay down." I offer, rubbing my hands over his spine as he nods at me.

I slide down to lay on my back, letting Ethan lay on top of me, even though he ultimately slides off. Hugging my side with my arm around his shoulders, his head resting on my shoulder. His fingers tap and trace over my chest. 

"I'm sorry... I thought-- I'm... just tired." He whispers after a few minutes of just laying here with TV's low droning in the back ground. I run my hand over his neck, then up over his head, stroking through his fluffy hair.

"It's okay..." I assure him, pressing my head back into my pillow to look up at the ceiling, "... this is nice too."

He goes quiet again, I wonder what he's thinking about. Before long I hear his small little snores, which makes me laugh. Maybe he really was just tired. I settle in, turning my head to kiss the top of his. My own eyes falling shut, maybe I am tired too.

\--

When I wake up some time later to see Ethan had rolled away from me. Curled up on his side, using his arms as a pillow. I sigh, rubbing at my eyes to wake up a bit more before rolling over to rub at his back. He flinches and curls further into himself with a soft whimper. I wonder if he's having a nightmare. I shift closer to run my hand over his arm,

"It's okay. You're okay." I whisper at the back of his head, pressing my face forward to kiss the back of his neck. His skin chilly under my lips, so I grab my blanket and pull it up over him. He relaxes as my hand holds onto his arm again. Settling back into my pillows, not thinking about the time. 

Not until my door opens and I roll over to see Thomas in my doorway. It takes a minute for my groggy brain to register what he was seeing. I sit up quickly, realizing I was still shirtless. 

"Oh... uh..." He starts, but I wave my hand to stop him talking. He motions for me to get up and meet him in the hall, before stepping back out.

I turn to look back at Ethan, making sure the blanket covered him enough that hopefully Thomas didn’t realize he was shirtless too. Moving to get out of bed, I grab up my discarded shirt from the floor to pull it on. I walk quickly and quietly to my bedroom door and step out. My brother is leaned against the wall with his arms crossed. 

"Look nothing happ--" I start but he cuts me off.

"It's fine, whatever, man..." He huffs a breath, "… is he your boyfriend?"

I pause, "No.. no, we're just..." I couldn't force the word 'friends' out of my mouth, so I just end up standing there with my mouth open like an idiot. 

"Hey, it's okay..." He starts, dropping his arms, "... he seems like a nice kid."

I lick at my dry lips, "Please, don't tell mom." 

"Hmm, well, Friday I could really use a cover." He lifts his brow at me and I roll my eyes at him.

"Sure, fine." I rasp, annoyed at him for blackmailing me, not that I wouldn't do the same. I push a hand through my hair, seeing his smug smile fall away.

"Anyway, its almost ten. Is he supposed to be home yet?"

"Ten?" I blink, "... I do- don't know. We just fell asleep." I groan out, rubbing my face.

"You should figure that out before mom gets home." He pushes off the wall and starts to walk towards his room but stops, turning back to me,

"And it is cool, you know? If he is your boyfriend."

I press my lips together, unable to think of something to say so I just nod. He nods back, turning to head for his room again. I turn to go back in my room, closing the door behind me. My eyes settle on Ethan, still laying on his side, curled up under my blankets. He looks so small.

Boyfriend. 

The word sounds weird, even just thinking it. 

Boy Friend. Boyfriends. 

I shake my head to clear it, soon walking back over to my bed, "Hey, Eth..." I say without thought, climbing up to kneel near him. My hand coming down to gently shake his shoulder,   
"... you have get up."

He grumbles then groans before rolling back to look at me, but his eyes are still closed. I smile down at him, "C'mon, get up lazy bones. I don't need your dad getting pissed at me." I say, leaning down to kiss at his his closed eyes than his cheek.

His tired eyes blink open finally, looking up at me with confusion. His face creased with sleep lines, gosh, he was beautiful. 

"What? What... time?" He asks, though I could hardly make out the words with him mumbling. 

"It's almost ten."

That seems to wake him up instantly, jolting up to a sitting position in seconds. His eyes wide and wild as he looks around, his hands idly trying to untangle himself from my blanket.

"Shit... my phone, in... uh. My hoodie." He starts to pat down the blankets pooling at his waist, as if he had forgotten where his hoodie was. So I shuffle to the edge of the bed to grab it up from the floor, careful to ball it up so his phone wouldn’t slip from the pocket.

He grabs for it instantly, fishing his phone out the large pocket as I sit back. Giving him space to sit up better, his fingers wildly trying to get it unlocked. He is quietly biting as his lips as he look at it, I can’t read his face. Soon his phone is up to his ear and he's talking to who I assume is his dad. His free hand touches and pulls as his hair, before it drops so he could bite at his thumb nail. I reach out to pull his finger from his mouth, holding it, he looks to me like he was surprised I was there.  
His eyes moving over my face as his hand curls around mine, making me adjust it so we were holding hands. My brows furrowing to together with worry, hoping he wasn’t in trouble. That was the last thing I wanted, I should have known better, I should have set an alarm or something.

"No, dad... it's okay. Yeah, sorry... I fell asleep. Yeah, I'm okay... oh? No.. I didn't... no. I can get home... yeah." He mumbles, eyes looking at me then away again.

I wait until he hangs up the phone to speak, "Is he pissed?"

He looks sadly down at his phone, "Not really." He doesn't say anything after that so I start to worry.

"What's wrong? Is he... coming to pick you up?" I ask then, watching Ethan push away the blankets and start to crawl towards the side of the bed. Letting go of my hand in the process, which makes my heart twitch sadly in my chest. 

I'm not sure what to do or say, I never seen him so shut down before. I just sit back and watch him climb off the bed, grabbing his shirt from the floor to pull it on. He doesn't look at me, or say anything as he grabs for his hoodie to pull that on as well. It doesn't even look like he wants to cry, he just seemed, detached. I move off my bed once he starts heading for his shoes, my arms snaking around his waist from behind to stop him, it works. 

"Hey, you can talk to me." I say softly, leaning my head down to press my mouth against the back of his shoulder. I feel him shrug, as if that was some kind of answer. 

"Ethan..."

"Do you want to stay the night at my place?" He suddenly asks, his head half turning to look back at me. His body shifting around nervously. 

"What-- are your parents going to be cool with that?" I question, laying my head on his shoulder so I could look at the side of his face. 

"They won't be there... and..." His head turns so he's looking at the floor, his parted lips almost tremble, "... I don't want to be... alone."

A million questions pop into my head, wanting to ask so much at once. I'm worried it would just overwhelm him into uninviting me. So I nod, tightening my arms around him as I do. He sighs, leaning back into me before wiggling around to face me. His lips touch mine briefly, his head falling to my neck. I re-position my arms to hold him better, my face pressed into his hair as we just stand there clinging to each other. 

\--

My mom is still not home so it's easy to slip away after telling Thomas where I was going. Our deal was still on so I know he won't make a fuss about it. Shoving an extra change of clothes into my school bag I guide Ethan outside to grab Thomas bike. We quietly get on before I start the journey to his house, the night air is cool hitting my face. My nerves are shot, my mind racing with everything we could do. Though it's already late, maybe a shower and sleep would be for the best. I'm still exhausted from my sleepless night, even with a nap under my belt. We would also need to get up early so I can sneak away before his parents get back.

His house is dark, the front lights blasting on when we get close. Ethan is ahead of me, keys in hand as I trail the bike behind him. 

"Uh..." He comes to a stop, looking back at me and motioning to the side of the house opposite of the garage, "... maybe leave the bike over there? So they won't see it if... they come back before we leave?" 

I didn't even think of that, his parents seemed cool but I had a feeling his mom didn't like me. There was no way of knowing how bad she would freak out of she knew I was here, or just saw a strange bike hanging around. 

"Yeah." I turn off, cutting through the grass to tuck the bike a foot or two around the side of the house. A bush is conveniently place just at the turn, allowing me to camouflage it. 

Heading back around, I see Ethan waiting for me by the front door. I take the steps up two at a time as he gets it open. Both of us slip inside the dark home, I wait for him to lock the door and take my hand. He leads me up to his room, feeling his way there since he didn't want to put on any extra lights yet. I trip up the stairs, grateful he couldn’t see it. 

In his room we drop our book bags and step out of our shoes by his door in union before he flicks the light on. There is something oddly solemn about the brightly colored room, but I can’t put my finger on why. I shake off the feeling and kick off my shoes when he does.

"Um..." He turns to me now, pulling his hood around his head before pushing it off, showing wild brown locks. 

"I can sleep on the floor..." I say, not sure what he is thinking. I didn't want to scare him, he seemed a little off still. 

He stares at me for a long few seconds, "No, we can... share my bed. I was just.. thinking you might want to shower. We can take turns... I have extra a tooth brush… and towel and stuff…"

He is speaking too fast, his word meshing and stumbling over each other. I move forward, grabbing his arms to quiet him down. It works, but now he staring at me with wide, glossy blues and I melt at the sight. My eyes darting down to his parted lips before they come back up to look into his eyes again.

"That, sounds good." I rub my hands over his arms, feeling the tension ease from his shoulders. I just want him to be okay, I want to hold him and whisper nice things against his skin. 

His hands move to the hem of my shirt, touching at it before pulling it up. I blink at him with confusion, having to drop my hands away to help him get my shirt off. It falls to the floor easily, his fingers trailing my chest just past my nipples. They are chilly against my hot skin, leaving goosebumps in their wake. His face is soft, thoughtful. My hands come up to his waist, fingers pushing up under his hoodie and shirt to trace over his hips. He takes in a breath before pawing at his layers, eager to get them off. I couldn’t stop my chuckle, pushing up to help him get them off. They fall with a little thump, leaving us shirtless once again.

"Is this okay?" He asks, looking up at me through thick lashes. 

I reach up to rest my hands on his shoulders, soon running them up the sides of his neck then down over his collarbones to rest on his chest. Feeling him out, enjoying the sight of the cuts in his abs, the dips at the hollows of his hips. His pale skin blushing from the attention I was giving him, I couldn’t help myself and I didn’t really want too.

"Yeah..." I breathe out slowly, looking back up meet his gaze. Seeing the lights blues and browns were slowly eaten by the black of his irises. 

"You... want to shower... uh, together?" His voice is low, unsure. It makes my heart skip, my stomach knotting up with worry and desire that I wasn't used to. 

"Fu-- fuck yeah." I spit out without thinking, making Ethan let out a grunt of a chuckle. Smiling for the first time in a while, I almost forgot how much I loved to see it. 

Leaning into me laughs now, his face pressed into my neck. My hands move up his back, holding him against me. He sighs, letting out a deep breath before pulling back to look at me again. His eyes dart from mine to my lips, I take it as an invite. My head dipping down capture his soft lips with my own. He makes a small sound but lean back into it, moving our lips slowly. I don't know what I would do without his kisses. 

Ethan pulls back first, "Let me..." He steps back, hands going for my sweats. Fingers digging into the waist band to get a good enough grip to push them down. I let him, gripping at his shoulders as he moves down.

When they fall to pool around my ankles I let go of him so I could step out of them, then my socks. Left just in a pair of black boxer beliefs, I don't have time to feel embarrassed. My eyes watching Ethan undo his jeans button then zipper to wiggle out of them. My face flushing hot as he leaves himself in colorful boxer briefs, which were so him. His body slim, solid, blushed pink and littered with light freckles and beauty marks. 

"Ready?" He questions, touching at his silver bracelet. 

I nod, trying to keep my eyes from wondering. Trying keep my breathing as even as possible, this was no time for my own selfish wants. This was about, Ethan, keeping him happy was all that mattered. 

He motions for me to follow him, so I do, feeling absurdly naked walking through the unfamiliar home in the dark. He turns the light on in the decent sized bathroom. I slip in after him, closing the door as he moves around to gather fresh towels and a new guest tooth brush. I lean awkwardly on the door just watching him, seeing muscles flex under his skin. The smooth curve of his back when he bent over to turn the shower on. 

When he turns to me I reach out for him, he blinks before stepping into my arms. Draping himself over body, lips pressing to my collarbone. Touching the back of his head I sigh, the hot water starting fog up the room. He pulls back to kiss me, fingers digging into my ribs as he pushes up on his toes, knocking our knees. I giggle against his lips before sinking into it, sweat forming at my brow but I refuse to let him go. 

"Mark..." He whines after a few minutes, his fingers pressing against my cheek as he pulls back, "... too hot, let's get in." He mumbles between quick kisses.

I nod, pushing from the door as he steps back with a hazy look on his features. He turns away from me and strips out if his boxers. I barely have time to catch a peak at his bare ass before he scrambles into the shower. Hidden by the dark curtain, I can just make out his silhouette. I take a breath and strip off my own boxers before hesitantly going for the curtain. 

This suddenly became really, real. 

Poking my head in he is faced away from me, standing under the spray of water which soaked into his hair. Sliding rivers of water over his back and shoulders. I avoid looking at his ass as I drop my gaze to the shower floor. 

"I'm... coming in."

I warn him before awkwardly stepping in behind him. My hands automatically fall to cover my groin when he turns half way to squint at me through the water going into his eyes. I bite at my lip as he smiles, trying not to slip as he turns fully. I don't dare look down, instead I focus on his wet hands on my shoulders, pulling and shuffling us around to I was now under the water. I grunt, dipping my head and closing my eyes to let it soak into my hair. 

I can feel his hands moving over my shoulders then falling away. I think for a second he is gone until his hands are slippery, running over my chest. The undeniable smell of Irish spring hits my nose. His smell. I didn't even realize that smell on him was this, it just clicked in my head as Ethan's smell. I sigh under his hands working the soap over my torso and shoulders, the warm water doing good to ease my nervous tension. I push my wet hair from my face, blinking my eyes open to look at him, trying to angle my head so the water doesn't stream right into them. 

He smiles up at me in such a sweet way, I smile back.

"You're beautiful." I comment, making his hands pause on my hips. 

"You don't have to say that." His voice is weak and unreadable. His eyes falling down to the side, to look away from me.

Something tightens in my chest, hands coming up to smooth through his hair, sliding down the sides of his face to get him to look back up. He resist at first, but soon gives in and turns his head back up to look at me. 

"I mean it."

His hands flex where he holds me, "Kiss me."

I step forward, letting the water hit the back of my neck and shoulders. My head dips without restraint and I do as he wants, capturing his lips in a bruising kiss. He clings to me, slotting his slim body against my bigger one. The sensation of his dick pressed against me is an odd one, but not an unwanted one. If I was in my right mind I might have fussed about it more, wondered when the hell I became okay with this. But right now all that mattered was Ethan. I lick my way into his mouth, he encourages the action by parting his lips and meeting my tongue with his own in his mouth. 

That familiar knot forms in the pit of my stomach. My hips twitching forward to press myself fully against him, he gasps into my mouth. Nails digging into my sides, guiding us around so his back was pressed into the smooth, slick tiles. I feel drunk with want, pressing against him hard, feeling my dick twitching curiously. He trembles against me, biting at my lips before smoothing over the pain with his skilled tongue. His hands round my body to press at my lower back, my fingers curl and twist into his short hair. 

When his hips roll forward it causes our disks to rub right along each others and I couldn’t stop the half groan, half gasp that fall from my mouth. That was definitely new, but oh, I wanted more of it. My core was vibrating, my mind a mess of thoughts trying to process each new sensation or bite of pain. 

"Ethan... I..." I pull back to speak, leaving his lips to press to my neck. His hips moving again almost desperately. 

"Do... should..." He tries, breathing hard against me, "... stop?"

I try to think it over, but my body was screaming at me to shut up and just act. My free hand grabs at his hip, my body pushing him harder against the wall as my hips mimic his motions. He squeaks out a moan, pressing his face harder into my neck. Teeth biting at a particularly sensitive spot. I grumble out my own moan, feeling his legs part, pushing up on his toes. One of his legs come up and without hesitation I grab the back of his thigh, slotting his knee on hip. The new position traps our heavy dicks between us. Each movement leaving them to rub along each other. 

He huffs a breath, rolling his hips experimentally causing him to slip on the wet floor of the shower. I catch him, taking control I roll into him as his head falls back against the tiles. His face flushed, his eyes only half open as his hands cling to my shoulders and neck. My hand still in his hair angles his face so I could kiss him again, allowing my mind to shut off as my hips give an awkward thrust. His body tenses up, a moan muffling between our mouths. I groan myself, trying to find a pace that was good enough for us. But I have a feeling I won't last long anyway. My body is oddly hypersensitive to everything happening, each wave of pure need driving me to move in ways I wasn't used to.

This being somewhere past dry humping, but not full sex right? We haven't even touched each other yet. It was almost sinful how easily we slid together, slick from the shower I suppose. I can feel his body tighten and flex as he struggles to move with me without slipping. It's enough friction to keep me hard against him, feeling the pulse of his heart beat each time our dicks were squeezed together. His hands pawing at my shoulders, grabbing the back or my neck or tugging at my shaggy hair. Both of us past holding in our sounds, or mumbled pleas of each others names. I would definitely hate myself later, but I couldn't stop. I practically drag my body over his over and over until my skin was hot and raw with rug burn. 

"Mark I..." He fully body shudders against me as he gasps out his words, struggling to continue, ".... I.."

I understand, my head dipping to kiss at his neck and shoulder. I was close too, the wonders of being a virgin, for a little longer at least. Did this count as losing your virginity?

The question is left up in the air as Ethan bites hard at the base if my neck and I nearly slam him into the tiles. Groaning and coming harder than I ever had before, my vision goes white for a second. Unaware of his hands going down between us so he could touch himself. Before I could even process it, I feel something hot hitting my belly button for a few second before Ethan goes boneless. I grab at him so he wouldn't actually fall, my knees are weak however. So I end up lowering us both to the shower floor. 

The space is small, leaving me no other option but to kneel between his parted legs. My head falls to rest on his shoulder, his trembling arms snake around my shoulders to hold on. As if he were trying to comfort me. 

"You... did so good." He hums near my ear, I couldn't help but slump into him. My hands finding palace to rest on his thighs, I just focus on evening out my breathing. 

I'm not sure how long we sit there, but my fingers were uncomfortably pruned up and hot water was close to running cold. If it wasn't for that I think I much have passes out.

"We, should... actually shower." I chuckle through my ruined voice, pulling back to look at his equally sleepy face. 

He nods, leaning up to kiss my swollen lips once more, before we help each other get up. Testing our legs which protest the action, he sighs, clinging to me. Silently we move around at a sluggish pace, soaping up our bodies before washing our hair. Soft kisses pressed here and there in between. Finally the water goes cold and we shut it off to get out, he hands me towel. I use it on my hair before wrapping it around my hips. My neck throbbing from his attack on it, feeling a bit queasy at the idea that there would be more bruises. 

Avoiding the still foggy mirror, we brush our teeth together silently. For a moment I miss my electric tooth brush, when I look at Ethan it is all but forgotten. We take turns rinsing our mouths and cleaning off our tooth brushes. Grabbing up my underwear we exit the bathroom, heading back to his room. Exhausted, I just pull on my sweats and climb into his bed, he moves around to pull on pajama pants and a baggy shirt before he shuts off the lights. 

The bed dips as he crawls over me to lay between me and the wall. Shuffling around to get the blankets over us, I roll to face him. He is snuggled up under the blankets, looking at me with a tired expression. I reach up to push his hair from his face, resting my hand on his shoulder. Watching him bite at his lips through the small amount of moonlight spilling in through his blinds. 

"Was... that okay?" He asks, shifting closer to me, my hand falls from his shoulder to wrap around his back.

"Yeah." My eyes fall shut, my body exhausted. 

It was okay, embarrassing, but okay. I liked it, I wanted it again maybe not exactly, but definitely again. As long as it was with Ethan, it was good. More than that right now I wanted to go to sleep for two days at least. Shuffling closer I feel Ethan press right into me, his face in my neck and his legs moving to link between my own.

\--

When I wake up Ethan is gone, the sun just barely starting to rise. I grumble, rolling onto my back to look around his room in search of him, but he's not there. I blink a few times to wake myself up, the memories from last night flooding my mind. Rubbing a hand over my warm face I push myself to sit up. 

My neck is throbbing lightly but I ignore it, remembering I wasn't in my own house and pulse of fear of getting caught shots adrenaline through my limbs. Tossing away the blankets I get out of his bed to retrieve my book bag, pulling on a fresh pair of boxers and sweats. I slump back to pull on my socks, then sneakers. 

I stand to pull on a clean shirt, having to gather up my shirt from his floor to shove everything in my book bag. Grabbing up my bag I head downstairs, looking around I find him in the kitchen. He's dressed in black skinny jeans, and button up shirt with planets and stars that looked drawn in. His hair is fluffy but styled to the side, his face flushed from what I assume is another shower. He turns from the counter with a paper plate of freshly made toast. 

"Oh, I didn't... know you were awake yet. Its early. Uh... I made breakfast..." He holds up the plate before setting it on the island, "... kind of, it's just toast." 

He taps his fingers on the island top, "There is butter or jams... I don't know how you like it."

I set my bag on the floor, walking around to gather him up in my arms. He sighs, leaning into me, his face nuzzling against my shoulder. I feel his hands grabbing at the back of my shirt.

"Thanks." I hold him a little tighter before pulling back, seeing him look up at me with the softest of looks. 

"Was it... really okay? Last night? I mean... I know you're not... it was too fast. I should have... stopped us..." He starts to ramble, his eyes falling to my chest, fingers digging against my back.

I lean in to kiss his forehead, "Ethan, if I wanted to stop... if it was too much, I would have told you. I... liked it." I assure him, though I barely had time to even process what happened. 

He looks up at me again, biting at his lips like he wants to say something. Instead he smiles, his hands relaxing against my back as he leans up to kiss me. I lean back into him, pressing into the kiss happily.

"We should eat, and go. I don't know when my parents will be back." He mumbles between our lips after a few seconds.

With that I let him go, stealing another kiss before I turn my attention to the toast. I spread some strawberry jam on mine, while Ethan pours us glasses of orange juice. I didn't realize how hungry I was, shoving slices of bread into mouth and chewing hard. He giggles at me, though chewing his own buttered pieces. I choke my food back with the help of the orange juice, he gives me a messy kiss before clearing our mess.

"Ugh..." He groans when we are outside, "... bike ride." He comments, his hand on his stomach as I walk the bike out from its hiding spot.

"I know." I was full, too full and the idea of riding so soon after eating made me feel a bit sick. But we couldn't hang around here anymore, thankfully his parents were still not home. I don't want to push that luck.

A car horn goes off right after I think that, both of us jumping and turning to look at the street. I didn't expect to see Tyler's car, I honestly would have felt better if it was Ethan's parents. 

"Oh, shit... I forgot he was coming to pick me up." Ethan glances at me with wide, worried eyes.

"Hey, Mark... I didn't expect you here. Uh, you want a ride to school?" Tyler had stepped out of his car, leaning over the hood as he looked between us.

I look back to Ethan, who turns to speak, "Actually..."

He starts but I stop him, "Yeah, thanks." If Ethan tried to brush off the ride it probably would have seemed too weird. At least that was what I told myself.

I walk past Ethan with my bike, hearing him follow soon after. At Tyler's car I fold the bike to get it in his truck. Ignoring Ethan's hushed, 'are you sure' as I climb into the back seat. I feel his eyes on me, but he doesn't say anything else. Climbing into the passengers seat to pull on his seat belt.

"You guys, have a sleep over or something?" Tyler asks, pulling off down the street.

"No." I say quickly, too quickly, "... I just came to take Ethan to school. But..."

"I forgot to tell him you were picking me up." Ethan finishes, slumping in his seat. Avoiding my look through the rear view mirror. 

"Oh, I got you. Well, a car ride will be smoother than a bike." Tyler comments, making my blood boil.

"You got problem with bikes?" I question, arms moving over my chest to stop myself from doing something stupid. 

"What? No. I just meant, a lot of the streets are pretty messed up with the construction going on." He says, looking back at me with furrowed brows before returning his attention to the road. 

Tense silence fills the car for a few minutes. 

"Uh, speaking of sleepovers, Ethan. My family is going down to our lodge this weekend. If you want to come? It's a bit boring, but there is a camp ground near by and fishing." Tyler side glances at Ethan with a charming smile on his stupid, handsome face.

"Oh..." Ethan, shifts around, "... I'd have to ask my parents." His voice is high, trying to sound natural. 

"Okay, I can have my parents call yours if you want." He offers, I watch Ethan nod.

"Yeah, sure." 

I roll my eyes and focus my gaze out the window. If I had to look at the back of Tyler’s head any longer I was sure to hit it. My fists already balled up where I hugged myself, truly annoyed with him for being here and ruining my morning. 

\--

By the time we get to school all the euphoria of last night and this morning eating toast is gone. I grab my bike and walk off away from them to lock it up with the other bikes, no way would I get a ride home from him. I didn't even care if Ethan did, hell, I didn't care if Ethan had to walk home after school. I spot Tyler and Ethan talking to Bob and the others, I don't rejoin them, instead I head into the school. Needing to cool down, I settle myself a bit at my locker this time, avoiding Ethan's as I sulk off to English. 

When Ethan comes in, I avoid his look as the teacher puts him in a seat in the back to take the quiz he missed. I force myself to not look back at him, instead I re-read the first paragraph of the new chapter over and over again, alone. Waiting for the bell to ring, which seems like the longest hour of my life. I bolt for the door before Ethan can catch up to me, I still felt that fizzle of anger in my chest as I move through the halls. I get to band class early, though I'm too distracted by my own thoughts and keep fucking up my set. 

Fully annoyed again once it's over. It feels like I'm in a haze, my mind racking over every possibility of Ethan going away with Tyler for a whole weekend. Stupid perfect Tyler, with his stupid perfect family, and life and who even had a lodge? Of course him. What if they went swimming or something and Tyler made a move? Would Ethan like that? Would he kiss Tyler under the stars after eating smores, from a fire I bet Tyler made. Would they cuddle up in their tent? Or in their room? Fuck.

Before I know it, it's lunch time and I’m sat hunched over my tray stabbing at the tasteless burrito. Bob and Wade are chatting about some game I think, they hadn't tried to invite me in conversation after my cold hello. Even Bob, who normally tried to cut through my moods was quick to take the attention off of me. My eyes search for Ethan, from time to time. 

He comes in about half way through the period with Tyler in tow. They stop by the table where the football guys were sitting, talking for a few minutes before they erupt with laughter. I grit my teeth, unable to take my eyes off Ethan. He doesn't even look my way, just giggles and talks to the group of arrogant assholes before leaving the lunch room with Tyler. 

I squeeze the plastic fork so hard it snaps, sending a wave of pain through my hand. 

"Whoa, okay. That's it." 

Bob's voice cuts in through my thoughts. I look up to see him standing with Wade, motioning for me to follow. I stand with some effort, tossing the broken utensil onto the tray, leaving it behind. I follow them outside to the grassy area opposite from the football field, a few kids were outside hanging around and tossing a Frisbee. We avoid them and find a bench under some trees, Bob points for me to sit on the table, so I do.

"What happened?" His tone isn't as angry as I was expecting, just confused. 

I look away from him, "I don't want to talk about it." I mumble, rubbing my chin.

"Yeah, no shit. But start." Bob grunt insistently.

I huff, "Tyler invited Ethan, to hang out with him on the weekend."

"Go on."

"To hang out at his stupid lodge, who even has a lodge? Fucking... stupid." I don't quite grasp that I sound like the stupid one. 

"And? So what?" Bob questions with a raise brow behind his glasses.

"So what? I don’t want him to go." I nearly shout.

"Why not?" Bob presses. 

"Because I like him! And if Tyler has him alone the whole weekend, he'll make a move on, Ethan!" I blink at myself, looking up to Bob who looks back at me with an annoying, smug expression. 

"I knew it..." He says in an 'a-ha' kind of tone, making me roll my eyes at him. My shoulders slumping forward so I could run my hands through my hair.

"Geez, Mark, with a crush is worse than regular, Mark." Wade comments, moving to sit next me.

"It's not just... not just a crush. I mean, we kissed a few times... and stuff." I mumble, my face pressed into my palms.

"Did you ask him out? Did he ask you out?" Bob questions, avoiding the 'and stuff' part.

I shake my head. 

"Why not?" Wade asks this time.

"Why haven't you asked out, Molly?" I snap, dropping my hands to my lap. My eyes searching the ground at Bob's feet.

"Sorry." I shake my head again, I'm such an asshole, aren't I?  
"So, you're riled up because Tyler, Ethan's friend wants to hang out with him for the weekend. Worried he'll hit on Ethan, when you two haven't even talked about officially dating?"

"I..."

Bob cuts me off,

"Meanwhile, you've been ditching your friends to hang out with each other. Already kissed, ‘and stuff'. And give each other sickening 'goo-y' eyes all the time..."

"I get it." I snap, looking up at him with frustration. 

"No, I had few more points. But, you obviously don't get it. If Tyler has the balls ask Ethan out, when you don't, then you need to learn to deal with the consequences of that. You can't... expect things to go your way, if you won't work for it." Bob wraps up his little speech, making me finally feel as stupid as I was acting. 

"It's not that simple." I say weakly. What else could I say when he was right?

"Then, let's figure out how it can be."


	13. Boyfriends?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Are they boyfriend's now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, work sucking up all my time to write. But I am doing my best to keep ahead a few chapters! 
> 
> And I really wanted to break out of school monotony, so maybe they all go away and fun things happen? Or bad things? Idk, let's talk about it.

Ethan POV

My head is a mess, it normally is, but with Mark now thrown in there, it is even worse. I don't even know what I did to upset him, I know Tyler coming around kind if ruined the mood. But I honestly forgot he was coming by, he had asked when we were hanging around the other day during his football practice. I was so lost to my own thoughts about the therapist, then Mark after. Gosh, I still couldn't believe what we did in my shower, it was stupid to let that happen. I knew it was too soon for him, I just needed him so bad I couldn't think. Ugh.

Now, at every turn he was ignoring me, leaving me to hang out with Tyler pretty much the whole day. Who ended up talking me into seeing the gymnastics coach after school today. If anything, it would be a good distraction from my mind, from Mark, who I could see off on the other side of the gymnasium with his wrestling group. I wasn't even sure he noticed me when I left the locker room, he was already out on the mat rolling around with some guys while their coach yelled terms I didn't understand. 

I focused on Tyler cheering me on off to the side. Feeling exposed in my leotard, tugging at my shorts a bit, like it would actually help cover my thighs.I then adjusting the straps nervously, trying to not think too much but unable to not thinking too much. I’ll need a new uniform soon, though, I have no idea if my mom would approve of it. She still voiced how she didn't want me to start back so soon after all the hassle in my old school. 

I shake myself, knowing this wasn't an official try out. I just needed not to fall on my ass too much, and I should be fine. Moving towards the mat while the coach followed along side it. I take a breath, listening to the basic stunts they wanted me to do. Entry level stuff, I knew I could blow through easily, and I do.

Flipping and rolling, handstands and tucks. They slowly build me up to the bar and vaults. I easily forget all the stress in my bones, hyper aware of just myself. It felt good to let it all go, to just be in the moment doing something I knew I was good at. Eventually I'm tuckered out, sat on the floor drinking down water like I just got back from a month in the desert. 

"Mr. Nestor. I'm impressed. Could use a little work sure, but I'd be honored to have try out for real, next year." The coach says, and I laugh happily. 

"Thanks, I'd like that." I huff out through deep breaths, pushing my sweaty hair from my forehead.

"Good. Feel free to come practice any time it is available after school." They smile and walk away. 

I laugh again, falling onto my back. Staring up at the ceiling, relaxed for the first time in long time. Wiping the back of my hand over my forehead, I rest the water bottle on the floor, my fingers still gripping it. I fell good.

"That was really good." Tyler says, coming to stand over me, his features are a bit weary.

"You okay?" I ask, moving to sit up.

"Yeah, just... a family thing. Are, uh, you good to get home without me?" He questions and I nod. Though I have no idea how I would get home, Mark was definitely not talking to me and I'm sure Bob and Wade are already gone.

"Yeah, no problem." I bring myself to my feet, giving him a half smile. Not wanting him to worry about me if he had his own thing going on.

"Cool, I'll see you tomorrow." He pulls me into a half hug before jogging off.

I watch him go, deciding I should get cleaned up and head home myself. Walking through the locker room I grab my towel and head into the showers, mostly to just rinse some sweat off of myself before getting out. With my boxers on, I use the towel to dry off my hair then toss it into the 'used' bin so it could get cleaned. Rounding the the corner to the locker I claimed, I see Mark.

I stop dead, my hands falling from trying to tame my wild hair. I was sure I should still be pissed at him, but I'm still running on my high from flinging myself around for about an hour. Either way, he was sitting by my locker and I needed my clothes.

He's sat there grumbling to himself, while aggressively trying to wrap his hand. Which was really looking better than before. He already changed into his sweats and his shirt from this morning, his hair damp. It reminds me of last night and I feel a shiver move up my spine. Walking over I stop right in front of him, his hands still before he looks up at me. His lightly tanned skin blushes pink, leaving a satisfied feeling in my chest. 

"You're in my way." I motion to the locker behind him, holding back a smirk, I watch him suddenly sliding to the side.

I sit facing the locker to get it open, feeling his eyes on the side of my face. If he wanted to talk to me, he'd have to make the first move. I may be in a better head space, but I was not about to let him off that easy. I pull out my bag, then clothes. Pulling my arms through my shirt, leaving it to hang open as I gather my pants and socks. Busying myself with sliding them on, one foot at a time to really draw it out. Giving him enough time to say something, though there was a chance he wouldn't. That thought pangs my heart but I ignore it, I had to.

"Ethan?" 

Relief washes over me, "Yeah?" I hum out, still not giving him my full attention. 

"You, uh... looked good out there." He goes on, shifting where he sat. 

I feel my face flush at the idea of him watching me out there, I was really glad I didn't fall over a ton. I have to clear my throat, and ultimately my mind before I respond. Trying not to get swept up in that fuzzy feeling now settled in my chest, no, it couldn’t be that easy. Then, why was I half smiling to myself?

"Thanks." Is all I let out, forcing my eyes to not look at him, my tired fingers pulling my legs through my jeans. 

I have to stand to get them over my thighs and hips, wiggling a bit before I zip them up. Leaving the button undone as I grab for my shoes to slip my feet into.

"And I'm sorry for acting like an asshole."

I finally look at him, his eyes are on the ground. The parts of his face I could see were creased, I believe him. Sighing, I step over the bench to straddle it, facing him. He turns to look at me and I motion for his hand. He looks confused but holds his wrapped one out to me. I take it gingerly, undoing the wrap so I could fix it for him. It seemed like our ritual at this point, us in the locker room, me wrapping his hand. The air between us is now tense, yet relaxed in a way. Perhaps falling into something familiar was the reason.

"You want to tell me why you were being a shithead all day?" I question, keeping my eyes trained on his hand to let him speak freely. 

"Tyler..." He huffs out before going quiet. 

When it's clear he won't elaborate I look up at him with raised brows. He meets my eyes for a moment before looking away again as if he were ashamed. Which he should be for acting like a tool all day. Seriously, how could he not see that I didn’t like Tyler that way? After last night, after all those days before, had I not made it clear?

"My friend, Tyler?" I question, not letting him answer, "The guy I told you was just, my friend?"

He squirms.

"Yeah."

I end off his wrap, letting his hand go. I stare at him expectantly, so he knows I was not about to do all the talking. This was his mess, not mine. I just needed him for once to tell me what he was feeling, really feeling so we could work it out together. Trying to guess his side of us, was really messing with me.

"Not just... about him. Wh- what we did in y- your shower."

I feel myself deflate at those words, he regretted it. I knew he would. Shit. I bite at my lips for a moment, lost to my own guilt. My fingers flex unsure of what to do before they dart to my chest to start buttoning up my shirt. Feeling a little too exposed for the conversation we were about to have. My eyes falling between us as I tried to gather something to say.

"I know, I'm sorry. I should have stopped it, I know... I wasn't thinking and you, you're not ready..." My mouth moves form words, but I have no idea what I'm saying, the panic rising in my chest was coming fast. My fingers stopped working half way through buttoning up my shirt. 

Giving up, I push myself to stand. Stumbling over the bench I was straddling previously,

“Ethan…” Mark’s voice falls to deaf ears, only the hint of recollection of him speaking comes but my mouth is already moving to talk over him.

"... I didn't mean, when I asked you over... I wasn't expecting… I didn't think that would happen. It was stupid to... to ask you to shower with me." I go on, shoving my feet into my shoes fully, my hands grabbing for my book bag. 

I needed go, I needed to get out.

It didn’t matter that my jeans weren’t buttoned, or that my shirt was still half open. It didn’t matter that my feet were awkwardly pushed into my shoes. 

The room felt too hot, like it was suddenly smaller. The air too thin to breathe, I fucked up. He hates me now, it was stupid to think anything was normal between us, that this was just about Tyler, obviously Mark wasn't into it. Shit. I hear his voice but my brain doesn't process the words, my feet are hitting the floor hard. Wind rushing past my deafened ears. I had to get out. 

Dread washes over me as I pretty much ram my body into the front door of the school. Stumbling forward, I hit ground hard, my hands sore. Flashes of the other day come barreling back, the hard dirt and rocks biting into my skin. 

It only adds to the pounding of my heart in my ears, my chest tightening so much it physically hurt. I push myself up, setting an awful pace down the stairs. Missing steps, my feet sliding over the curves. I grab the handrail, to stop myself from going forward. 

Off the steps I just go, running in no particular direction. Sweat forming on my body, I could feel it on my brow, sliding down my back. It wasn't in the forefront of my mind however, nothing really was. I just felt the need to go, get out, move. 

I'm such an idiot, to think things were okay. To think my life would be better, that it was okay to push Mark into doing something like that, when he didn't even think he was gay. It will start all over again, he'll hate me, they'll all hate me. 

No, no… no.

I gasp out, wiping my forehead with a dirty hand. My eyes so full of tears I could barely see. I stumble once more before my body gives out, I don’t know where I am. I just try to focus on breathing, why was it so hard? Why did my throat burn? My hands grasp at the ground while gasp out roughly sucked in air. 

I need to stop. Breathe. Just breathe. 

Strong hands come down on my shoulders suddenly, I jerk and pull away abandoning my book bag as I twist my body around to get away. Shuffling awkwardly backwards on my ass, kicking my legs and mumbling something. My vision is blurred by big tears gathering up on my waterlines. It's happening, it happening again. I suck in a shaky breath, my hand coming up to claw at my throat. I can't breathe, have to breathe.

"Ethan." 

A familiar voice calls to me, those hands from before grabbing my hand away from my neck. I blink a few times, my head suddenly feeling too light. I feel my body sway under the dizzy feeling that came so quick, I feel sick. I end up swaying right into whoever was touching me, my face pressed into them. I can’t see them. But I could hear their heartbeat, rapid. Those strong hands grabbing at me urgently, trying to comfort me.

"It's okay, listen... listen to my breathing."

I can only comply, squeezing my eyes shut I focus on the in and out. The rise and fall of their chest, the hand still holding mine. Their thumb rubbing over my palm gently, their breath on my neck. Their arm wrapped around my shoulders, holding me there against them. I take a deep breath, trying to let it out slowly, it takes some effort. 

"That's it… in and out. It's okay." 

Another hand is on the back of my head now, running fingers through my hair. I settle a bit more, pushing past the pain that pulses all over my body. My hands, knees, head, throat. I focus, I breathe through the trembling of my limbs. I hiccup once or twice which falls somewhere between the tears streaming over my cheeks.

I'm not sure how long it takes me to come down from it, but I'm exhausted. From gymnastics then the attack, my body is so done. I couldn't help but curl against Mark's chest, holding onto him best I can. My mind clear enough to realize it was him, he came after me, didn't he hate me?

"I'm sorry." I mumble, pressing my face more into his neck so I could speak. It comes out raw and raspy. 

"No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you... I just didn't know how to say what I wanted to say." He says back, pressing his face into my hair, his arms curling around me tighter. 

I shake my head, "It's not your fault... they come out of nowhere." Slowly, I wrap my arms back around him, feeling cold. The night air drying up the sweat that had formed on me, I shiver.

He goes quiet, rubbing my back and head.

I blink open my eyes to look around, I still have more idea where I was. Surely not too far from school. Both of us on the pavement, with a few people across the street passing by. Gawking at us, not that I could blame them. I press into him again, not wanting to see them anymore. 

"I was trying to, apologize but..." Mark pulls back so I could look up at him, "... I also wanted to ask you something."

I sniff, rubbing my eyes with the sleeve of my shirt. Trying to not look like the hot mess I felt like, but also to give him my full attention. His hands are still holding me, gripping at my thin shoulders. His eyes are worried, his brow creased with thought. It suddenly felt very serious, and very real. I have no idea how the shower thing was a lead into a question, then again, I didn't really stick around to hear him out.

"Yeah?"

He nods, "I wanted to ask you to... be my boyfriend. I had this whole speech planned out, and I just, as soon as I saw you it just went away. It didn't feel... fuck, I never even thought words like that would leave my mouth. Boyfriend, my boyfriend." He shakes his head.

I shift back a bit, crossing my legs as my hands fall into my lap. Hearing that should have made me so happy, I think if he had said them this morning it would have. I would have jumped on him and laughed and said ‘yes’ many times through kisses. But we’re here now, sat on a dark sidewalk. Me trying to not break down again, him looking stressed and confused.

"Mark, that's... not a good idea." I say, my heart skipping into my throat. Watching him lean back to sit on the ground across from me. His eye moving quickly over my face, his lips pressed together for a moment before he speaks,

"What?"

That was obviously not the response he thought I would give, to fair me either. This wasn't just about me though, it was about both of us. This was my second attack in two weeks, give or take. Not to mention last night, Mark, this was too fast for him, right?

"Look at me..." I hold up my arms to motion at myself, dropping my arms back to my lap, "... I'm a mess. And like a week ago you thought you were straight or still are, I don't know." I lick at my dry lips, searching his face.

"I don't think it's a good idea." I continue.

I could see him thinking hard, his eyes unfocused looking away from me. Sadness washes over me, I could feel my eyes trying force out more tears. I couldn't do that, I needed to stay strong. For both of us.

"I don't know what I am. But I definitely never really thought I was straight." He finally says, picking at the fabric of his sweat. 

I blink at his words, he what? 

It's obviously a touchy subject for him, it was for be before I accepted it. I spent a long while convinced I was straight, more so because I still liked girls and it didn't make sense at the time. I just figured the times I felt weird about other boys was just something that happened to everyone. Thinking back I could see how stupid that was, but it got me through. I guess he did the same thing, in a way.

I'm too stunned to really reply right away, my mind spinning with so many thoughts. So he continues and I listen intensely.

"What I do know... is that being with you has made me the happiest I've been in a while." He goes on, starting off my water works. I wipe at my face desperately to try and make it stop.

No one ever said that to me before, that I made them happy. 

"And you said before, we can figure this out together. I want that. I want, you." Mark huffs, rubbing at his face before pushing his hand up into his hair. 

His eyes finally look up at me, they are glossy with almost tears. My heart aches, with joy, fear, worry. I want to say something, anything, but the words won't leave my mouth. I just stare at him, my face hot with holding back my tears. My lips trembling in time with my hands.

"Okay." I stutter out in a voice so low I'm scared he didn't hear me.

"Okay?" He questions back, his face relaxing as he looks at me. Obviously thinking the worst. Maybe I should have said something else, pushed back a bit more.

I'm done, I'm so done with feeling so tired. So worried, I just want to he happy. Think about my self for once, not a million other things that could or couldn't happen. He wants me, and I want him, even if it’s a fucking awful idea. 

"Okay." I repeat firmly with a short nod. My lips twitching up into what I assume is a half smile.

He pushes up and crawls after me, our lips meeting a bit off center. Our teeth clanking a bit, making a giggle bubble up in my throat. I correct the angle, kissing him back as his hands grab at my face to pull me in closer. My own hands grab at his shoulders to find enough leverage to push back, fingers digging into his shirt as they wrap around his shoulders. 

"Like... ‘okay’ about being my boyfriend right?" Mark mumbles between us, lifting me up to my knees as he holds me close to him, "Or this is gonna' really awkward." His joke eases the swell in my chest.

"Yes... dumbass." I breathe out through a giggle. 

He smiles, eyes searching my face before he leans in to kiss me again. I feel full for the first time, full of love and care and happiness. I grab him hard, twisting my hands into his shirt, pulling him flush against me. Not caring we were on our knees in the middle of the sidewalk, the cold night air sweeping over us. 

The only thing that mattered was this, was us.

\--

"This is your stop." He says bringing his bike to a stop in front of my house, so I could climb off the back. 

Rounding to his side I notice the lights were on, my stomach sinks at the idea of facing my parents right now. I turn to look at Mark, who is sat back on the bike smiling at me, I smile back. Reaching out to adjust his shirt, my fingers lingering on his shoulder before they fall away. Wrapping my arms around myself, I wanted to kiss him, but I can't. 

"I'll call you when I get home, we can get online and play a game or something. If you're not asleep by then." Mark says, tugging at my shirt. 

I nod, stepping into him so I could gather him up in a hug. He turns and angles himself to better wrap his arms around me, I couldn't help but sink into him. Fingers grabbing at his shirt as my head falls to his shoulder. 

"Thanks, I'll talk to you later." I hum near his ear, slowly pulling back to look at him. My eyes falling to his lips for a moment, they part like they are waiting for me to do something. 

But I can't. 

I pull back and pat his shoulder, exchanging another look with him in one last, silent goodbye. Dropping my hands I step back before turning on my heel to head up the path to my house. I glance back when I get to the front door to see he was already gone. Pushing air out of my lungs I turn back to unlock the door and step inside. I smell dinner being made in the kitchen, my dad sitting on the computer in the living room.

"Hey, bud." He looks up at me with a half smile.

"Hey." I say back, locking the door and walking over to him. 

"How was school?" He questions as I set my book bag down, my shoulders slumping forward. 

"Not bad, is mom home?" I ask, watching his face fall for a split second before he's smiling again.

"It's just us tonight, bub." He sighs, before continuing, "Might be us for the rest of the week, actually." 

I bite at my lip and run my hand over my arm, "She okay?"

"Oh, yeah. Yeah. She just... went back to Maine for a few days. Has to sort out some stuff with her old job." I have a feeling he's not telling me the whole truth, maybe not lying outright, but there was something in his tone.

"Oh, she's... not mad at me right?" I question, making my dad stand suddenly to wrap me up in a big hug. I lean into him, savoring the comfort I felt from it.

"No, bud. No one is mad at you." He rubs my back and kisses the top of my head. I close my eyes, wrapping my arms around him.

"I'm sorry for not coming to pick you up yesterday." He offers an apology I didn't expect, "Everything just happened so fast and I had to help her get ready to go."

"Its okay." I say with a shrug, pulling back to look up at him, "Mark, took me home."

"That's nice of him... you, know. He's okay." He brings his hands to my shoulders, in time I feel my face flush a bit. I did apprentice how supportive he was with people I was friends with, even if it was a bit different now. 

"Oh, uh... yeah, he's... I like him." I stumble over my words, too many words trying to come out at once. My hand darts up to rub at my hot face, trying to hide it heat I felt radiating from my own cheeks.

"Hey, you okay?" I panic for a second, thinking he caught on to how I was really feeling. But instead he takes my hand in his, looking at my scraped up palms. Some of it old, some of it from not too long ago, my heart sinks a bit.

"Hmm, I fell, it's no big deal... doesn't even hurt." I chuckle away my embarrassment, wiggling my fingers around. 

His face softens, "Why don't you get ready for dinner, and we can talk more then."

"Okay!" I say too quickly, bouncing away from him to grab my bag and dart up to my room.

\--

I settle in, changing into a pair of sweats and a baggy shirt, splashing some water on my face to try and rid myself of any residual tear streaks. Stopping to text Mark that I was having dinner with my dad and I'd be on after to play games. I leave my phone on my bed before heading back downstairs. Where I found my dad had set the plates of spaghetti and meatballs by the TV instead of the dining table. My stomach cramps with sudden hunger and I gladly plop down on the couch. As my dad comes back from the kitchen with our drinks.

The meal is mostly ate in silence, with a few short conversations about school and therapy. Apparently they wanted me to stop by every other week to talk to Ms. Green, or at least that was her suggestion. I figured it worked money wise too, since I could only imagine it cost a hell of a lot to move states. Though my parents never really mentioned money matters around me. 

I tip toe around the boyfriend part, I knew it was too soon to tell my dad. Not only that but Mark would probably change his mind by tomorrow, this was a lot for him. Even though, it was going to be super awkward to pretend that I didn't want to kiss him all the time. 

To distract myself from that worry, I bring up gymnastics. 

"So, is mom still set on... me not doing it anymore?" I question after swallowing back a bit of meatball. 

"Do you want to do it, still?" My dad asks, a question for a question typical.

"Yeah, I like it. It helps me relax and focus. And I mean, I won't be able to try out until next year, and but, I mean it would be nice to still practice. I can do it at school, Tyler is close to the coaches and..." 

"Whoa, take a breath." He says, stopping my ramblings. Taking in a deep breath, I slowly let it out so I could calm down.

He does it with me the second time, it helps.

"If you still want to do it, if it helps, you should. I'll talk with her when she gets back." He goes back to eating, looking up to the show idly playing in the background. 

I take that as the end of the conversation, so I go back to eating. Though the thought of heading back up to my room and hearing Mark's voice is too tantalizing. I end up shoveling as much in as I could before declaring I was done. Jumping up I head for the kitchen with my plate and cup to clear off excess food and wash them. Grabbing some paper towels to dry my hands, which are now stinging from that dish soap. Ignoring it, I toss the paper towel in the trash before darting out of the kitchen and upstairs, informing my dad on the way that I would be doing homework for a while.

To be honest, I wasn’t really in the mood for homework. I shut my door and scramble up onto my bed so I could text him I was ready. Biting at my lips as I waited for his response. A part of me worrying he wouldn't reply. 

My phone chimes before I could really dwell on the thought. Pushing in my headphones I answer,

"Hey."

"Hey..." Mark's gruff voice responds, my toes wiggle and I sink down against my pillows. A smile dragging over my lips. 

"I thought you might not call." I hum, letting my eyes wonder around my room, looking at nothing in particular. 

"I said, I would." He responds with a breath, shuffling could be heard and I wonder if he was getting into bed. I almost feel him holding me, his strong warmth pressing right into me.

"Maybe you would forget." I offer trying to ignore the heat in my cheeks from the memory. Sliding all the way down so I was laying on my back. 

"I haven't stopped thinking about you since I dropped you off, forgetting would have been pretty hard." He laughs, somehow making his voice deeper. I stretch out my legs, my hands pat at my bed before they stretch up towards the ceiling, only to fall and rest on my chest.

"Hmm, it would be better if you were here." I admit, lowering my voice out of fear my dad would hear me. Though, considering I could still hear the muffled voices from the TV downstairs, I doubt it.

“Yeah, I wish I could be there, too.” Mark hums, making me smile. My hand coming up to cover my mouth before pinching at my lips. The fuzzy feeling from before was back to stay it seemed, it made me feel light and warm.

“You, you were serious right? Ab- about the boyfriend thing.” I ask suddenly, patting my fingers over my lips as I waited for him to respond.

There is light shuffling before the line goes silent fro a beat before he actually speaks.

“Yes. I… I was. I am. I mean, I don’t know how much I… you know like public stuff. But, I told Bob and Wade about us. I… they were actually the ones to help me… figure out how to ask you out, before it went tits up.” He chuckles. 

I chuckle hearing him chuckle, lips soon pressing together as I tried to think of something to say. Worried about not being able to show him affection when we were at school, but maybe that was for the best anyway. Maybe it would help me focus more.

“So they’re cool with it?” I ask, referring to Bob and Wade. Biting at my lip as my fingers toy with the hem of my shirt.

“Yeah. Only they know though, and… kind of my brother.” He clears his throat and I sit up suddenly, looking around my room with wide eyes. My hands going to push through my hair quickly as I tried to calm myself down.

“You’re brother? Mark… when, did he…” I can’t get the words to come out correctly, stuttering and shining with frustration.

“Hey, hey…. he doesn’t know about the boyfriend thing, but he saw me shirtless in bed with you and I agreed to cover for him Friday. So… I probably won’t be able to hang out after….” Mark paused, I could hear shuffling on his end. 

With my heart in my throat, I slowly lay myself on my back again.

“... are you going to go with Tyler?” He finally speaks again, his tone guarded and low. I know he doesn’t want me to say yes, even after asking me out. To be fair however, I had no idea what I was going to do this weekend. Tomorrow was already Thursday.

“Uh, I don’t know… um, Amy, before, had asked me to hang out with her and Kat, to meet their friend Pam… I totally forgot about it… and I haven’t, given Tyler my answer yet.” I say, running my hand over my stomach. 

“Amy asked you to hang out? When?” Mark questions, his tone slowly returning back to normal.

“Uh, the day I think when we hung out at Bob’s place. She…” I pause, rolling onto my side suddenly.

Realizing I was about to tell him that she had a crush on him. That wouldn’t end well, or it might give him ideas. Not only that, but I didn’t want to be jealous of Amy, she was so genuinely nice to me all the time and I didn’t want to feel awful around her. Is that what Mark feels like? Every time I hang around Tyler? I mean, I don’t like him like that, it shouldn’t be a big deal, right? I groan and roll my face into the pillow. Why did everything always have to be so weird.

“She?” Mark starts, “Eth, you okay?”

“Yeah, she’s just super nice…. that’s all.” I swallow back and squeeze my eyes shut, feeling my face tingle.

“Oh, yeah. She’s always been that way.” Mark agrees, making my stomach twist up.

Silence falls between us after that, I listen to his breathing as I shift around to roll onto my back again. I want to say a ton of things, but I don’t know where to start and I don’t know what he could be thinking about. That or, I was just too scared to think of what it might be.

“You…” I let out without thinking, catching Mark attention as he grunts in response to the single word.

“... you don’t regret it right? The… the shower thing?” I was still worried about it, I hoped he was okay with it considering how things were now. But I couldn’t get the idea of out my head that he would think back on it and feel sick or something.

“No. I mean, I never did something like that before… it was, uh, something I’d do again though.” He struggles to talk, clearing his throat as excessive sounds so shuffling comes.

I giggle gently, pressing my hand over my mouth, “Me too.”

It goes quiet again, but this time I can’t stop smiling. I’m distracted by my phone dinging and I grab it up to see what it was, a text from Tyler. I lick at my lips and open it up, just as Mark starts to speak.

“So, anyway, Bob and Wade are ready, we can join discord and figure out what the hell we’re gonna’ be able to play together.” 

“Mmm-Hmm…” I agree without really hearing what he said, staring at the text from Tyler for far too long.

Tyler:  
Hey, uh my parents won’t be coming with us on the weekend.  
It’s a long story.  
But I was thinking about inviting everyone to come if you still want to go.

“Ethan, you there?” Mark nearly yells into his phone, which vibrates my ears and I grumble sitting up again. Pulling my legs cross them as I hunch forward, staring at his text still, not really sure why it was making me act this way.

“You, uh, want to come with me and Tyler, this weekend?” I say without proper context, yet, I didn’t realize that right away. So the words linger and soon a confused,

“What?” Comes from Mark’s end.


	14. First Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark opens up after a fight with Ethan, who pulls him apart and then together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited this chapter like 5 times lol. But hey, Mark finally opening up? That's worth it.

Mark POV

I was going to pick Ethan up so we could go to school together, seemed only right considering yesterday. He is my boyfriend now, so I had to do that right? Maybe I just wanted to see him. It seems I always want to see him, ever since the first time I laid my eyes on him. I found myself looking for him in the halls, glancing at him when we were in class. I couldn’t help myself when it came to him and that scared me. Either way, I wasn’t with him right now, I was sat in the back of Bob’s car, watching the houses go by as they chat up ahead about some game coming out or was it about some girl in school? I was not listening.

Ethan had said he was going to jog to school, since he felt pretty shitty about not being in shape, which was a fucking joke. He looked good, even in that leotard thing he wore for gymnastics, which ruined me the whole time I was supposed to be practicing wrestling. Allowing myself to get pinned almost every time I hit the mat because I was too busy staring at Ethan bounce around. How was that even fair? How amazing he looked? I barely had time to really think about it all before we were in the locker room and things took off from there.

I could barely think about it now, wondering if Ethan was actually getting a ride from, Tyler. Shit. I almost forgot about the invite for the weekend, Jesus. Alone with Ethan and everyone for three days, secluded? I couldn’t tell if that was blessing or some kind of curse. I think could get my mom to let me go, since she already knows all of the guys, though I’m not sure if Ethan could pull it off. His parents seemed nice, but also really weary of him being around new people, which I could understand. I may not know how bad it was, what happened to him, but I know it was bad enough to fuck him up. Bad enough to move states. If anyone even tried to hurt him, I’d probably lose it. I didn’t want to see him upset, I want to make him happy, even if it would be hard sometimes. 

Even if I didn’t think I could pull it off. I mean, someone could only be so okay with hiding their relationship from everyone, mostly everyone. I don’t know which one of us would break first, from the pressure to not hold hands or kiss or even hug too much. Probably Ethan, he was more open about who he was, more okay, and I am just… good at hiding.

“Hey, you going this weekend?” Bob yells from the front seat, making my head snap forward, blinking at his face in the rear view mirror.

“Shit, he already asked you guys?” I huff, leaning my head back on the seat, letting my eyes fall to the glove box in thought.

“Yeah, he texted me and Wade last night, said we could invite someone each and that he was trying to get Ethan to go, and some other people. Not, too many though since the place isn't that big.” Bob informs me, and I wonder if Tyler, was actually going to invite me in person.

“I’ll only go if Ethan, goes…. even if I don’t understand, why all of a sudden he wants to invite everyone.” I roll my eyes at the thought, head turning to look back out the window. Maybe Tyler, was scared Ethan wouldn’t go if it was just them? I'm sure Ethan, would have gone anyway, he's just nice like that.

“Maybe, Ethan talked him into it?” Wade offers in a soft voice, I catch the side glance he gives Bob. I narrow my eyes at them, pretty sure they were up to something. Did they talk about me and Ethan when we weren’t around?

“Talking about, Ethan…” Bob starts up, making me groan, “… how did it go yesterday? I mean, I assume good since he was around to play with us last night.”

“Yeah, he’s my boyfriend… he said yes.” I press my lips together, feeling my cheeks heat up in the way that made me rub my face with my hand. Trying to get rid of it, though it probably only made it worse.

“That’s great, buddy!” Bob sounds genuinely happy, which makes me smile, mostly to myself. Then Wade had to chime in,

“Like, boyfriend -- boyfriend?” He questions, looking back at me. The gaze long enough to make me sit up, my head tilting to try and look back at him. What the hell did he mean by that? 

“Yeah, I-- don’t get the difference?” I say back with confusion, hearing Bob chuckle lowly to himself before clearing it up.

“What he means is, are you two gonna’ start holding hands in school and shit or?” I blink, sinking back in the seat, letting my head dip some. Making my hair block my view of them, my fingers flexing where I hold myself.

“Not… yet. I… only you two know, and I don’t need anyone else to know, right now. I don’t…” I swallow back, digging the heel of my hands into my eyes, “… I mean, not jus’ for me. But Ethan, he’s been through a lot and I don’t… want him to…”

“It’s alright, Bud. We won’t tell anyone… right Wade?” Bob says in time with reaching over and punching Wade in the arm, which is what I assume since I’m not looking at them, but the sound of it reminded me of that.

“Yeah, right… I won’t tell anyone, I’ll take it to the grave.” Wade pipes up, no doubt rubbing where he got hit, while giving Bob, a pouty face. I’ve seen it so many times before, I could picture it as if I were actually seeing it.

“Okay, that’s a bit dramatic, Wade.” Bob scuffs.

A smile touches my lips when he says that, allowing me to relax enough to open my eyes.

I take a breath, “Thanks, guys.”

\--

Getting out of Bob’s car I look around for Ethan, finding he was over by the bike area, sat on the ground with a book in his lap. His mouth moving as he bites on his tongue writing something down, wild brown hair softly rolls in the hot breeze. He looks good in a dark gray NASA t-shirt and black jeans. I head for him without a second thought, pulling on my book bag, weaving between cars and other kids hanging around. I push my hair back from my face as I come to a stop in front of him, a smile pulling up my lips.

He looks up at me with wide, light eyes, a smile breaking out over his face in the way that makes me take in a breath. Shoving his book to the side, he bounces up to his feet and throws his arms around my neck. Pulling me into a happy hug, which I return without thinking. Holding tightly to the back of his shirt and pressing my face into his shoulder/neck area. I didn’t want him to let me go, I wish we didn’t have to go to school right now.

“Mark!” He coos, hugging me tighter as he twists us side to side. It seemed both of us didn’t want to let the other go.

Sighing, I have to pull back, dragging him off of me slowly. Watching him step back, his hands grabbing at my shoulders, a smile still on his face as he looks at me. Like he hasn’t seen me in years, gosh, how could he be so cute? How could he be so positive after everything? I slide my hands over his arms to grab his elbows. Holding onto him.

“Hey, I didn’t think you’d beat the car.” I try to joke, but it’s not a good one, not that it matters, he’s still giggles brightly at it. Squeezing my shoulders and swaying to the side, his eyes shimmering. Was it the way the light caught them? Or was he just happy to see me?

“I left earlier, silly.” Ethan hums, one more squeeze before he drops his hands. Leaving me to let go of his arms, making me feel a little empty. My fingers curl to stop me from reaching out for him again.

“Hmm, or you’re just trying to cover up that you’re some kind if X-Men or something.” I raise my brow, teasing him, while he bends over to grab his things. Shoving them away into his book back before pulling it over his shoulders.

He rolls his eyes at me, “Yeah, me? An X-Men, pff… as if…” He jokes, giving me the face like he was definitively not lying, totally telling the truth. 

“You better not be, I’d sell you to the government for a cheeseburger.” I say, making him swat my arm, both of us holding back smiles.

“Shut up, and walk me to class.” 

He's walking off ahead before even finishing his sentence, I smile after him. Watching him walk for a moment before I jog up after him. Bumping him with my shoulder as we walk up the stairs to the school and head inside to find Bob and Wade waiting for us in the hall.

\--

“Watch where you’re going.” I grunt out annoyed by the asshole who just bumped me to walk past. Twisting up my shirt in my hands, tossing it angrily into my locker with a hard thump.

“Geez, your boyfriend it defiantly the nicer one.” 

The boy says, making me look up at him. Recognizing him as the guy I punched in this very locker room the day Ethan was having his attack, since he was being a big dick at the time and deserved it.

“The fuck did you just say?” I half turn, my brow raised as he step backwards with a shrug.

“At least he apologized me. You know?” He paused, hands going to his pockets at he looked back at me with a frown on his lips, “… and he wasn’t even the one to hit me. I don’t know what he sees in you.”

The guy shakes his head, and before I could respond walks off around the lockers. I stand there just staring at nothing trying to process what he just said, Ethan, apologized to him? Why the fuck would he do that? When the fuck did he do that? I feel that familiar anger start to bubble up in my chest. I haven't felt that in a while, it was both comforting and terrifying. I try to distract myself with getting changed, moving around my hair with frustration every time it falls in my face. 

"Hey. Thought I'd find you here." Ethan's cheery voice echos in my ears, making me turn to look at him. He's smiling and tugging at his book bag straps as he walks over to me.

"Yeah." My tone is flat, but at least it doesn't sound as angry as I suddenly felt from seeing him. 

I can see him slow to a stop next to me, his hand reaching out for mine. The one I hurt but didn't remember to wrap, not that it mattered it was good enough now. I move my hand so he couldn't touch me, half stepping back as I grab my own book bag from the bench. He steps back as well, probably hurt, but fuck, I don't know what I would do if he touched me right now. 

"Are... you okay?" He questions and I finally look up, meeting his worried blues. I look away, rubbing my hand over my forehead for a second to compose myself. 

I take in a breath, "Why the fuck did you apologize to that guy for me?" I finally spit out, my jaw clenching as I look up at him.

He blinks a few times in confusion before realization takes over his features. 

"You had no right to do that." I step back again, "No, right."

"I didn't... didn't apologize for you. I just apologized for what happened, he didn't need to get hit." Ethan says carefully, shaking his head as he spoke.

"He started it..." I grunt, hating the fact that it was true. How could he do that? Just go behind my back like that?

"I was there, I didn't stop it really..." Ethan deflates a little, "... so I apologized for it. Because I would want to... hear an apology if I were hit by someone.” He sifts his feet almost awkwardly, his eyes darting from me to the floor and back again.

"Oh? So I'm the bad guy? I was defending you!" I shout without meaning too, that anger in my chest rapidly increasing to boil. I see him flinch, and want to take it back, but I also want to yell more and the conflicting feels were making me dizzy.

"He was making some stupid remarks! I didn't need you to defend me! I can take care of myself." His soft features twist up, somewhere between hurt and angry. 

"Obviously not." As soon as those words left my mouth I regretted it, my face falling a little as I watch him dip his head, steps back to be further away from me, his face flushing red.

"I didn't..." I start, but he stops me,

"But you did... is that how you see me? Some broken thing?" He looks up at me with tears in his eyes, "Some... thing you need fix? Because, I obviously can’t take care of myself, right?"

I shake my head, feeling frustration settle in my core. How did we get here? Stupid, I'm so stupid. I open my mouth to say ‘sorry’, to say ‘no’, but they won't come out. This is why I didn't want to be with anyone, this drama this weight on my shoulders, pressing down and making me feel like shit.

I don’t want it.

"Oh, like you weren't thinking about trying to fix fucking, angry, ‘out of control’ Mark. That's why you fucking fawned over me like some... obnoxious lost puppy." I blurt out instead, making this worse. But I couldn't stop it, it was a mistake to think this, us, would be any good.

Ethan nods, tears falling over his cheeks. My heart racing with the want to wipe them away, to just grab him and hold on until he smiles again. Fuck.

"I'm gonna' go home." He states, wiping at his face, "By myself."

I swallow, why wasn't he fighting back? 

"Whatever." 

I turn away from him to slam my locker closed, hearing his footsteps leading away. My fingers curl against the cool metal of the gym locker, stopping myself from running after him.

"Fuck." 

I curse at myself, rubbing my other hand over my eyes. Before slapping my hand against the door, making it echo throughout the empty room. 

\--

"Okay. What the hell did you do?" Bob questions in his ‘dad’ tone, making me roll my eyes.

"What are you talking about?" I play dumb, coming to a stop next to his car, realizing Wade wasn't here. I look back to Bob, who was giving that 'I know your lying' face.

"Ethan, just power walked his way out of the school crying." He finally says, when he realizes I wasn't going to budge. His words squeeze my stomach, I have to shake it off, I can’t feel bad. 

"When is he not crying?" I grunt, looking away from him, the bite in my words not fully there. And I know Bob, would see right through it.

"What happened?" He pushes, making me rub at my face.

"Can’t you just, take me home? And not Dr. Phil, me right now?" I shake my head, worry creeping up in my mind for Ethan. 

"Not when you just told me you guys were good, and boyfriends and now Ethan is crying and you're not even worried. Dude, it's been like what? A day?" He leans on his car, looking me over.

I sigh, leaning hack on his car as well, "I fucked up. And I can’t fix it, and I want to go home."

Bob is quiet, obviously wanting me to continue, "We got into a fight. That’s it, okay? It was stupid. A stupid fight."

"Then, why are we still here?" Bob's words are more of a statement than a question. He soon pushes off the car to get the drivers side door open. I blink at him, brows coming together as he gets in with ease. 

What?

"What?" I say in confusion, moving around to get into the passengers seat, not sure why he suddenly wanted to leave.

"Bob?" I insist, wanting him to say something. Though he just starts up the car and pulls out of the schools parking lot. 

I sit back, cradling my book bag in my lap. Watching the passing of the trees, and sky, seeing the clouds were gone leaving painted colors in against the blues. Realizing he wasn't taking me home, it's honestly almost comical how long it takes me to realize we were going to Ethan's house. But when I do, I sit up,

"Wait, why are we here?" I look at Bob as he brings the car to a stop.

"You know, it's really exhausting to be your wing man." He turns to look at me finally, pushing his glasses up his nose, "Especially when your so damn clueless." His voice is light.

I sit back, looking past Bob, up at Ethan's house. The anger had dissipated into guilt, I didn't want to face him right now, not after what I said. I didn't mean it, but what if it was better this way? Us not being together. 

"Listen, these two weeks since he got here, has made you both infuriating and tolerable. But more than anything, it's made you happier. I'm not letting you ruin this for us." He chuckles, reaching out to punch my arm.

"Just talk to him."

"What... do, I say?" I ask in a small voice, looking back to Bob with worry. What if I fucked it up even more? Was that possible? Did he hate me right now? I’d hate me.

"Apologizing would be the best option, but you'll figure it out." He encourages. 

I don't believe that, but I nod anyway, "Fine." I push open the passenger door to get out, ignoring Bob's 'let me know how it goes'.

My heart is already in my throat walking up the path to the front door. I might have turned and ran, if Bob, wasn't still sat there watching me. He knew me too well, which is both a curse and a blessing sometimes. I shake myself, taking the stairs two at a time, pausing in front of the door. It takes some effort to lift my hand and knock. 

Turning back to look at Bob, who gives me a thumbs up. I smile through my nerves and turn back when the door opens.

"Oh, hi, Mark." Ethan's dad greets, at the same time Bob pulls off. I glance over my shoulder to see his car driving away. I was doing this, alone now.

"Hey, um, is Ethan in?" I ask looking back his dad and swallowing back my nerves. Trying to sounds as polite as I possibly could.

"Yeah, he's upstairs. He didn't mention you were coming by." He doesn't sound upset, just confused.

"Oh, he probably forgot... I'm, supposed to come by for a... study session." I say, like a liar.

He smiles, stepping back to hold the door open for me, "He probably forgot, come in. He's up in his room. Can't miss it." He motions at the stairs as I step in.

"Thanks, I'll go up." 

"I won’t stop you. Dinner is on, if you want to join later." He offers and I nod, not sure how long I was even going to be here.

"Thanks." I say back starting up the stairs quickly.

On the landing I spot his door, its cracked open and I can hear him inside. I take a breath, slow walking my way there, hesitating before knocking as I push the door open. He's faced away from me, clearing some things off his bed. I don’t say anything right away, just stand there in his doorway staring at him until he notices I haven’t said anything.

“Dad? Wha--”

He turns to see me there, his face falling from neutral to shock, slowly setting the books and socks in his hands, back onto his bed. I try to smile but it even feels awkward to me, so I settle on clearing my throat.

“Can-- we talk?” I ask, watching him just as slowly as he set the things down, step back to sit on his bed. I’m not sure what he’s feeling but, that look of shock is still clear on his face and I wish he would just say something.

Eventually he looks down, his head turning to the side like couldn’t be bothered to look at me anymore. I shift my weight between my feet, thinking this was horrible idea. If I duck and run while he’s not looking I could get away, if I’m lucky he’ll think this was some weird daydream and I could start tomorrow like none of this ever happened.

“Y- yeah.” He finally says, looking back up to me before motioning with his head for me to come in.

I take a breath, stepping into is room letting my book bag slip off my shoulders and onto the floor next to his door. Which I close behind me before I walk over to his bed, seeing him move some things out of the way so I could sit next to him. He shuffled back lifting his sock covered feet off the floor, making it awkward to look at him so I shift back as well, letting my feet hang off the side of the bed. I side glance at him to see him looking down at his lap, pinching his faded black jeans.

“I don’t think you’re broken…” I start, looking away, my eyes searching over his floor, “… actually, I think considering everything you went through, you’re holding up better than anyone could hope. I mean… even just being yourself no matter what. I…”

I pause to rub my hand over my face, “I couldn’t… think about trying to be okay after that and just… being myself, I…” I shake my head, “… I don’t want to hurt anyone, but I do, all the time. I can’t… stop.” I pushed people away, one way or another, it’s what works. If you’re not close to anyone you can’t get hurt.

“I’m sorry, for all the bullshit…” I go on, but I’m stopped by Ethan tugging me down so we both fall back onto his bed.

I blink at his ceiling, afraid to look at him. I can feel his eyes on me, see his soft face out the corner of my eye. Fighting past the lump in my throat I try to speak again,

“I just… don’t need you apologizing for me.”

“Mark…” Ethan’s voice is low, closer to me than I thought. It makes me flinch then close my eyes, “… I didn’t apologize for you. I don’t… I just don’t like to see people hurting. I know what it feels like, and I don’t want anyone else to feel that.”

“But… it wasn’t just about him…” I blink my eyes open to look back at Ethan now, “… it’s about you. You… don’t have to fight everyone.” His hand comes up to rest on my chest.

He rolls himself onto his side, I stay on my back, head turned. Half looking at him, half letting my eyes wonder aimlessly around his room behind him.

“You don’t have to push people away. Push me away.” He goes on, making my hand come up to rest over his on my chest. I watch his eyes brighten, moving between our hands then back to my face.

“I don’t want to fix you, I just… want you to be happy…” His words roll easily off his tongue and I take in a quick breath, 

“… it’s okay to be tough, and to not understand yourself sometimes. And to be scared of what people would think if we… if you were with me. But, you can’t let it… control everything you do… you don’t always have to protect people or yourself… by yourself…”

I feel him shift closer to me, I ignore the way my face heats up from the simple action. Definitively ignoring the way my eyes began to burn from not blinking, in fear that the wetness in them would spill over. His hand moves form under mine to come up to my face, holding the side of it. Allowing me to let out a breath that I was holding, feeling his calloused thumb rubbing over my cheekbone.

“... sometimes it’s okay to let other people protect, you.” He finishes and I blink finally.

To my horror, a tear rolls out the corner of my eye. The other sliding over the curve of my nose. This isn’t how this was supposed to go, I was supposed to come here and say sorry and hold him, and hoped that he forgave me. Yet, here he was comforting me. I just, never heard someone say something like that to me before, normally people just accepted what I did. Bob tried to talk to me once or twice but it was never like this, maybe I just wasn’t listening to him. I didn’t want to listen.

My gaze falls to his lips, they’re pink and slightly chapped and perfect. 

He seems to understand, sitting up on his elbow he leans into me. Touching our noses as his hand grips harder at the side of my face, he’s just looking at me, lips parted like he might say something. Instead he leans further down to kiss my lips, my eyes close, barely responding to it. I wanted to just feel him there, our breathing synced as he leans further down to kiss me again. His arm resting on my chest, his upper body resting on my shoulder, half covering me in his warmth. My own lips finally close around his, attempting to distract myself.

How have I gone so long without him?

I reach up to grab his shoulder, digging my fingers in as I pull him closer. Trying not to break the kiss as he rolls further, before having to climb on top of me, laying against my chest with his feet brushing against my sneakers. A low giggle leaves him, both of his hands on my face now, kissing me again and again and again and there is nowhere else I wanted to be. Pressing my hands into his sides, before running them up over his back, feeling his muscles flex and bumps of his shoulders blades poking through his shirt. I grip them, pulling him down, as if he could get any closer.

The cool metal of his bracelet trails over my face, and I sigh out, head tilting to part my lips further. Allowing our tongues to touch, soft presses and slides of warm wetness. My fingers curl when I feel my eyes begin to burn again. He eventually needs to pull back to breath, so I reach up to grab his face, letting his hands fall to my chest and bed. I hold his face close to my face, feeling his breathing on me, his eyes slightly crossing as he tries to look at me.

“It’s okay.” He hums, a smile touching his lips just before he licks at them. 

Pressing his face into my hands as he leaves little pecks on my lips and chin. I smile at him, pressing my lips together as I swallow back again. 

“You’re really cute…” I mumbles out, blowing a raspberry at him when he comes down for a kiss. 

Which pushes him right into a loud happy string of giggles, his legs shifting to rest on either side of me as he sits back some. His hands grabbing at my chest to settle himself, his face red again, though this time it was from joy and not tears. I rub, and press my thumbs into his cheeks, the corners of his mouth. I could look at him forever, the curve of his nose, his soft skin dotted with pimples and creasing when he smiles. I don’t know how it could feel like he understands me, I mean, fuck. I don't even understand me.

“You’re really cute.” Ethan’s teasing voice, makes me blink back from my thoughts, his nose bumping mine as he scrunches up his face.

“You making fun of me?” I accuse, raising my brow at him. 

“Maybe, what you gonna’ do about it?” He raises his brow back at me, obviously pushing me to do something.

So I do. I buck up my hips to roll us over, laying him on his back as I move on top of him. Breathing out as my leg slides between his, my knees balancing me as I drop my hands from his face to the bed on either side of his head. He gasps, as if he were actually surprised, taking a quick breath as he stares up at me. Probably because it wasn’t often that I was on top, I did prefer him over me more than me over him. But right now it was good. 

“You’re not intimidating, when you look like you want to kiss me.” Ethan teases, chuckling up at me, his sneaky hands grabbing at my sides as he dips his head back. 

With his head tilted back I take my opportunity to lean down, pressing a kiss to his neck. Feeling his Adams apple bob, a sharp gasp stopping his laughs. Grinning, I tilt my head down further to press another kiss to the side of his neck, mostly doing what I remembered him doing the other time. I’m not as sure as him however. I do my best, feeling my hair falling over my face when I part my lips for more of an open mouth kiss right against where I could feel his heartbeat.

“Mark.”

I feel his neck flex under my lips, his fingers digging into my sides before they abandon their hold to grab at my head. My own arms flatten out so I can rest my forearms on his bed, feeling his shoulder rise, nearly smothering me against his throat when I bite down. A small sound echoes in his throat, muffled by what I assume is him pressing his lips together to stop it. It only makes me bite down again, feeling his back arch, pressing him into me. Making me slide down to rest on top on him, my upper thigh and hip careful to not hit his junk. Instead I carefully rest myself there, kissing down his neck to the collar of his shirt.

Pausing there, I look up at him, his face it twisted up with what I’d like to think is pleasure and not pain. His brows together and tugged up, his head pressed back into the pillow still, his lips pressing tightly together before they have to fall away to breathe. I press kisses down over his shirt, pausing over his heart for a few seconds. Feeling it beat under my lips. His slim fingers press into my hair, blunt nails scraping at my scalp, making me sigh.

“Okay you win.” He huffs out, tugging my hair to guide me back up his chest to his neck. Feeling him shiver when I kiss there again.

“Ain’t gonna’ stop until you say sorry, for making fun of me.” I mumbles between kisses, bring my head up to bite at his earlobe, teasing him further.

“Oh! That’s… no fair, I’m not… even s- orry…” He shifts under me, laying back as his leg comes up, bending his knees pressing it right into my hip. Of my leg between his, his head tilting to look at me with a pout.

I smile at him, “No, if you’re not sorry than, you have to make it up to me…” I say, pressing my face into the side of his, mush him. Before I kiss his jaw, “… or I’ll keep it up.” I bite gently between his jaw and ear to make my point.

“Okay! Fine! What do you want?” He questions, tugging my head back by my hair to make me look at him again. 

I press my lips together in thought, “I want… you to sing for me again.” His face turns red and I nearly laugh at the sight.

“Ugh, why? I suck at it!” He whines, lifting his bend leg to wrap it around mine, rocking us side to side gently.

“I still want to hear it.” I move my hand up, pushing some of his hair behind his ear.

“Hmm, you just want me to look stupid, so you can make fun of me!” He tries to sound serious, but he couldn’t stop smiling so he ends up giggling by the end of his sentence.

“Fine, okay…” 

He gives in, settling back and bring my head down so he could kiss me, I kiss back.

\--

“Do you actually have a request this time?”

Ethan cuts in as I text my mom that I would be home late, setting my phone face down on his pillow. He nudges me with his foot, making me look up at him, his eyes move over my face slowly. He’s still in his dark gray NASA shirt and jeans, his hair a wild mess of brown from us rolling around. Sat cross-legged with his ukulele resting in his lap, his fingers plucking at the string idly. 

“Uh, not really…” I huff, pushing my hair out of my face, leaning forward to rest my arms on my lap. I look around, then back to him with a half smile, “… you pick one, since, you know… you owe me.”

He rolls his eyes and grabs for his phone, scrolling through, letting me just watch him exist. His lips pressing and opening as he bites at them and sometimes at his tongue. The collar of his shirt sagging enough to let me see part of his blushed chest. Little tiny marks litter his neck, though I don’t think I bit hard enough to leave a mark. My hand comes up to touch at my neck, remembering the mark he left on me. It was surely gone by now.

“Here, this one seems, fitting…” He sets his phone down where he could read from it, settling back as he plays with the strings to tune them, “… it’s, ‘Someone’ by Michael Schulte.”

I don’t’ think I ever heard that one, but, I don’t listen to much music. I sit up, watching him nod to himself, lowly humming to find a tone I’m assuming. He seems so comfortable and calm, his face soft and his eyes so concentrated.

“Well, everybody needs a little help sometimes… everybody needs someone to call on… everybody gets a little lost inside…. but it’s alright…” He starts off, and I realize why he said it was fitting. My lips pull up into a smile before I could stop myself.

“... yeah, it’s alright… I know it hurts… but I swear it gets better…. so don’t doubt yourself, it don’t last forever… everybody needs a little help sometimes…. everybody needs someone….” He stumbles a little and has to repeat himself to find the flow here and there but his voice is so beautiful to me.

His eyes look up to me, as if he were silently asking if he should keep going and I nod, still smiling at him. My face hot, my body relaxed in a way I don’t think it has ever been before, I needed him so much, more than I wanted to admit. He was a light in the darkness that has become my mind, yet I’m too scared to really think about that. I don’t think I’m ready to leave it all behind, I didn’t want to leave the dark yet. This could all go away tomorrow, he would say something or I would do something stupid, gosh, if anyone else found out about us…

“... if you’re running in circles… with nowhere to go… and feel lost and afraid… but you can’t let it show… don’t say you’re okay, I see you’re not… don’t say you’re okay…” 

I blink, looking away from him, letting his voice wash over me. Squeezing my eyes shut for just a moment to collect myself. 

“I don’t, I don’t know how to help you… if you don’t, if you don’t wanna’ let me in… I don’t, I don’t know what I’m meant to do… so don’t be sacred to need someone…”

I open my eyes to look at him, his eyes trained on his phone for the last few lines. They dart up to look at me when he realizes I was staring at him, I let out a breath and reach out to grab him. Moving the instrument out of his lap as I crawl into it, my hands on his face as I press my face into his.

“What are you doing to me?” I question, not really looking for an answer, my face still hot and my vision is suddenly blurry with tears. My fingers digging into his face, leaning down to kiss him.

I can feel his hand grabbing at my back as he holds me up easily, pressing up into my kisses that I give to him. Meeting me urgently in the middle, both of us breathing hard as I wrap one arm around his shoulders, the other staying on his face. I’m not sure if a few minutes went by, or a few days, but I was happy here with him. 

Maybe if I never stopped kissing him he couldn’t leave me.

“Ethan! Mark! Dinner is ready!”

We jerk apart, breathing hard still and pressing our lips together at the same time to stop from making any sounds that would give us away. His eyes are wide with fear of getting caught, darting over my shoulder to look at his bedroom door. Thankfully his dad didn’t decide to come in, but those few seconds of tense silence was enough to pull us apart.

I crawl back off his lap, licking at my suddenly dry lips. My eyes not leaving him as he looks back to me with a stressed out smile, 

“Oh, boy…” He mumbles, pushing his hair nervously back then around, making it stick up every way. I chuckle, reaching froward to pat his hair down.

“Yeah.” I agree, my voice lower than normal.

\--

“So, Ethan said a couple of you guys are heading up to Tyler’s, lodge on the weekend, are you going?” Ethan’s dad asks after a few minutes of us silently eating meatloaf.

I choke on it, not expecting the question. Picking up my glass I take a long drink of my water before nodding, “Uh, yeah. Yeah… it’s going to be fun, I never been there but… it’s a lodge, it can’t be awful right?”

I try to sound as optimistic as possible, as much as I didn’t want to go. I wanted to be with Ethan, semi-alone for the weekend so, I guess I had to deal with it. I look at Ethan, who is smiling around his fork as he looks at me. I relax and smile back at him.

“That’s good, you and Ethan, seem close… I think it would be good for you to be out there with him.” My eyes dart to his dad who was smiling at me, a slow nod coming soon after. 

There is something there in his words, that makes me feel like he isn't saying something important. He didn’t know about us right? I guess, I’ve just come around more than others and he went to my house. We would seem closer, that was it right. I blink at him, realizing I was just staring at his dad, looking down I sigh.

“Yeah, I won’t let anything happen to him.” I look back up for a second, giving him a nod back. Feeling like there was some kind of understanding in it, he was worried and I wasn’t about to let anything happen to Ethan. Not if I could help it.

I go back to eating, feeling Ethan’s foot on my foot. Rubbing before sliding up my leg, I jump a little in my seat and give him a ‘are you crazy’ look. But he just smiles at me, before ignoring me completely and keeping his leg close, his foot curled around mine. I rub at my cheek and forehead to hide my hot face, downing the last of my water just needing something to distract me.

When we’re all done eating, I help him take the plates to the sink. Ethan, standing by to help wash them before dad tells him he got it and we’re on our way back upstairs to his room. I check my phone to see my mom got my message, and told me to have fun, at least it wasn’t super late yet. We enter his room, closing the door behind us.

“So…” Ethan turns on his heel, “… you want to actually study, or we can watch a movie.”

I defiantly didn’t’ want to study,

“Movie sounds good, have you ever seen Hot Fuzz?”


	15. Promise? Promise.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's finally the weekend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very fluffy because they need it. ♥

Ethan POV

The breeze is warm this morning, whipping around my hair, my hands digging into Mark's shoulders. Once again on our way to school on his bike, not that I was complaining. It felt movie like, the sky painted in red and yellows as the sun came up, no worries or words, just us. As nice as it was, I was more excited for the end of the day. To get home and dress up and pack since we would be leaving tonight to get up to the lodge. 

Smiling to myself I lean forward to wrap my arms around Mark's shoulders, he swerves from the surprise but quickly steadies the bike. Leaning back into me as he turns off the side walk and onto the street, riding onto the other side walk and into the trees. The ride is bumpy but I hold on tight to him, not wanting to topple us over. He comes to a stop at the base of the large rock, our little private space. I let him go to hop off, feeling my legs were a little jelly from standing the whole way here. 

Dropping my bag I lean against the rock, seeing him lean the bike and drop his own book bag next to it. Mark is wearing jeans today, which I find both odd and exciting. Blue jeans are baggy but tight enough they hug his thighs and hips, differently to the black joggers he wears all the time or the occasional shorts. His black shaggy hair is even wavy, which makes me wonder if he normally straightens it. 

"What?" He questions, when he realizes I'm just staring at him with a goofy grin on my face.

"You look nice today." I shrug, watching him stop in front of me.

"Unlike every other day?" He jokes, stepping in closer.

I reach out for his hands pulling him the rest of the way into me, his head tilts to keep his eyes on me. I take a breath remembering the day in the dark classroom, when I was sure he was going to beat the hell out of me. I even contemplated going out a second story window to get away, yet I was the one who ended up hurting me. Sometimes the spot on the back of my head still felt tender. I could feel his arms around me, holding me as I cried, his bigger hand over mine on my head. The memory is sweet, even in context I couldn’t help but wash away any fear I had felt that day. I just felt warm thinking back on it.

"What are you thinking about?" He asks, letting go of my hands to cradle my face, engulfing my cheeks with warmth. 

Pressing my face into his hands I sigh, "The time you cornered me in that classroom... and I hit my head on the window." I admit, grabbing at his hips, fingers curling up in his baggy shirt.

"Oh, right. 'I'll show you band boy'..." He repeats those words from what felt like a lifetime ago. But it was just two weeks, give or take. I never thought I would be here, with him like this.

"Hmm, I thought you were gonna' beat up for sure." I look up at him to catch his gaze, his features are tense with thought.

"I think... I was..." He starts, leaning against me, pinning me between him and the rock, "... but, I don't know. I just wanted to scare you, mostly. Because you were so, nice."

"Because I was nice?" His hands fall to my shoulders, when I speak.

"Well, you just... confused me. Still do." He leans down to touch our foreheads, "You talked back to me, was nice no matter how much I pushed you away... it was confusing. Still is really, I don't get why you... want to be with me."

I blink at those words, not expecting an answer like that. I thought perhaps he would just tease me or something. Patting his hips, I run my hands up his sides.

"Because you're really sweet, and kind and gentle when you want be... and you're smoking hot." I joke by the end of it, wanting to ease any tension that was rising.

I'm rewarded by a deep sudden laugh, the hearty kind he didn't let out often.

"Seriously, though. The first day I met you, you let me borrow your book. Even when I ran off crying you came after me, I was hiding in bathroom stall... if you were really some big jerk... you wouldn't have done that." I give his ribs a squeeze as I speak, our eyes meeting again.

"Maybe, I was just trying to get my book back." He shrugs, fingers stroking over my neck.

"Were you?" I ask, watching his eyes fall to my chest. A shift in his stance to lean on me a little more.

"You came into that class, so bright and weird and I just wanted to talk to you. When you started to cry it was the worst shit I've ever seen. It didn't... look right and I was being a jerk and I just... I had to go after you. I don't know what I would have done if I found you there... I told you it was really confusing." 

I tilt my head up to kiss him, he sighs into it. Hands coming up to hold my face, pressing back into what was supposed to be a quick kiss. Not that I was complaining, I meet him for another and another with my arms snaking around his middle. Holding him firmly against me, I wanted this all the time, not just kisses but to be able to touch him and lean on him. Little things that couples did, since in all reality he was my first official boyfriend. And I was used to being open about being bi, it was strange to think some people still didn't know. Or that it seemed a little taboo still at this school. 

He pulls back to breathe, touching our foreheads for a few seconds before pulling back to look at me. Keeping himself against me, the rock digging a bit into my back and hips. I don't want him to move however, so I ignore it. 

"Will I be able to kiss you like this at the lodge?" I ask nervously, worried about not being able to be too close to him there. What fun would that be?

He pulls his head back further, looking between us and I feel like I have my answer. I press my lips together in disappointment when he looks back up at me. Searching his strong features, I feel warmth in my chest. Reaching up I touch at his nose then cheek, pushing some hair out of the way.

"It's okay." I nod, it had to be okay. 

"I don't know." He says back, petting his hands over my shoulders and chest before he grabs my biceps. He looks torn, but I don't know by what. Was it just over the kissing? Or something else?

"Okay..." I nod again, leaning in to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth. Smiling at him when I pull back, "… at least I have you here."

He squeezes his eyes closed for a second, blinking them back open a second later. Before I could really read his expression he darts forward, pressing a rough kiss to my lips. Covering mine with his awkwardly, making me have to use some force to part my lips to kiss him back. Holding his face between my hands now, he grabs my biceps harder, squishing my shoulders up towards my neck. Knocking the air right out of me, all I could do was curl my fingers on his cheeks. Digging blunt nails into his lightly tanned skin.

He kisses me until my lips are sore, but I can't bring myself to stop him. I just heavy breath through my nose and concentrate on kissing back. Holding him there with me, desperately, scared that he might just vanish if I let him go.

"You’ll always have me." He mumbles between us, his voice dangerously husky. The syllables nearly lost to his rumbling baritone. 

"Promise?"

"Promise."

\--

"Sweet lord, did he try to eat your face?" Bob says as soon as we walk up to him, I feel my face flush hot. My hand darting up to touch at my lips, wide eyes darting to, Mark, who rolls his eyes.

"Shut up." He mumbles out, making me look back to, Bob, who was shaking his head at us.

"Ah, still no PDA huh? I respect it." He nods, looking to Wade who was just staring between me and Mark. The look of shock makes me giggle and Mark bumps my shoulder. 

"Let's get in. I want this day to hurry up." Mark huffs, turning to walk off without us. I watch him go, letting my gaze fall over his back.

"He's just shy." I joke, leaning into Bob. Making both him and Wade laugh loudly before we walk after Mark, collectively. 

"Seriously though, you guys good?" Bob's tone is oddly serious, making me shrink a little. My eyes searching the passing ground beneath our feet.

"Better... I... do you think..." I start, not knowing how to finish what I wanted to ask. 

"What?" Bob presses, making me grumble.

"I don't know what I was going to ask." I shrug, kicking at some pebbles as we get closer to the stairs. 

"Just, give Mark, some time. He's new to all of this love stuff." 

I come an immediate stop, looking up to Bob with confusion. He stops soon after, turning to look at me, I take a breath. Love? Mark doesn't love me. That's stupid to think, hell, he was more likely to just like me because he just liked the attention I gave him. 

"Hey, I didn't mean to make it weird." Bob furrows brows, his hand coming up as if he were trying to calm me. I have no idea if I could calm down. Was I not calm?

"Ethan!" Tyler's bright voice makes me turn on my heel, looking back to see him running up to me. I try to smile, don't panic, it's cool. I'm cool.

"Hey." I say back, watching him slow to a jog.

He comes to a complete stop before me and I have bend my neck to look up at him. He's giving me that classic Tyler half smile, and I hardly have time to react before he pulls me into a hug. Nearly smothering me against his chest, making my hands flail a bit before they grab onto him, hugging him back. A chuckle bubbles up out of my throat before I could stop myself. Letting out a breath to hug him properly, he's still my friend. I am happy to see him.

"It feels like I haven't seen you in forever." He comments, pulling back with his large hands on my shoulders. His eyes sparking under the sun as he looks at me.

"Well, you'll be seeing a lot if me over the weekend." I grab at my book bag straps to center myself, my mind and heart buzzing wildly. So much, it felt like I was physically vibrating.

"That's the plan." He winks and I choke on air. Was he flirting with me? Oh, no.

"Oh, hey Bob!" He waves at Bob behind me, I don't dare look back. Staring at Tyler's fitted blue shirt. 

"Hey, Tyler. We all set for six?" Bob sounds too damn calm right now.

"Yeah, we'll leave from my place, it's closer to the road we need to take." He says back. 

Thankfully, I would be riding with Bob and Wade. Since Tyler lived closer to girls, and Bob lived closer to me and Mark. 

In the middle of trying to think of something to add in, I feel a strong hand wrap around my wrist. Tugging my hand loose from gripping my bag strap, at first I think it's Tyler, until I turn to see Mark was suddenly standing next to me. His hand firmly wrapped around my writs, I blink at him in surprise.

"He’s gonna' be late for English." He is speaking to Tyler I think, but his eyes are locked with mine.

Tyler barely gets out his offer to walk us, since Mark simply yanks my arm and we start off running towards the steps. I gasp out the air in my lungs in shock, his hold is hard enough to bruise. Leaving no time to really protest, as we were jogging up the steps and pushing into the schools front doors. Even in the hall he just drags me along through the other kids.

"Mark?" I call out, finally able to breathe.

He ignores me though, or maybe he just couldn’t hear me over the loud droning of everyone talking at once. I might have panicked if my focus wasn't dead set on the back of Mark's head. He pulls me into a staircase which is oddly unoccupied, stopping finally to look at me with his lips set in a thin line.

"You do that to rile me up, don't you?" He still has a firm grip on my wrist, backing me up against the wall.

"Do what?" I question in confusion, my eyes falling to his hand still holding my wrist.

"With, Tyler..." I blink my eyes back up to his. 

"He's my friend, and you don't want anyone to know about us... I can't stop what he feels or doesn't feel." I frown at him, "You can't be like this the whole week--"

His lips are over mine suddenly, I take in air quickly through my nose. Closing my lips around his, grabbing at his shirt to center myself.

"Even if we told no one, or everyone... you’re still mine." Mark grumbles out, though his tone is light. Our foreheads touching as he looks back at me.

"And you’re mine." I say back, letting go of his shirt to touch his face. A bit of pride filling my chest by him calling me his, though it should worry me. I can't find it in me to mind it right now.

"We should get to class, the last thing we need is detention." I chuckle, stroking his cheek.

"I... yeah." He nods, a half smirk touching his lips as he steps back. Our hands falling away from each other at the same time.

\--

When lunch time came around I exit my class quickly, excited to see Mark again. It's honestly too long between English and lunch, I don't know how I managed before. Ugh. I'm an idiot, I shouldn’t think that way. I shake my head, chuckling at myself . I stop by my locker to put my books away, ready to move down hall towards the lunch room. But I come to a stop when I spot Mark talking to Amy, I slow and hide a little so they can't see me. Normally I would go right up to them but it felt oddly tense, I don't know why or how but I just needed to wait. They don't talk for long, or I probably just found them towards the end of the conversation. 

My heart stops when she leans in to hug him, he hugs her back and I step back. No one would think twice about it, it was normal here for girls and guys to hug, right? Yet he could barely touch me, hell, even looking at me too long in school he struggled with. I noticed it before, I just thought he was being shy or grumpy, it wasn't that was it?

She holds onto his arm as they turn and head in the direction of the lunch room. I look away once they disappear in the crowd, pressing my back into a cork-board hanging in the hall. Letting out a slow breath, maybe I can't do this.

Once the halls clear up a bit I head towards the back door that lead to the football field. The sun shining down is warm, blinding me for a few seconds until I adjust to it. Looking out over the field I see the football team is having practice again, slow-walking up to stands I peak around them to see Tyler pulling off his helmet. Laughing loudly at something one of his team mates said, plopping down onto the bench to drink water. 

I head over towards him, "Hey." I call out and he turns back despite the shoulder pads awkwardly getting in the way. 

He smiles at me, "Hey, you're not going to lunch?" He questions, moving to stand.

A few of his friend say 'hi' to me as well, I wave back, coming to a stop in front of Tyler. No one even give us a second glance. They were all pretty nice, or maybe they were just scared of Tyler. Win- win?

"Nah, not hungry." I shake my head, pressing my hands into my pockets, rocking back on my feet. Trying to keep myself together, so he didn't get worried.

"Are you sure? Did you even eat breakfast?" He raises his brow at me while he takes another drink from his water bottle.

"Yeah. Eggos." I nod, smiling up at him.

"Ah, so you just came to watch me play then?" He closes the bottle and sets it on the bench.

I shrug, "Guess so."

He reaches up to place a hand on my shoulder, "You okay?"

"Worried about the trip... I guess." I tilt my head and look down, his hand feels heavy on my shoulder but I don't move from under it.

"Don't worry, aside from some wild life it's safe. And there's internet, and plenty of food. Or is it something else?" I shift my feet, huffing a breath at his question. 

"I just haven't been on a trip like this before, had a couple of sleep overs and traveled a bit for gymnastics but..." I look up at him, he looks genuinely worried and I hate it, I wish I could talk to him about Mark, "... I know I'll be okay but..."

"I'll be there with you. If you want to leave at any time just tell me and I bring you home." I blink away the wetness in my eyes and smile through my hearts aching. 

"Thanks."

He pulls me into a hug, it's not as warm with the shoulder pads but I press my face into it anyway. He runs a hand over my back, and I cling to his jersey. Sighing as I pull back,

"You better impress me." I joke and he laughs, letting me go so he could grab up his helmet.

"Don’t I always?" He winks and runs back onto the field. I smile after him.

Turning to head back to the stands, finding a good seat in the middle I sit cross-legged to watch him practice. Though I have I have no idea going on I try to cheer when it looks like he was doing something right, or when he tackled someone. Making him laugh and wave at me here and there.

\--

"Mark's not here?" I ask Bob as I walk up to his car. I hadn't seen him since he was with Amy in the hall, I don’t know if we just missed each other or if he was pissed about me not coming to lunch.

"Hello to you too, Mr..ditch us at lunch." Bob raises his brows and I feel my face go red. For some reason I didn't assume Bob and them would notice or care that I wasn’t there. I was so wrapped up with seeing Mark with Amy. I didn’t think.

"Sorry, I just... didn't feel to good." I wasn't lying, technically. 

"It's cool, I'm just messing with you. Mark had to leave early to help his brother with something. So, it's just you and me." He smiles before walking around to get in his car, I look around the lot anyway like, Mark might just appear.

Feeling stupid, I get into the passengers seat and buckle up.

"What happened to, Wade?" I ask, trying to distract my racing mind.

"He took, Molly home." I smile at that.

"Think he'll finally ask her out this weekend?" I ask, knowing they would be super cute together. 

"Geez, I hope so. Between him and Mark... I running out of grossly obvious bad rom-com advice." Bob laughs, and I feel my face go red.

"Uh, on the topic… you, said he just needs time right? I mean... with Amy... I just..." I bite at my lips, my hands pressing and running together. Trying to get my mouth to form some kind of coherent question. 

"I don't want him to be unhappy. If he... was with a girl then... he wouldn't have to worry all the time." I finally spit out, even if I still struggle with it some. My gaze focused on my feet, I hate to even think like that. Hell, he asked me to be his boyfriend, he liked me right? He wanted us?

I just can’t help but worry that having to hide us would in the long run make him sad. Or act out if anyone even hinted we were a couple around him. I think it would wear me down too, but I promised that I was okay with it. That I would help him figure it all out, but, what if is goes on too long and he decides I’m not what he wants? How could I recover from that? Not being able to steal kisses or touches. Or hear his tired voice in the mornings or during calls. 

The car swerves before coming to a stop, making me look up at Bob, who was rubbing his forehead. I swallow back and wait for him to say something. 

"Look, I don't know exactly what's going on with you two. But, I know Mark, he's been happier since he met you. I haven't seen him so excited or angry or worried in a long time. I know.. it's not my place but, he's finally, almost back to the Mark I grew up with. Even when he's being a jealous jerk." Bob sighs, turning to look at me, his round face set seriously. 

My heart thumps hard in my chest, maybe it would be okay. 

"You two are good together." He adds in, making me smile at him. Admittedly feeling a lot better than before, I’m just over thinking again. That’s it.

"Thanks, Bob." I undo my belt and shuffle around in my seat to hug him.

"Oh.." He huffs out in surprise, hugging me back with a chuckle. 

"Anytime."

\--

I have some time to pack up everything I needed for the weekend, with Monday being a holiday we were off school and wouldn't be back until that night. So I had to prepare outfits and grab my swimming trunks. The basics like extra socks and underwear, toothbrush and tooth paste, chargers and even my ukulele. Might be fun if we got a fire going. I wasn't really sure what we would do at a lodge, so I wanted to be prepared. After packing I work on some homework best I can, though it's hard to focus. So I abandon it to take a shower and get dressed. 

Pulling on a black long sleeve black turtleneck, with 'DEATH' written with white letters. My black jeans and colorful sneakers. Taking care to style my hair to look nice, then deciding to paint my nails black. It wasn't often I painted them, but it helped to pull the outfit together and pass time.

Before I know it, Bob is texting that he's close and I'm grabbing my duffel bag and a sweater to run downstairs. I say ‘goodbye’ to my dad who tells me to ‘have fun and let me know when I get there’. I hug him and leave my house with a stupid grin plastered on my face. Outside I pull my bag over my shoulder and tuck my sweater on top of it as I wait for Bob's car to pull up. Shifting my feet and nibbling at my lips in anticipation. 

A horn blares loudly and I look up see him waving at me through the passengers side window. I smile and skip towards the car, only realizing that Amy and Mark were in the backseat together. My heart falls, but I keep my smile on my face, pulling the door open to climb in.

"Hey!" I greet everyone, look into the back to meet Mark's gaze. His face is set in annoyance, until he looks at me and half smiles. Amy says 'hi' and I turn around to buckle up.

Shoving my bag to the floor so I could rest my feet on it as Bob's pulls off. I hated that I couldn't sit with Mark, but I also I couldn't let it dampen my mood. We would have enough time at the lodge to hang out, right?

"What happened to, Wade?" I ask curiously, looking to Bob who sighs.

"He wanted to ride with Tyler, since, Molly was there." He hums, Amy's voice coming from the back before I could respond, 

"They're so cute together."

I look at her through the rear view mirror, "Yeah." I reply back, my eyes darting to look at Mark.

He looks back at me before looking back out the window. I wonder what he's thinking, I wonder if I could get, Amy, to switch seats with me? Maybe, that would be to obvious, I huff out a breath and look out my own window.

"What about, some music?" Bob cuts in, reaching for the radio to let a station blasting current pop music fill the car.

My phone buzzing in my pocket a few minutes later, I think it might be my dad so grab it up. Only to see it was from Mark, I furrow my brows and stop myself from looking back at him. Instead I sink down in my seat and open up the message. 

Mark:   
this isnt how it was supposed to be, Wade changed his mind last second.   
Btw you look nice.

The second message comes in before I could respond, and that silly grin is back on my face. At least he didn't seem mad about me skipping lunch earlier.

Ethan:  
Thx. And it's okay. Only two hours right?

I lick at my lips, looking towards Bob then out the window. Catching Mark in the side mirror smiling and typing on his phone. I take a breath and wait for his response. 

Mark:  
Don't remind me. Two hours too long.   
Thought we would be able cuddle on the way there. :(

I laugh into my fingers making Bob, wide-eyed me but I ignore him. 

Ethan:   
Don't worry, lots of cuddling when we get there.

Mark:  
Promise?

Ethan:   
Promise. 

\--

An hour into the two hour trip we all stop at a gas station to use the bathroom and stretch our legs. Stretching my arms over my head, I see mostly everyone head into gas station store to buy some snacks. I wasn't hungry yet, so I stay leaned against Bob's car. The sun hung low over the horizon, which means it would probably be dark when we get there. But still early enough to settle in and hang out. I don't know what the sleeping arrangements would be, but I had to make sure to be with Mark. I don't think I could be bothered to spend three days sleeping without him. I mean, what was the point then?

I sigh.

"Hey." Mark's husky voice breaks me from my thoughts, making me nearly jump out of my skin.

"Geez!" I laugh, turning to face him as he takes up the space next me, also leaning against Bob's car. I want to reach out and touch him, stroke his cheek or take his hand in mine but I stop myself. 

"Bob, said you weren't feeling good at Lunch. You okay now?" He asks, head tilting to look me over, head to toe. I shift under his gaze and feel my face heat up.

"Yeah, just a little dizzy. So I took the period to lay down..." Which wasn't a total lie, at some point between cheering and watching him play I passed out. Woken by Tyler, who joked about being boring or something like that and me laughing like an idiot.

I shake off the memory, focusing instead on Mark's handsome face. His hair pushed back and slightly curled still. His legs hugged by denim, his shirt wrinkled here and there from sitting too long. 

"How'd it go with your brother?" I change to subject, watching him shrug.

"Good, says I still owe him since... I kind of hand to get ready for this trip. But, that's fine. At least he hasn't said anything." He steps closer to me, his brown eyes warm as they move over my face.

"I'm still surprised your dad let you come along." 

"My mom's back... ho-- she went back to our old home to settle some stuff. I know it would probably have been more of a struggle if she were here. She's still worried about me having new friends... gosh, if she found out about us..." I nervous chuckle and touch at my hair.

"My dad just wants me to feel normal again." I add in, looking down at our feet. 

"Do... your parents know that you're...?"

"Bi?" I finish off his question, looking back up to him with a nod, "... yeah. We normally talk about everything. They always wanted open communication at home." 

He nods, looking into the back seat of Bob's car for a few seconds. 

"I got an idea." He suddenly says, pushing off the car to grab my bag and sweater from the passengers seat floor, then moves me out of the way to get the back door open.

"Get in." 

He motions, I look at him with confusion before climbing into the back seat, sliding to the other side so he could get in after me. He sets the bag on the floor before sitting down and grabbing my sweater, balling it up in his lap.

"Mark?" I question.

"Lay your head here..." He motions to the balled up sweater in his lap, ".. and when they get back pretend to be asleep. That way Amy, has to sit up front.”

I look to his lap for a few seconds before shuffling around, I lay curled on my side, my face tucked near Mark's stomach. My heart skips as he rests his hand on my shoulder, fingers touching at my hair behind my ear.

"You sure? I mean.. just another hour..." I start to say, but he pushes his hand fully into my hair, petting through gelled strands.

"This was how it was supposed to be anyway." He says gently, I sigh, curling further up and letting my hand rest on his hip.

"Yeah but won't it seem... weird?" My voice is lower now, almost as if I was scared to ask. Which I was, worried he would agree a mind tell me to get off, not that I want too. 

"I don't want to sit with, Amy." He grunts, almost sounding annoyed.

"Did something happen with her?"

There is a beat of silence, and I almost turn my head to look up at him. Just before he speaks, 

"No, it's cool. They're coming." 

His hand moves back to my shoulder, gripping tight. I even out my breathing best I can, missing his hand in my hair already. The doors open and I do my best to not react or say anything. My fingers curling at Mark's hip slow enough it shouldn't make it too obvious I'm awake.

"Aw, our little guy's all tuckered out, huh?' Bob's tone sounds more amused than surprised, and I'm grateful he was going along with it.

"Yeah, sorry, Amy. He kind of took your seat." Mark says back casually, his thumb rubbing where he held my shoulder. I relax from the small touch, tilting my head to nuzzle into his stomach. 

"It's cool, he needs it." She replies back, I'm unable to read her tone. My heart moves into my throat and I just focus on not moving, which is harder than one might think.

With that the music it put back on and conversations start up, I thought I could just listen but soon enough I'm actually falling a sleep. Tired down to my core, I shift again before the lull of the car and comfort of Mark's hand lets me drift off.

\--

"Wake up..." A soft voice is near my ear, making my eyes flutter and roll. Grabbing at whatever my hand was over as my mind tries to slip back into nothing. 

"Ethan, we're here." Mark hand pushes through my hair, patting my head to try and wake me.

I huff, shifting to look up at the car roof. My eyes soon distracted by Mark's face looking down at me, covered in shadows and shaggy hair. I blink at him, breathing a little harder, trying to wrap my brain around where we were. 

The lodge. Right.

"Already?" I mumble, pushing to sit up with Mark's help. Seeing nothing but darkness through the window. I lean back into Mark's hand rubbing over my spine. 

"C'mon. I'll carry your bag." He says in time with opening the car door, I toss my legs over to look back at him grabbing my bag from the floor. 

I grab my sweater off the seat before climbing out after him, ready to protest him carrying my bag. Until I realize he already has it over his shoulder, rounding the car to stop by the trunk to grab his own bag. With nothing left to do I wait by the car, the cool nipping breeze washing over my hot face. My eyes looking up to the lodge, it was bigger than I expected. It had two floors, so plenty of rooms. It looked like a normal house, aside from the dark wood it was made of. Front steps leading up onto a porch that seemed to wrap around the whole bottom. 

"C'mon." Mark nudges my shoulder with his to get me to start walking.

"I wasn't expecting it to be so big." I say to him, with a bit of awe in my tone.

"Hmm." Mark hums, so I look up at him. His lips are set in a line, his eyes darting around as if he was unimpressed. 

"Alright." Tyler announces, stood on top of the steps, looking down at everyone as we joined the group. 

"Uh, there are three bedrooms and a lounge with a pull out mattress, so we'll all mostly have to pair up..." He starts, as everyone starts talk between each other, about who they could pair with. He looks to me for a moment, and I feel my heart skip then sink.

"Mark?" I dip my head to look at him, he looks annoyed. 

"Mark, I want to bunk with you." I say lowly, my hand coming up to tug at his arm. He looks to me for a moment, his face softens.

"We will." He assures, reaching up his hand to pat my back.

"Let's get inside first." Tyler announces again, and I avoid his gaze as we head up the stairs in time with everyone else.

Inside the place looks like something out of a catalogue. There's a fire place, couches and a large TV in the main room, past that is the kitchen, and a few doors on the right side, and a staircase on the left. It was spacious and open for the most part, decorated in reds and browns. Retro lamps and art work set on the end tables and on the walls. The room was dimly lit, but Tyler soon turns up the brightness as we all walk around, looking at everything. 

"There is one a bedroom and lounge down here..." Tyler says, motioning to the doors on the right, "... two bedrooms and full bath upstairs. Smaller full bath down here..." He motions down the hall that took you around to the kitchen and to the back of the lodge.

"I'll take the pull out, please. I'm a big boy, need big boy space." Bob says, making everyone including me chuckle. As he heads off towards the right with his bag, in search of the room.

I swallow, looking to Mark was still standing next to me. He seems in thought, I want to lean into him. Touch him, make him say something. But I shift instead, hugging my sweater to my chest. 

"Me and Amy will take a room..." Molly suddenly says, making me look towards her. Amy looks just as surprised as I felt, her eyes looking to Wade then Mark. Making me dip my head, half stepping away from him like I was doing something wrong.

Huffing at myself, "Me and Mark..." I start to say, maybe a bit too loudly, making everyone look at me, I feel my face flush, "... uh." I shrink back.

"We'll take a room upstairs." Mark finally says, his tone definitely more calm and confident than mine was.

"Guess that leaves you and me." Wade says, to I assume Tyler. I don't look at them though, knowing Tyler would be looking at me with disappointment.

I hear Wade ask something, but I'm not listening anymore. Tugging my bag off Mark's shoulder so I could turn and head upstairs. Hearing him following after, at least I hoped it was him. On the second floor I find the light to flick on. Seeing the closed doors, I head towards left to find two doors facing opposite each other with a window looking out on the wall between. One is the bathroom, which was two sizes bigger than mine, and the other was nice guest room. 

The bed is made up, closet space, dressers, a soft looking rug at the end if the bed. Which looked like a queen size, thank God, I thought for a second there would be two separate beds. The thought makes my face flush but I decide to ignore it.

I step in, dropping my bag by the door so I could find the light. Flicking it on. Mark follows after me, leaving the door open as he sets his bag on the bed. A smile touches my lips and I look back at him from the opposite side of the room by the window.

"This is nice..." I step-turn to head over to the bed, slapping the neat duvet, "... right?"

He smiles back at me, "Yeah, lots of space for... sleeping." He clears his throat, messing with his hair a bit.

I let out a breath at his words, I should have thought about it more, but I hadn't thought on messing around. I'm not even sure that is what me means, but now my face is hot for a different reason. Would he want to? We haven't really done anything except that one time. I bite at my lip, pulling myself up onto the bed to kick off my shoes and crawl towards him. He eyes me, moving his bag out of my way so I could sit back on my knees in front of him. He drops his hands to rest them on the bed on either side of my legs, leaning into me.

"Sounds good." I hum, tucking some of his hair behind his ear. Letting my palm linger near his cheek before I drop my hand.

He let's out a breath, "I can't wait." He leans in more like he wanted to kiss me, our lips so close.

"Hey..." Amy's voice makes up jump apart, "... uh, Tyler said he has some board games around and he's gonna'make some hamburgers." She looks between us and I nod. 

"Sounds great." I try to keep my voice even, smiling mostly from embarrassment. 

"See you down there." She half waves and walks off.

A beat passes before Mark groans, "You think the door has lock?" He asks making me chuckle. 

Taking my chance I lean in to kiss Mark, a slow press of lips. The short lived affection making my stomach knot up, my chest filling with that fuzzy kind of warmth. He kisses back, hands going to my hips as he invites another lingering kiss. We pull back at the same time, I could see his cheeks tinting red as I look at him. 

"C'mon, let's go. I'm hungry."

\--

Tyler sets a stack of board games to the side, leaving us to go through them as he starts dinner. I sit curled up on one of the wooden couches, watching everyone bicker over what we should play. Hiding behind the stack, Bob finds a Truth or Dare box. I groan mostly to myself, looking to Mark was sitting next to me talking to Wade, who was on the other couch, across was the girls and Bob. Since the couches were all stationed around the coffee table that faced the fire place with the extra large flat screen mounted overhead. 

"This could be fun." Bob offers, waving the box around for everyone to see. 

"Just trying to get right into making everyone uncomfortable, huh?" Wade structures his words like a joke, making everyone chuckle. Me includes, curling my legs under me as I look around at everyone, my eyes falling to, Mark, for a moment.

"C'mon, we're a bunch of friends in a lodge for the weekend. This is like, prime movie stuff." He says, tapping the box. 

He's not wrong, but I still didn't want to play. The others seem to not want to either, which I was thankful for. Not that I would have protested too much, I didn't have too much to hide. Aside from me and Mark, that is.

"Okay, okay... we'll save it for tomorrow night. Let's be boring and play monopoly." Bob huffs in defeat and sets the box to the side as, Amy, grabs up monopoly. 

\--

The game goes on far too long, but it was fun. Bob and Mark feuding and making deals to mess with everyone. I wasn't too good at it anyway, and was well into debt to bank, which Tyler was managing. Wade and Molly were trying to combine forces against Bob and Mark and Amy was just having fun messing with everyone else. We ate as we played, it was fun and I'm happy the whole time sitting next to Mark.

When its finally over it's late, around 11 or so, but I'm not tired and no one else seemed to be either. Everyone sitting around the TV arguing about watching a movie or something on YT. I was happy with either, as they go on I excuse myself to head out onto the porch. Finding one of those swinging chairs to lounge on as I texted my dad about what we're up to.

Dad:  
That's good, are you happy?

I stare at those words, shifting my legs as I think it over. Of course I was happy, am happy. So I'm not sure why I hesitate, looking in through the window at everything talking and laughing. I smile at the sight of it, I had friends, a boyfriend. What more could I want? I am happy. I am.

Ethan:  
Very.

Dad:  
Good. You deserve it.  
I'm off to bed, call me tomorrow. 

Ethan:  
Okay. Goodnight.

Dad:  
Goodnight, bud.

I set my phone down and wipe at my eyes, feeling the wetness I bring my legs up onto my seat and press my face into my knees. Laughing at myself, joy bubbling up in my chest so fast it feels like I can't breathe for a few seconds. Taking deep breaths I calm myself down eventually. The of heavy steps on the wood floor bringing my head up to see Tyler. I smile as he comes to sit down.

"I'm glad you came." He says in that kind voice of his. I wrap my arms around my legs, looking him over.

"Me too. I haven't... been out with friends in a long time." I admit, pressing my lips together as he looks over at me. He looks like he wants to say something but ends up looking away instead.

I take in some air, "You okay?" 

He runs his hands together and sits back, making the swing rock under us. I wait to see if he would respond, worried it was about me. I know he wanted it to be the two of us, he always gave off those hints that he liked me. I wish sometimes it could be different, that I felt those feelings for him because he was so good to me. But I like Mark, so much it scares me sometimes. I've only known him two weeks and my heart always felt like it wanted to explode when he touched me or even looked at me.

"Yeah, I'll be okay." He finally says with a nod, still not looking at me.

"Is it about your parents?" I ask, concerned that maybe it wasn't about me and something I was over looking. Being selfish. 

"Partly, they've been going at it pretty hard. I'm just trying to do everything right, to make it easier on them." He sighs slowly.

"You should be happy too." I offer, reaching over to touch his arm. Trying to comfort him, knowing what it was like with parents going at each other. 

"My parents are... I don't know. Fighting more, my mom left suddenly for a week to go back home. I know it's not just me... but, I made it hard for them. With everything I caused back home." I shake my head.

"What happened wasn't your fault. Some people are just shitty, but you're here now with people that care about you. No one is going to hurt you anymore." I look up to meet his gaze as he spoke, my heart racing as he leans into me. His hand coming to rest on my shoulder with a little squeeze. 

"I really like, Mark." I take a breath, watching his face fall a little. I don't know know why those words rushed out of my mouth, and I hate myself for it.

Tyler looks away, pulling back to face forward again. I let my hand fall from his arm, scared of what he might say, or do. 

"I think he likes you too." He says lowly.

"What?" I blink in surprise, expecting some confession or hurt. He was too strong for that, wasn't he? Too good.

"I'm pretty sure everyone has seen the way he looks at you. Ever since you came to our school, he's been different. Actually talking and hanging out with people that aren't just Bob and Wade... heck, he hadn't even beaten anyone up in a while." Tyler laughs, shaking his head.

A smile touches at my lips, was Mark, really so different before? Everyone keeps saying so, but I couldn't really picture it. Sure, he was very angry when we first met, but he never hurt me. He was always so unsure, but kind, and soft.

"So, what I'm saying is... if you like him. Maybe, tell him." Tyler looks back to me and I feel my face go red. My throat closing up as my vision became blurry, having to sniff and wipe my eyes before I start to full on cry.

"Really? You won't be mad?" I ask quickly, stumbling over my words, making him laugh. 

"Why would I be mad?" He questions, looking back at me with a half smile.

I shrug, clearing my throat, "I just... kinda' thought you... liked me?" Now I feel stupid, maybe I was over thinking it and Tyler, was just nice.

He huffs a breath, "Maybe. But, if there is no chance... I much rather keep you as a friend." His smile widens.

I sit back, doing my best to not start crying again.

"But... if he breaks your heart, I'll beat the heck out of him."

I burst out in a laugh, pressing my hands over my face. I feel his hand on my shoulder again, and its enough to make me push up to hug him. Holding onto him so tight, he's too good to me. He holds me back just as tight, making me feel safe and happy.

"And, you know... I'm here for you. Anytime you need you me." I say, gently near Tyler's ear.

"We'll be here for each other." He says back making me choke up.

I pull back wiping my face with my sleeves, as Tyler moves to stand up.

"I'll see you inside."

"Yeah."

He walks to the front door and heads in just as Mark steps out. He looks back in at Tyler, then back to me. I smile at him, patting Tyler's vacant seat so he could come sit with me.

"Everything okay?" He asks, sitting down slowly. His eyes moving over my face with worry, I know I must look a wreck. But I couldn’t stop smiling at him.

"Yeah, happy tears." I pat my cheeks, but he still seems tense. Reaching over to wipe a stray tear from the corner of my eye. It's almost enough to make me cry all over again, but I push it down.

Shifting closer to him so we're touching arms and legs. He looks around for a second before settling next to me. The back of his hand resting on the side of my thigh, making me smile happily at him. He looks more towards my lap, not saying much. 

"I’m glad we got to share a room." I say softly, eyeing the side of his face. Wanting to reach up and stroke my fingers over his strong jaw, down the slope of his nose.

"Me too. I like spending time with you." He says back, tilting his head to look up at me with a soft smile. I smile back at him, biting at my lower lip to stop myself from leaning in to kiss him. I could kiss him later, in our room.

"I'm excited, for tomorrow and the next day and every day after." I tell him, watching his face relax as he looked at me. "Every day, I'm with you. It's a good day."

He looks confused almost, "Really?" 

I nod, "Yes. I just want to be with you, it doesn't matter who knows. Or doesn't. I'm happy, With you." I confirm, licking at my lips before they pull up into a smile again. My face warm and my heart light as I look over his confused, but soft face.

"Jesus..." He stutters, looking away to rub his hand over his face, "... you can't say shit like that."

"Umm, too bad. I'll say it all I want. So you never forget." I smile a little wider at him, forgetting Amy and my old school and Tyler. It was just me and him, for as long as it is, us.

He blinks back to my gaze, I let my hand come up to push some hair behind his ear. My thumb passing over the apple of his high cheek bone.

"So that I never forget what?" He asks, leaning into my hand, watching me intently. 

"That I like you." I hum, leaning into him letting our noses touch.

He swallows back with that comical 'gulp' sound. I couldn't help but chuckle a little bit, bumping out noses as I do. His lips twitching up at the corner like he was holding back his smile.

"Yeah, I guess... I like you too." He huffs, with an little eye roll. I bite at my lip again, taking in his red face, his bright brown eyes.

I lean in to give him a quick kiss, he stiffens up at first. Soon relaxing and pressing back into it softly. I pull back, looking behind him to make sure no one saw. My eyes darting back to his once I was sure it was clear. He moves his hand over to rest it on my thigh,

"Let's go our room. So we can get up early." He offers and I nod.

"Yeah."


	16. Lodge: Day 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A small glimpse into Mark's past, and friends just hanging out. And maybe friends secretly plotting to get Ethan and Mark together. ( sorry I suck at summaries. if that hasn't been clear. )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, life is crazy huh? Well, it has been for me. I haven't had the time nor the energy to edit and post this chapter.
> 
> As a sorry, I made this chapter extra long for those who have been waiting for an update! I have the next chapter half done and will hopefully get it up soon!

Mark POV

I couldn't really tell you when I wanted to stop pushing him away, but I'm glad I did. Being around Ethan is everything I wanted without realizing it, I don't feel like I was missing out before. It feels more like I was just waiting for him all this time. All that bad that happened to him, to bring him to me, I wanted to make it worth it. I really did, so I don't know why it bothered me so much to tell people. Maybe, it started out with not wanting to be gay, but I don't think I am. I think whatever I am, it’s for him, just him. But it scary think that if more people knew, he could be taken away. 

"You okay?" Ethan's voice brings be back, making me shift under the blankets over my lap. My eyes find him walking into our room, in a baggy yellow shirt that just covers his black boxer briefs peaking out against his thighs. His toned pale thighs.

"Yeah, tired." 

I rub my arm as he walks over to the bed, crawling up to sit next to me with our backs pressed to the headboard. I dip my head, looking between us so I could see his face out the corner of my eye, my hands resting in my lap again.

He dips his head to rest it on my shoulder, making me reach up to pet his damp hair. Turning my own head to kiss the top of his, before resting my face in his hair. Enjoying the feeling of him just there, with me, no worry someone might see. It was just us.

"You said, you'll keep saying that stuff so I wouldn't ever forget you liked me." I say slowly, feeling his head shift on my shoulder to listen.

"Yeah."

"That means... you won't leave me, right?" My next words are closer to a whisper, fear grabbing at my chest. Worried this was all too fast, in another week he could change his mind. He could hate me.

He reaches over to hold my hand, touching at my fingers with his.

"I won't leave you. We're together, no matter what. No matter who knows." He sighs, pulling back to look up at me. His blue-brown eyes searching my face, making my heart pick up in pace.

I drop my hand from his hair to cup the side of his face, pulling him slowly into a kiss. He follows, touching his lips to mine sweetly. I press back into it, I hold him there against me. Unwilling stop kissing him, I want to kiss him every day. I think, as he shifts, not breaking the kiss as he climbs into my lap. My hands move to grab his thighs, his hands on my face as he deepens the kiss. I lean back, letting his tongue glide along mine in my mouth. It's slow, careful. My heart still pumping away so fast I could hear it in my ears.   
When he pulls back I try to follow his lips, blinking my eyes open to look at his soft face. He's smiling so wide, so happy. I smile back at him, letting him run his fingers over my face. Touching at my nose, and cheeks. Thumbs tapping along my brow, sliding over my temples. 

"We should get some sleep. M'tired." He sighs, leaning in to rest his head on my shoulder. I run my hands up his legs and over his back, pressing a kiss to his shoulder.

"Yeah. You promised me cuddles." I tease, making him laugh as he pulls back to climb off of me.

I slide down onto my back, moving the blankets so he could get under them. His body slotting against mine, his hand resting on my chest as I pull the blankets up over us. Wrapping my arm around his shoulders to hold him close, to touch his hair until we fall asleep.

\--

I wake before him, the sun barely up. The urgency to get to the bathroom is overwhelming and I have to slip out from under him. My arm tingling after being numb for so long. He reaches out his hand, with his eyes closed, mumbling my name. I lean over to press a kiss to his hair, telling him I'll be right back. Grabbing up my sweats from my bag to pull them on before I slip out of the room and try to quietly jog to the bathroom. 

The place is quiet, I figure I'm the first one up. Finishing in the bathroom, I wash my hands and splash some cold water on my face. Coming to a stop at the top of the stairs, after leaving the bathroom, to debate on going down to get water or just going back to bed. I figure water would be good, I could brings some back up for when Ethan, wakes up.   
Heading down the steps carefully, I spot Amy in the kitchen when I get to the bottom of them. She's sat at the kitchen table with her phone in hand, I think about running back upstairs but she spots me. So I try to smile and head her way.

"Oh, didn't think anyone else was up." She smiles my way, and I force a wider smile back.

Stepping into the kitchen I respond, "Had to use the bathroom." I admit, going in further, passing her chair to get a bottle of water from the large refrigerator.

"Why are up so early?" I ask, to make small talk, leaning against the counter as I twist open the cap to the water bottle.

"Always been a early bird..." She shrugs, "... besides it’s nice here. Wanted to take it in while I can... Do you like it here?"

I look around the kitchen as if it would have suddenly changed because of her question. Sure, the place was okay. My eyes dart towards the main room where the stairs were, thinking of Ethan, I smile to myself. Having some space to just be with him was good enough, certainly better than some lodge.

"Yeah, it's pretty nice." I nod. 

"It’s pretty romantic too." 

Her words have me looking back at her, seeing her push her hair back over her shoulder. Her phone now sitting on the table, her hand on her knee, since she had brought up one of her legs to her chest. Her big brown eyes fully focused on me, in a way that makes me shift my feet.  
"How so?" I ask, licking at my lips. 

She shrugs again, "I don't know. It's like... out of a movie. Like..." She looks around and sighs, "... like the kind if place for confessions or secret kisses."  
I rub my thumb over my lips, thinking about Ethan, again. Maybe she was right, but she was hardly thinking about me and Ethan, right? 

"You know, we've known each other almost all our lives..." She looks back to me, "... no matter what happens we find each other... even when, I didn't think you were coming back… after your dad."

"Don't…" I push off the counter, "… don't talk about him."

She goes quiet, and I feel anger clawing at the pit of my stomach. I can’t go there.

"Don’t talk about who?" Ethan's voice makes us both jump, I look to him with wide eyes. Then back to Amy, shaking my head to signal her not say anything. 

"Am I interrupting?" Ethan side steps, patting down his hair awkwardly. As if he just walked in on his parents fighting. I take a breath,

"No. Why you up? It's still early." I ask, to change the topic.

"I woke up and you weren't there... thought I woke up late and everyone was having fun without me." He chuckles breaking some of the tension, "Why are you up?" He shoots back, arms crossing over his chest.

"Just getting water..." I hold up the bottle and start walking towards him, "… c'mon. Let’s go back up."

I touch his arm, leading us back the way he came. He doesn't resist, simply follows me back to the stairs, then up them as we take the steps in sync. My hand moves back to lower back as we turn at the top to head towards our room, leading him in first so I could close the door with a grunt. Turning I find Ethan sitting on the bed waiting for me, his legs hanging off the side, his tired eyes on me.

"Did something happen?" 

He asks, brows coming together. Worry touching his soft features as he frowns lightly, and I don’t know what to say for a second. I’m not sure how much he heard before he announced himself. And I don’t know if I could tell him the truth is he asked, not yet at least.

"Why would something have happened?" I ask back, twisting the bottle between my hands.

"I know... that Amy, she likes you..." He sits back, "... like, likes you like I like you."

I step towards him slowly, 

"So?" 

Did she tell him that she likes me? Fuck. I knew she might have a crush on me and I think at one point I would have loved that, she was great. But then I pushed her and others away and then Ethan showed up. I don’t think I could imagine myself with anyone else anymore.

"Everyone thinks you would have ended up with her... at some point." He frowns at me, lips pressing together tightly. I stop just before getting into his personal space, leaving his head to tilt back to look up at me.

"But, I'm not with her." I say simply, since that should have been it. I wasn’t with her, I was with him.

He nods, "It would be easier with her, she knows you better than I do. She's kind... smart... if you liked her..." He goes on and my stomach twists up angrily. What the fuck is he saying?

"Shut up." I toss the bottle onto the bed, using both of my hands to grab his face, "I don't want to be with her. Why are even bringing this up?"

He looks down, then back up, "I want you to be happy. Even if its with some--"

I cut him off with a kiss, one of my hands moving from his face to the back of his head so he couldn't pull away. His hands come up to grab my shirt, tugging at it gently. 

"I want you. Ever since I saw your stupid face..." I look him in the eyes, so he knows I'm being serious, "... don't say shit like that. I happy with you."

He smiles up at me, tugging my shirt to pull me down into another kiss. I happily fall into him, capturing his soft, if not slightly chapped lips into another lingering kiss. My hands relaxing where they held his face and head.

"I'm happy with you too." He whispers, once our lips part so we could breathe.

I sigh, leaning down to tuck my face into his neck, making him giggle. His arms wrapping around my shoulders to hug me. Pulling me forward and he lays on his back, his legs parting and hugging my hips as I fall over him. My hands grabbing at the bed below us, my face still in his neck as he clings to me. Feeling his solid and warm body under me, it makes me melt inside, having to lay more of my weight on him since I suddenly felt boneless.

He doesn't seem to mind, just slides his hands over my back and into my hair before going back over my back. Nibble finger touching carefully as his legs bend to rest his feet on the bed, his thighs still holding tight to my sides. I allow my eyes to fall shut, my face tucked partly in his neck still, partly resting on his shoulder so he could move his head to kiss my forehead. Before resting his head against mine, I move my hands from grabbing the bed sheets to rest on him. One on his arm as the other grabs at his leg, gripping his soft skin tightly. 

“Don’t say shit like that, okay?” I asks gently, blinking my eyes open to try and look at the side of his face best I can. 

I watch him nod, “Okay.”

\--

Sitting on the small dock, under the hot sun, I watch Ethan jump around. Slashing Tyler and Bob who were in the lake with him. His smile is brighter than the sun overhead, his hair wet and his skin flushed at his shoulders and chest. His pale skin seems untouched otherwise, smooth even. I want to be in there with him, but I hated open water, even in a lake, hell pools creep me out, some times. 

"This seat taken?" Amy stops next to me, but I don't want to talk to her. So I shrug. She takes it as a ‘yes’ and moves to sit down next to me, dipping her feet into the water.

"Um, I wanted to apologize about earlier... I didn't mean to bring him up." She starts, making my hands curl up in my lap.

"It's cool." I try to brush it off, not wanting my mood soured. I didn’t want to think about him when I was supposed to be having fun.

"No, it's not. I shouldn’t have brought it up, I was just... swept up in the moment. I..." She pauses, my eyes focus on Tyler, lifting Ethan, up on his shoulders. Watching Ethan, laugh and grab at Tyler’s head as he tries to not fall over.

"... I just figured, while we were here I could... tell you that..."

I look down at the water, 

"Amy, there is someone I like already." I force out, not wanting to give to much away, just enough that she knows that I wasn’t interested in her like that. 

Maybe, if she had said something before I met Ethan, I would have responded differently, but defiantly not now. I couldn’t imagine being with anyone other than Ethan, the way I felt around him, I can’t really explain but it was deep. The moment I set my eyes on him, walking into class, I woke up.

"And it's not me." She laughs gently, so I look up to see her smiling under her large hat. Her eyes looking out over the lake.

"I'm sorry." I sigh, looking away from her.

"You don't have to be sorry. I can’t make you like me if you don't...." She leans forward, kicking her feet in the water, "... is it, Ethan?"

My head snaps up to look at her, "W- why would it be, Ethan?" How did she know? Was she guessing?

She just turns her head to smile at me for a moment, her face nothing but kind. Making me feel bad about being mean to her before, and now. Her brown eyes are gentle, her lips turned up in a knowing smirk. I supposed if anyone were to figure it out it would be her, we’ve been friend since pre-k. Even though we didn’t hang out as much these days, we were practically joined at the hip. 

"If it is... you should tell him. He's really nice, I think he would be good for you." She nods, her hand coming up to rest on my bicep in what almost felt like a comforting motion. But why would I need to be comforted? And why did it make me feel better.

I look back down, letting my eyes travel over the water back to, Ethan. Who was pushing his hair back from his face, spitting out some lake water. I'm guessing Bob or Tyler dunked him. I half smile at the sight of him, his eyes momentarily meeting mine. He waves my way and I just nod once, watching him roll his eyes at me before starting to laugh again.

"Just think it over." She moves her hand to pat my back. Before tugging her hat down so it wouldn’t blow away and slipping off the dock and into the water to swim towards them. 

With her gone my eyes fall to Wade and Molly off to the side, sitting on the grassy area under a tree together. They are talking, smiling, kissing... oh. I look away not wanting to bring attention to it, my heart tugging. It looked so easy, kissing where people could see, sitting close. I want that with Ethan, I wish he were here...

"Why won't you come in!" A splash of water hits my legs, splattering over my muscle shirt and my chin. I look down to see Ethan, in the water by my feet, smiling up at me.

I kick some water at him, "I don't like open water." I shrug, watching him reach up to grab the empty space on the dock to rest his forearms on the old wood, trying to look up at me through the sunlight.

"But it's just a lake... not like the ocean or anything." He offers, squinting at me. Using the back of his hand to wipe some water away from his eyes and mouth.

"Still open water... I'm fine here." I motion to the dock I sat on, then my feet hanging off the edge in the water.

He starts to pull himself up with his arms, climbing up onto the dock, splashing me with more water in the process. I give him room to sit next to me, watching the water drip off his face and onto his bare chest. Spotting a few beauty marks on his neck and shoulder, noticing the skin there is extra red.

"Did you put sunblock on?" I ask, watching him nod happily. 

A wide bright smile on his face as he leans forward on his arms to look at me, his eyes look lighter, like they are shining under the sun. I couldn’t help but half smile back at him, a little amazed at how beautiful he is. 

"You might need more." I reach up to touch at his shoulder, making him flinch and grumble. Bringing his own hand up touch at his shoulder, brushing my fingers there.

He lets his fingers linger over mine, and I don’t move, looking back at him with my lips parted. His own face is softer, his smile smaller but his eyes were still so damn bright. I could use them to find my way in the dark, or maybe I’d just stay in the dark so I could watch the blues, and grays and browns of shifting eyes move slowly. As long as he was looking back at me, I’d stay anywhere they are.

"You're right." He drops his hand so he could push himself up to stand, "Can you help me put some more on?"

I stare up at him for a few seconds before rolling my eyes, ultimately I move to stand up as well. Following after him as he heads over to our towels on the grassy area, where the sunblock was resting. He grabs it up, pushing back his wet hair with one hand as the other pops the cap to the sunblock. Squeezing it into his palm to rub it over his arm and shoulder before switching sides. I wonder why he even asked me here if he was going to do it himself. Leaving me here to just stare at him rubbing sunblock over his chest slowly, I take in a breath and look away.

"Here get my back." He shoves the slick bottle into my hands and turns around facing his back towards me. 

I stare at his red tinted skin, the pale slim nature of his hips, the dark dots of beauty marks trailing patterns down his spine. There is a scar or two, faded into extra thin white lines. I wonder what they're from. Shaking myself, I squeeze sunblock in my palm then toss the bottle back onto the towel. Rubbing my hands together to get it on both of them, before pressing them over his shoulder blades. Up over his shoulders then back down along his ribs. He's incredibly soft and warm under my hands, my thumb pressing up and down along his spine. I didn't want to stop touching him, stepping in closer as my hands glide down over his soft skin to round the curves of his hips.

I feel him lean back into my hands, his head dipping to look back at me before looking forward again. I smile at the back of his head, bringing my fingers up to rub over the red skin on the back of his neck. Feeling his quick heartbeat under my fingertips, when my hands momentarily wrap around his throat to spread the sunblock.

"You want to come with me to get some ice tea?” He asks softly, making me lick at my lips. My hands going still on his shoulders. 

"Yeah." I nod, sliding my hands off him, “I need to wash my hands off anyway.”

“I’ll help.”

Teasing, he smiles back at me before walking off, my heart stutters at the sight. So I go after him, taking long enough strides so we were shoulder to shoulder. Any thoughts of the others here long gone, my only focus was on him. Entering through the back door that lead right to the kitchen, he leads me right to the sink. Grabbing for the dish washing soap as I come to stand next to him, 

“Here, hold your hands out.” 

He says softly, touching out shoulders as he motions with the bottle towards the sink. I glance at him for a second before leaning forward to hold my hands out over the sink, watching him pop the bottle even though it is slipping around. Pouring some of the green soap over my palms and fingers, before getting it on his own and setting the bottle aside. I rub my hands together letting the soap lather slightly, but it wasn’t much use without water. Just as I think that he reaches over to turn on the water, some cold and some hot to make it warm.

“You need water…” He hums, grabbing my hands with own soapy hands and tugging us forward to get out hands under water, allowing the soap to start making bubbles and foam, “… see much better.”

I turn to look at him some as he runs his fingers over and through mine, washing our hands together. He’s smiling, slightly biting at his lips and a little at his tongues as he focuses his gaze on our hands. I lean into his shoulder, dipping my head so we were closer as I smile at him. It was unfair that he was this cute all the time, even when he was annoying he was cute. As if he could hear me he turns his head, leaving us to stare at each other for a few seconds as the soap ran off our hands. His lips pressing together to smile at me, his eyes moving over my face as he were taking me in for the first time.

“Thank you.” I say softly, watching him blink at me before he chuckles showing off his teeth again as he dips his head a little more. So cute.

“It was my fault for making you rub it on me anyway. Here… turn off the water I’ll get us some paper towels.” He pulls his hands back from mine, straightening up before running around me with his hands up and trying to get to the paper towel holder before he soaked the floor.

I chuckle, moving to shut off the sink and shaking some water off my hands as he comes back. He has two fistfuls of paper towel when he gets back, shoving one of them into my hands so I could grab them up and start drying my hands. Turning around so I could lean back on the counter next to sink, instead of facing so I could watch him move around. He’s already grabbing for two cups from the cabinet with the paper towels still in his hands, setting them next to me. Then turning quickly to grab the pitcher of ice tea from the refrigerator.

"I'm happy it's nice out." He hums, pouring it into one glass then the second. Pushing the second one towards me before putting the pitcher away.

Soon taking up the space next to me, also leaning against the counter, cradling his glass of ice tea near his chest. A drip of water drops from his hair, hitting his neck, I watch it slide down the length of it. Having to hold myself back from reaching up to trail after it with my finger.

"Yeah. I don't care for the water but it's... warm at least." I say back, sipping from my glass. It’s a bit too sweet but a good distraction from him, allowing my eyes to dart around the floor for a few seconds.

He turns his whole body to face me, his hip still pressed against the counter. His slim hand moving to set his glass down on the counter, I turn my head to look at him better when he starts to speak,

"I want to have more days like this, maybe, just us?" He smiles softly at me, his bright eyes moving over my face. Licking at my lips as if I were thinking it over, not that I had to, when he looked at me like that I knew I couldn't say no. No, I was just trying to gather my words.

"Summer is close, we... I'll take you wherever you want to go." I say back in a low tone. Watching his smile widen to show off his teeth, bouncing where he stood in excitement. It was hard to not smile back at him. 

I swallow thickly when he leans in, pushing up on his toes so he could kiss my cheek. Letting his lips linger close when he pulls back, my heart jumps into my throat. Turning my head slightly I offer him my lips, feeling his hand coming to rest on my wrist. He takes the invite, moving forward to press a sweet kiss to my lips. It's short, just a press, but it makes me shiver. My eyes flickering over his shoulder when he pulls back, to make sure no one was looking. Before returning to his beautiful face, seeing he’s smiling wide again.

"Man..." Ethan starts, "... I never thought I'd be this happy."

I nod, "Me either..." I start, looking him over, "... I know its been rough for you. But, you're here now, far away from anyone who hurt you. I won't ever let something like that happen again. Never." I shake my head, feeling the warm weight of his hand still on my wrist.

"Sometimes bad things just happen, you can’t protect me from everything. But... knowing you have my back, is..." He chuckles, "... it means a lot to me. And, you know, I got your back too. You don't have to fight everyone. You can just talk to me. Tell me anything, I'm here for you."

My heart swells so fast I have to take in a breath, hearing something like that from Ethan, really hit different. I don't know what I did to deserve someone like him to come into my life, but I really didn't want him to leave. Turning to face him fully, I set down my glass before gathering him in a hug, my arms wrapping around his middle so I could lean forward to rest head on his shoulder. Not caring about the sunblock sticking to my cheek, I just wanted to hold him. He sighs, wrapping his arms around my shoulders and touching at my hair. His head pressed against mine.

"Why are you so good me?" I question, my words mumbled against his skin. 

"We need each other in life, other people. Even if it doesn't seem like we do, and I want to be that person for you. Ever since... we met, it's felt like I've known you for years. Maybe, in another life there is another you and me." He sighs, leaning his head down to press a kiss to my shoulder.

"I kind of felt that way too. Might explain why I just... had to be near you." I say gently, shoving that stupid feeling like I might cry, way, way down. 

His hands run over my back as he speaks near my ear, "The us in this life is here, now. Let's have fun." I pull back, graced once more with the sight of him smiling at me.

Without a second thought I lean in to kiss him, letting our lips linger. He presses up into me, his head tilting to kiss me back. His hands moving to my shoulders to hold onto me as he leans up on his toes again. We part at the same time, the joy of the moment spreading through out my body, making me feel strong but light.

"C'mon. Let's go in the water." He steps back as he squeezes my arms and just turns to run off. It takes me a second to realize what was happening, since it was so sudden.

"Wait... I was serious about..." I jog after him, once my feet catch up with my mind, "... about the water, Ethan!"

He just laughs running ahead of me, right through the back door that was thankfully propped open. But by the time I’m out the door he’s running along the grass, diving off the short dock into the water. Causing a large splash to hit the others in the lack and my feet. As I had stopped just short of where he jumped from, nearly falling in after him. He breaks the surface, laughing and spitting out some water that got in his mouth as I shake my head at him.

“You… dick. You thought I’m that stupid huh? Just gonna’ jump in after you?” I huff at him, trying to catch my breath. 

“What if I was drowning? Would you come in after me? Hmm?” He dips himself and splashes his arms in the water as if he were drowning. I roll my eyes at him,

“I’d jump in then…” He stops and smiles so hard at me I wonder if it hurt his face, obviously enjoying the idea that I would go in and save him.

“... to drown you myself.” I finish off what I was saying, watching his face drop for second before he’s giggling at me. Splashing my feet and legs with more water, 

"Now who’s being a dick?” He huffs, “… it’s shallow over there." He points, pushing wet hair from his eyes as he swam off to the side of the dock I was on, over towards where the water ended and the ground started.

I suck my teeth at him, following him towards the spot, very aware of everyone's eyes on us. I keep my gaze on the ground as I walked to avoid them, coming to a stop at the edge of the water where Ethan, was standing in waist high water. He's pushes around the water, shivering as a breeze rolls in. Looking back up at me to see I haven't even stepped into the water yet.

"C'mon, don't make me drag you in." Ethan huffs at me, his pout fighting with the want to smile.

Sighing, I step into the cool water until it pools around my ankles, but I don't go any further, opting to sit down instead. Letting my feet and part of my calves sink under the water that laps gently up towards my thighs since Ethan was moving around. Walking through the water towards me, crouching down like one would do at the shallow end of the pool. Letting the water cover him up to almost his shoulders, his hands resting on my ankles which were still hidden under the water. 

"Really? This is it?" He teases me, an amused expression resting on his face.

"I told you, I don't like open water. Even the deep ends of pools can be a hassle." I say, resting my hands in my lap, looking him over. 

Though it's was only his head and most of his shoulders poking out of the water. I didn’t want to look at anything else, so I keep my eyes on him. Noticing he was crouched on the slope of mud and whatever that gave way to the deeper parts of the lake. Which makes me feel uncomfortable so I go back to looking at his face.

"Okay, fine." He leans back pushing water towards me, wetting my trunks. I grunt, moving my foot to splash water back at him. He just laughs, gripping my ankles harder to stop any further attacks.

I’m smiling again, more smiling in this past hour than I could ever remember doing most days. It was Ethan’s, fault, and I guess that’s okay.

"Oh, hey!" Ethan greets someone behind me, which I soon learn is Wade and Molly, who had ended their under the tree kissing to come sit by the water with us. 

"Hey." They both greet back as they settle down together, their hands automatically interlocking in Wade's lap.

"Uh, me and Molly, are official." Wade proudly announces, making Ethan cheer a little. Bouncing in the water happily, which I have to tear my eyes away from so I could nod.

"Ah! You guys are so cute together." He says happily at them, making Wade and Molly go red before awkwardly chuckling. 

"Not as cute you two." Molly cuts in, almost in a joking voice but it comes off a little shy and a little too real.

"We're not, together..." I say on reflex, regretting how quick it came out. Seeing Ethan, deflate a little before quickly recovering and splashing me with water.

"You wish we were." He laughs, splashing me again to ease the tension. I force our a chuckle, trying to make it seem normal again. I didn’t want to ruin Wade’s and Molly’s moment.

Thankfully Bob, Tyler and Amy come our way, gathering around Ethan, in the water to find out what the commotion was about. To which Wade automatically distracts them with his news about him and Molly. I glance at Ethan who was still smiling and now chatting with Tyler, about something my ears don't pick up. I felt like shit about what I said, and how aggressively I said it, knowing it had to hurt him. Even if we did agree on keeping it a secret for now. It still felt bad.

I shake myself and try to rejoin the conversation around me.

\--

I take a seat on the bed to wait for Ethan, to come back from the bathroom, scrolling through my phone to see if anything of note was happening. I had already showered off the lake water, dressed up in black joggers, sneakers and a baggy t-shirt. My hair still a bit damp, which makes me consider pulling it back. The thought doesn't get far before, Ethan, is walking back into the room all dressed up. Wearing black, tight jeans that stop at his knees, high top converse and a short sleeved black button up with red bats all over it.

"What?" He questions, closing the door behind himself. Noticing I was staring at him as I turn my phone’s screen off and toss it off to the side, on the bed.

"You look nice." I say carefully, watching him come towards me. Stopping between my legs and wrapping his arms loosely around my neck, his head tilting to look down at me.

"Well, we’re going out." He shrugs, his pale face red from his shower. His brown hair swooped to the side despite it being damp.

"Yeah, but now I feel under-dressed." I say, leaning back to look at him better. My hands coming up to hold his waist, before running around his hips so I could hug him loosely.

"No, you look good. You always look good, it’s unfair." He hums, reaching his hand up to pet at the hair on the back of my head. 

I don't believe him, but I also don't voice it. Instead I press my lips together to psyche myself up to apologize about what happened by the lake.

"Hey. Uh, I'm sorry about... what I said… when, Molly, was joking." I say quickly, just trying to force it out of me so I couldn’t chicken out.

He tilts his head at me, "The not being together thing? Don't worry about it. I knew it would happen eventually. It's not a big deal." He nods, his smile falling a bit as he continued to pet at my hair.

"Still, I was a bit... aggressive about it. I mean, she was just joking and I just, it just came out. I panicked, I think." I press, though he said it was okay, I still didn’t feel okay about it. 

"Look, we talked about this. About not saying anything until you're ready. I don't want something like that to ruin our weekend. It’s okay, Mark." He brings both hands up to hold my face between them while he spoke. I lean into them, enjoying the feeling of being held. 

"Okay." I nod, pressing my face into his stomach for a moment to ground myself. Taking a breath in, allowing my senses to become overwhelmed with his smell and warmth.

I figure letting it go, would be for the best.

Both of his hands move to my head, tilting my head back so he could lean down to kiss me. I let him, closing my eyes as my arms let go of his waist to let my hands hold onto his lower back. Pulling him in closer as I kissed him back. Ethan, pulls back first hugging my head to his chest, allowing me to simply cling to him for a few minutes. His lips touching the top of my head, as the hand not wrapped around my head runs down over my neck and back in a soothing motion.

\--

In the back of Bob's car, Ethan is sat next to me with Wade, up front this time. Allowing me to slip my hand under Ethan's, which is resting on the seat between us. He glances up at me with a smile before looking out the window next to him, his fingers curling around mine.

"So, you and Molly, huh?" Bob breaks the silence first, since the radio kept fizzing in and out of music.

"Yeah. I'm still surprised." Wade laughs, shifting around in his seat. I could see his wide smile through the rear view mirror, which makes me smile a little. I was happy for him.

"Seriously? That girls been dropping you hints forever. Didn't she even joke about marrying you a few times?" Bob says back, as the car slowly turns a round about. 

"I know but... she could have just been teasing." Wade shrugs, "I didn't know she was... serious. I mean not getting married but..." He huffs, making me smile wider before looking over at Ethan. 

I think he's listening, but his gaze hasn't left the window. I take the opportunity to just look at him, his soft pink colored lips pressed together as his eyes dart around. The round curve of his nose, his slim pale neck littered with little beauty marks flexing as he moved his head. Black painted nails coming into view as he moved around his swooping brown hair, which looks fluffier after he showers, adding to his cuteness. I sigh slowly, not sure how I made it here.

"What… about you guys?" Wade asks, looking back in an attempt to get spotlight off himself. I blink in surprise, whipping my head to look forward again.

"Uh, we're good." I stumble over my words, not expecting the sudden shift in topic. Feeling Ethan’s, gaze on me, or maybe I was just paranoid. I try to ignore it, rubbing at my cheeks with my free hand.

"Are you guys gonna'..." Wade starts, but Bob, slaps his arm to stop his question, "... ow."

I sit back, my hand curling around Ethan's, which makes him finally tune back in. I actually catch him glancing at me then Wade, with a half smile. Since I had instinctively turned my head some to glance at him, looking for some kind of reaction from him.

"We're not coming out publicly yet." Ethan hums, biting at his lips as he shifts around in his seat. My gaze falls, knowing it's my fault we weren't. 

Guilt clutches my chest.

"Why not?" Wade, presses.

"C'mon, Wade, read the room." Bob, tries to stop Wade from going on, but he seems determined to keep talking.

"I mean, you guys like each other, you're together. You shouldn't have to hide that." He goes on, half turning to look back at us, though my gaze stays low. Feeling Ethan’s, fingers give mine a squeeze, and I feel bad that he is trying to hard to keep me together.

"Hey, look we're here." Bob, breaks the car hard enough to make us all jerk forward a bit. Causing Wade to grunt and turn forward again, as the car is shut off.

Ethan, slowly pulls his hand from my mine so he could exit the car first. I watch him look in at me before closing his door, giving me the push that I needed to get out myself. Bob, grabs at Wade’s, arm to stop him from getting out, keeping him behind to have a hushed argument in the car. I don't pay them much mind, looking around to see we were in a half filled parking lot of a movie theater. A movie and a trip to the arcade were on the agenda today, Tyler, had suggested it after the lake. Since he was familiar with the small town near the lodge, he said he used to hang out there a lot when his family would spend a week or two at the lodge during summer.

Speaking of Tyler, he pulls up to park next to us with the girls. I step around the car to stand next to Ethan, who was fidgeting with a button on his shirt. I touch his shoulder with mine, making him look up towards me with a small smile. Everyone gathers around us so we could start walking through the lot together towards the theater in a group. Everyone aside from me, bickering about what kind of movie we should see. I mostly kept my attention on Ethan, who seems to have perked up a bit, joining in the bickering as we enter the theater. I really didn't care what it was anyway, so I just let them fight over it. They settle on some cliché comedy that was starting soon, and we all gather up by the counter to get our tickets and head up the stairs to where the concession stands and games were.

I get on the back of line with Ethan, with Wade and Molly ahead of us. Bob ahead of them and Amy, up front with Tyler. We all settle into our own conversations as we waited on queue to order snacks.

"You want popcorn?" I ask, Ethan, finally breaking the silence between us. He turns to look at me for a beat, then smirks,

"You gonna' buy me some?" He teases, making me roll my eyes.

"That's why I asked."

"Then yeah, you get the popcorn and I can get our drink so we can share." He offers, bumping my shoulder lightly. I lean back into it, letting us move side by side on the line. 

"Sounds good." I confirm, watching he smile widely at me before biting at his lower lip.

With that we slip back into a more comfortable silence. Listening to people around us chat, though I'm not really listening. I'm more focused on our shoulders pressed together, my knuckles brushing against his. It makes me want to reach over and take his hand, but instead my fingers curl into a fist. It’s like he almost feels that I’ve tenses up, maybe he was a mind reader, since his fingers brush over my curled fist to make it open up. His pinky hooking with mine and squeezing, making me look down to see our joined hands. When he lets my pinky go, I look up to meet his bright eyes. 

“Fun, remember?” He whispers, dipping his body forward to almost face me. His words just for me, making me nod.

Soon enough we're up next and we order and pay together, he grabs the popcorn and I grab the drink before we join the others off to the side. Once together we head off in our group to find our theater’s number. 

Since it was going to start soon, we are able to pile in and head up the lit stairs. There weren't many people in, but we head up towards the back anyway. I follow after Ethan, who picks a seat towards the middle of the last back row. Bob, coming in the other side as everyone else settles together in the second to last row in front of us. I sit next to Ethan, while Bob had left a space next to Ethan on the other side of him. Giving us space, which I couldn’t help but appreciate. 

Ethan, is already eating popcorn, turning away from me to talk to Bob, about something, I can’t hear much over the loud ass previews playing. Settling back in my seat I try to relax, my eye focusing on the giant screen before glancing back at Ethan. Watching him laugh through a mouthful of popcorn, his knee bumping mine before resting there. He looks so cute.

“Hey, save some for the movie.” I say, slapping his knee, making hum jump hugging the large bowl of popcorn to his chest as he looks at me.

“Ah, okay! No need to get violent. If you want some…” He reaches into bowl to grab up some popcorn and shoves it between my lips. Making me bite gently at his fingers, which does little to stop the popcorn from entering my mouth.

“Stop it.” I grunt at him, though it’s hard to look mad when I was smiling. It surely didn’t work, as Ethan, just giggles at me and leans back the other way to talk to Bob.

A loud laugh comes, directing my attention to Amy and Tyler, who were glancing back at me before turning away. I couldn't hear what they were talking about, but I guess it was about me? I furrow my brows at them. What were they up too? When did they get so close? Before I can say anything the lights dim down further covering us in darkness, before the movies intro starts playing. I keep my eyes on their shadowy figures, watching whisper back and forth. 

Only distracted by Ethan's, hand on my arm, turning to see him leaned in close enough to speak. His breath smells like butter, which coats his bottom lip. He's asking me if I want some more popcorn, and part of me almost leaned in to kiss it from his lips. He seems to notice my gaze, picking up on what I was thinking with how he slowly licks his lips. Then proceeds to smirk at me, holding up the popcorn bucket. I roll my eyes at him, reaching over to push the bucket back in his lap, making me lean in even closer. A hair away from kissing him, before gathering up a handful of popcorn and sitting back. Able to see his cheeks turn red, his eyes nearly half closed. As if he had been expecting me to kiss him. The moment passes and he sticks his tongue out at me as I shove popcorn in my mouth to stop myself from doing just what he thought I was about to.

Looking forward with a smirk, I notice Amy and Tyler looking back at us, only to pretend they weren't. I shift in my seat and try to ignore them, trying focus on the movie playing.   
About an hour into the movie I realize I've had too much soda, on top of my growing paranoia of Amy and Tyler, which caused me to keep glancing at them. I just needed to step away for a bit, so I lean in close to Ethan, telling him I needed to go to the bathroom.

“Want some company?” He tilts his head to whisper back, making his lips brush my ear.

I suck my teeth at him, pushing his head back and standing up so I could head out of the theater. Out in the hall I am blinded for a few seconds by the lights, I pause to take a deep breath. Starting up my walk to the bathroom so I could use it.

While washing my hands someone comes in so I glance up on reflex, seeing it was Tyler. I almost hoped it was Ethan, but I try to hide my disappointment. Not sure what to really say, since we hadn't talked one on one in a while. 

"You enjoying the movie?" He asks, standing by a urinal as I shut the tap and grab up some paper towels. 

"Ehh, it's alright. Seen one comedy, kind of seen’em all." I say back, leaning against the sink to dry my hands.

"That's true, but there's a bit of charm to them." He says back, flushing the urinal and joining me at the sink to wash his hands.

I'm not sure what to say so I just nod, pushing off the sink to toss my paper towel in the trash. Already leaving the bathroom as he grabs his own and follows after me quickly.

"Hey, wait." He stops me outside in the hall, I turn to look at him. Not sure how I should prepare myself to respond, since I have no idea what he wants to talk about.

"Look, I know we haven't been the best of friends or anything in a while. But..." He pauses, tossing his paper towels in the trash in the hall.

"... but I want you to know we're cool. And that, I'm not trying to get with, Ethan." Of all things, I wasn't expecting that.

"Why would I care--" I start to deny but he cuts me off,

"Ethan, likes you, he told me. I know, I shouldn't be the one to tell you but, he's my friend, and he's been through a lot. You know? I just, I don't want us to have this weird beef going on. For his sake, and well I miss being your friend."

My heart jumps at how sincere he sounds, that and the thought that Ethan, admitted to him that he likes me. I wasn't sure if I should be pissed about that or not, mostly I was surprised that Ethan, had put it out there so it was clear that he didn't like Tyler, that way. I swallow back whatever I was previously going to say. Feeling a warm kind of pride fill my chest, that he was so willing to say things. To admit that he could like someone like me.

"Yeah, I've been kind of an asshole..." I admit, running my hand over my arm and then through my own hair to settle myself, "... I miss it too. Hanging out."

He smiles at me, "Cool. So, we’re good right? And you won’t tell Ethan, that I told you he likes you?"

I sigh, half smiling back, “We’re cool, and no. I won’t tell him.” I assure.

He side steps, “So, do you like him back?” 

I groan, "C'mon let's get back before they think we ran off together." I turn to start heading back, ignoring teh flush of my face.

“Oh, wait. He’s really nice and cute and Mark!” Tyler chases after me but I don’t say anything back.

He laughs suddenly, "Now that would be something."

“What?” I ask, holding the door of the theater open for us.

“Us, running away together.” He laughs louder, making people wondering around look at us.

“Get inside.” I whisper yell at him.

Thankfully he complies and I follow him back up the lit stairs to take my seat next to, Ethan. Noticing Amy, give Tyler a look but he just grabs up popcorn and says something back to her in response. His voice hushed so I have no idea what he said.

Ethan pat my arm to make me look at over at him, seeing him licking some butter from his fingers. His bright eyes moving over my face,   
"Everything, okay?" He asks and I nod.

"Great." I say back settling back and pressing my leg against his, which makes him smile.

“There is only a little bit left.” He whispers then, making me look to the near empty bowl of popcorn still sitting on his lap.

“Well, someone ate it all.” I say back, my eyes darting back up to his face. 

He licks at his butter glazed lips, bringing a single piece of popcorn up to hold it out in front of me. I look down at it then back up to his eyes, which are full of mischief. Turing it between his fingers he brings it closer to my mouth.

“Have some.”

I sigh, unable to look away from him as I reach up to grab the hand holding the popcorn out to me. My thumb pressing into his wrist, feeling his heartbeat skip as I bring his fingers to my mouth. Parting my lips to take the popcorn form his fingers slowly, his smirk falling into something different. His throat flexing under the minimal light as he swallows back. I let my lips graze over his fingers, before they close to chew at the cold popcorn.

“Oh.” He lets out the softest of sounds, it was barely audible over the loud talking coming from the surround sound. 

I smirk at him, “Thanks.”

He blinks, sitting back as I let go of his hand. Dropping it back to the popcorn bowl, his face soon twisting up into an annoyed smile. 

“You dick, no more for you.” He hugs the bowl to himself, so I shrug, as if I didn’t care just to tease him.

“Fine.”

He huffs, tossing himself back against his chair childishly, trying to hold back a smile as he looks towards the big screen. I watch the lights dance over his face, shifting my leg closer to his as I to end up looking back to the movie.

\--

"Whack-a-mole!" Ethan says with excitement, dragging me over to the game machine with one hand. His other had a death grip on the coins he didn’t shove into his pockets when we bought them.

"I bet you can't beat me." He goes on bumping me, before fishing out two coins to drop them hastily into the brightly lit machine. Which whirls to life, spouting off whatever pre-programmed lines that were in it.

"I bet, I can." I hum back, my hands going into my pants pockets as the music swirls louder as he grabs up the mallet. Standing off to the side, so he had room to move around.

"Oh yeah? What are betting then?" He asks, looking at me with raised brows and a shit eating grin, already bringing the mallet down on a mole that popped up.

I smirk at him, leaning on the side of the machine to watch him bounce around. The others had split off so it was just us for now. I look around anyway, returning my gaze to his excited face, watching him chew on his tongue with concentration. 

"How about..." I start, watching them pop up before adding in, "... kisses?" 

That gets his attention off the game, glancing at me with wide eyes. The moles free to go back under ground, as the machine spoke over the other sounds around them. I just smirk at him,

"Better pay attention." I motion with my head towards the machine.

He makes a squeaking sort of sound as he looks back to see the moles had already switched positions again. Causing him to miss when he frantically tries to recover bashing the mallet so hard against the machine, I wonder if he would break it.

"No distracting! That not fair!" He whines, losing his pace enough to miss another two. Shaking his head an bouncing on his feet as if that would help.

"You never said there were rules." I tease, watching him to hit a few in a row before the game ends and flashes his score on the digital screen. 

"You suck!" He tosses the mallet my way, but the cord it’s attached to stops it before hitting me. Allowing it to simply flop and half roll on top of the game.

"Hmm, my turn." I say, pushing off the where I was leaning, so I could put my own coins into the machine.

I reach for the mallet just before he grabs it up again. Trying to hold it away from me, I simply wave my hand, before grabbing it from his grasp,

"Out of the way loser."

He huffs dramatically at me, " This is not fair, Mark. You cheated!"

"What? How? Didn't even start the game yet." I try to act oblivious to what he meant. Waiting for the lights to go around before the start of the game was announced.  
"You know what you did." He mumbles, stepping to the side and leaning on the game to watch me.

It’s not hard to beat his score, and for half a second I consider losing to make him feel better. Though I figure that might just piss him off more, so I concentrate and end up getting nearly double his score. I set the mallet down in victory, looking over to see him pouting at me.

"You owe me." I step into him, looking down at his face as I touch at his arm, making him narrow his eyes at me. Though I don’t miss the way the tips of his ears start to turn red.

"I never, agreed." He says back, turning his head side to side quickly with defiance. 

"So what, you don't want to kiss me?" I raise my brow at him, knowing it wasn't a good idea to push him to much. Since I had the feeling he'd probably kiss me right now if I did.

"Best, two out of three. Let's pick another game." He shoves my arm before walking around me. I chuckle to myself as I turn to follow after him.

We somehow end up at the basketball hoop game, I wasn't too good at it but I figured he probably wasn't either. I go first this time, as he tries to move the basketballs away from me when he thought I wasn’t paying attention. I ignore it for now, amused by him more than anything.

We both end up missing most of our shots, but I manage to getting one point over him. Making me smile smugly at him, he simply kicks at the machine angrily.

"These games are rigged." He nearly shouts, making me grab his shoulder to pull him away from the machine. Not wanting him to assault it any further, I was not about to have to pay for it.

"No, I'm just good at everything I do." I lean into him as we walk through the people, my chin touching his shoulder, but he swats at my face to make me get off of him.  
"Best three out of five." He grunts, already looking around to try and find a new game.

"Hmm, you're gonna' owe me so many kisses." I tease, moving up to walk next to him.

He leads us to the section of the place with the skee-ball machines, and I can already smell another win. I was defiantly better at this game than the others since it was one of my favorites, aside from the air hockey table. 

He goes first, racking up a decent score, but in the end, I end up getting the middle twice and going over his score. Puffing out his cheeks at me he crosses his arms over his chest. I chuckle at how childish he was acting.

"C'mon, it's not that bad. Just some kisses, and knowing I'm great at every game I play." I tease him, rolling a few coins between my fingers.

"I don't want to compete anymore, this isn't fun." He pouts further, arms fully crossed over his chest as he looks around.

"You started it." I remind him, stepping in his space to tussle his hair a bit. He swats at my hand but I just grab it up and smile at him when he turns to look at me. 

“You made the bet…” I say, looking him over before letting my eyes settle on his lips, “… so, if you don’t pay up, then it goes into collects. And you start accumulating interest every time you don’t pay. Which means…” I step in closer.

“You’ll owe me kisses….” I whisper, lowering our hands but not letting go of his just yet, “… forever.”

He takes a breath, his face falling soft as his eyes move over my face. We’re close enough that I could see the blacks of his eyes start to eat up the blues and browns. His lips parting as if he were unsure if he should speak or kiss me right now, maybe he was waiting for me to lean in first. 

“Then… I shouldn’t pay right away.” He whispers back, his lips trembling as he lets go of my hand and looks around us shyly.

“Why’s that?” I ask back, tiling my head to keep him in my line of sight. Not wanting to acknowledge anyone around us, in fear it would ruin the moment.

He looks back at me and smiles, “Because, you’ll have to be with me a while longer, to be repaid.” His words are soft, simple, yet they hit me hard enough to make me in take breath quickly.

"Oh, skee-ball." Bob's, voice breaks in, pausing next to us.

I jump nearly out of my skin , jerking back away from him as if I were suddenly yanked. At the same time Ethan, makes an almost inhuman sound as he steps to the side away. Both of us now looking at Bob, who looks between us, about so say something before Ethan, suddenly shouts,

"I'm going get pizza!" He wastes no time with turning and running off away from us. I watch him go, taking in a deep breath to settle myself.

"Geez, what'd I do?" Bob asks, looking after Ethan, then back to me. I roll my eyes at him, reaching up to move around my hair with some annoyance. 

I shrug, "I just beat at a few games. He was upset already." My tone is more held back, trying to force my heart to stop pumping so hard. Though, I also couldn’t stop smiling.

"Aw, poor little guy." He chuckles, starting up his own game. I stand by to watch him play, he ultimately get double my score and I'm glad I wasn't playing against Bob.

"Tyler, uh... told me, Ethan told him, that he likes me." I tell Bob, just as he shoves more coins into the skee-ball machine to start up a second game. 

"Oh, that's... something. You… okay with it?" He asks, keeping his eyes on the game.

"Yeah, I think so..." I clear my throat, “… I don’t know.”

Bob glances at me for a moment before rolling another ball, “Okay, what else?” He asks, making me shift my feet. My arms coming up to cross over my chest as I look down at the floor then back up to the game he was playing.

“I told Amy, that I liked someone else when she tried to tell me that she liked me, and she… automatically thought it was Ethan, and then… Her and Tyler, were being weird and talking to each other during the movie.” I know how crazy I sound, but that’s why I was telling Bob, he’d call me out on my bullshit.

“Dude, they talk all the time, you’re just never around. Well, used to not be around.” The game ends and Bob, grabs his tickets before turning to face me.

“Look, if you don’t want to come out about you and Ethan, to everyone, that’s fine. But you should at least come out to your friends. I mean, we missed you man. Since, Ethan, came around, you’ve been better. That boy has done more for you in two weeks than… honestly, I’ve done in like a year.” He frowns at me, guilt touching his eyes in a way that makes my heart tug.

“I did it to myself, I…” I shake my head.

“We all did it, after what happened, we just kind of let you do your own thing, and it didn’t work and I didn’t know how to fix it. Or know what to say, since, it was hard to talk to you…. about that kind of stuff.” He pushes his glasses up his nose.

“No one is going to force you do anything, and I’m happy you’re happy, I think all of us are.” He reaches out to rest his hand on my shoulder giving it a squeeze, “… just, if you’re just scared they won’t accept you two, then you’re wrong.”

I rub my hand over my face, pressing lips together to keep everything I was feeling in. Unable to talk I just nod, and he smiles at me. Giving my shoulder another squeeze before he drops his hand.

“Let’s just play some games, and have fun.” He finally says, when I can’t seem to get my voice to work to respond.

I nod again, watching him walk off to join Wade and Molly. I rub my face again trying to pull myself together, before looking over my shoulder to see, Ethan, over by the found court area. He’s talking to some girl, who laughs and leans into him with her hand on his arm. A frown touches my lips, swallowing back the lump in my throat I head off towards him, pushing through some people to get there as fast as I could. Coming up behind Ethan, I wrap one of my arms around his waist to pull his back against my front.

“AHH!”

He jumps in my hold, his hand coming up to grab my arm around him. His head turning as far as it could to look at me. I look back at him with a raised brow, his pretty features are shocked and confused. So I turn to look at the girl that was there, before looking back at Ethan,

“Hey, babe.” 

He blinks at me, his mouth falling open, before he begins to try and wiggle his way out of my hold. Not that it works, as I just tighten my arm around him, fingers pressing into his hip.

“Mark, stop it.” A low confused giggle leaves him, the girl just looking between us confused as to what the hell was happening.

I tighten my hold on him, “What? Can’t call you babe? Babe.”

“Geez!” Ethan’s face flushes as he wiggles more, both of his hands on my arm holding on for dear life to try and shove it down.

“Uh, I’ll leave you two alone...” The girl says, stepping back away from us, “… it was nice to meet you, Ethan.”

Ethan’s head whips around, “Ah, y- yeah. B- bye.” He half waves and smiles awkwardly as she walks off and I finally let him go. He huffs and slaps his hands on the table before he turns to face me,

“What was that!” He now slaps at my chest, as he spoke. His eyes almost wild as he looks at me, his hands coming up over his head to just drop down.

“She was hitting on you.” I say with a shrug, as if it was no big deal, looking to tray of pizza he had on the standing table he stood by.

“What? How-- how would you know that from… so far away!” He points over in the direction of skee-ball machines, as I claim a slice of pizza.

“It’s a gift.” I mumble out around a mouth full of food, making him wrinkle his nose and place his hand over my mouth. I smile, still chewing as I press my mouth into the palm of his hand, as if I were kissing it.

His eyes soften as he looks at me, “I hate you.”

“Hmm, you love me.” I say, back without thinking.

He paused, lowering his hand from my mouth. I could feel my own face heat up, in time with his cheeks turning a light pink. So I just shove more pizza into my mouth, to shut myself up for once. He didn’t seem angry, just surprised and I didn’t know which I would have preferred.

Thankfully the others start making their way to us, before the silence could get too awkward. Everyone grabbing up some pizza, and huddling around the small standing table to chat and compare how many tickets they had. Ethan, leans against my shoulder as he eats and talks to everyone else.

When we’re done eating, we split off again to play some more games. I stick mostly with Ethan, but every one sort of filters in and out of our duo, Wade and Bob, then Wade and Molly, and Tyler and Amy then Amy and Bob. It was nice. I almost forgot what it was like to just hang out in a group of friends again. I had spent so much time pushing everyone away, sometimes intentionally and sometimes not. I don’t know why it took meeting Ethan, for this to happen. But Bob, was right, I’m happy.

“Should we head back? We can start up the fire pit and make s’mores or something.” Tyler says through a loud yawn, as everyone once more meets up around the food court area.

“We should cash in our tickets first.” Ethan hums, pulling a bunch of them from his pockets with a big smile.

“Sounds good.” 

They all agree, leaving us to head towards the prize booth near the exit. I didn’t really want anything, so I let everyone go first. Wade uses his tickets to get something for Molly, and Amy and Tyler pool their tickets together for some kind of bug thing Amy, wanted. I stand near Ethan who bounces and waits for his tickets to be counted,

“Ah, I want the Baby Yoda key chain thing.” He says happily to no one in particular, the guy counting the tickets sucks his teeth.

“Sorry, you don’t have enough.” He doesn’t look sorry at all. 

Ethan, deflates, making me frown. 

“Here, he can have my mine.” I say, holding out my tickets to the guy who looks between us.

“Wait, don’t you want… something?” He asks, my gaze falls past him to the others who were just watching us. I sigh, then shake my head.

“No, give him the stupid key chain.” I toss the tickets onto the counter and walk around him to try and get away from their line of sight. 

Walking myself over towards the exit door, then out the door to wait outside. Looking to see Ethan, who bounces again as the guy hands over the little plush toy to him. He automatically presses it to his chest and laughs, his voice squeaking as he spoke to the others, though I have no idea what he’s saying.

“Aw, that was nice.” Amy says, coming out the door first and bumping my arm with her fist lightly.

I roll my eyes, “I wasn’t gonna’ use them anyway.” I didn’t want them to make a big deal about it.

She gives me a knowing smirk, but doesn’t get the chance to press it any further. The other are now piling out of the arcade onto the street to join us. The sun has already gone down, and the street lights were sparse and dim. I didn’t even think we were in there that long, I check my phone and it’s only around seven, close eight at night.  
I turn to see Ethan standing next to me, toying with the little toy key chain thing. He smiles at me, before Tyler, says we should get going,

“With the sun down the roads will be pitch black so, we’ll have to go slow.” He offers, as he starts heading back across the street to the where the movie theaters parking lot is, thus where the cars were.

Back at the cars I place my hand on Ethan’s lower back without thinking so I could help him get into the back seat of Bob’s car. Wade, says he’ll come with us again, which I appreciate, since it meant I wouldn’t have to be awkward around Ethan, the whole way back. I get in after him and buckle up, his head making contact with my shoulder before we’ve even pulled out. I turn to look at him, but I mostly get hair, sighing I push his head back to let it settle better on my shoulder.

“That was pretty fun.” Bob starts, pushing at his radios buttons, giving up on getting any music to come through. 

He gets Wade, to hook up his phone to play something from his phone instead.

“Yeah, I thought we’d just stay in the lodge the whole time, this was sweet.” Wade chuckles, searching through his phone for something. Settling on a Lo-fi stream on YouTube.

I lean my head against Ethan’s, realizing he had fallen asleep, my hand moving between us to grab his hand and hold it. My eyes fall shut at some point, but I don’t know until we’re back and Bob is shaking my shoulder. Grumbling, I open my eyes to look around, my arm still heavy with Ethan’s, head on it. I look to Bob, then back out the windshield, licking at my lips as I try to wake up.

“Ethan…” I grunt out, clearing my throat and shaking my shoulder to make him lift his head.

“What?” He mumbles, trying to blink his eyes open and I chuckle at how cute it was.

I turn away from him to the open door next to me, seeing Bob had walked off, distracting the others back to the house. So I give Ethan’s hand a squeeze between us, before pushing his head up to make it roll off my shoulder and along the back seat. 

“We’re back.” I say, reaching for the toy thing and shoving it into his breast pocket, making him swat at my hand.

“Oh… sorry.” He turns to look at me with a sleepy gaze, one side of his face creased from my shirt. I reach over to rub my thumb over the lines on his cheek, he smiles, and leans his face into my hand.

His eyes fall behind me as he shuffles along the back seat to sit closer to me, “Thank you, for the tickets to get the Baby Yoda.” He hums, his voice thick and lower than normal.  
“You wanted it.” I shrug, pushing my hair back from my face and taking in a deep breath through my nose. 

“Well, tonight, uhm, I owe you kisses anyway so, I guess I could give you a few more…” He leans in, making my heart flutter in my chest. Just from having him close, talking to me in that voice.

“You… better.” I try to tease, but my voice is far too ruined to really sound confident.

He giggles, pressing his forehead to my shoulder and taking a breath. Glancing behind me for a second to make sure it was clear, I turn back to press a kiss to the top of his head.

“Let’s go inside. I don’t know what kind of wild life is out here.” I say, running one of my hands over his back as the other runs over his leg, to grab at his hand again.

“Hmm, probably bears.”

“Oh, no. Not the bears.”


End file.
